Marriages and Families:

Changes, Choices, and Constraints

Seventh Edition

Nijole V. Benokraitis

Chapter Seven
Sexuality and Sexual Expression Throughout Life
 Cultural Variations
-Gilbert Islands, Premarital couples who have
sex are put to death.
-Marquesians in Eastern Polynesia premarital
sexual exploration is encouraged in both
men and women young men with older
women and young women with tribal elders.
Noctural meetings are encouraged.
-Kenuzi Nubians remove the clitoris and sew
the vagina shut in girls at age of 4 penality
for intercourse is death by a relative.
-Comanche male can have sex with
sister in law if brother approves
-Hidatsa when wife is advanced stages
of pregnancy, sex with her sister is OK
-Jijians allow extramarital intercourse
after the men have returned to the
village with war captives.
-Alet males may share their wife with
visitors as a symbol of hospitality.
 Sexuality and Human
Development
Sexuality is very complexit is an
expression of who we are.
 Sexual Identity
Our sexual identity is our awareness of
ourselves as male or female and the
ways in which we express our sexual
values, attitudes, feelings, and beliefs.
Sexual identity is a category created by
society.
 Sexual Orientation
Homosexualattracted to others of the
same sex.
Heterosexualattracted to others of the
opposite sex.
Bisexualattracted to sexual partners of
both sexes.
Asexuallack of physical attraction to either
sex.
 It Isnt as Simple as It
Sounds!
Heterosexuality is the predominant sexual
orientation worldwide, but homosexuality is
also found in every culture worldwide.
Many homosexuals worldwide try to hide their
sexual identity for fear of violence. There is
still the belief that heterosexism is the
natural or preferred sexual orientation.
 Transgendered
About 2% of Americans are thought to
be transgendered, but some
researchers believe that the numbers
may be twice as high. This term
encompasses several groups.
Transsexualspeople who are born with
one biological sex but choose to live as the
other sex, sometimes by choosing surgery
as an option.
 Transgendered
Intersexualspeople whose medical
classification at birth is not clearly male
or female.
Transvestitespeople who cross-dress at
times but dont necessarily consider
themselves a member of the opposite
sex.
Sociology, 12th Edition by John Macionis
Copyright 2008 Prentice Hall, a division of Pearson Education. All rights reserved.
 What Determines Sexual
Orientation?
No one really knows what determines
sexual orientation. There are some
theories that come from every
theoretical standpoint.
Some biologists theorize that the brain
structure may be associated with sexual
orientation and some believe there may
be a gay gene.
 What Determines Sexual
Orientation?
Social construction theorieshold that
sexual behavior is largely the result of
social pressure and that culture, not
biology, plays a large role in forming
our sexual identity.
Homophobia Irrational Fear
J Edgar Hoover
New Jersey Gov. James McGreevey

Sociology, 12th Edition by John Macionis

Copyright 2008 Prentice Hall, a division of Pearson Education. All rights reserved.
 Sexual Orientation
and Gender
Some researchers assert that gender is
a more powerful factor than sexual
orientation in shaping a persons
behavior. That is, there are more
similarities between straight and gay
men and between straight women and
lesbians than there are between
lesbians and gays.
 Sexual Scripts
Many of us think that our sexual behavior is
spontaneous, when in general, we have
internalized sexual scripts.
Gender and Sexual Scripts
Women are more assertive now than in past
generations when it comes to sex.
Men tend to be aggressive as a result of society
expecting them to assert their masculinity in a
number of ways, but especially in relationships
with the opposite sex.
Race, ethnicity, and sexual scriptsrace and
ethnicity also play a part in our sexual scripts.
 The Double Standard
The double standard is alive and well in the
U.S., but not as strong as it used to be.
The sexual revolution changed a lot regarding
womens rights and the double standard.
Women are more compelled to voice
opinions and feelings about issues
regarding sexuality.
 Sexual Assaults, Sexual
Dysfunctions, and the Double
Standard
Another indicator of the persistence of
the double standard is the high rate of
rape and other sexual assaults on
women.
The sexual double standard is not
limited to the U.S. and other Western
nations. In other countries, female
genital mutilation is still practiced.
 Sex in Committed
Relationships
Sex serves many functions in both
short- and long-term relationships. It
can be an expression of love and
affection. It can increase intimacy and
provide a feeling of closeness.
 What Do We Know
about Sex?
Some of our young people know about
sex and are sexually active, but some
are not. Some do not know how to
prevent sexually-transmitted diseases.
 What Do We Know
about Sex?
On a national survey of 13-year-olds, it
was found that fewer than 1/3 were able
to identify the most effective pregnancy
method, and fewer than 2/3 knew the
number-one method of preventing STDs
(condoms).
 Who Influences
Our Sexual Behavior?
Maybe the question should be Who doesnt?
It is learned in a cultural context.
People become sexual over time as they
become more expressive.
The primary sources of information about
anatomy, values, and sexual expression
come from parents, peers, siblings, the
media, and popular culture.
 From Parents
Parents affect our sexual scripts by what they
say and dont say about sex and by the
example they set in front of their children.
A study of students ages 10-15 found that
only 6% said they wanted to talk to their
parents about sex and pregnancy.
Do parents know their children are sexually
active? Only about 1/3 of parents of
sexually-active 14-year-olds know that their
children have had or are having sex.
Do Parents Talk about Sex?
Many parents are unsure how to talk to
their children about sex. They often feel
unprepared to discuss important issues
such as abstinence, contraception, and
prevention of STDs.
Some parents are concerned that if they
open the dialogue with their children
about sex, then the children are getting
the idea that the parents approve of
premarital sex.
Many adolescents see their parents as old-
fashioned about sex and parental
discussions about sex need to be
effective.
 From Peers and Siblings
Peers are among the most common
sources of knowledge about sex,
especially for young adults. Peers
can be helpful even if they arent
always the best source of information.
 From Religion
Religious parents who monitor their
childrens activities and have strong
parent-child relationships tend to
delay their childrens sexuality.
 From the Media
and Popular Culture
Often young people obtain information
about sex from the media and popular
culture: television, movies, music,
magazines, romance novels, the
Internet, and sometimes from
pornographic sites.
 From Sex Education
About 90% of parents approve of
schools providing a comprehensive
sex education program, however, in
2001 Bush established a federal
program to fund abstinence-only
curricula.
President Obama plans to change to a
more comprehensive sex education
program in our school systems.
 Sexual Behaviors
Most of us have very conventional sex
lives. For example, most U.S. adults
have had one or no sex partners in
any given year.
Sexual behavior includes many other
behaviors like flirting, kissing,
autoeroticism, and oral and anal sex.
 Flirting
Flirting is acting amorously around
someone to capture another persons
attention.
Flirting can be mistaken for friendliness
or other non-verbal cues.
 Kissing
In some cultures, people do not kiss in
the same way that we do, but in the
U.S. kissing in public is not looked
down upon.
 Autoeroticism
Autoeroticism refers to arousal of sexual
feelings without an external stimulus. Two
of the more common autoerotism are
sexual fantasies and masturbation.
More men than women have sexual
fantasiesthey are very normal for everyone.
Masturbationsexual self pleasure. Kinsey 90% of
men and 58% women -college women become
increasingly accepting as they go through college
Oral and anal sex apparently, for a growing
majority of adolescents and young adults, oral and
anal sex are not considered sex.
. Sexual fantasies-no relationship exists between sf and
real behavior
-men are more visual -women have greater relational
content
a.define and direct erotic goals, generally in agreement with
idealized models
b.plan or anticipate situation (mentally practice)
c.escape from real world
d.novelty and excitement into relationship
-help some women become aroused & orgasmic
e.expressive content same as dreams, indicative of current
interests, pleasures, anxieties, fears or problems
-60-90% fantasize during sex (Knafo & Jaffe)
-guilt rather than fantasy harmful to relationship
*John Harvey Kellogg MD & Reverend Sylvester
Graham Cornflakes and Graham crackers were
developed for the purpose of preventing carnal lust,
extinguishing sexual desire, and curbing masturbation
desires

*Janus and Janus over half of all reported masturbation

as a natural part of life.

*Jew had the death penalty for masturbation

*Catholics eternal damnation

*Protestants - hell on earth-
*Dr. Samuel Tissot claimed that the loss of too much
semen would cause debility, disease and death
*Freud immature form of sexual expression
1. Cunnilingus oral stimulation of female
2. Fellatio-oral stimulation of male
-88-90% of men and women have engaged in it
-viewed as less "serious" than intercourse
-More or less intimate
-Genital hygiene an issue
-Men like women to swallow, women concerned
about aesthetics
-HIV possible from cut or sore in mouth not in
stomach
 Sexual Intercourse
This term refers to any form of sexual
pairingmale/female, female/female,
and male/male.
Overall, women report an average of 6
sex partners in their lifetimes.
Men report an average of 20.
Men and women who are married have
higher rates of sexual activity.
 Virginity and Abstinence
A virgin is someone who has never had sexual
intercourse. Nearly half of all American students
reported never having had sexual intercourse, a
decline from 54% in 1990.
There are several reasons for the decline in
intercourse over the last decade or so. Some
people credit the abstinence movement,
especially in religion.
Several national studies have found that abstinence
pledges delay intercourse, especially among
young teens, but that plegers are just as likely as
nonpledgers to report premarital intercourse.
 Why Adults Abstain from
Sexual Intercourse
Major reasons include:
Not having a partner
Chronic illness
Mental health problems
Sexual dysfunction
Infidelity
 Sex and Adolescents
Many adolescents have sexual intercourse
before they understand sexual anatomy
and contraception or have time to develop
sexual values.
 Sex and Adolescents
Young peoples interest in sex is influenced by a
variety of factors:
For young girls, sex usually occurs in a romantic
relationship.
One reason for early sex for boys is peer
pressure.
Environmental variables also play a partteens
who are more likely to engage in early sexual
intercourse are those young people from single-
parent or remarried homes.
 Sex and Adolescents
Cultural Attitudes and expectations also
influence teens sexual experience.
Young Latinos are much more likely to
report that they have had more sexual
activity and more sexual partners.
Young Latinas however, are less likely
to report having premarital sex.
 Forced Sexual Intercourse
Nationwide, 11% of female and 5% of male
high-school students say that they have
had sex when they did not want to.
For young girls, the moist common factors
include the mother's having an abusive
boyfriend, illicit drug use (by the parent or
co-abuser), lack of parental monitoring in
the home, a history of sexual abuse, and
the victims living apart from her family
before the age of 16.
 Sex and Singles
Women and men are staying single for
longer periods of time for a number of
reasons.
Higher education
Military service
Careers
This is not just limited to Western cultures.
 Who Initiates
Sexual Contact?
Traditional sexual scripts dictate that the
man should initiate sexual contact,
because nice girls dont do that.
Today, our sexual scripts have changed.
Women are more likely than before to
initiate sexual contact.
 Sex in Marriage
Most married couples report being happy
with their sex lives.
Overall, the frequency of sexual intimacy may
decrease over time, but other expressions of
sexual desire make up for a lack of
intercourse for most couples. Even if the
frequency of sex decreases, the couples, the
longer they are married, report that their
satisfaction with their sex life increases.
For couples in their mid-lives, too, this is a
busy time for careers and possibly children,
so there is less time to concentrate solely on
each other.
Sex During the Middle Years
As we mature, our sexual interests,
desires, and abilities changefor most
couples who are married this is a good
thing.
While couples in their mid-lives may report
less sex, they report that other things in
their lives are more important. Its not
their priority anymore.
Good health, close times with friends and
family, financial security, spiritual well-
being, and a good relationship with a
partner are all rated as being more
important.
 Menopause
Menopause typically begins in a womans
mid-40s to early 50s, and it is a process
that may last 4-5 years.
There are many symptoms that women
experience during menopause that
include: hot flashes, mood swings, loss
or increase of appetite, fatigue, migraine
headache, and irregular menstrual
cycles to name a few!
Once menopause is over, women are no
longer able to reproduce.
 Sex and Later Life
Many women and men remain sexually active
well into their 70s and 80s.
Sexual activity among older people
diminishes but it doesnt disappear.
About 39% of men and 17% of women have an
active love life (according to a recent survey).
Nearly 25% have sex four or more times a
month.
More than 25% of the men and 33% of the
women either gave or received oral sex in the
last year.
 Sexual Infidelity
Sexual infidelity doesn't necessarily
involve sexual intercourse. You can
be sexually unfaithful to your partner
emotionally as well.
Online infidelity is increasing. Some
clinicians see Internet romances as
betrayals because they reflect
emotional infidelity.
 Sexual Infidelity
It is difficult to determine exactly how many
couples experience sexual infidelity because
most information is obtained in survey form
and some people may not always be truthful
in research.
Recent highly-respected national surveys show
that in any given year, about 4% of married
people have sex outside their marriage.
Over a lifetime, about 16% say they have had
an extramarital affair. The numbers are
higher for men than for women.
 Sexual Infidelity
Why are spouses unfaithful?
Macro Reasons Micro Reasons
1. Economic problems 1. The need for emotional or
sexual satisfaction
2. The purpose of marriage has
changed for many people 2. Because it is exciting
3. The anonymity of urban life 3. It is an ego enhancer
4. People live longer today 4. It reflects social exchange
5. More women in the workplace 5. Both sexes are unfaithful
because they think they can get
6. Gender roles are different
away with it
7. New technology has increased
6. Revenge or retaliation
chances for cyber flirting
7. May provide a way out of
marriage
 Sexual Infidelity
Consequences:
Most affairs devastate families.
They can have an especially negative impact on children,
who may feel in some way that they are to blame.
It also has broad social structural implicationsgroup
solidarity is necessary for a societys survival and
because the group (here the family) has been betrayed, it
can cause them to lose their cohesiveness.
 Gay, Lesbian,
and Bisexual Sex
About 8% of Americans label themselves as GLBT
(Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgendered). Of
course, numbers may be much higher because
people are not always willing to define themselves
in this way.
GLBT couples experience the same things that
straight couples do in relationships.
Societies vary greatly in their acceptance of GLBT
people. In some cultures, it is much more
acceptable.
There is, however, increasing acceptance in the
United States, but we are way behind some
countries in our attitudes about people who are
different.
 Sexually Transmitted
Infections, HIV, and AIDS
Sexually transmitted infections (STIs) are
diseases that are spread by contact, either
sexual or nonsexual, with body parts or
fluids that harbor specific microorganisms.
There are about 19 million new cases of STIs
in the U.S. every year.
Most of the time STIs cause no symptoms,
particularly in women. Even when there are
no symptoms however, the infection can be
spread.
 HIV and AIDS
One of the most serious and fatal STIs
in human history is the human
immunodeficiency virus (HIV), that
causes acquired immunodeficiency
syndrome (AIDS).
First reported on June 5, 1981, AIDS
had taken the lives of almost 546,000
people by the end of 2006.
Today we are better informed about
sexuality. We are also better informed
about the problems sexuality may
cause.
However, there are still constraints. We
are often still reluctant to give young
people the information about sexuality
that they may need.
Gay men and lesbian women still face
discrimination today. Even though we
think we have come a long way, we
have a long way to go.