Intimate Relationships For Adolescents and Young Adults

Learning Goals Students will.

know Knapps model of relationships know Ducks Phases of Relationship Termination consider the implications of cyber-technology on the redefinition of and practice of friendship and friendship communication reflect on their own personal challenges in developing and sustaining friendships and intimate relationships

The Nature of Friendship

Deliberate, voluntary relationships we enter into with people with whom we share common traits, shared experiences, or joint goals Needs a degree of trust, mutual affinity, and reciprocity

What is a friend? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xo1U6PrPv0

Rawlins Stages of Friendship Development

Role-limited Interaction Friendly Relations Moves Toward Friendship http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k0xgjUh EG3U Nascent Friendship Stabilized Friendship Waning Friendship

Sheehys Stages of Friendship Formation (for Women)

Attraction Initiating Structuring Comfort Strengthening Testing Commitment

Are these stages the same for Men?

http://www.youtube.com/wat ch?v=-NyvG_d4fRI

Influences on Friendship

Cultural Influences
Cultures affect what it means to be a friend
Cultures affect communication that shows

friendship Intercultural friendships are more difficult to form and sustain Cultures often encourage same-sex friendships http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=seblkkKos Xk

Influences on Friendship

Contextual Influences
Friendship development online Much more common today Development of on-line and off-line friendships differ The longer the friendship the more the medium is not a factor http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sw-saZ95OgY http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ppLFce5uZ3I
Work-based Friendship Blended friendships difficult but common

Turning Points

Most relationships progress through a series of stages marked by critical events These events are called turning points a transformative event that alters the relationship in some way
Intrapersonal -- how we think about the relationship

// how we see ourselves Dyadic how we interact with the other Social network interactions connections we make with important others Circumstantial life events important life events that affect the relationship

Discussion

Do people in relationships see the same events as turning points in the relationship?
Are there gender differences in these

perceptions? Are there generational differences in these perceptions?

What impact does it have on a relationship if people do NOT see turning points the same way?

Stages of Relational Development and Termination

Knapps

Theory of Relational Development Stages of Coming Together Stages of Coming Apart

Stages are not necessarily linear Some stages are skipped Some stages happen in different orders Stages can be repeated Stages have communicative markers

Coming Together
Initiating Experimenting Intensifying Integrating Bonding

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LYS5JtIj A-M

Initiating
Just

beginning to know one another First encounters Focus on presenting self as attractive
How ya doing? Fine. You?

Experimenting
Trying

to discover the unknown Establish whether there is interest in forming a deeper relationship Exchange demographic information, look for common interests; small talk
Oh, you like to ski? So do I Really? Where do you go?

Intensifying
Become

close friends Greater sense of awareness of and participation in the relationship Informal forms of address; we references Nonverbal decoding sophistication
I think I love you. I love you, too!

Integrating
Cross

from non-intimate to intimate relationship Cultivate and emphasize common interests and shared activities Exchange intimacy symbols; share property
I feel so much a part of you. Yeah, we are like one person.

Bonding
Formalized

public commitment

I want to be with you always Lets get married.

Coming Apart
Differentiating Circumscribing Stagnating Avoiding Terminating

Differentiating
Become

more aware of and focus on differences Communication focuses on differences, not similarities Less WE and more ME
I just dont like big social gatherings. Sometimes, I just dont understand you.

This is one way Im not like you at all!

Circumscribing
Constriction

of communication; less open communication Partners question the relationship Reduction of topics according to breadth and depth
Did you have a good time on your trip? What time will dinner be ready?

Stagnating
Much

distance between partners Just co-existing, often for practical reasons Cautious language choices and topic avoidance Use of formal or polite forms of speech
What is there to talk about? Right, I know what youre going to say and

you know what Im going to say.

Avoiding
Elimination

of face-to-face and voice-to-voice communication Communication limited to unavoidable situations and is brief, direct, and to the point
Im so busy, I just dont know

when Ill be able to see you. If Im not around when you try, youll understand.

Terminating
Complete

and formal dissolution of the relationship Public announcement of the termination of the relationship
Im leaving you. And dont bother to try and

contact me. Dont worry.

Walk Around Activity

Around the room you will see posters corresponding to each of the stages of Coming Together and Coming Apart First -- Go to the Coming Together stage that you find most difficult to do. Once there, talk with others in your group about:

What makes this stage of a relationship difficult

for you What communication skills would help you do it better.

Walk Around Activity Second Stage

Second -- Go to the Coming Apart stage that you find most difficult to do. Once there, talk with others in your group about:

What makes this stage of a relationship

difficult for you What communication skills would help you do it better. If you were to go through this stage again, what could you do to make it easier??

Ducks Phases of Relational Termination

Initial

Breakdown Phase Intra-Psychic Phase Dyadic Phase Social Phase Grave Dressing Phase

Initial Breakdown
Dissatisfaction

with relationship Strain toward triviality Increased tension between involvement and independence Decrease and/or absence of support from others 50% Rule

Intra-Psychic
Evaluate

partners behavior; assess adequacy Weigh pros and cons of relationship Consider costs of withdrawal Assess positive aspects of alternative relationships Debate whether to share or repress feelings

Dyadic
Confront

partner and talk about relationship Attempt repair and reconciliation Assess joint costs of withdrawal or reduced intimacy

Social
Negotiate

post-dissolution state with

partner Initiate discussion in social network Create publicly negotiable face-saving and blame-placing stories Consider and deal with implied social network effects, if any

Grave Dressing
Getting

over it activities Retrospection Reformulate the other as the cause of the break-up Public distribution of own version of break-up story

Ending Relationships
How difficult is it for you to end relationships? If someone is going to end a relationship WITH YOU, how would you like it to be done? If someone is going to end a relationship WITH YOU, how do you NOT want it to be done? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G2EI TGxD4Go