The Power of Non-Verbal Communication

(Body Language)
Tonya Reiman

Amor Kok
Counselor Exceptional Childrens Services
August 7th, 2009
Communicating Effectively in Difficult Situations

An eye can threaten like a loaded and

leveled gun, it can insult like hissing or
kicking, or in its altered mood, by beams
of kindness, it can make the heart dance
with joy.

Ralph Waldo
Emerson

Language of the Face

Nonverbal signals are the most honest
and reliable sources of communication.
When we understand other peoples
thoughts we know how other people
really feel.

Neurological Aspects of Body

Language
Its a fact that women respond to stress by
nurturing and seeking social support. This is called
tend and befriend cycle. The hormone oxytocin,
important for breastfeeding and childbirth, is
responsible for this.
Men respond to stress with a more confrontational
fight or flight response.
It is important to bear this in mind when
communicating with men and women as well as
boys and girls. This is why women are much better
at reading social cues.
By age 8 most American girls are able to read
nonverbal actions more accurately than boys. This
advantage carries through to adulthood.

Cultural Aspects of Body

Language
Cultural expressions are dictated by what
are called display rules. These are
specific expectations every group has
about body language behavior.
In the United States nodding your head up
and down means yes. This is a nonverbal
cue for agreement.
In Bulgaria shaking your head from side to
side means yes and up and down means
no.

Five Truths of Body Language

1)

2)

3)

Body language is always constant. Our

body language always communicates. We
are all being read every time we set foot
in public.
Body language is always determined by
context. The social rules, the cultural
implications, the groups expectations
plays a huge role in what will work for
you.
Body language can never be judged
based on one single signal.

Five Truths of Body Language

4)

5)

Body language reveals the discrepancies

between what a person says and what a
person truly believes. When a person is
truthful their body language is in
congruence with their spoken word.
Body language mastery allows you to
tune into micro expressions. These are
brief flashes or gestures that betray inner
feelings.

Seven Universal Emotions

Sadness

1)

Raised inner eyelids

Horizontal lines across the forehead
Eyelid droop
Mouth pulled downwards
Raised lower eyelids

Surprise

2)

Eyebrows curve and rise up

Upper eyelids go up
Mouth opens ~ lips apart
Whites of eyes seen above and below the iris

Seven Universal Emotions

Fear

3)

Eyebrows are raised and drawn together

Upper eyelids rise up
Lips are parted, pulled down and tense

Anger

4)

Brows are furrowed

Brows get lower
Gaze becomes intense
Lower eyelids tense
Nostrils flare
Lower lips bulge

Seven Universal Emotions

Disgust

5)

Forehead usually relaxed

Eyebrows are lowered
Wrinkle on the upper nose
Tense lower lid
Pursed lips

Contempt

6)

Wrinkles on the nose

One lip often raised in a sneer
Hips sometimes pushed forward
Tight mouth with slightly raised corners

Seven Universal Emotions

Happiness

7)

Relaxed forehead
Crows feet
Lines under eyes
Mouth corners turned up
Hips slightly parted
Top teeth showing

Cheat Sheet to Hidden Thoughts

YES Gestures

Open palms
Forward lean
Smile
Enhanced eye contact
Head nodding

Cheat Sheet to Hidden Thoughts

NO Gestures

Folded arms
Tapping
Hand holding up the chin
Feet and trunk pointed in different directions
Hands on the knees
Hand over the mouth
Increased fidgeting
Constant eye movement
Shaking head
Scowl
Eye squinting

Cheat Sheet to Hidden Thoughts

MAYBE Gestures

Taking a sip of a drink

Biting the frame of eyeglasses
Cleaning eyeglasses
Scratching head
Chin stroking

Keep your Body Language in Check!

Other Body Signals

Hand near ear can denote anxiety or an

unwillingness to listen further.
Hand on chin shows the listener is attentive to what
is being said.
Backward lean can communicate laziness or
apathy.
A forward lean could make the other person feel
important.
Crossed arms can make a person appear defensive.
Exposing your palms makes a person seem more
honest.
Palms down is an authoritative gesture.

Keep your Body Language in Check!

Other Body Signals

The stop sign tells others not to interrupt.

Arms and hands towards your chest says the
person is taking responsibility.
Distance between a persons palms tells you how
they feel about the magnitude of the event they
are describing.
Make a point by touching your thumb and
forefinger. Try not to point.
Double barrel shooting out two hands up. You
can build or destroy rapport.
The steeple is a powerful authoritative gesture.

Signs Youve Overstepped your Bounds

What to Watch for

A threatening stare, then a turn to avoid your

gaze.
Increased blinking.
Leaning away.
Decreased smiling.
Sudden halt to conversation.
Stiffening or sitting up straight.
Turning feet and torso away from you.

Signs Youve Overstepped your Bounds

What to Watch for

Crossed arms.
Finger or toe tapping.
Blushing.
Piling things up between you.
Refusal to share anymore personal details.
Verbal hostility.

Metamessages
Understated message underneath our words

I usually enjoy a day at the beach.

I usually enjoy a day at the beach.
I usually enjoy a day at the beach.
I usually enjoy a day at the beach.