Writers Reflection

Rebecca Ip

How Have I Improved

Each Inquiry project in English 111, I needed a focus of what each of my essay would be about. I needed to create a THESIS statement in order to know what to talk about in my body paragraphs and what supporting details I would use to support my essay. Throughout each inquiry I improved on how to create a more specific and detailed thesis. My thesiss began as open and broad subjects to being narrow and specific in order to convey my message of my paper efficiently.

What is a Thesis Statement?

The thesis statement is that sentence or two in your text that contains the focus of your essay and tells your reader what the essay is going to be about. --grammar.ccc.comment.edu It is like an umbrella: everything that you carry along in your essay has to fit under this umbrella.

When can I use a Thesis Statement?

Thesis statements can be used not only for English papers, but for my chemistry reports and for my Proactiv website. My chemistry report thesis: If a penny dated between 1845 and 1982 contains 95% of copper with 5% of mix metals will then have more copper than zinc in it than a penny dated between 1982 and now containing 2.5% of copper coating with a core primarily of zinc metal. The thesis statement gives a focus to my chemistry report of what I am experimenting and the data collected through the experiment will be used to support my thesis statement.

Inquiry 1 Thesis Statement

Not only does growing up with broken English define my communication skills, but also it affects me emotionally. Being surrounded by broken English has given me a different experience than what most kids experience.

What could be improved?

My inquiry 1 thesis statement was too broad and it was not specific enough. It does not specify how it defines my communications skills as poor or exceptionally well. It does not specify how it affects me emotionally in my life positively or negatively. The thesis statement does not describe what kind of experience Ive had versus other kids who did not grow up with broken English.

Revision for Inquiry 1

Growing up with broken English has given me an life lesson experience through my selfconscious emotions that not many children go through while defining my communication skills to be exceptionally well and accepting of all foreign tongues.

Inquiry 2 Thesis Statement

Even though Clean & Clear does not reach out to the audience as much, Proactiv has the better acne advertisement because they use better ethos, logos, and pathos and Proactive gives a better perception to a larger audience of their product.

How has it improved?

More specific and more details of what the rhetoric paper is focusing on.

The thesis statement are specific on how the two commercials are different.
Proactive attracts a larger audience with their use of ethos, logos and pathos unlike clean & Clears commercial who has a limited audience.

What could be improved?

My thesis statement for Inquiry 2 is still broad in the subject of the audience the paper is directed to. Clean & Clear limits their audience, but who are they? Men, women, younger children or TV. viewers? Proactive reaches a larger audience, but who are their audience? If it is larger than is it directed to all ages and genders who watch TV.? The audience for the paper needs to be specified as TV viewers.

Revision for Inquiry 2

Clean & Clear only reaches out to their audience of women TV , but Proactiv has the better acne advertisement because they reach out to an audience of TV viewers of all genders and gives a better perception of their products with the use of ethos, logos and pathos in their commercial.

Inquiry 3 Thesis Statement

First Letter: Parents need to monitor and talk to their children about how to appropriately use social networking sites to keep them safe and out of trouble from the dangers of social networking. Second Letter: Facebook is a genius creation, but it needs to have regulations on it to protect the youth and improve the website tools for the users for control issues. Facebook should return to an age regulation of the College students and older people because it exposes children to mature topics they are not ready to handle.

How has it improved?

Each letter has a specific audience it is written too. The first letter is written to Parents of young children . The second letter is written to Mark Zuckerberg, the creator of Facebook.

Each letter is specific about of their argument and why they are arguing that topic.
The first letter argues that parents need to monitor their children social networking to to keep them safe and out of trouble from the dangers of social networking. The second letter argues that Facebook needs to have regulation on the youth to protect them, but return to an age regulation of college students and older people since the site exposes children to mature topics they are not ready to handle while improving the sites tools for the users for control issues.

What could be improved?

First letter, says that Parents should monitor and talk about the dangers of social networking. But it needs to be more specific of when they should talk to their children.

Should parents talk to their children daily about the dangers or when should they start to talk about topics of social networking.
Second Letter, says that Facebook should have regulations for the users control, but for what? The regulations on the site tools is used to control privacy issues?

Revision for Inquiry 3

First letter: Parents need to monitor their children weekly use of social networking and talk to them of how to appropriately use social networking sites from the start of when they begin to use them to keep them safe and out of trouble from the dangers of social networking. Second Letter: Facebook is a genius creation, but it needs to have regulations on it to protect the youth and improve the website tools for the users for control issues of their privacy. Facebook should return to an age regulation of the College students and older people because it exposes children to mature topics they are not ready to handle.

Inquiry 4
This project thesis statement was embodied in a website I created for a Proactiv commercial from Inquiry 2. To support my thesis from Inquiry 2 that Proactiv has the better acne advertisement, I took all the information and presented it on separate pages on my website. To show ethos, I posted the video of the Proactiv Commercial featuring Julianne Hough and a page about each product. I also made a celebrity of the month page to give the company credibility.

To show logos, I had a page that described how to use the products of how they feel and work on the skin.
To show pathos, I created a page of Real Stories of customers who have tried Proactiv and have seen major improvements in their lives. I included before and after photos of the customers face before they used it and after. I also included quotes of what people said about Proactiv and how it helped them physically and emotionally.