Methods of Counseling Therapy

A Practical Workshop on
Counselling Therapy
Master Trainer and Coach

Dr.Arivalan DBA SLSU, Phil; PhD, USM
Certified NLP Coach (ABNLP); Certified Time Line Therapist (TMTA), Certified Hypnotherapist
(IACT, USA)
Global Horizon Consultancy
Note for participants

During
this two days interactive workshop, some

slides will be intentionally skipped to customize the
training according to the participants
work
situations.
we must learn to understand the out-ofawareness aspects of communication. We must

never assume that we are fully aware of what we
communicate to someone else. There exists in the
world today tremendous distortions in meaning as
men try to communicate with one another
Edward T. Hall The Silent Language
The meaning of any communication is defined by

the response it elicits
Who am I?
Communication model
FILTERS
DELETE
DISTORT
GENERALISE
Time/Space
INTERNAL
REP
Matter/Energy
EXTERNAL
EVENT
Language
Memories
STATE
2 Billion bits per sec
Decisions
Meta Programs
PHYSIOLOGY
Values & Beliefs

Attitudes
BEHAVIOUR
RESULTS
Conscious and Subconscious

Mind
Communication Process
BE PROACTIVE
1
Be
proactive
Circle of
Circle of
Concern
Concern
PROACTIVE FOCUS
REACTIVE FOCUS
(Positive energy enlarges

the Circles of Influences)
(Negative energy reduces

the Circles of Influences)
Realities of Communication
Psychology
10
11
Three theories of determinism affecting our

response to a certain stimulus
Genetic
determinism (DNA)
Psychic determinism (childhood experience)
Environmental determinism (boss, spouse,
economic situation, notational policies)
12
Counselling Skills And Techniques

Core Conditions
Empathy: Understanding what the client feels and not just what
you would feel if you were the client.
Genuineness: Being who you are without pretense or hiding
behind the therapist role.
Unconditional Positive Regard: Accepting the person for who
he or she may be without putting conditions on it.
13

Attending
Physical Attending: Posture, eye contact, and general body
position that communicates the counselor is paying attention to
the client.
Do not have a physical object between you and the client.
Maintain a comfortable distance between you and the
client.
Face the client directly.
Establish eye contact.
Maintain an open posture.
Lean toward the client.
14

Attending
Psychological Attending: The ability to pick up on the client's
non-verbal as well as the verbal messages.
Paralinguistics
The client avoids eye contact
Body posture
Facial Expressions
Yawning
The distance the client puts
between the two of you.
15

Active Listening
Focusing on all aspects of a client's expression.
Resist distractions.
Listen to the client's tone of voice.
Listen for cues to the client's feelings.
Listen for generalizations, deletions, and distortions.
Listen for common cognitive and emotional themes.
16

Encouraging As A Part of Attending
Verbal and nonverbal ways of encouraging the client to
continue to share his or her thoughts, feelings or behaviors.
Umhum
Tell me more.
He yelled at you?
Can you give me an example?
And that means?
Or simply nodding your head.
17

Exploration Skills
Responding with Empathy: Listening and understanding as if
you were the client and then communicating your
understanding.
Reflecting content.
Reflecting feeling.
Reflecting meaning.
Summarizing content.
18

Probes and Questions
Probing: Direct or indirect questions to further explore a line of
thought.
Questioning:
Direct Questions: Questions that are to the point.
Indirect Questions: Open questions with no question mark
at the end.
19

Silence
It can be used as an encourager.
It keeps the focus on the client.
It can help the client absorb what was said.
It can help the client collect his or her thoughts for expression.
20

Understanding
Advanced empathy:
Attends to the feelings and thoughts that are not expressed
by the client.
Helps the client see the bigger picture.
Helps to open up areas for counseling for which the client
is either unaware or has only hinted at.
Helps to identify themes.
Helps the client own his or her feelings and behaviors.
21

Self-Disclosure
Sharing personal information with a client.
It must be for the benefit of the client and not the
counselor.
It can be used as a model to help the client self-disclose.
It should not take the focus off the client.
Used sparingly and appropriately, it can enhance the
therapeutic relationship.
22

Confrontation
A form of advanced empathy which helps the client look at
thoughts and behaviors that might be self-defeating or harmful.
It is a form of challenge and not a verbal assault.
It needs to be done with a high level of empathy.
Usually it is in reference to a incongruence or discrepancy
on the client's part.
23

Immediacy
The ability to explore the here and now in the relationship between
counselor and client.
Immediacy uses present tense statements.
It usually relates to the counselors view of the relationship.
It adds intimacy to the counseling relationship.
Copyright Allyn & Bacon 2004
24

Interpretation
An attempt to impart meaning about a clients behavior based upon
the counselors observations and understanding.
It can help increase the clients awareness or insight.
Some theories place more emphasis on interpretation than
others.
Interpretation often puts the counselor in a more authoritarian
position within the relationship.
Trust with the client is an essential ingredient for successful
interpretation.
25

Directives
Instructions given to the client.
Basically it is the counselor telling the client what to do.
The timing in giving a directive is important.
Some theories use more directives than others.
26

Advising
A form of directive.
The advising should not be seen as a command or a demand.
Counselors need to take responsibility for the advice they
give.
Do the advising in such a way as it leaves the client with the
ultimate choice.
27
RAPPORT
AND PERSUARSIVE COMMUNICATION
28
RAPPORT
Structure of Rapport:
Professor Albert Mehrabian, Ph.D., of the
University of California, Los Angles (UCLA),
in 1972 in a series of controlled experiments
was able to demonstrate that non-verbal signals
were significantly more influential than other
stimuli (see numbers below).
He found that more than 90% of our ability to
influence lies outside of the actual words we
use.
29
What is Rapport
when people become like each other,
they like each other
A state
of trusting and openness.

A perception of liking and being liked.
A state of feeling of closeness and safety.
A state where a person is less critical of ideas offered to them.
1 to 1
1 to many
Many to many
30
Rapport
31
RAPPORT
Physiology
Posture/ Stance
Gesture
Facial Expression
Breathing
Eye Movement/ Blinking
Tonality
Volume (loudness)
Tone (pitch) Tempo (speed)
Timbre (quality/ clarity)
Resonance
93% of our
communication
takes place on
the
subconscious
level
Words
Predicates Key
Words
Common
experiences &
associations Content
chunks
32
Rapport through Physiology

Matching
Mirroring
Crossover Mirroring
Posture
Gestures
Facial
Expression and Blinking

Breathing
33
Mirroring EXERCISE
A faces
B with C sitting (or standing)

behind Bs peripheral vision.
C places themselves in an unusual posture
with facial expressions.
A mirror the C gesture to B.
Change Partners.
34
Matching The Other Person's Values (Values)

Establishing and maintaining rapport. Be sure that you are
matching the other person exactly. Start off with a second or
two delay in your matching or mirroring and then move to
matching the other person almost simultaneously within a
minute or two. Avoid matching the other person using subtle
matches. This is not a match - do and move exactly as they
do. The only way to get into deep rapport is to be willing to
do what they do - 100% the same.
Having a definite outcome. Set an outcome for everything
you do. If your are to influence and persuade you must know
the outcome you want to achieve.
35
Eliciting or creating emotional states. Basically we

are talking about having the ability/skill to either
elicit or create an emotional state in the other person,
that is the perfect emotional state for them to be in if
they were to naturally go ahead and carry out the
mutually beneficial suggestion or action. This
includes the ability to be able to put yourself into this
state (all your verbals and non-verbals will indicate
you are in this state) before you create or elicit the
same emotional state in others.
36
Matching the other person's criteria and values. Eliciting

and matching exactly the other person's criteria and values
for the context you wish to influence and persuade. Utilizing
criteria is critical! That is what this Skill Building Exercise
will cover.
Matching process/strategy. Irresistible influence and
persuasion is obtained when you are able to determine the
process/strategy the other person uses for any particular
decision that they make or action that they take.. Again this
is context dependent. Find out their process and put your
content into that process and it will be absolutely irresistible
to them. (More about this in a future exercise).
37
Eliciting and matching the other

person's values.
Please
note we will only cover just the very

basics here.
In order to understand this let's assume that
we are going to influence or persuade
someone to act or think in a certain way
that would be mutually beneficial to them
and to us.
38
Eliciting The Other Person's

Values.
Before
we go into how we can elicit

someone's values, let's ensure that we
understand what we mean by someone's
values. (Next slide includes excerpts from
my unpublished manuscript on MetaPrograms entitled "Patterns of Influence"
39
Values
The Values Pattern:
Values are context dependent.
Each person has their own non-verbal process for determining when
something is good, right or appropriate or bad, wrong and inappropriate for
them. Each person has words and phrases which describe these processes.
These words and phrases are called values. When a person's values are met
they will feel good and when the values are not met they will feel badly.
It is important to note that when someone hears their own personal values
they will feel good.
It will be as though they just recognized a particular situation which met
their values and which gave them pleasant feelings. This is because they
have learned to associate the good feelings with the values words and
phrases.
40
How to Elicit or Find

Someone's Values
We elicit or find out someone's values by asking one of two

questions. The general questions to ask are either:
What is important to you in a "X"?
or
What's important to you about a "X"?
Where "X" is the context in which you wish to obtain the
values.
For example: If you were a car salesperson - you would want
to know the person's values for what they considered a good
car, so that you could be sure that the car that you sell them
will met their values. If it does, they may buy it and if it
doesn't, they will not buy it.
41
How to Elicit or Find

Someone's Values cont
So, you would ask either of these values elicitation questions:
What do you want in a car?
Or
What's important to you about a car?
In answering the question the person will give you a list of
words and phrases. These will be the values which make
them feel good about "X". In our example a car. If you "say"
a person's values back to them, they should feel good. If they
do not feel good or show a pleasant response - what you said
was not their values.
42
How To Recognize or Identify

The Values cont
In our example, let's say that we ask: What's important to

you about a car? And they respond, "We need something
that is economical and has enough room for my family." The
two values that they gave us here are:
it must be economical.
it must have room for a family.
We could ask essentially the same question again to get more

values. We ask, "And what else is important to you?"
In answering, they might say, "It has to also have four wheel
drive so we can get around the hills." Here we get another
value: getting around the hills.
43
Matching The Other Person's

Values
We Use Other Person's Values in Our Language To Create a More
Complete Understanding.
We then use the person's values in a sentence, in relation to "X", back
to them. We do not interpret the meaning of the words or phases; we use
the exact words directly as they said them to us. We do not paraphrase!
In our example, we might say, "Great, so you're looking for a car that is
economical, has plenty of room for your family and has front wheel
drive so you can get around in the hills. Is that right?"
When we "say" this values back to them, they should feel good and we
should be able to notice it in their non-verbal communication (a head
nodding, a smile etc.).
If they do not feel good or show a pleasant response, what we said was
not their values and we would re-ask the values elicitation questions.
44
Matching The Other Person's Values
In selling a car to the people in our example, what is real important to

the person are:
that it is economical
that it has room for the family
that it can get around the hills
It is important to note that other features and benefits of a car are not as
important as these. So if you were to attempt to sell this person with any
other benefit that is important to you - they would not likely buy because it is not important to them.
The key here is that you do not sell what features and benefits you like,
the manufacture emphasizes etc. -- you sell what the buyer wants!
While we have emphasized values here, we assume that all the other
skills in irresistible communicating will also be used.
45
Irresistible Communication, Influence and

Persuasion
Verbal pacing and leading
Verbal pacing and leading. Pacing what is undeniably

true and leading to what we want to be believed as true
or what has yet to be established as being true. In
addition using Advanced Language Patterns to covertly
insert commands to the other person's unconscious mind.
46
Eliciting and Creating Emotional

States.
Before we actually get into Eliciting and Creating Emotional
States, let's review a little of what I call working theory or
what is it that makes this work so well and so easily. We'll
briefly look at these important concepts.
Start with an outcome in mind. What is the "emotional state"
you want to produce in yourself and in the other person.
Almost anything is possible when you are in rapport with
someone.
To create an emotional state in someone else you must first
put yourself in that state.
47
Role play on feedback: choose a partner and

provide your feedback
Dayang (Manager): You are meeting with Ana a supervisor who has
been with the Department for about six years and understands how to
get things done to review his performance on a recent production
project.
Ana is a skilled supervisor and works tirelessly. However, her people
skills are bad and the operators morale are on high time low and
requiring interference from Dayang.
You ask to meet with Ana to provide him with positive feedback and
guidance about the appropriate level of people management.
Ana (Employee): You were frustrated by Dayang
constant
interference in your job. You wish that Dayang had more clearly
explained what he was expecting up front, as well as why explain why
he is not happy with you for doing your job well.
48
49
50
TIME LINE THERAPY
51
Case study: A shrinking comfort zone

One of the very first clients I had, nearly 30 years ago, was Marion.
Marion was a young woman who had been recently bereaved. One day
not long after the funeral she was shopping in a big supermarket. She was
tired, she hadn't eaten much, and the store was crowded and hot. While
standing at the checkout she suddenly had a panic attack. Panic attacks
are horrible when they happen, and Marion had been so frightened, she
thought she was dying. She also believed she'd made a fool of herself by
crying, sobbing and pushing past people to get to the exit. Two days later
she went back to the same shop and had the thought 'what if it happens
again?'As she remembered the frightening sensations of her last attack,
her body produced the sensations again (remember, action follows
thought), and she had a second attack. She decided that in future she
would
USE
a smaller shop nearer home. However, as she entered the
smaller store, she talked to herself again about her previous

52
attacks, building up what is called in NLP a sensory rich experience. That

is, she created a picture, with sounds and feelings, of an attack. She
quickly produced a third panic attack. Within six weeks of her first attack
Marion had made her comfort envelope so small that she would not leave
the house. She called me the day she realised that she was working out
how feasible it would be to put a small make-shift kitchen and a commode
into the corner of her living room so she did not have to leave the one
room when she was in the house by herself.
53
TIME LINE THERAPY
54
TIME LINE THERAPY
55
TIME LINE THERAPY
56
TIME LINE THERAPY
57
58
59
Game of Trust
60
Game of Trust
61
Using Sub-Modalities to
Change the Unwanted Habits
62
Influence of the Intrinsic and

Extrinsic Factors
Extrinsic Factors/
External Stimuli
Intrinsic Factors/
Psychology
63
Understanding a Context is crucial for using

the Language and Behavior Profile
The frame of reference a person puts around a situation is the
Context. Since human beings are flexible by nature, they
are able to behave differently at different times. Are we
talking about you at work, in a coaching situation, in a
couple relationship, with your kids, with your peers, when
you are on holiday, or when you are buying a house?
Simply because a person has a certain pattern (or habit) in
a given place and time does not indicate that she will have
that same pattern in another Context.
64
Motivation Traits
The
first six categories in the LAB Profile show

you how a person triggers and maintains their
motivation.
You learn how to detect each pattern and what
each person needs to get interested or excited
about something, and conversely, what would
turn them off.
Each pattern is described in its extreme form.
Behavior predictions are only valid in the same
Context in which the subject was profiled.
65
Motivation Traits
How
people trigger and maintain their

interest level and conversely, what will demotivate them.
Each pattern is described below in its
extreme form.
66
Language and Behaviour Profile (LAB)

Towards To (TT)
Away From (AF)
Procedures
Optional
Proactive
Reactive
Internal
External
67

Others
Self
Independent
Cooperative
Detail
General
More Facts
More Words
68

Methods
My/My
You /My
69
Case for discussion

Chong is a man with less talk but very detail in his work. He rarely appreciate
his subordinates even though they do their duties well on time. He always like
to change the work procedures and methods to thinking to enhance the
productivity. This approach at times confuses the operators on which methods
to choose. He seems to know everything about the process and the machines
and very frequently he has conflicts with technicians on the time taken to
adjust the machines that went wrong. There were few occasions that he
repaired the machine by himself and got into trouble.
Question, identify Chongs personality based on the LAB personality
type.
As Chongs supervisor, How does the knowledge of the personality type
could assist you to understand and communicate with Chong better. .
Emotional Intelligent
71
EI
What is emotional intelligence?
What are the components?
What drives situational climate?
What are the six leadership styles?

What is the best style for specific situational
climates?
What are the keys to success?
72
Emotional intelligence is
twice as important as
cognitive abilities in predicting
employee performance and
accounts for more than 85%
of star performance in top
leaders
Daniel Goleman, Harvard Business Review
73
The Five Components of EI

Self-Awareness -The ability to recognize and understand your
moods, emotions, and drivers, as well as their effects on others
Self-Management/Regulation
- The ability to control or
redirect disruptive impulses and moods and to think before act
Motivation -A passion to work for reasons that go beyond money and

status. A propensity to pursue goals with energy and persistence
Empathy - A propensity to pursue goals with energy and persistence.

Skill in treating people according to their emotional reactions
Social
Skills - Proficiency in managing relationship and building
networks. An ability to find common ground and build rapport
74
More potent predictors of career

success were
Ability
to handle frustrations
manage own emotions
manage own social skills
nt
e
g
i
l
el
t
n
i
?
t
y
l
p
h
e
g
ad
hi
y
y
l
l
n
a
ia
c
w
o
o
s
t
kn
n
u
e
r
o
Do y le who a
peop
75
Out of control emotions

Impair
reasoning (even smart people

sometimes act stupidly)
May increase the likelihood that chronic
emotional problems will result, (e.g.,
clinical depression or chronic anxiety or
hostility)
76
Who are we? Who are the

others?
The Herrmanns whole brain model
Source: Whole Brain Model, by Ned Herrmann

77
The Johari Window

A TOOL FOR INCREASING SELF
AWARENESS
78
Self-Disclosure
79
Johari window example increasing open area through

feedback solicitation
This Johari Window model diagram is an

example of increasing the open area , by
reduction of the blind area, which would
normally be achieved through the process
of asking for and then receiving feedback.
Feedback develops the open area by
reducing the blind area.
The open area can also be developed
through the process of disclosure, which
reduces the hidden area.
The unknown area can be reduced in different ways: by others'

observation (which increases the blind area); by self-discovery (which
increases the hidden area), or by mutual enlightenment - typically via
group experiences and discussion - which increases the open area as
the unknown area reduces.
80
Discussion
With
your team, take a moment to list down

the activities or information in the open,
hidden area, blind area and unknown area that
is directly related to your duties.
After that, explain to the class what is the
impact of the blind, hidden and unknown area
on your performances.
What should you do to improve the situation?
81
82
Negative Self Talk for a

supervisor
Negative self talk affects us in many ways. It can lead to

depression, stagnation, self pity, and many other negative
influences. All of these combined lead us to not live our
best possible life. Some examples of Negative self talk
are:
I dont think I can trust him

He is talking behind my back
He is mixing with my enemies therfore he must be one of them
I dont think I can allow him to be better than me
I should torture him because he always speaks he knows
everything
83
Positive Self-talk for a

supervisor
Positive self talk on the other hand can lead a person to live the best life
that they can. If instead of saying you are not good enough you say I
can do this. Not only will you achieve your goals, but you will be
happier and healthier. Positive self talk gives you a permanent
cheerleader in your corner! One that carries positive messages to all
areas of your life and helps you move forward. Other examples include:
He needs time to learn.
I need to change my style so that he listens
I have to get some evidence before taking any actions
I cannot be biased towards him because of one silly mistake
Let him mix with my enemies, It doesnt mean he is like that too.
I am emotional, therefore should not let my emotions to flare up and make
irrational decisions
84
So How do You Change from Negative to

Positive Self Talk?
Step 1. You must first determine when you are engaging in self talk.
You can do this many ways, but here are a few that might help.
Step 2. Once we determine what our self talk is saying we

need to adjust the beliefs behind the statement. We cannot
believe our new positive statements if we have not changed
the underlying belief or beliefs.
Step 3. After you know what you are saying and why you are
saying that, you can begin to reshape the way you talk to
yourself.
Begin with one of your statements and alter it to a positive
statement. I am angry person may become I am good
leader that never allow anger to dictate me.
85
Mini case on emotions
Ms.Nita is a hardworking clerk and have worked in a IT company for more

than five years. sHe is liked by the operators and her colleagues well. She is
very friendly and achieve the assigned tasks without fail. Nimi joined the
company 3 months ago and he is very close to Azlina, their boss. Azlina and
Nimi are childhood friends and Azlina is the one who brought Nimi to the
company. Even though Nimi is a good worker, sometimes she seeks Nitas
advice on the work related matters. Nimii s not friendly compared to Nita.
Furthermore, Nita used to guide Nimi on some technical matters. After one
year, Azlina promoted Nimi to become an supervisor while Nita was given a
normal pay rise. Nita was very disappointed with Azlina and tendered her
resignation. During the exit interview she gave a nasty comments about
Azlinas favoritism attitude towards Nimi. The management requested Nita to
reconsider his resignation and willing to promote him to higher position.
Question: Who is wrong and who is right?
What will you do if you belong to a higher management team?
86
Getting to Know the People You

Cant Stand
The Tank Confrontational, pointed angry, pushy & aggressive

The Sniper- Wait for the right time to criticize
The Grenade- Will explode and may expressed something irrelevant
The Know It-All Has low tolerance for corrections and contradictions
The Think They Know IT-All Cant fool all the people at all the time but
can full some people some time
The Yes Person Say yes without thinking or to safeguard personal interest
The Maybe Person- Always unsure of anything
The Nothing Person-Prefer to be quiet, quiet and nothing but quiet.
The No Person- Everything is wrong, nothing can be correct
The Whiner -To utter a plaintive, high-pitched, protracted sound, as in pain,
fear, supplication, or complaint
87
The Lens of Understanding

Ourself
Task Force
Passive
Normal
Zone
Aggressive
People
Focus
88
Fishbone Diagram
Major (1st Level) Cause
2nd Level Causes
2nd Level Causes
Problem
(Effect)
2nd Level Causes
2nd Level Causes
89
Case: Intimidation (Class

Discussion)
Overview: Azlina has received subtle pressure to grant Nimi special favors. Most
of this pressure has come from Nimi, who let Azlina know she would support her in
turn for certain freedoms to which she was entitled and because of his seniority and
special knowledge, but some pressure has come from outside sources in the form of
warnings. said no initially, but since then has experienced the following: (Azlina(1)
Nimi has been silent and sulky; (2) Rosmah complimented Azlina on her taking a
stand on behalf of other employees; and (3) another supervisor warned him that
Nimis previous supervisor resigned because Nimi initiated a campaign to get rid of
her.
Azlina is considering these options to address the situation:
1.
2.
3.
4.
Stand pat and do nothing.

Protect her flanks by going to Nimi and ask for her complete support.
Back down by granting Rosmah her requests but to keep them to a minimum.
Call Nimi into her office and tell her you resent her efforts and that she intends to stand
by his initial decision.
90
91
92
93
Dealing With Negative Self-Talk
94
Dealing With Negative Self-Talk
95
96
97
98

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A Practical Workshop on

Master Trainer and Coach

Note for participants

this two days interactive workshop, some

Global Horizon Consultancy

Global Horizon Consultancy

we must learn to understand the out-ofawareness aspects of communication. We must

Global Horizon Consultancy

The meaning of any communication is defined by

Global Horizon Consultancy

2 Billion bits per sec

Values & Beliefs

Global Horizon Consultancy

Conscious and Subconscious

Global Horizon Consultancy

Global Horizon Consultancy

(Positive energy enlarges

(Negative energy reduces

Global Horizon Consultancy

Global Horizon Consultancy

Three theories of determinism affecting our

Global Horizon Consultancy

Counselling Skills And Techniques

Global Horizon Consultancy

Counselling Skills And Techniques

Counselling Skills And Techniques

Global Horizon Consultancy

Counselling Skills And Techniques

Global Horizon Consultancy

Counselling Skills And Techniques

Counselling Skills And Techniques

Counselling Skills And Techniques

Global Horizon Consultancy

Counselling Skills And Techniques

Global Horizon Consultancy

Counselling Skills And Techniques

Counselling Skills And Techniques

Counselling Skills And Techniques

Global Horizon Consultancy

Counselling Skills And Techniques

Copyright Allyn & Bacon 2004

Global Horizon Consultancy

Counselling Skills And Techniques

Global Horizon Consultancy

Counselling Skills And Techniques

Copyright Allyn & Bacon 2004

Global Horizon Consultancy

Counselling Skills And Techniques

Copyright Allyn & Bacon 2004

Global Horizon Consultancy

Global Horizon Consultancy

of trusting and openness.

Global Horizon Consultancy

Global Horizon Consultancy

Global Horizon Consultancy

Rapport through Physiology

Expression and Blinking

Global Horizon Consultancy

B with C sitting (or standing)

Global Horizon Consultancy

Matching The Other Person's Values (Values)

Global Horizon Consultancy

Matching The Other Person's Values (Values)

Eliciting or creating emotional states. Basically we