The art of

self-coaching
Ed Batista
CLASS 1: BEGINNINGS

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Class 1

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Beginnings

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 Today’s agenda
Intro 20 mins
An exercise 30 mins
Coaching tools 15 mins
Partnerships 30 mins
Logistics 10 mins

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Who am I?
Executive coach
GSB Instructor & alumnus
LeadLabs, Fellows, Touchy Feely
Contributor @HarvardBiz (a book?)
 Working
agreements
I will…
Give you my best
Welcome input
End on time
What else would be helpful for you?

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Working
agreements
I ask you to…
 Working
agreements
I ask you to…
Start on time

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 Working
agreements
I ask you to…
Challenge yourself

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 Working
agreements
I ask you to…
Respect
confidentiality

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 Working
agreements
I ask you to…
Minimize
distractions

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Working
agreements
I ask you to…
Start on time
Challenge yourself
Respect confidentiality
Minimize distractions
Can we all commit to this?
Why coaching
matters to me…
Started as a client
Changed my view of leadership
Impact on hundreds of students & clients
Why self-coaching
does, too
<1%
6 to 24 months
Help people help themselves
So what IS
coaching?
Not consulting
Not diagnostic
Coachee owns the agenda
Coachee makes the decisions
& self-coaching?
Guiding our own growth & development
Not solitary, but self-directed
Partners are essential
You’ll have 2 here
 Positive
psychology

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Positive
psychology
Study of what makes life most worth living
Focused on strengths & weaknesses
Robust research to date
The downside
Sense of agency  We blame ourselves
Risk of social comparison
Avoid triumph & despair
Get curious instead
 Joyful learning

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Joyful learning
Yerkes-Dodson Law (Harvard, 1908)
Stress  performance up to a point
Some stress increases learning
Too much diminishes learning
Joyful learning
Learning

Stress
Joyful learning
Hans Selye, Université de Montréal
Eustress & distress
Joyful learning
Learning

Eustress Distress

Stress
Joyful learning
Judy Willis
Teachers limit stress levels, students learn more
Joyful learning
Learning Critical to avoid the tipping point

Eustress Distress

Stress
 Safety, trust,
intimacy

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CONTEXT Learning,
Awareness,
& Behavioral
Change

Experimentation,
Risk-Taking,
& Vulnerability

Safety, Trust, Intimacy

Initial Conditions
Safety, trust,
intimacy
Built through relationships
A critical skill for self-coaching
You’ll practice in here with classmates
 Coaching team

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Coaching tools

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Coaching tools
Ask, Listen, Empathize
Coaching tools
Ask
Edgar Schein, MIT
Help doesn’t always help
What’s a better way?
 Modes of inquiry

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 Modes of inquiry
1. Pure inquiry
Open-ended
Avoid presumptive questions

Adapted from Edgar Schein [link]

 Modes of inquiry
1. Pure inquiry
2. Diagnostic inquiry
Focus & redirect
Feelings, motives, actions

Adapted from Edgar Schein [link]

 Modes of inquiry
1. Pure inquiry
2. Diagnostic inquiry
3. Confrontational inquiry
Introduce new ideas & hypotheses
Challenge their narrative

Adapted from Edgar Schein [link]

 Modes of inquiry
1. Pure inquiry
2. Diagnostic inquiry
3. Confrontational inquiry
We tend to move too quickly
Critical to check our assumptions

Adapted from Edgar Schein [link]

 Ask better
questions

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Ask better
questions
Get beyond Yes or No
What…? & How…? > Why…?
More reflection, less defensiveness
Ask better
questions
Avoid leading questions
That’s advocacy, not coaching
Ask better
questions
One tip…
Ask once & stop
Coaching tools
Ask, Listen
Listening skills

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Listening skills
Hearing ≠ listening
How they feel > what you hear
Listening skills
Focused attention > time
Cultivate presence
Eye contact
No multi-tasking
Eliminate distractions
Coaching tools
Ask, Listen, Empathize
Brené Brown, University of Houston
Shame & empathy
Edgar Schein, MIT
Shame in helping relationships
 Shame &
empathy

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Shame &
empathy
Shame = I’m flawed & unworthy
Empathy = The antidote to shame
Shame &
empathy
Shame = Creates distance
Empathy = Creates closeness
Shame &
empathy
Seeking help typically triggers shame
(or embarrassment or vulnerability)
Shame &
empathy
But typical helping responses block empathy
1. “Look on the bright side”
2. “My problem’s worse!”
3. “Here’s some advice”
Shame &
empathy
Instead…
1. Avoid judgments
2. Sense & validate emotions
3. Convey understanding (≠ agreement)
 Traps for the
coach

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 Traps for the
coach
Excessive pattern recognition
Giving advice prematurely
Overpowering resistance

Adapted from Edgar Schein [link]

 Partners, Part 1

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 Partners, Part 2

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 Course logistics
Everything is on Canvas
Syllabus = Home page & PDF
All readings = PDFs or websites
Assignments = Left & bottom of home
Need help? Email nonna@stanford.edu

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Course logistics
Contact me (also on Canvas)
edbatista@stanford.edu
Cell: 415-235-4272
Email/phone/text
8am-6pm
 Grading

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Grading
Attendance* 45%
Weekly assignments 40%
Final paper 15%
Pass/fail allowed
3.45 mean GPA
 Attendance

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Attendance
It matters (a LOT)
Work in pairs & small groups
Unexcused absence = drop one grade
 Written work

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Written work
8 weekly assignments (1000 word limit)
Final paper (3000 word limit)
Deadline = Wed @ 6pm
Written work
The content is up to you
Responses to course materials & experiences
No specific questions, prompts, requirements
I encourage you to look ahead, not back
Written work
4 grading criteria
Timeliness
Depth of Personal Learning
Conceptual Rigor
Overall Quality
 1:1 Meetings

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1:1 Meetings
Appointments: www.bitly.com/CoachingSessions
Default = Meet in front of Bass & go for a walk
Entirely optional, no impact on grade
Wednesdays & Fridays only
 For next time…

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 Change

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Change
Week 2 Assignment due Wednesday 6pm