People

History Edition

Top 10 SEXIES

T people

Top 10 Fails!

Fa

shi

on

Wh

AR oW

be it

r? tte

Ico

ns!

in which we make commpletely biased opinons of the awesomeness of those invovled

WHO

WAR

IT BETTER?

1. CRUSADE vs CRUSADE(S) WINNER : Childrens Crusade Mindless deaths of children in Gods name? Takes serious commitment. 2. WW I vs WWII WINNER: tie War of Atrittion + Total war must be credited to WWI, but WWII defends its ranking buy using Atom bombs on civillians. 3. AFGHANISTAN vs MACEDONIA vs BRITAIN vs USSR vs USA WINNER: Afghanistan If your name is synonymous with graveyard of empires, you have already won. Also mad props for being the start of civilization. 4. GENOCIDE(s). a. ARMENIAN. b. HITLER. c STALIN. d .POL POT c. KHEMER ROUGE. f. RWANDA WINNER: Decomposers. Everybody pretty much loses, except for the biological cycles of nutrient decomposition. 5. 3 KINGDOMS vs WARRING STATES + GUOMINGDANG vs COMMUNIST WINNER: China. The wars have stopped over Chinese rule. Everybody in China -except for BoXIla- is currently winning.

6. Battle of Constantinople vs Peter Jackoson WINNER: CONSTANITINOPLE Your 21 year old general conquers the impenterableChristian fortress on a exclipse. Shaped like the Islamic Cresent. And then slams down the Muslim Curtain. Sorry Peter Jackson, CGI + trees is just lame in comparison. 7. Charles I v s Cromwell vs Charles II WINNER: Charles II LOSER: CROMWELL Ironic that everyone hated Cromwell so much that they got back the son of the person they hated so much that they elected Cromwell. 8. Cold War vs Everyone. WINNER: Kruscheve Obviousy the biggest bro in all of the 20th century -seconded only by Winston Chruchill- his behaviour towards Nixon and enfrocement of the Iron Curtain against the Velvet Upising and Nationalist movements is truly amazing. 9. Sepoy Rebellion + Boxer Rebellion WINNER: Boxer Rebellion a) While the Boxers didnt accomplish your goals, at least you didnt get the British involved actually colonizing China + b) their OFFICIAL name was The Society of Righteous and Harmonious Fists. Case closed.

10. Battle of Tours vs Battle of Talas WINNER: ISLAM Even if Charles Martle stopped you, the Ummayads made it up to Spain and stayed there from 721-1492. Take that Sykes-Picot Treaty.

Top 10 FAILS in Human History

in no particular order of stupidity

1. GREAT LEAP FORWARD Lets trun pre-indsutrial agricultural communties into backyard factories. We will get steel and +25 million famine deaths. 2. DETENTE Two world super powers and M.A.D. missle stockpiles. A world population frightened otu of their wits. But its all okay now- they promise to store them in warehouses and gradually disarm them. 3. SLAVERY We need labour. Choose 1: a) force capture people who dont look like you, transport them across a hemisphere, tie them down with chains and beat them to work on your agricultural plantations, repeat for 1000 years OR b) pay people to come work for you. 4. COLD WAR Put two hungry cats in a pen full of new born gerbils. Hilarity ensuse. Ahem. Put two hungry world powers on the global economy full of newly independant countries. Wars ensuse.

5. LEAGUE OF NATIONS League circa 1918: Gosh. Germany was really mean because of their colonial aspirations. We should probably humilate them and demand their faltering economy to pay us back. League circa 1930: Gosh! Japan took over Manchuria. Well. Its okay if they mess with China. Its not one of Europes colonial holdings. League cicra 1938: Germans can have Czechoslovakia if the promise to stop then. Is everyone one okay with that? League circa 1940: OMG. GERMANY. WE DIDNT SAY POLAND

6. BLACK DEATH Aww. What cute rat. AAAAA. What large pustules. Perhaps we should get on a boat . Perhaps we should hug our friends a lot. Its very suprising that they have pustules too. 7. AMERCIAS The columbian exchange resulted in amazing cross trading of organismis, culture and diesease. Notable exceptions were the dead 90% of Amerindians. 8. SCRAMBLE FOR ARFRICA 1910 The British: If we are going to colonize things, let us atleast do it sportingly. No pushing or shoving in line, ahem Germany, just because we are at your house doenst me you get to go rst.

9. BONIFACE TREE INCIDENT America and South Koreas: de enders of capitalism and freedom along the 38 parellel. Tree: a communist sympathiser trying to destroy liberty. Death toll: 3/14 10. OTTOMAN EMPIRE Lets Industrialize. Lets get dependant on forgeign investements that then destroy our jizya tax revenue. Lets loose to the Russians. Lets join the wrong side in WWI. Lets loose territory to Balkan states. Lets kill 1.5 Armenians. Lets be Turkey!

Top 10 Sexiest People

...In history

10. Jos Doroteo Arango Armbula,aka. Pancho Villa.

9. Empress Dowager Cixi

Pancho Villa was a Mexican Revolutionary general. He is known for attacking Columbus, New Mexico after the US decided to fund Carranas government instead of his. US General Pershing tried to track him down, but he was never found. Many people find his mustache his sexiest feature.

Empress Cixi ruled the Manchu Qing Dynasty, unofficially, for around half a century. She tried to strengthen China with modern inventions but she also always put her interests before the countrys interest. Many historians say it was because of Empress Cixi that the dynasty declined. Her sexiest feature known to be her charisma and boldness.

8. Napoleon Bonaparte
Napoleon was a French emperor who tried to take over all of Europe. Though he ultimately failed, the Congress of Vienna met after him and there was a long period of Peace in Europe after this. A common myth is that Napoleon was 52 inches or 157 cm, However, it has been the french foot had 13 inches so he was really 56 inches or 169 cm. Many people found his small stature very sexy until they found out the truth. Now, people find his charima, smartness and short temper quite attractive.

7.

Cleopatra VII

Cleopatra was the last pharoh of Egypt. She is known for building the largest library in the world and for building one of the largest cities in Egypt. She also built a large naval army. Her sexiness is portrayed through her seduction of Caesar and Mark Anthony. If she can seduce the two of the most influential men in history, she must be sexy!

6. Marie Antoinette
Marie Antoinette was the Queen of France. She did not have much political influence but is known to have used a lot of the French money for her luxurious gowns. Her sexiness is shown through her fashion and flirting. She is also known to be very permiscuous, having lovers of both genders. How could you not fall for such an open minded woman!

Julius Caesar is famous for forming the first 5. Julius Caesar dicatorship in Rome. He was a key figure in turning the Roman Republic into a Roman Empire. He reorganized the whole empire, and was the general for the army. The Romans even named a month after him, July. His key sexy features are his tall height, masculine stature and balding hair.

4.

Genghis Khan

Genghis Khan is notorious for conquering the largest empire in history. From the Golden Horde in Russia to the Yuan dynasty in China, Genghis Khan is all around the world... Even today. Genghis Khans sexy, charismatic charm has been discovered through his large population of descendents. He had many wives, and also decided to spread his genes to around 2,000-3000 women as well. It is said that 8% of the men in Central Asia are descendents of Genghis Khan. Obviously, other than being forced to, the women were infatuated by his mustache and goatee.

3. Alexander the Great

Alexander the Great greatly expanded his empire during his regin at a very young age. He was also able to spread the Greek language and Culture. He was able to conquer Egypt, Persia and even India. Though his empire declined after he died, many people remember his sexiness because of his scent and the poise of his neck.

2. Theodora
Theodora, the wife of Emperor Justinian I during the Byzantine empire is well known as a former stripper. She is considered one of the most powerful and influential women in Roman history. She is well known for the Nika revolt, where she made a speech which eventually influenced Justinian and the army to attack Hippodrome. Some characteristics that many people, especially Justinian, found sexy are her beauty, wittiness and intelligence. She is also said to be a party animal.

1. Mr.Kersten
Debuting as an AP World teacher in 2012, Mr. Kersten has been able to successfully prepare his students for the AP world exam. he is known for his amazing acting skills and his enthusiasm. His charms are shown within his action movie stunts and his ability to make all his students laugh by sharing stories and making history fun. Thank you Mr. Kersten for a great year!