Effective

Communication

A Must in Conflict
Management
 Two Aspects of Communication
that are very important in conflict resolution or
management

Ability to effectively
express & assert oneself
- needs, viewpoints
- feelings, feedback
- proposed solution

Ability to understand (not

necessarily to agree with)
the viewpoints or positions
of the other party
 COMMON BLOCKS TO
EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION

preoccupation
emotional block
hostility
charisma of the speaker
hidden agenda
simple inarticulateness
culturally-determined verbal patterns
physical environment
defensiveness
status
 EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION

ACTIVE LISTENING

is the CAPABILITY of one person to

DEMONSTRATE and PROVE his/her
UNDERSTANDING of the SUBSTANTIVE and
EMOTIONAL messages of the speaker

Why Active listening?

helps build/maintain rapport and trust
helps gather data
help check perceptions and filters
helps the speaker clarify and develop his/her ideas

Mediators Network for Sustainable Peace

(MEDNET)
 ACTIVE LISTENING
HOW?

use conducive listening posture

appropriate eye contact
paraphrase or repeat in your own words the messages of the
speaker
reflect the speakers core feeling
ask clarifying question
give statements of understanding
ask or welcome clarifications and correction
summarize the speakers core messages
Avoid!
confuse listening with agreeing
mix listening with evaluating
assume responsibility for what is being represented
Mediators Network for Sustainable Peace
(MEDNET)
 ACTIVE LISTENING

Examples of statements to demonstrate understanding

So you think
You feel _____ because _____
It sounds like
Let me see if I understand. As you see it
Then the issue is
From your point of view

Did I get you right?

To check the correctness of your understanding after
saying how you understood the message of the speaker

Mediators Network for Sustainable Peace

(MEDNET)
Probes are STATEMENTS or QUESTIONS
designed to ELICIT RELEVANT DATA from another
person

WHY PROBE?
get more information/data
clarify other persons feelings
clarify other persons thinking
test assumptions
Mediators Network for Sustainable Peace
(MEDNET)
HOW ?
ask open ended questions
(i.e. what, why, how, where, when, who)
ask one question at a time
give time to answer
reinforce answers verbally and/or with body language

Avoid!
confuse probes with leading question
probing question: What have you done to solve your problems?
leading question: What have you done to win her back?
long silences
Assertiveness

the ability to clearly

communicate ones opinions,
needs, wants, interests,
feelings, etc. to another in a
non-defensive and non-
threatening way
 Parts of an Assertion Message
Description of the PROBLEM specific behavior or
statement(written or verbal), policy, etc. that is the
subject of the discussion. (Validate with the other
party your understanding of the problem).
Description of your ASSESSMENT i.e. specific
consequences of the behavior or statement;
Description of your FEELINGS and the ROOTS OF
YOUR FEELINGS in relation to or arising out of the
described problem;
Presentation of your PROPOSAL(S) on how to
resolve or manage the problem.
Components of
Non-violent communication
1. Separate observation from evaluation
Mixed Observation and Observation separate from
Evaluation Evaluation

Celso is a poor basketball Celso has not scored a goal

player. in 10 games. Because of this,
the coach is thinking of
looking for a replacement.

Mario procrastinates. Mario only studied for exams

the night before. Because of
this, he got very low grades
in the exams.
Components of
Non-violent communication
2. Express your feeling about our
observation; separate this feeling from
your assessment of yourself and of
others.
X I feel inadequate as a guitar player.
/ I feel frustrated about myself as a guitar player.
X I feel ignored.
/ I feel hurt when I thought you ignored me during our meeting last
Tuesday.
 Components of
Non-violent communication
3. Acknowledge the roots of your feelings, which are
your own needs (e.g. I feel because I need)
X It really infuriates me when spelling mistakes appear in our public
brochures. That bugs me a lot.
/ I feel really infuriated when spelling mistakes like that appear in
our public brochures because I want our company to project a
professional image.
X Mommy is disappointed when you dont finish your food.
/ Mommy feels disappointed when you dont finish your food
because I want you to grow up strong and healthy.
X I feel angry because the supervisor broke her promise.
/ I feel angry that the supervisor broke her promise because I
was counting on getting that long weekend to visit my brother.
Components of
Non-violent communication
4. Give proposals in a non-threatening and
non-demanding way:

* Be conscious of our proposals and on how we,

verbally and non-verbally, say it;
* Use I messages in giving proposals.
* Actively listen to the reaction of the other party
to our proposal, and if necessary probe on their
thoughts and feelings.