7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens

Parent University

LIFE FOR TEENS IS NO PLAYGROUND

It is a maze full of right or wrong turns-right or wrong choices. Parents can teach teens principles, values and skills to help them make better choices.

WE CANT MAKE THEIR DECISIONS FOR THEM, BUT WE CAN GIVE THEM THE RIGHT TOOLS THEY NEED TO MAKE RIGHT DECISIONS.

HOW DO EFFECTIVE TEENS MAKE CHOICES? THEY BASE THEM ON: PRINCIPLES VALUES

What is a Habit?
Habits are patterns of behavior composed of three overlapping components: Knowledge Desire Skill We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, Skills but a habit. (how to) Aristotle Knowledge (what to, why to)

HABIT

Desire (want to)

What is an effective teen?

1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. Are they reactive or proactive? Do they know where they are going? Do they prioritize the things they have to do? Do they see life as a competition? Do they talk first and then pretend to listen or listen actively? Do they cooperate with others or do they think they are better off doing everything by themselves? 7. Are they so busy with life that they do not have time to:
Spend quality time with family and friends To do their homework Read good books Exercise Take time for nature or other inspirational things?

PARADIGM
The way you see something, your point of view, frame of reference, or belief.

What is a paradigm shift?

A paradigm shift is a way of looking at something differently. We are stepping outside the box. When we make a paradigm shift we can see, think, feel and behave differently.
Example: People used to think the Earth is flat. Sailors proved the Earth is round. (a paradigm shift occurred)

Frank Koch wrote:

Two battleships assigned to the training squadron had been at sea on maneuvers in heavy weather for several days. I was serving on the lead battleship and was on watch on the bridge as night fell. Shortly after dark, the lookout on the wing of the bridge reported, "Light, bearing on the starboard bow." "Is it steady or moving astern?" the captain called out. Lookout replied, "Steady, captain," which meant we were on a collision course. The captain then called to the signalman, "Signal that ship: We are on a collision course, advise you change course 20 degrees."

Back came the reply, "Advisable for you to change course 20 degrees." The captain said, "Send, I'm a captain, change course 20 degrees." "I am a seaman second class" came the reply. "You had better change course 20 degrees." By that time, the captain was furious. He spat out, "Send, I'm a battleship. Change course 20 degrees." Back came the reply, "I'm a lighthouse." We changed course.
Steven Covey (in The 7 habits of Highly Effective People) tells that story to teach that principles are like lighthouses. They are natural laws that cannot be broken.

To show regard

or value for someone or something.

Emotional Bank Account

Like a checking or savings account, you can make deposits or withdrawals.
Personal-How you feel about yourself.
(Amount of trust and confidence in yourself.)

Relationship-How you feel about others.

(Amount of trust and confidence you have in each of your relationships)

Personal Bank Account Deposits

Keep promises to yourself Do small acts of kindness Be gentle with yourself Be honest in all your dealings Enhance your talents Take care of yourself Think positively and use positive self-talk

Personal Bank Account Withdrawals

Break promises to yourself Isolate yourself Put yourself down Think negatively and use negative self-talk Be dishonest with yourself Neglect your talents Wear yourself out Expect yourself to be perfect

Relationship Bank Account Deposits

Keep promises to others Do small acts of kindness Be loyal to those not present Listen actively Say you are sorry Set clear expectations Allow others to be different

Relationship Bank Account Withdrawals

Break promises Keep to yourself Gossip and break confidences Do not listen Be arrogant Set false expectations

7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens

Habit 1 Be Proactive Habit 2 Begin With The End in Mind Habit 3 Put First Things First Habit 4 Think Win-win Habit 5 Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood Habit 6 Synergize Habit 7 Sharpen the Saw

Habit 1 Be Proactive
Teenagers are the product of their environment, upbringing, and choices. Are their choices proactive or reactive? They need to choose how they act. They need to take responsibility for their choices and their life.

CIRCLE OF NO CONTROL
Birthplace CIRCLE OF CONTROL Ourselves Attitudes Weather Choices & Responses What other people say and do

Parents

Habit 2 Begin With the End in Mind

Identify the principles they want to live by. Values are self-chosen & provide foundations for decision making about where they are going in life. Define their mission and goals.

Habit 3 Put First Things First

Prioritize Actions flow from that which is important.

Habit 3: Put first things first.

Urgent
Quadrant I
Crises Deadline driven projects Pressing Problems

Not Urgent
Quadrant II:
Preparation Prevention Commitment Relationship building

Important

Not Important

Quadrant IV Quadrant III Unimportant phone calls, Trivia email, meetings or reports Busy work Time wasters Interruptions

We want Quadrant II > Quadrant I. Quadrant II comes from Quadrants III and IV.
y Estimate how much time you spend in Quadrant II (and what IS Quad IV?) ... y How do you plan your day? Datebook? Palm Pilot? y How much is your time worth to you, in dollars/hour?

Habit 4 Think Win-win

Mutual Benefits. Have an

everyone can win attitude.

Win-win is like an all you can eat buffet.

Five Dimensions of Win/Win

 Character
Integrity Maturity Abundance mentality

 Relationships
From transactional to transformational

 Agreements
What needs to be done not how

 Processes
Third alternative

 Supporting systems

Habit 5 Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood

Communication solves problems. Listen to people sincerely.

Habit 6 Synergize
Open-mindedness. Teamwork. New ways to do things. Work together to achieve more. Celebrate differences.

A fruit salad is delicious precisely because each fruit maintains its own flavor.

Habit 7Sharpen the Saw

Continuous self-renewal and self-improvement in:

your soul

SOLUTION ORIENTED PROBLEM SOLVING 1. Name the problem, and who owns it. (Be sure it is the REAL problem) 2. Describe it specifically. (Name the parts of the problem.) 3. Brainstorm. (Name all the solutions you can think of, no matter how crazy they may seem.) 4. Think about each solution: *Does it honor the values of your family, yourself, and others whom you respect? *Would it solve the problem? *Would it affect yourself and others for better or worse?

5. Choose a solution, and act on it. 6. Evaluate the outcome: *Is the problem solved? *Did the solution produce the results you expected? *How did the solution fit with your feelings and values? *Did the solution fail to meet your or the other partys needs in any way? *What else happened? *Would another solution work better?

Successful Family Checklist

 Are effective communication channels in place?  Is the family committed to excellence?  Does everyone in the family know their specific role?  Do the individuals in the family regularly operate out of their strengths as opposed to their weaknesses?  Do members understand and share the common goals and vision?  Is there a detailed plan of action for success?  Do family members respect and appreciate one another?  Does the family take a break from time to time to just have fun together?
Adapted from http://www.insiderreports.com/department.asp_Q_ChanID_E_BZ_A_DeptID_E_GTKN_A_StoryID_E_20000336

Expected Outcomes
Increased engagement and motivation Greater responsibility for learning Increased peer collaboration skills Greater confidence and self-esteem Increased listening skills Greater content mastery Better peer collaboration More time on task More skill in analyzing and solving problems

GETTING UNDERWAY WITH THE 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens