ASSERTIVE BEHAVIOR

Management Development Training Module Presented By Sylvia Icharia (ichariasylvia@yahoo.co

What would you do?

Its a busy Saturday morning and you are out shopping. You are just about to move into a parking space when a motorist comes from nowhere and takes your space. What would you do?

How would you respond?

A colleague asks you to do some work which you feel they should really be doing themselves. You have too much to do as it is. How would you respond?

What would you do?

You are standing in a queue of about eight people at an ATM. A well built expensively dressed man pushes in right at the front without asking and takes the next turn. What would you do?

What do you think he would do?

POSSIBLE RESPONSES.

1)Passivity 2)Aggression

3)Passive Aggression
4)Assertiveness

PASSIVE BEHAVIOR (The Door Mat)

Respecting other peoples rights while having

no respect for your own Seeks to avoid conflict People pleaser Easily taken advantage of Others make choices for you Self blame

AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOR (The Bull-dozer)

Getting what you want with no regard to the

right of others Expresses needs and wants freely often without thought for the feelings of others Act in an intimidating manner May be loud Blame others

PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOR (The Guilt- Tripper: The Manipulator)

Has aggressive emotions but behaves

in a calm and detached manner Fluctuates between violating others rights or allowing their own rights to be violated The behaviour always has a vicious edge but is done to appear as if the person is either innocent or helpless

PASSIVE - AGGRESSION
Procrastination

Silent stubbornness
Sulking/sullenness Wilful incompetence Deliberate and repeated failure to accomplish

requested tasks Allow you to make a serious mistake then says, I knew you were wrong Forgetfulness Gossiping The silent treatment (Nil By Mouth)

The balance..

ASSERTIVE BEHAVIOR (The Rock) Standing up for yourself

ASSERTIVENESS
Acting assertively means that

you will express your own needs, wants and feelings in a constructive manner which also allows others the opportunity to express their own.
It is neither passive nor aggressive.
It is a happy medium between the two.

Benefits of assertive behavior

Your own needs are expressed

and met You are able to communicate with others effectively because you respect them You enjoy fulfilling relationships.

3 minute group discussion

Describe a potentially explosive situation, in the office. What risks do you run if as a manager you act: 1. Passively

Becoming Assertive
It is an art

It is about finding a balance between two

extremes ---------------------------------------------------- PASSIVITY AGGRESSION

IT IS A SKILL THAT YOU CAN LEARN

Mastering assertiveness skills for success

It can mean the difference between a long

and rewarding managerial career, and a short and ineffective one. It increases your personal competence in the areas of communication, influence, and problem solving It is the key to open, confident, direct and respectful communication that does not alienate others

Benefits of Assertive Management

Increases morale Enhances

productivity Earns you respect (not fear or scorn)

Assertive Communication
Paul was growing increasingly frustrated with

Janes continued lateness at the weekly staff meetings. The illustration below shows how Paul communicates this message assertively

Assertive Communication
Action
DESCRIBE Describe how you view the situation

Paul says
I have noticed that you are usually 15 minutes late to our weekly staff meetings. I feel as if you don't take our weekly meetings seriously.

Jane says Rationale

DISCLOSE

Let the other person know how you feel about the situation you have described.

This helps build empathy and avoid lengthy harangues about the other person's unjust treatment

Assertive Communication
Action
IDENTIFY EFFECTS

Paul says
State the effects When you are of the other late it disrupts our meeting. person's behavior upon you or others. Wait for a response Non-assertive people find this step hard

Jane says

Rationale

BE SILENT

Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was creating a problem. I have another meeting that usually goes overtime

Assertive Communication
Action
PARAPHRASE Reflect your understanding of both the content and feelings of the message by paraphrasing what they have said and the implied feeling

Paul says
So, the main problem is a time conflict with another meeting. That must make you feel frustrated to try to do two things at once.

Jane says

Rationale
A key goal: seek an empathic connection Paraphrasing feelings is a way of ensuring that both parties are connecting.

Assertive Communication
BROKEN RECORD TECHNIQUE:

If the other persons response is

evasive, or aggressive, you'll need to go through the steps again ALWAYS KEEP YOUR EMOTIONS IN CHECK

Assertive Communication
Speak calmly and confidently

Avoid excessive vocal intensity

Avoid sarcasm or rudeness Make good eye contact

Ensure that your facial expression and does

not contradict your verbal message e.g. smiling to soften the blow Dont apologize for the message Dont blame or judge the other person

Assertive Communication
Do not be afraid to say no respectfully

Speak respectfully
Keep an upright but relaxed posture Keep your gestures relaxed, fluid and moderate

in size.

Describe the behavior

Ladies.
Put yourself in this ladys

shoes Suggest reasons why she is behaving this way

Guys ..
Put yourself in this mans

shoes. How would you feel if your were him? How would you react if your were him? BE HONEST!

LET US BUILD BRIDGES, NOT WALLS. (MLK, JR.)