Grammar as Rhetoric

and Style

Direct, Precise, and Active Verbs

Yesterday the cyclone struck again as Notre Dame beat

the Army 13 to 7, with a set of backfield stars that
ripped and crashed through a strong Army defense
with more speed and power than the warring cadets
could meet.
Verbs recreate the high energy of the game.
Rhetorical effect:

First three verbs move the sentence forward with such vigor
and clarity that they vividly convey the force that overcame
the strong Army defense.
Verbs contribute to the highly energetic tone of the piece.

Direct, precise, and active

verbs energize writing.

He watched until she left, lost in the crowd of the newly

arrived tourists that had just come down the hill by cable
car. Then he sat down again at the table in the restaurant,
finishing his tea and lighting another cigarette, his fifth in
the last half hour. It was 11:30 in the morning. None of the
other tables were occupied, and the only sounds came from
the bar, where a liquor salesman was laughing at
something the headwaiter had said. But then the salesman,
his briefcase under his arm, headed for the door, stopping
briefly to peek into the dining room and call out, See you
later, Joe. Joe DiMaggio turned and waved at the
salesman. Then the room was quiet again.

What can you say about the verbs in

this excerpt from The Silent Season
of a Hero by Gale Talese?

One should use forms of to be and other linking

verbs sparingly and with a specific reason.
Often, one can change a form of to be followed by a
predicate adjective or a predicate noun into an
action verb.

Direct Verbs

PV: In England itself, whose shining empire seemed

to be a testament to the imperial destiny of the
Anglo-Saxon race, the fears for the inferiority of the
nations fighting men had some empirical basis.
AV: In England itself, whose shining empire seemed
to testify to the imperial destiny of the Anglo-Saxon
race, the fears for the inferiority of the nations
fighting men had some empirical basis.

Example

Though there is generally nothing

wrong with using general verbs to
describe action, making the verbs as
precise as possible adds a greater level
of engagement and intensity for the
audience.

Precise Verbs

G. Verb: As Emily walks onto the floor in

her green-and-gold uniform, she looks for
me.
P. Verb: As Emily bounces onto the floor in
her green-and-gold uniform, her eyes scan
the crowd to meet mine.

Example

Use verbs in the active voicewith an easy-topicture subject doing somethingunless you have
a specific purpose for using the passive voice,
where the subject is acted upon.
By and large, strong writers stick to the active
voice.
Many times, using passive voice makes for a
wordy sentence that is difficult to follow.

Active Verbs

PV: In the forty-first gamean American

League record that had been set by George
Sisler in 1922 was tied by Joe DiMaggio.
AV: In the forty-first gameDiMaggio tied an
American League record that George Sisler had
set in 1922.

Example

Lets Practice~

Improve the following sentences by

replacing one or more verbs in each
with a more effective verb.

1.

My first college visit will always be

remembered by me.

Correction: I will always remember my first

college visit.

Improve the sentences by replacing one or

more verbs in each with a more effective
verbthat is, a more vivid, precise, and
active verb.

2.

There are many technological advances

available to make our lives easier.

Correction: Many technological advances

make our lives easier.

3.

In the middle of the night, sirens could be

heard.

Correction: Sirens screamed in the middle of

the night.
4.

It was not very long before she regretted

buying the expensive handbag.

Correction: She regretted buying the expensive

handbag almost immediately.

5.

The Graham technique is little esteemed by

modern dancers today.

Correction: Todays modern dancers dismiss the

Graham technique.
6.

The college advisor said she could not make a

suggestion about which school to apply to
because she didnt know his SAT scores.

Correction: The college advisor said she could not

suggest colleges until she knew his SAT scores.

7.

The team captain is responsible for

scheduling practices and communicating with
team members.

Correction: The team captain schedules practices

and communicates with team members.
8.

A decision was reached by the arbitration

panel.

Correction: The arbitration panel decided.

9.

The local sheriff gave a warning to the college

students about walking around with open
containers.

Correction: The local sheriff warned the students

not to walk around with open containers.
10.

The chief of surgery took the opportunity to

thank the volunteers.

Correction: The chief of surgery thanked the

volunteers.

11.

Do your children have fears about going away

to camp?

Correction: Are your children afraid of going

away to camp?
12.

Antigone was very protective of Oedipus in

Oedipus of Colonus.

Correction: Antigone protected Oedipus in

Oedipus at Colonus.

Shea, Renee, Lawrence Scanlon, and Robin

Dissin Aufses. The Language of Composition:
Reading, Writing, Rhetoric, 2nd ed., Boston
and New York: Bedford/St. Martins, 2013.

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