I NTERPERSONAL

COMMUNI CATI ON SKI LLS

Samir Muhazzab Amin
Universiti Putra Malaysia
LISTENING
Definition

1. The orientation of the worker to
another persons communication
rather than to oneself.
2. Accurate interpretation of the meaning
the other person is attempting to
convey.
3. The response of the worker to the
other persons communication
indicates whether the worker is
appropriately listening.
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WHY IT IS NECESSARY TO LISTEN TO
OTHERS?
It is the skill people most often make mistakes
with, not only in professional practice but also in
daily life.

Listening is different from hearing.

Hearing is a capacity to pick up the sounds and
words one person is conveying to another.

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WHY IT IS NECESSARY TO LISTEN TO
OTHERS?


Hearing is what a tape recorder can do.

Listening is what happens after hearing
occurs.

Many people as well as workers often only
hear and do not listen.
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WHAT DO WE LISTEN FOR?
Egan p 24 (2002) argues when workers listen
they listen for 5 things:

1. Stories-
i. Experiences - is happening
ii. Behaviours- what actions are taken or not taken
iii. Affect - feelings and emotions which arise from
experiences.
iv. Core messages in stories what is the main
understanding of what has happened.
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WHAT DO WE LISTEN FOR?
Egan p 24 (2002) argues when workers listen
they listen for 5 things:

2. Opinions about key issues the reasons why
the opinions are held and the implications of
these opinions for the person and other
people.
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3. Decisions people make about their lives the
reasons for these decisions and the
implications the decisions have for themselves
and other people.


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4. Intentions how does someone intend to act,
what are the goals they see they have about
their life, the reasons for these actions and the
implications these actions have for themselves
and other people?


5. The wider context of the present situation for
the person who else is affected, who else can
impact on what is happening?.


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WHY IS LISTENING DIFFICULT IN
PRACTICE?

People seldom talk to the worker in a clear and
logical way which covers each of Egans points.
People tend to tell their story in a circular manner,
often linking different ideas together e.g. feeling
lonely, as well as discussing the childrens
schooling.

Children especially talk in a circular manner

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WHY IS LISTENING DIFFICULT IN
PRACTICE?

Many people do not talk much or at all

e.g. children are not always willing or
able to talk about what is happening to
them or how they think and feel.

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WHY IS LISTENING DIFFICULT IN PRACTICE?

How someone talks can be difficult to
understand due to :

i) accents,
ii) limited grammar knowledge,
iii) emotionally distress or
iv) lack of knowledge of words
to express what they wish
to say.

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WHY IS LISTENING DIFFICULT IN PRACTICE?
The setting communication is occurring
within other people are listening, very
noisy.

Someone is writing down what the person
is saying and this inhibits the flow of
conversation or the persons willingness
to talk.
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LISTENING: PARTS
There are two parts to listening:
1. Talking which both the worker and the other
person does
2. Listening which the worker predominantly
does
Listening is actually a dynamic interactive process
between talking and listening in which the response of
the each of the parties (i.e. the person and the
worker is shaped by what the person has said (talking)
and how the worker has listened.
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Stage 1-

Inviting
Indicating to
the person that
you are
prepared to
listen to their
story
How?

Through body position (lean forward),
body language (open face, smile),
speech (I do wish to know about your
worries about the safety of the children if
you go to work).

Often a simple question or statement
will invite a person to speak:

How did this all happen?

Often however the worker does not
have to talk, simply using non-verbal
communication can signal to the person
you are interested, care about them and
their situation and they will talk in
response to this non-verbal
communication
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Stage 2
Listening
Indicating to
the person you
have heard the
words and
understood the
meaning of the
story the
person is
conveying to
you.
How
1.Through HEARING the words and
sentence structure,
2.Through OBSERVING the non-verbal
language around what is said facial
expression, body position, pauses in
language.
3.Through ENCOURAGING the person
to continue around key topic areas,
4.Through REASSURING AND
SUPPORTING the person you wish to
hear what they have to say, are not
judging them and understand what it is
they wish to convey,
5.Through the talking response you
given and through the non-verbal
communication around your spoken
language.
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Stage 3
Reflecting
Responding
Indicating to the
person that you have
heard what they have
said and thought about
the meaning the person
is sending to you.
How:

Clients listen very carefully
to how the worker responds
to what they have said.
They also watch very
carefully the non-verbal
communication around what
the worker is saying to
observe if it matches the
verbal statements.
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TEN GOOD LISTENING SKILLS FOR
WORKERS (NEUKRUG) (2002).
1. Minimal talk
2. Simple use of language & grammar
structure
3. Concentrate on what is being said
4. Indicate you have heard
5. Do not interrupt
6. Do not give advice/tell what to do



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TEN GOOD LISTENING SKILLS (NEUKRUG) (2002).
7. Focus upon the person not yourself
8. Accurately hear the content of what is
being communicated.
9. Accurately hear the feeling of what is
being communicated
10. Ask clarifying questions
11. Do not ask irrelevant questions

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COMMON COMMUNICATION MISTAKES?


1. Advice giving telling or directing the person
what to do, how to think & how to feel.

2. Judgementalism expressing the workers own
biases/judgments about the person and their
problems.

3. Inattentiveness not focusing on what the
person is communicating

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COMMON COMMUNICATION MISTAKES?

4. Long-windedness the worker does all the
talking;
takes a long time to convey their communication

5. Inappropriate finishing of the communication
worker abruptly ends the communication and is
insensitive to how the person feels as a result of the
communication.
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APPLYING LISTENING SKILLS IN PRACTICE
1. Listen for core messages
2. Listen for the environmental context
of the persons problems.
3. Listen to the persons opinions,
decisions and intentions.
4. Listen for opportunities the person is
allowing for change in their life.
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Example

You have just said your
husbands behaviour has
become more difficult in
the last few months.

I noticed your voice
became quiet when you
tried to talk about the
impact of your husbands
behaviour upon the
children.
Skills required
1.Focused attention

2. Humility(humbleness) not
to presume to know what the
person wishes to convey or the
meaning of what is conveyed.

3. Good non verbal
communication strategies to
convey to the person the
worker is listening.

4. Accurate verbal and non
verbal responses by the
worker.
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LISTENING EXAMPLE.