What influences a

parent’s choice of
99% of all parents want to parenting style?
be good parents, and avoid 1. The way their parents
doing what they consider raised them.
to be a bad parent.
Regardless of their 2. The family structure,
parenting abilities, they whether it’s a nuclear
love their child. family, step-family,
single-parent family,
extended family, one
or both parents work
outside the home, etc.
3. Ethnic background
4. Individual parenting
skills and knowledge
 All parents incorporate both love and limits in their style of
parenting, with the balance of love and limits determining a
particular style. There are 4 parenting styles, and most
parents use some combination of the 4. Each style has
strengths and/or weaknesses, but only the authoritative
parenting style combines both high love and high limits. It is
considered the best style in today’s society.
 Authoritarian parents value Low love and high limits.
obedience, structure, and
respect. And they believe in a
family hierarchy, with dad
usually at the top, mom next,
and children last. They use
external control to teach right
from wrong, such as spanking,
and are quick to act on a
discipline problem. Children in The parents make the rules,
these families would not and the children obey them
describe the relationship with without question or
their parents as close, warm, negotiation.
and loving. The underlying If the young child asks “why
assumption in this style is that should I?”, the parent
“parents know best”. responds “because I said so”
(often a legitimate answer).
 Low love and high limits.
Giving orders

This is the most traditional

parenting style historically,
and is based on the use of
power.
The 1950’s sitcom called “Leave It To Beaver” showed a
perfect family scenario operating under an authoritarian
parenting style. The children were eager to please the
parents. There were few displays of affection for the
children, which were limited to an arm around the
shoulder.
High Love and Parents have difficulty setting firm
Low Limits. limits and are inconsistent.
Giving in Sometimes it works pretty well
because children generally want to
please their parents.
Parents view themselves as their
children’s friend; they worry that their
children will not like them if they set
too many rules. Over time, children
often become selfish, self-centered,
and manipulative to get their own
way…because they know they can.
Parents take a "hands-off" approach,
allowing children to learn from the
consequences of their actions.
 Dr. Benjamin Spock was a leading child
care authority of the late 1940’s -80’s. He
encouraged a fairly permissive parenting
style, excusing all manners of misbehavior
in children as somehow perfectly normal.
In his later years, after having children of
his own, he expressed misgivings about
some of the advice he had given.
Permissive parents often become
bitter and resentful of their children.
They place their children’s needs
above their own, and tire of the lack of
respect or appreciation for all they do.
The children tend to have troubles with
responsibility, relationships, and
understanding the rights of others.
 Low Love and Low Limits
Giving up

Sometimes called an indifferent

parenting style due to it’s lack of
emotional involvement and
supervision of the child.
Generally considered as
uncaring and inadequate to meet
the needs of children.
They might be indifferent,
distant, unengaged, non-
communicative, self-absorbed,
unstructured, detached, and
sometimes cruel.
 These parents usually do not consider themselves to be
bad parents, but are operating under a mistaken set of
beliefs about what a good parent does. Their attempts to
do what they think needs to be done to raise their children
ends up being neglectful or abusive.

Many individuals
or couples are
simply not
prepared for the
demands of good
parenting.
Children take time,
money, energy,
effort, and good
parenting skills.
A balance of freedom and High Love and High Limits.
responsibility. Sometimes called Giving choices
the democratic or balanced parenting
style, it relies on the principles of equality
and trust.
Parents and children are equal in terms
of their need for dignity and worth but not
in terms of responsibility and decision
making. Parents model right and wrong
by their words and deeds, and give
reasons for limits; discipline is used to
teach and guide, not punish or control.
Parents present expectations to gain a
child’s cooperation and respect,
including demands of maturity.
Children raised by this style learn to accept responsibility,
make wiser choices, cope with change, and are better
equipped to succeed in a work-force which relies on
cooperative problem-solving.

Although this 1950’s sitcom was entitled Father

Knows Best, it portrayed an authoritative
parenting style rather than authoritarian.
 68% of children live
with both parents;
Over the last 35 years, there has been 28% live with one
an increase in the number of people parent; 4% live
choosing not to marry and living with someone
alone in households, and a decrease other than a parent
in the number of married people
living with their children in
households.
Although statistically the traditional nuclear family grouping
is the most successful one for raising children, it has not
existed in the majority of homes. It once reached 46% for an
all time high. Many factors have influenced the family picture
historically, including life expectancy/mortality, child labor
trends, women in the workforce, divorce rates, births to
unwed mothers, etc.
The “traditional” nuclear
family, with a
husband wage-earner,
wife homemaker and
dependent children, now
accounts for less than
10 percent of all
American households.
 The family is the most
fundamental of society's
institutions, for it is within
the family setting that
character, morality,
responsibility, ability, and
wisdom are nurtured best
in children. There is a
direct correlation between There is no doubt, statistically,
a family founded on a that the children raised in a
lifelong marriage and low household with both biological
incidences of crime, parents are at an advantage.
addiction, abuse, illness, Fathers and mothers, men and
and underachievement. women, interact differently
with children.
 Fathers:
Roughhouses with children; plays louder
Encourage competition
Do not modify language for the child’s
sake
Talk is brief, direct, and to the point, with
subtle body language and facial
expressions
Help children prepare for harshness and
reality of the real world
Model traits of men and how to treat
women
Encourage children to take chances,
push limits
Stress justice, fairness, and duty
Encourages independence from family
Teaches a sense of right and wrong with
discipline
Mothers:
Gentle with children; plays quieter
Encourage equity
Simplifies words and talks on
child’s level
Talk is more descriptive, personal,
expressive of feelings, and verbally
encouraging
Help protect children from the
harshness and reality of real world
Model traits of women and how to
treat men
Encourages caution and protection
of self
Stress sympathy, care, and help
Encourages security in the family
Teaches a sense of hopefulness with
discipline
 A high amount of conversation and
level of interaction between parents
and children has an enormous,
positive impact on a child's
development. Even in intact families,
however, children suffer from a lack
of intimate time with their parents.
On the average, Dads spend 8 minutes, working mothers spend
11 minutes, and stay-at-home moms spend less than 30 minutes
face-to-face talking to their children each day.
Nearly 20 percent of students in grades 6-12 report that they
have not had a 10-minute conversation with at least one of their
parents in more than a month (texting doesn’t count).
Latest research indicates that children enrolled in early
childhood programs and day care centers may actually have an
edge in school over those who stay at home with a parent.
 Responsible adults make the
decision to have children… they
are not just “accidents”. A
couple must decide that the
children will be a priority in their
lives. They must be willing to
place their family’s needs in the
When it’s been a long, hard day, proper perspective in relation to
are you still going to make the job, career, friends, personal
effort to read a bedtime story? interests, finances, demands on
When your child wakes up in time, increased energy needed,
the morning too sick to go to and their marriage. The focus
school, are you going to leave of the family must shift from “I
them home alone so you can want” and “we want” to “they
go to work? Are you going to need”.
live without new shoes so they
can get a cavity filled? FAMILY MUST BE #1
A key characteristic of single-parent families is the limited
resources, including time, energy, and money available to
them... whether the single parent is the mother or father.

Nearly 60% of children in single parent families are living in

poverty. Less than ½ of all child support is paid in full.

Lower incomes relate to:

1. Lack of health insurance
2. Improper medical and
dental care
3. Lack of immunizations
4. Hunger/malnutrition
5. Inadequate shelter.
Children in single-parent families are twice as likely to drop
out of high school as children living full time in two-parent
families.
Children in single-parent homes are more likely to have
their own marriages end in separation or divorce.
Children in single-parent homes are at the highest risk for
unmarried parenthood.
 43% of all children are living without the
biological father in the home, due to
divorce, unwed mothers, abandonment,
death, etc. What are the results?

The children are:

Eight times more likely to go to prison.
Twenty times more likely to become rapists.
Ten times more likely to abuse chemical substances.
33 times more likely to be seriously abused.
73 times more likely to be fatally abused.
One-tenth as likely to get A's in school.
On average have a 44% higher mortality rate.
On average have a 72% lower standard of living.
85% of all children that exhibit behavioral disorders, 90%
of all homeless and runaway children, 71% of all high
school dropouts, 75% of all adolescent patients in
chemical abuse centers, 63% of children committing
suicide, 70% of juveniles in state-operated institutions,
and 85% of all youths sitting in prisons grew up in
fatherless homes.
 Step families are commonly
referred to as ‘blended families’.
• Husband with children marries ,
no-kids wife.
• Husband with children marries wife
with children.
• Mom with children marries no-kids
husband.
Mom with children marries dad with
children.
• Widow or widower with kids remarries.
• Divorced or widowed parents of adult
children marry. Etc. etc. etc.
Single mothers of daughters are the least likely to remarry, citing fears
that men they bring into the home would abuse their daughters.
Blended families have unique
problems:
1. At least some members of the family have experienced
“loss”, an emotional crisis.
2. The biological parent and child have a longer history and
stronger ties to each other than the couple does.
3. The children’s other biological parent does not belong to this
family…and may belong to another family
4. Children from a previous marriage now have 2 families to
deal with and schedule time with, including holidays and
children’s birthdays, etc.
5. Stepparents don’t fill biological parent’s roles, including no
legal rights
6. Over 1/3 of all children born now will live in a stepfamily
household by the time they are 18 years old.
7. 60% of all remarriages end in divorce; over 50% of
divorced people remarry within 5 years.
Many gay and lesbian couples either adopt or hire surrogates
to have children. In the case of lesbian couples, one of the
women physically has the children via donor sperm, and the
partner adopts them.
Being different in any way
can be confusing, frustrating,
and even scary to a child, but
parental communication and
support is key regardless of
the situation. Studies have
shown that children with gay
and/or lesbian parents are
ultimately just as happy with
themselves and their own
gender as are their friends
with heterosexual parents.
 Nearly 2 million children in
America have parents who are
gay, lesbian, or bisexual.
Children whose parents are homosexual show no difference in
their choice of friends, activities, or interests compared to children
whose parents are heterosexual. As adults, their career choices
and lifestyles are similar to those of children raised by
heterosexual parents. Research comparing children raised by
homosexual parents to children raised by heterosexual parents
has found no developmental differences in intelligence,
psychological adjustment, social adjustment, or peer popularity
between them. Children raised by homosexual parents have
fulfilling relationships with their friends as well as romantic
relationships later on.
Approximately 670,000 families with children under age 18
have a family member age 65 or older living with them.
Roughly 2.5 million children under age 18 live with one or
both parents in their grandparents’ home.
Approximately 1.3 million children under age 18 live with
their grandparents INSTEAD of their parents.