Conflict Management

NSW
May 2013

One Way Moment
Discussion points
Conflict in the workplace -can it be avoided ?
Managing or avoid which do you really prefer and
why?
Managing your own fight or flight during conflict
Assertive and aggressive behaviours
Steps to successful conversations
Skills to improve your conflict management

The interaction of interdependent people who perceive
incompatible goals and interference from each other in
achieving those goals.
-Hoeker & Wilmot
Inevitable Necessary Useful
Conflict is
Conflict
Conflict is not
Sign of a bad relationship
Dysfunctional team
Negative experience
Mistake
Struggle between right and
wrong
Conflict
Sources of Conflict
Mishandling conflict in
the past
Boundaries
Negligence
Need to be right
Miscommunication
Boredom
Dedication &
Commitment


Fear
Change in the norm
New ideas
Hidden agenda
Revenge
Personality differences
Pressure workload
Fighting last war
Different experiences

Conflict
Anger
Frustration
Conflict
Avoid
Flight
Engage
Fight
Dominate
Flight response
Get me out of here
Dont want to deal with
Dont have the skills / knowledge / confidence /time
Past behaviour and experience initiates flight response
Passive behaviour
Acceptance of conflict as the norm
Pick your battles
Avoid
Flight
Fight response
Comfortable to face it
Confident and knowledgeable
Will get it solved


Engage
Fight
Dominate
I will win - you will lose
Forceful
Can be stubborn
Leads to more conflict




Aggressive or Assertive ?
Engage
Fight
Aggressive and Assertive
Aggressive Assertive
Your order a
steak med rare,
it comes out
well done.
Tell them to send
it back and get it
right !
Explain your
original order
and ask to have
another
You have 2
weeks to
deliver a
project, your
boss has now
said due in 2
days.
STUPID WORK
NOT GOING TO
BE DONE
INTERUPTS MY
PLANS
Asks why the
change of date
and explains
time needed .
Solution
focussed
Assertive statements
1. Facts... (Describe. Stick to the facts. Dont blame
or assume thoughts or feelings of others.)
2. Feelings... (Use I statements about your own
emotional reaction to the problem. Dont imply that
the other person is responsible for your feelings.)
3. Wants... (Ask for a specific behaviour change.
For example, instead of asking your spouse who is
late to be more considerate, ask that he or she call
you if more than 15 minutes late.)


Anger
Frustration
Conflict
Avoid
Flight
Engage
Fight
Resolve
WIN WIN
Conflict Management
Tailor your
conflict
management
strategies to
match situations
with peers,
supervisors or
those that report
to you
Dominate
Conflict Management:Peers
Shared interest/goals
Non competitive approaches
Solve this without involving others
Set the ground rules early
Consider humor be very careful
Cultivate relationships at all times, not just
during conflict
Resolve
WIN WIN
Superiors
Present relevant data accurately/concisely
Be explicit about what you want
Be explicit about yourself
Link your goal to their values/goals
Acknowledge the constraints in their
positions
Understand organizational culture
Dont expect gratitude or approval
Dont cause them to lose face
Resolve
WIN WIN
Team members
Match actions and words
Assume they know more about you than
you think
Be explicit about expectations and
consequences
Give and accept feedback in private
Deal fairly and objectively with poor
performance
Listen, learn [boomerang questions]
Be a coach not a player
Resolve
WIN WIN
Communication Skills
LISTEN, LISTEN, LISTEN
Respect
Cultivate trust
Stay clear, concise, positive
Recognize body language
Use I statements not you statements
(avoid blame)
Articulate your needs
Acknowledge others needs
LISTEN, LISTEN, LISTEN
Resolve
WIN WIN
Managing Conflict in your Team
Elements How I see it How the other person
sees it
The state of the
relationship the quality of
the communication
Issues
Goals
Resistance Points
Impact on team
Impact on business and
customers
Walk away alternative

Solution
Resolve
WIN WIN
Conflict Management

Questions
Conflict Styles
To proactively manage
conflict, choose the
collaborative approach
whenever possible.
Styles of Conflict
Styles of conflict
Avoidance
You dont have a dog in this fight
Cool down needed
No chance for success
Turn the other cheek
Disadvantages
Missed opportunity to clarify issue
Increases power differential
Coward/pushover label
Overused in healthcare
Competition
True zero sum game
Time constraints
Opponent's only style
Disadvantages
Sets power wins pattern
Increases power differential
Not helpful in personal relationships
No ownership in the solution
Accomodation
Issue more important to the other party
Graceful exit strategy
Value the relationship
Competition getting no where
Disadvantages
You are a fixer/enabler
Doormat
Increase power differential
Compromise
Issue and relationship important
Need temporary or expedient fix
Collaboration falters
Disadvantages
Focus on position/solution not issues
Lose-lose rather than win-win
May miss a systems solution
Collaboration
Need to build support for implementation
Addressing complex problems
Change needed for the solution
Allows focus on goals, issues, values
not positions or demands
Disadvantages
Time consuming
Both parties need to listen and learn
Willingness to change
Needs planning and team building