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PRACTISING CHOD IN THE CEMETERIES OF LADAKH

Chapter 15 by James Low of The Yogins Of Ladakh: A Pilgrimage Among The Hermits Of The Buddhist Himalayas. By John Crook and James Low (Motilal Banarsidass, Delhi, 1997) IBSN 81-208-1462-2. Republished 2007.

Dedication
Now that I have obtained a precious human existence, so difficult to obtain, please bless me with diligence in the practice of the holy Dharma.

Some background
In the early summer of 1976 I travelled from Bengal to Ladakh. I was going to the mountains, to a Buddhist area, in order to practice Chod in 108 cemeteries. I had been living in India for several years studying Tibetan language at Visva-Bharati University, practising meditation, studying Buddhism by working on Tibetan texts and gradually finding my way to my main teacher, Chhimed Rigdzin Lama, a married lama of the Nyingma School. The Tibetan equivalent for the word 'yoga', 'naljor, carries a rather special significance. The Sanskrit word indicates union, a yoking together, whereas the Tibetan term means abiding naturally, just being oneself. It seemed to me that Chhimed Rigdzin embodied the spontaneous natural way of being; uncontrived and yet complex, able to participate in every aspect of life, expressing emotions freely without becoming stuck in fixed patterns or mere whimsicality. In studying Tibetan language and literature with him I had become interested in the practice of Chod for a variety of reasons. Nearly all of us have our own protective stance towards our body, our habit of dealing with its appearance, needs and sensations as if they determine who and what we are, and this is the root of much confusion and distress. 'Chod' means 'to cut'; the central focus of the practice being to cut attachment to the body, thereby leaving awareness free to perceive whatever arises from a neutral position, unencumbered by identification with a vulnerable body. The body ages and becomes sick. No matter how we try we cannot keep it from straying beyond the narrow confines of current fashion or the fantasies of our own or another's desire. And when we die we must go alone, our precious body being left behind for the attentions of fire or worms. The yogi's ability to be open to everything that occurs has freedom from identification with the body as the basis. To abide naturally is to include everything in one's experience and not to strive desperately to increase what is deemed pleasant or minimise what seems unpleasant. We acquire identity and learn skills within a supporting environment and when that system changes our abilities and self-image often change too, for example, on retirement from an institution. To enter fully into the experience of cutting off attachment to the body it is important to utilise the power of a new context. The practice of Chod is carried out in cemeteries at night in order to maximise the potential for working with fear and selfAll content copyright James Low 2007 http://www.simplybeing.co.uk

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protection centred on the body. It also creates an extreme situation survival of which will ensure competence in other environments.

The Practice
The practice draws on the power of visualised Buddhist deities, local gods and demons to counteract reliance on the experienced reality of our ordinary embodied existence. To accomplish this, the world of imagination must be merged with the world of ordinary sense perception, the 'merely imaginary' becoming more real than the solid appearance of everyday phenomena. The preparatory practices of calming the mind are therefore linked with developing the ability to visualise clearly so that what is constructed by the mind and what appears via the senses have the same level of experiential impact. Unless one can rely on the felt presence of one's consciously constructed domain to prevail over the imprints of one's habitual pattern of reification, one will be terrorised back into being a vulnerable person living in a threatening world. There is also something attractively romantic about the practice of Chod. It is archetypal in structure - the hero journeys alone but for special symbolic helpers, travelling into the dangerous regions of the dead and the damned in order to win a jewel of great price. The practice text is sung to the accompaniment of bell, drum and thigh-bone horn.1 Once the journey is commenced there is no turning back until all 108 cemetery sites have been visited. In travelling from site to site one dances, driving the local demons ahead of one by the magical power of the specific steps one takes. The whole world is potentiated as a place of power and one moves through it with a commanding majesty. Yet the practice cannot be performed with an inflated ego for one has to sit in the loneliness of the dark night in the cemetery with only one's own faith and practice to rely on.

The body
Buddhist practice begins with taking refuge in Buddha, Dharma and Sangha. The teaching is often presented as a vehicle that takes one from a place of suffering and frustration to a place of satisfaction or salvation. The practice of Chod presents this transition in a powerful and symbolic way as the practitioner shifts his focus of identification from his ordinary body to the symbolic form of the deity. The deity which he thus becomes then destroys ordinary flesh and blood so that no return is possible. The visualised reality has replaced quotidian reality. Not only has it replaced it but, at the end of the practice, the reappearance of the 'ordinary world' is experienced as the display of the nature of the deity. The sticking point at this stage is the body. As the meditator returns to an awareness of the body he or she is drawn towards the habitual perceptions which maintain the experience of being an individual in the world. Chod helps to effect the vital shift of identification; instead of the meditation experience being placed against ordinary life as a special event, 'ordinary life' is transformed by incorporation into the symbolic dimension opened up by the practice. In this way the meditator escapes the clutches of dualism and locates self in a place that does not rest anywhere This is in fact the Mahayana definition of enlightenment.

1The design of the practice has certain similarities to shamanic journeys. All content copyright James Low 2007 http://www.simplybeing.co.uk

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Prajnaparamita and tantra

The practice of Chod unifies the view of the Prajnaparamita literature with the methodology of Tantra. The central focus of Prajnaparamita, or transcendent wisdom, is the understanding of emptiness. Whatever appears, all that we perceive, is devoid of inherent self-nature. There is no 'self-substance' in anything since everything is a construct, a juxtaposition of elements which themselves are mere juxtapositions ad infinitum so that no ultimate building blocks are discoverable. Our perspective shifts from that of a subject observing discrete objects to that of an awareness of processes in play. Tantra reveals the power of a symbolic domain and the value of letting awareness find a transitional reliance on the realm of the deities. The development of Chod through the meeting of these two streams occurred in the eleventh century in Tibet when Machig Labdron met the Indian yogi who is known by the Tibetan name of Phadampa Sangye. Phadampa developed the Zhi Byed teachings which focus on pacifying the suffering that arises from attachment. The source of painful discursive thought is the interface between a grasping subject and the objects that are grasped. By cutting through the root of identification with discrete embodied existence, the mind is freed from the feeling of being a separate self. There is thus nowhere for suffering to adhere as thoughts arise and pass without trace and without coercing the mind into a response. Moreover in cutting off the body there emerges a direct experience of awareness as independent, autonomous, free of the trammels of cause and effect. The body is in the world, part of the world, in constant interaction, and so of course is the self. My notion of who I am arises in the play of being in the world. I am not something apart, something unique and isolated, rather I am a part of the world yet this phenomenological reality usually becomes overlaid with hopes and fears developed by false attributions of an individuality that stands apart. Chod meditation confronts this head on - or rather head off - by removing the body as a point of reliance for the self-referencing ego, and then interrupting the flow of concepts supporting and creating the sense of separate selfhood. The interruption is done by sharply declaring the syllable "Phat!" which breaks the flow of thoughts allowing awareness to recognise itself in the open dimension normally obscured by fixation on thought. To do this requires unwavering resolve for many difficulties occur in the practice of Chod. Some indications of the ideal attitude and strength of commitment necessary can be gained from the following short biography of Machig Labdron. I have translated it with the help of Chhimed Rigdzin from an anonymous text that he collected in the course of his travels.

The Secret Biography of Machig Labdron.

Homage to the holy Gurus. In former times Machig Labdron was the Indian Dakini known as Gauri.1 Later, the Dakini came to Tibet in order to benefit sentient beings. She took birth in the district of Labs in Central Tibet. Her father was Khyega Cholha and her mother was Lumo Bumcham. Her own name was Labdron. Her brother was called Khyega Khore. Their village which was known as 'Tsher was on the east side below the ridge where the constellation of Kartik2 arose. Offers of marriage came from all directions yet she was kept in the family. But there was a rich man known as Kunga among the herders of the north and he gave Machig's parents much
Sometimes this is held to mean Shiva's wife but here the reference is to Pundarika, the wife of Vajrasattva The Pleiades, sKar.Ma. sMin.drug All content copyright James Low 2007 http://www.simplybeing.co.uk
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wealth and asked to marry her. When her parents saw the riches, they gave Machig to the herder. She went to the house of the herder and there the thought came to her that in order to get just one meal to eat or one piece of cloth to wear in the villages of these nomads it was necessary to do some sinful action [such as killing animals, stealing their wool and milk etc.] With these thoughts, she dropped a hot clay pot, as if her hand were unsteady. Then her husband's father and mother asked: "Girl, is there something wrong with your health?" Machig replied "Yes, my health is not good and my condition may get worse." Her in-laws said that she should receive initiation and do religious practice as this would be beneficial. But then they would not permit her to go.1 She was forbidden to go beyond the lower area of the village. One day she threw fire on her hands and feet so that blisters developed. Her husband's parents said: "You are troubled by the Land Owner Spirits." Machig said, "Yes, I have that trouble and they are sure to cause more disturbance." The parents-in-law said that she would be helped by reciting Vajrapani's mantra but still they would not allow her to go for instruction. Machig thought; "The only thing that is beneficial for me is the holy dharma." And so one morning she hung her milking pot from her waist and put a small golden knife inside her amulet case. Going to the cattle, she squatted as if to milk the cows. She placed the milking pail below the cow as a chopping block and then she cut off both her thumbs with the knife. At this all the herders cried: "What have you done! For all our activities, whether weaving wool, milking cattle or whatever we do, thumbs are most essential Now you must go to your village!". So Machig went back to her home and when her parents asked her why she had returned she replied; "My thumbs became diseased and infected and so I lost them. Then the herders told me to go so I came here. Now I am a useless woman so please allow me to go to the dharma." Her parents only commented; "The loss of your thumbs is not so bad There are many here who like you, so we will send you to whichever of your neighbours you find pleasing." Machig told them: "I have been born in the happy continent of Jambuling. My five sense organs are complete. At this time when I have obtained a precious human existence,2 the Dharma alone is of benefit to me. Moreover, this illusory body composed of the five elements is like a rainbow in the sky. The small wind of the demon lord of death will develop within it causing sickness and pain, and then my four limbs will become paralysed. Then my breath will become as fine as a cobweb, barely escaping from my nose. I will desire food yet will only be able to drink water. At that time only the dharma will help me. I do not like the false worldly way of lay people. Now even if the sun were to rise from the west or if someone were to cut my throat, I would not become a housewife." Having spoken thus she sang this song to her father: "I take refuge in the father Gurus. I pray to these most kind ones. Please hold all the beings in the six realms with your compassion
her parents said this, they would not allow her to leave. A precious human existence is one which has the optimum personal and environmental qualities to support dharma practice. All content copyright James Low 2007 http://www.simplybeing.co.uk
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and especially please bless me a beggar, that I may enter the Dharma.

"At first I, this girl, believed in my fatherland. 1 As practice I worked with both earth and stone and as a result a large house arose. Yet on the day that I die I must leave that house. In the end this fatherland is also empty and unreliable. I will not stay here but I will go to the Dharma. As for these duties of the fatherland, father, you must perform them yourself!" Her father made no reply. Then again her mother approached and said, Daughter, you tell your father that you want to practise dharma and say that you will not do any of the activities of this life. Well, those people who practice the dharma also change their ideas and then return home. Therefore you must go to the husband your parents send you to! To this Machig replied; Mother, you must listen well to me! Among all those born in former times there were none who did not die and the people being born now are also not free from death. The demon lord of death is very resourceful and cunning, while this illusory body, the form composed of the elements, is not trustworthy at all.2 When the time comes for the breath to leave the nostrils like a fine cobweb thread 3 those who are without the dharma will have nothing to help them, Mother, listen to my song! At first I, your daughter, believed in my husband. As practice, I developed intense love And as a result our minds became harmonious. But when I die I will have to go alone. In the end ones husband is also empty and unreliable. I, your daughter, will not stay here. I am going to the Dharma As for cultivating love for a husband, mother, you must do that yourself!
Pha.Yul, native place of ones family or ancestors. is without substantial essence 3 At the time of death. All content copyright James Low 2007 http://www.simplybeing.co.uk
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Her mother replied; If you weave cloth for one or two years then you will have sufficient resources to finance your Dharma study. Otherwise you will be unable to enter the Dharma and wearing poor cloth, you will cause us shame. Machig said; Among our people the men wear gowns on their bodies and ride on horses,1 yet I never heard that they could repel our enemy, the troubles of samsara. Our ladies wear nice soft cloth yet never have I heard that they could repel our enemy, the troubles of samsara." The ones who stay in empty places where there are no people, who wear a cave as their hat and drink only water and wear patched clothes - it is these persons that I have heard to be repelling the troubles of samsara. " So even if the kalpas 2 were to turn backwards, or if the sun was to rise in the west, or if someone should cut my throat, I will not do any weaving. And she sang this song to her mother. At first I believed in sheep. As practice I did carding and weaving of wool and as a result I became a good weaver. Yet on the day I die I must go naked. I doubt the reliability of nice soft cloth for in the end it also is empty. I, your daughter, will not stay here but will go to the dharma. As for being the owner of sheep, mother, you must do that work yourself! Then her brother Khyega Khore approached her, "Sister, you wish to practise dharma. Now in order to ask for the dharma, to request initiations, to take teachings, and for all such things you must have some resources. It is not possible to approach a Guru without having some offerings. And if you do practice while living as a beggar, the people will say that although you are from a good house, you have no food.3 Therefore you should first collect some wealth and then we will send you to the dharma." Machig replied; "Come now, elder brother, think well about what I say. Although you may have much wealth and all good things, yet at death you will have to go naked like a hair drawn out from a lump of butter. Although you may have innumerable brothers and relatives, you will still have to go like a hair pulled out from a lump of butter. But I have never heard of anyone who relied on the Three Jewels coming to die of hunger." Then she sang this song to her brother: "At first I, your sister,

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was the custom in her area for the chief to wear a fine gown when he led his men into battle.

Aeons, great expanses of time.

3 This would harm the reputation of her family. All content copyright James Low 2007 http://www.simplybeing.co.uk

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believed in food and wealth. As practice I was mean and tight-fisted with the result that I collected food and wealth. Yet although I am wealthy, on the day of my death I must go empty-handed. I doubt the reliability of food and wealth for in the end they are also empty. As for being the owner of food and wealth, brother, you must do that work yourself! I, your sister, will not stay, I am going to the dharma." After she sang this, her brother was weeping and he said, "Sister, you are correct. I am not able to practise Dharma myself but I will not make any obstacle for your Dharma practice." Then he gave her three measures of gold.1 But then her mother came and said; "Now what are you children doing? What with one going to the dharma and the other giving money for the dharma!" And then she took the gold out of Machig's hand. At this Machig responded; "Mother, you must think well about this. Our understanding is a little longer than a fox's tail 2 and our human lives are shorter than a sheep's tail. The Lord of Death is lying in wait for us and this illusory body composed of the four elements will certainly be destroyed. Relatives and friends will gather round and we will have finished with all the good things we used to enjoy. When the breath ceases to move in and out only the Dharma will be of help - you look and see if there is anything else! I do not have your gold yet I will not die of hunger. Mother, you must listen to my song." "We go to the north side 3 to cut grass but we have no sickle and so we, who wish grass, must return empty handed. We go to the forest on the south but we have no axe and so we, who wish wood, must return empty handed.

About half an ounce. That is to say not very great. 3 Generally in Tibet the north side of a hill or valley has much grass and the south side has deep forests. Since the Chinese occupation the latter is much less true All content copyright James Low 2007 http://www.simplybeing.co.uk
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Now when this human body has been gained, we have no faith, and so we will go empty handed from these freedoms and opportunities.1 Perhaps we can contemplate returning empty handed, but shameful actions and the load of ripening sins are very troublesome to bear. Mother, be careful with samsara. I, your daughter, will not stay here but will go to the dharma. Saying this she left to seek the dharma. Machig considered what she knew of the various teachers and decided that Dampa Sangye at Lato village in Dingri Lakhor was a very excellent one. So she made up her mind to go there. On that very same day she left for Lakhor and at night on the road she met a sponsor called Dawa Zangpo. He said to her; "Girl, you are very young. Why are you a beggar? Have all your parents and relatives died?" Machig replied; "Father, mother, relatives and wealth - all these I have, but they are worldly notions. I have abandoned them all and am going now to practice the Dharma. It is said that Dampa Sangye is staying in Dingri Lakhor and so I am going there. I will request the dharma from him." The sponsor said; "Girl, you are not an ordinary beggar. You have come here because your thoughts are on the holy Dharma. This is most wonderful. Yet you do not have any presents with which to request dharma teaching from the Guru so stay as my servant for one or two years and I will give you wages. Then with that in hand you will be able to ask for the dharma." Machig thought, "He has spoken truly. I have no resources to use for practising the Dharma." So she told him that her only choice was to do what he said and thus she became his paid servant. Then a few months later she thought to herself, Why have you become like this? Previously you were not able to do such work and you felt sorrow at the state of samsara and then set out to find the dharma. But now you are working as a hired servant. Do you think you will not die? These thoughts came in her mind so she said to her sponsor; Remembering my death I must go to the dharma. and she told him that she could not remain as his servant. The sponsor replied, If you must go to the dharma then I will give you a full measure 2 of gold as your wages for the time you have been here. And he sent her on her way to the dharma.

from the precious human existence. that is about one sixth of an ounce. All content copyright James Low 2007 http://www.simplybeing.co.uk
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Machig came to Dingri Lakhor and met Dampa Sangye. She made many prostrations to him and circumambulated him many times. Placing his feet upon her head, she acted with intense faith and devotion. Dampa addressed his followers, You disciples who have assembled from the ten directions, place your offerings here in my small sleeping place. We teachers know the signs of connection, and I will explain the connections shown by the offerings.1 The disciples presented their various offerings. With the gold the sponsor had given her and the remains of the alms she had collected, Machig had bought three ladders. She placed them against the three-storeyed house so that there was one ladder at each level. Dampa asked who had offered the ladders. When she said that she had offered them, he said that this was the sign of a very good connection. Girl, you will completely upturn and empty samsara of all the beings in the six realms by leading them up the ladder of the upper realms.2 Now girl, how old are you? I am five by three years, that is, my age is fifteen. Dampa said; That is also very good You will become a lamp to dispel the darkness of ignorance from all the beings in the three worlds3. Therefore your name is Daepai Dronme. 4 Girl, your faith is not strong one day and weak the next, but is always consistent and straight like a bow-string. It is my duty to give you instruction." During the following days he taught her the Gegs-Sel lNga, the Ro-sNyoms sKor-Drug, an explanation of the Phyag-rGya Chhen-Po LNga within which there is also the pacification of the afflictions, and the cycles of the Zhi-Byed-Pa, and also many other instructions.5 Then Dampa said; Girl, you should not stay here. It is better for you to go to Central Tibet, to the place called Lhatag where there are monks who show the outer form of Kadampa 6 yet are tantric meditators within. You should practice above their monastery and by this you will come to benefit beings equalling the extent of the sky." Thus Machig received her Gurus prediction and in accordance with it she went to central Tibet to the area above Lhatag which was empty and uninhabited. There, in an empty and ownerless cave, she meditated while practising austerities and drinking only water. In the lower part of that area there were five or six groups of herders. In former years these herders had given a curd festival for the monks of Lhatag during the summer month. But that year no rain had fallen from the sky and because of that no grass had grown on the hills. In consequence the yak-cows 7 had no milk and so there could be no curd festival at Lhatag. The Abbot led the monks in reading texts, making ritual offerings, doing rain-calling practices and so on but still no rain came and so there was no curd. The yak-herders gathered together and felt very sad. They led their cows out on to the hills and the cattle of one of the
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That is whether they show an auspicious karmic connection between guru and disciple and thereby indicate the disciple's future development. 2 The realms of humans, asuras and gods. 3The worlds of desire, form and the formless. 4Lamp of Faith. 5These texts are meditation instructions dealing with calming the mind and developing understanding of the way thoughts arise. 6The followers of this sect were the precursors of the Gelugpa and were known for their monastic discipline and rigorous practice. 7'Bri. gYag . All content copyright James Low 2007 http://www.simplybeing.co.uk

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herders went towards the place where Machig was staying. Following them, he came to see the cave she occupied. Machigs mind was in the state of absorbed contemplation of the unchanging natural condition.1 Her hair had become yellow and her eyebrows were red. Her hands were in the meditation gesture in her lap. Her eyes stared up at the sky and her body was shining and splendid. Seeing her, faith was born in the herder and he made prostrations and circumambulated her. Then Machig asked him, O you who have faith and devotion, which siddhi 25 do you wish? The herder did not know how to request Dharma instructions so he asked for the siddhi of encouraging milk to flow. Machig said You do not know how to ask for siddhis.26 But anyway, to give you the siddhi you asked for is not difficult. Have you some wool? He said yes and took some from his shoulder bag, spun a length of yarn and gave that to her. She tied a few knots in it and said it should be put on the cows' necks and she gave him some earth from beneath her seat and from under her feet, saying that it should be thrown at the herd. He threw it and the cows udders became full of milk. When he saw this he was very happy and led his cattle home. One old monk saw him and said; Unfortunate herder! In this year no rain has fallen and so on the hills there is no grass with the result that the cattle have no milk. Now there can be no curd festival for the monastery of Lhatag. Why are you taking your cattle in at mid-day? You must be mad! To this the herder replied; Reverend monk, the cattle have much milk and I will milk them and from that I will have much curd. That night he made curd and the next morning he went to Lhatag to the sound of conch-shell horns and wooden drums. All the sangha welcomed him into the college temple and the curd festival commenced. The Abbot addressed the assembly, Now pay attention all of you sponsor herdsmen. From the time of the Buddha up until now the spreading of the Buddhas Doctrines has been due to our sanghas kindness. Not only that but our sangha has very great blessing.26 The herder, who was sitting in a lower place by a pillar, stood up and made three prostrations. Then he addressed the head monk. Kye! Kye! Reverend Abbot! The spreading of the Buddhas doctrines is due no doubt to your sanghas kindness. But the milk that has now come from the cows and the resulting curd festival - these are not due to your kindness. "That child is talking nonsense, the Abbot cried and he beat him in the face with three sticks. We monks are like gold. If blessing does not come from us, then where else can it come from? The herder then told the whole story of Machig Labdron. On hearing this the Abbot declared; One old heretic lady is staying above our village. Some of you teachers who are well trained in the dharma must go and defeat her in debate and then tie a black rope around her neck and bring her here. So some of the great teachers went out, and when they came to the place where Machig was staying they felt very happy owing to her blessing. When they came before her and saw her
Nyid. Mi. 'Gyur. Ba'i. Ting. Nge. Dzin . Blessing or attainment. 26 That is, you do not ask for an important one. 26 i.e. it is responsible for the curd festival being possible. All content copyright James Low 2007 http://www.simplybeing.co.uk
25 1Chos.

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body they felt an irreversible and inconceivably intense faith and devotion. It was impossible for them to debate with her or to put the rope around her neck. Instead they requested many teachings from her for removing wrong ideas and then they returned very peacefully to the monastery. The Abbot asked them if they had defeated her in debate and put the rope around her neck. But when they explained about Machigs appearance and blessings the Abbot became very angry. These hopeless people still have their white infant's teeth when their hair has grown white. They are not even able to defeat one girl with arguments of clear definition. Now I myself will go so bring my horse. Then he departed. At the door of the rock cave where Machig was staying a great throne was constructed and on top of this the Abbot took his seat. At both his right and left sides he placed very wise Dharma teachers and then he addressed Machig; Girl, what are you doing? Here in this place where there is no grass, no water and no source of food you, a woman, stay alone! Do you stay here for relaxation or for some purpose? In reply to the Abbots question, Machig sang as follows: I am the beggar Labdron who goes to the fearsome hermitage. Relaxed? Yes, I am relaxed. Busy? Well, yes I am busy. Relaxed because I have not the least cause for activity. And busy because I am without even a moment of wavering or idleness. I, the beggar, am never separated from the teachings. This beggar does not trust the enemy, samsara.

The Abbot then commented; Girl, these words of yours are not wrong. Well now, do you stay in this high place in hunger or in plenty? To this she again replied with a song: I am the beggar Labdron who lives in the mountain hermitage. Is this beggar hungry? Yes, I am hungry. And has she plenty? Yes, plenty.
All content copyright James Low 2007 http://www.simplybeing.co.uk

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I am very hungry for I have not the least food. I am very wealthy for I practise the state of dharmata. I have the doctrines of the dharma conduct, free of decline. This beggar does not trust avarice and tight selfishness! Thus she sang. These words of yours are not wrong. Well now girl, do you stay here well or do you stay here badly? responded the Abbot to which Machig replied: I am the beggar Labdron living in the mountain hermitage. Good? Well, yes, it is good. Bad? Yes, it is also bad. Good, for I hold the lineage of the siddhas. Bad since my circle of associates is only beggars. I have doctrines of the holy dharma that is equal and free of bias. This beggar does not trust the enemy of the eight worldly dharmas. 28 Then the Abbot said; Girl, your three verses have not been wrong. But here in this desolate place, do you stay bravely or in fear? Again Machig gave reply; I am the beggar Labdron who goes to the fearsome hermitage. Brave? Yes I am brave. Cowardly? Yes, I am also afraid. Brave, because I go to the very fearful snow mountains. Cowardly, because I am afraid of the sufferings of samsara. This beggar does not trust this beloved illusory body, I, the beggar, have doctrines of the direct dharma.

Then the Abbot asked her to come out of her cave and she replied; I acted with the cause of ignorance and had a little of the condition29 of fully dualistic discrimination. But now I have gone directly into the state of the unborn Dharmakaya and so I have come out!

Hope for praise and fear of blame; hope for gain and fear of loss; hope for fame and fear of notoriety; hope for happiness and fear of sorrow. 29 rKhyen. All content copyright James Low 2007 http://www.simplybeing.co.uk

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Again the Abbot told her to come out and so she said, Before, I had some sense of shame but I came out of that some years ago. But Girl, now you really must come out! Well, if you order me to come out, then I really must do so!" So then she came out of the door dancing with her eyes staring very strongly at both the sky and the ground, and her hair bright yellow, and thus the Abbot saw her. And just from seeing her face, faith developed in the Abbot. You are Ama Labdron. With the body of an ordinary woman, you are really a jnana dakini30 possessing the understanding of all the Buddhas of the three times. I did not recognise you so please forgive me. We are from the monastery of Lhatag. Please come there and we will make you a senior nun.31 Then please act as our teacher. Machig replied; It is not mentioned in the Doctrine that a nun can act as head of a group of monks and it is not traditional. Also, I do not have the dress of a nun. Regarding that, I will sing you a song. Then to the Abbot and to the principal teachers she sang this song called The Song of the Nuns Nature of Machigs Mind: I am the beggar who has gone to the fearsome hermitage. I need a hat but I have no cloth so I wear the hat of the highest view. I need nuns shoes but I lack the materials, so I wear the shoes of ascending good conduct. I need rainbow coloured cloth but I have no sheep, so I use the sheep of shame and hard work. I need a nun's skirt but I have no woollen cloth, so as a beggar I am beautiful with the ornaments of morality. If you wash your face,32 then your face becomes cold so I wash out the sins and obscurations of my body, speech and mind. Due to my weakness and sick liver I, the beggar, cannot distinguish the highest view so I keep the four root vows.33 The monks who hope to keep their vows pure are happy, arent they? The monks who think about protecting their vows have joy, dont they? 34

A wisdom goddess who has the same nature as the Buddha. That is one who has been long ordained and is of high status. 32 Nuns are supposed to keep themselves clean. 33 No killing, lying, stealing or sexual immorality. 34 She is saying they all have cloth and things she cannot have and so they are better off than her and should be happy. So, really, she is mocking them. All content copyright James Low 2007 http://www.simplybeing.co.uk
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The Abbot felt much faith and said: Respected Machig, you may not act as a nun, yet for dharma practitioners in general, and especially for those who stay in mountain hermitages, the view, meditation and conduct are most important. So please give us your thoughts on this, together with some examples. Machig answered him; Last year or so I had a practice with view, meditation and conduct. But for some time now I have cut the connection with them so you should listen to my song. And then she sang this song: I am the beggar Machig who stays in the mountain hermitage. I had one dharma view but by destroying all biased grasping it has become empty and has vanished.35 I had one meditation but by destroying both dullness and wildness in my mind, it became empty and vanished. I had one conduct but by destroying all contrived acting to impress others, it became empty and vanished. I have one vow and that I must keep. But you monks have a view, meditation and conduct and so you should be happy! With this the Abbots faith became much stronger and he inquired of her, Respected Machig, when you first came to the dharma did you practice much self-abnegation? Were you married or not? Why did you not stay in your own country? Do you have relatives on your fathers side and on your mothers? Do you have wealth and possessions? Machig replied; I was married and had both paternal and maternal relations. But I saw that all these belonged to confusion and so I came to the dharma. Now listen to this song of mine. I am Labdron who stays in the mountain hermitage. I wanted to practise the dharma in my district and homeland, but the fatherland is a demons prison which I found to be most deceptive. I have no desire for the restless minds of the fatherland.36 Now, without being partial, I keep all places as my fatherland and so my mind is very happy. I wanted to practise the dharma in the company of my paternal relations, but their pride was as high as a mountain over which the sun of the wisdom of natural awareness can never rise. Therefore this beggar has abandoned her paternal relatives.
That is, there was no longer any reason to employ it. All people there are constantly disturbed by their samsaric tendencies. All content copyright James Low 2007 http://www.simplybeing.co.uk
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Now I take the kind Gurus as my fathers relations. I make the doctrines my paternal group and so my mind is very happy. I wanted to practise the dharma in the company of my maternal relations, but they were like a pot of poison within which there was no place to put the liberating elixir of dharma instructions. Therefore this beggar abandoned her maternal relatives. Now I take my fellow dharma practitioners as my maternal relations. Having the full breast of the dharma, my mind is very happy. This beggar wanted to practise the dharma in the company of her husband. But he was like a yoke of evil and so she was powerless to find opportunities for practice. Therefore this beggar has abandoned her husband. Now I have found the husband of self-existing wisdom. Trying to always please her friend, this beggars mind is very happy. This beggar wanted to practise the dharma in the company of her sons. But sons are a rope that binds one to samsara and then there is no time to get out of the swamp of the sufferings of samsara. Therefore this beggar has abandoned her sons. Now as a son I have gained the small boy 37 of awareness. With this unborn and undying son, my mind is very happy. This beggar wanted to practise the dharma in the company of wealth and possessions. But wealth and possessions are like a demons rope and so her mind was strongly bound with sorrow. Therefore this beggar has abandoned her wealth and possessions. Now I have opened the door of a treasure of undiminishing wealth and, having the stainless supply of easy 39 food, my mind is always very happy. Thus I make the auspicious offering of this song of the six joys of my mind. By hearing this the Abbot gained unchanging faith and he felt that all the sufferings of his body were ended. Then he made this request. Respected Machig, you will not stay as head of our monastery of Lhatag, but we also have a place of retreat called Zangri Kharmar. Please, you must accept headship there!
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This awareness is always new and fresh like a small boy free of strong habits. Her desire was finished and so she could live easily on very little. All content copyright James Low 2007 http://www.simplybeing.co.uk

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Machig said this was more suitable. Then she went to Zang-Ri mKhar-dMar when she was eighteen years of age and remained there until she was eighty eight during which period she helped beings equalling in number the extent of the sky. Then, at the time of her death, she sang this song to her disciples, called The Teachings given to Disciples: This beggar lady who stays in a mountain hermitage will sing a song for you fortunate meditators present here. That the experiences of practice may clearly arise, I have the doctrines of consciousness transference. I give them to my disciples on the stages of blessing. Be happy my disciples! That one may be completely freed from habitual hopes, I have the doctrines of offering ones flesh and blood 38 I give them to my disciples on the stages of the path. Be happy, my disciples! That dualistic mental activity may be completely destroyed, I have the excellent doctrines of freedom from activity 40 I give them to my disciples on the stages of the teaching of the path. Be happy, my disciples! That all difficulties may be used as helpers, I have the doctrines which show how to liberate whatever is arising in the mind. I give them to my disciples on the stages of the destruction of the maras (illusions). Be happy, my disciples! That the treasure of benefit for others may be opened, I have the doctrines of the mental training of aspiration and practice Bodhicitta. I give this teaching on benefiting others to my disciples. Be happy, my disciples! Oh! In order that mother and son will never separate, you disciples must make offerings and say prayers. I open the treasure of benefit for both self and others and give it to you. Do not feel sorrow, my children! In general I will liberate all beings in the six realms of samsara.
i.e. gChod . Sunyata, emptiness. All content copyright James Low 2007
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And especially I must free from samsara all those who pray to Zangri Kharmar.41 Thus she promised. Then she showed the mode of passing into nirvana. Regarding her death, those of high, intermediate and low understanding saw different things. The most advanced ones saw Machig herself become enveloped within mist and clouds. Then she went off beating her drum, blowing her thigh-bone horn and shaking her six bone ornaments. They saw the dakinis of the five families bear her aloft and carry her off. Those disciples of middle development saw Machigs body shrink in size until it was like an arura nut 42 Then it vanished into white light. The ordinary disciples saw her body take a great fever and then she had a long sickness and died. The actual body of Machig is still preserved in Zangri Kharmar. Machig Labdron herself taught; For the practice of Chod and all its doctrines, you must perform taking refuge, developing bodhicitta, consciousness transference, devoted prayer 43 and making assembled offerings. Machig Labdrons songs and this secret biography have been written down in order to benefit the practice of great meditators. -----------+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Difficulties and yogis

One of the interesting features of this brief text is the way it describes the difficulties Machig Labdron faced in withdrawing from the demands and expectations of her culture. In Tibet at that time, and indeed until very recently, the path of personal spiritual development was generally determined by social factors rather than the force of individual volition. Children were sent to the local monastery and learned to follow the system of devotion and meditation practised there. Which sect or lineage a person joined was determined by geography rather than an individual act of choice. Machig Labdron's fate as a young woman was determined by others; her parents and then her husband and his family. Her spiritual desire was acknowledged but not supported since her role as a working member of the family was seen to be of more importance. Her only exit was to disqualify herself from that role by an attack on her body. This prefigures and perhaps mirrors the sacrifice of the body in the Chod practice. After her meeting with Phadampa Sangye, she lived alone in a cave in a state of total withdrawal from society. When the abbot of the local monastery comes to hear of her miraculous powers his first thought is to see her as a rival who does not belong in the system. Even when he meets her and is won over by the power of her directness and authenticity within the spiritual field with which he is familiar, his desire is to relocate her in a monastery, to place her within the known. This illustrates the rather ambiguous position of the yogins in Tibetan society

i.e. the place of Machig Labdron. About one inch in height. 43 To the lineage. All content copyright James Low 2007 http://www.simplybeing.co.uk
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On the one hand they represent one of the highest ideals of Buddhist culture, namely the total sacrifice of all worldly concerns and comfort in order to attain the highest state of enlightenment. In this way they are the direct successors to Prince Siddharta who became a wandering yogi as a means to attain liberation. As such they represent the very heart of 'professional' Buddhist practice. On the other hand, they are outsiders who live on the edge of the integrated economy of village and monastery in which food is exchanged for blessing and protection. The fact that Machig was the one who could bring the cows to lactation made her a real threat to the harmonious balance of the local secular-sacred exchange system. The biography of Milarepa contains several similar stories and in Ladakh the conflict appears still to be in play. (see below).

Our experience reflects our awareness

The final section of Machig's biography illustrates another important attitude in the traditional Tibetan Buddhist view. Machig's death appeared differently to disciples of different levels of development. It is not that some of them saw what 'really' happened and others did not, but rather that our experience reflects our awareness - subject and object arise together, they are inextricable. Truth, value or meaning lies not in what one perceives or in the quality of the object. Rather it lies in the degree to which one can relax control, trusting to a process of unfolding no matter what occurs. The yogin seeks to let himself be aware in such a way that simple presence is continuous and unbroken. Such presence is not enriched by wonderful 'spiritual' experiences nor is it defiled by mundane or 'difficult' ones. Indeed, the desire of students to have 'good' meditation experiences often gets in the way of allowing bare awareness of presence.

Turning the Body into Food - The Secret Treasure of the Dakini.
One of the Chod texts that I used in my practice in Ladakh was written by Nuden Dorje Dropen Lingpa Drolo Tsal in the latter part of the nineteenth century in East Tibet. It is entitled "The Brief Practice for Turning the Body into Food taken from the Secret Treasure of the Dakini." As the colophon at the end of the book tells us, he wrote it at the request of one of his disciples while he was staying at Tsone which was the retreat centre linked to his own monastery of Khardong. Only that part of the text which is specifically the Chod practice is considered here. The complete text also includes all the elements present in a tantric preliminary practice.

Doing the chod practice

In the cemetery, Chod is performed six times a day; twice in the morning, once at noon and three times in the evening and night. I used this Chod twice a day, Jigmed Lingpa's practice text Khandro Gadjang twice and Gonpo Wangyal's practice text Tharpa Go Je twice. The first part of the text is a reminder of how rare is the opportunity to practise the Dharma. This is followed by taking refuge in the usual tantric fashion with a particular focus on Machig Labdron, and a request for blessing. After this an offering is made of all that is deemed precious in order to lessen attachments and increase merit.

The main practice

The main practice follows, in which the yogin visualises his awareness leaving his body through the top of the skull and transforming into a wrathful goddess who then chops up the body and piles it into the top of the skull. This then becomes a great offering bowl filling the
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universe. All the beings of samsara and nirvana, ranked according to their spiritual realisation, are invited to feast on the mangled remains of the body which transform into whatever the guests desire. "Hri. This arrangement of the outer, inner and secret mandalas is offered to the unfailing Three Jewels. Using my intellect to remove my belief in a truly existing self, may my mind arise free from desire. May I quickly realise my mind to be unborn." "Phat! My awareness leaves my body via the central channel. It becomes the fierce dakini who then cuts off my corpse's cranium with her curved knife. Set up on a tripod of skulls, it pervades the entire Universe and contains the undefiled desirable qualities of the various constituents of the body." "Phat! I give this to all those to whom I have owed services in my lives throughout beginningless time, and who have now become the sickness-causing demons and -obstructers. All debts and help unrepaid are thus paid off. I offer this to the guests who arrive suddenly for the remainders, those of the intermediate place, the weak and those of little power." "Phat! With this great wealth displaying whatever splendid qualities the guests desire - all beings must gain Buddhahood. With all the hosts of thoughts of samsara and nirvana being liberated in their own place, the original nature must be fully realised in the experience of direct understanding." "Phat! Phat! Phat!" When the guests have finished, the three loud cries of PHAT are made cutting through all thoughts grasping at embodied identity. The yogin then abides in the resultant open awareness for as long as possible sounding off further PHATs to cut through the seductive web of reification. Brief practices to accumulate merit and purify error follow and then a long meditation on one's guru in the form of Machig Labdron. This involves an elaborate visualisation of the deities of her mandala and the recitation of the lineage prayer linking the original inspiration of the Buddha down through all the teachers to one's own lama. After praying as follows the practitioner finally receives the initiation of the guru's enlightened being and then merges in emptiness. "Please bless us so that our difficulties can be used as the path. Please bless us with the power of experiencing the equal taste of the dual ideas of happiness and sadness and so forth Please bless us that unhelpful bad conditions may become our helpers. Please bless us with the power to benefit the local gods and demons, and all beings. Please bless us with the completion of ego-cutting by severing the root of confusing dualistic thoughts Please bless us that in this very life we may gain the supreme real attainment of radiant clarity."

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The body, focus of our attachment, sensual pleasure and fear of death, is transformed into food to benefit others. Attachment and self-centredness are replaced by a profound sacrifice, ultimate altruism. This gift of oneself for the benefit of others also, perhaps paradoxically, frees the practitioner from the illusion of false identification. The meditation provides a practical experience of the mystical commonplace that one finds oneself by losing oneself.

Commentary
The practice is a ritual enactment which uses identification with the symbolic to shift experience in the perceptual field. Faith is a very powerful and important driving force here for it both opens the practitioner's heart, making him softer, more fluid and able to let go and change, and mobilises the will through a longing aspiration which permits the reframing of ordinary obstacles into ornaments on the spiritual path. The way of engagement, of participation, that is recommended is one of openness and generosity. In particular we are enjoined to think first of those we might wish to deny and exclude, our demons, those who make trouble for us. By this gesture, demons and enemies are included rather than excluded, the 'shadow' is owned and given a place in the developing field of wisdom and compassion. Refuge is open to all and the price of entry is not adherence to a dogma but rather an attitude of openness to change grounded in a phenomenological acknowledgement of ones present situation; I am in pain I am lost I need help. And help is there for the asking, gurus, Buddhas, deities are forces in play, not separate others'.

Phat
The practice offers a powerful means of shifting habitual patterns of identification and reflex response. The cry "Phat' cuts through the chain of thought construction that holds the ordinary world in place. There is a gap, a moment of possibility - like using the clutch to disengage gear before changing it. Awareness is relocated around the image of the fierce dakini who then destroys the line of retreat by cutting up the body one has just left, and transforming it into an offering suitable for the gurus and higher deities. The lines have been sung to the accompaniment of the large drum (damaru) and handbell. With Phat the meditator cuts off thought, letting go of reliance on good images and fear of bad images. This is the heart of the meditation, the gap in the practice which opens up and widens the gap between thoughts; cutting off thought, cutting out distraction, cutting through to the experience of integrated presence. By cutting out frightening images as they arise, the meditator uses the power of the practice to expose the essential emptiness of the danger. When this experience is deeply felt it gives rise to the realisation that there is no danger. The yogin becomes fearless through an ability to see the essential emptiness in the moment of experiential arising.

Identification. Being is always becoming

During the course of the practice the meditator takes on a series of identifications, becoming a wrathful goddess, a calm purifying god, the fearless yogi. In longer texts there may be over a hundred shifts of personal identification. In this manner the self-referencing function of the practitioner is put into question, for the usual identification with the subjective sense of self, the felt sense of 'I', is clearly undermined by the experience of being 'another'. The deity is not a play acting role or alternative self. The deity is the presence of the radiance of the symbolic which permeates the manifestation that, in our dullness, we take to be the real world of ordinary reality, things as they are. To identify with the deity is to enter another mode of the same dance. It is not to become somebody else but to realise that one never becomes anybody per se. Being is always becoming, always in play, in display, in the
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presence of the dance. And the identification with the deity permits a moment of recognition; there is nowhere to leave and nowhere to arrive. Nothing, nothing doing, nothing doing everything. Nothing exists, and it's fine. Everything that appears, good or bad, pleasant or unpleasant, is located within the presence of the Buddha.44 Then with nothing to defend and nothing to gain the yogin is free to experience things as they are, in the simplicity of their presentation. Machig Labdron, once human now divine, or always divine and sometimes human, is an ideal representation for this process.

The Guru offers the reliance of non-reliance

The practice ends with an intensification of devotion, calling on the guru never to forget us. Out in the cemetery in the dark night and the howling wind, who will help us? In tragedy and terror, who can help us? Those who distract us with kind words and helpful concepts may be doing their best - and it may appear to help - but what such well meant help sets in play is only another fantasy of reliance. The guru, by contrast, offers only the reliance of nonreliance, of a certainty that opens up the splendours of the sky, the profound safety net of emptiness that catches us as we fall towards the living death of reification. "In accordance with what I have prayed for, may the natural condition be realised just as it is with the symbol of rainbow light manifest, aware, clear and empty. -- May we all realise this pure spontaneous original display." Once the transmission of this awareness has been received through the four initiations, the form of the guru dissolves into light and flows into us so that we also dissolve in light that gently fades like a rainbow, leaving us safe in the open expanse of presence. Within this our lives continue, getting up, making a cup of tea, nothing special.

Practising Chod in Ladakh

Preparing to practice
Before I travelled to Ladakh to commence the Chod practice I had spent many months in preparation. I had to learn the words of three different Chod texts and learn the various tunes they were sung to. I had to arrange for a tent to be made, a square tent with a central pole and four ropes. This tent represents a mandala and becomes one during the ritual dance during which it is set up. I was able to practice Chod late at night in Bengal by walking five miles to a local Hindu shrine where there was a well-established site for burning corpses. Although Chod is often practised without initiation, Chhimed Rigdzin Lama had given me the initiation for Gonpo Wangyal's text, Tharpai-Go-Je. With the initiation came the commitment to practice in one hundred and eight cemeteries and I was then faced with finding an area in India where I could do this. I felt it would have to be a Buddhist area so that local people might understand my intention, and it had to be an area where the cemeteries were in use and not more than a few hours walk apart as the site had to be changed each day. I chose Ladakh because many people there speak Tibetan and I would need to be able to communicate in order to buy food. It was a relief finally to take the train to Jammu and then the bus to Srinigar. After the heat in the plains the mountain air was refreshing and inspiring. On the bus I had met a couple of English travellers and we decided to share a small houseboat for the night before taking a bus for the two day journey up to Leh. In the evening I changed from my shirt and lunghi into
44 Technically this means within the dharmakaya - the Buddha nature of the Universe. All content copyright James Low 2007 http://www.simplybeing.co.uk

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Tibetan Buddhist robes that I would wear for the duration. I felt rather uncomfortable with the strange looks that my new companions were giving me. I had become used to living in a small town in Bengal where religion was an integrated part of daily life. And I had become so accustomed to wearing robes that I gave them hardly a thought. But now I was confronted with the scepticism of my own culture. What was I up to? I settled down in a corner and began to chant the Chod to the accompaniment of dharma drum, bell and thigh bone horn. Afterwards, I sat for a long time and gradually drifted into sleep, resting my back against the side of the small boat. Suddenly the boat was shaking, my companions were yelling and I was aware of my heart pounding. I had been having a dream in which I was captured by vicious dark bandits, when I had shouted "Phat" with force, hurtling myself across the cabin and waking up the travellers. Whether this was auspicious or inauspicious I didn't know. Something powerful was in play and I felt as if I was on the edge of new dimensions of experience. After some final teachings and blessings from Chhimed Rigdzin who was in Ladakh for a month, I fixed a date to start and obtained a letter of introduction from the Chief of Police who thought no-one would understand what I was up to. I took the bus to the village of Shey near the banks of the Indus and then walked out into the sand dunes where I could see the mud-oven structures in which the bodies were burned. I began my prayers and then started the dance steps that drive the local demons and spirits towards the burning ground.

Feeling self-conscious
A dozen local children gathered round to watch as I put up my tent while performing the ritual dance. Part of it involves driving stakes into the ground with the accompanying visualisation that they are being driven into the demons of the four directions. Trying to do this in soft sand with a late afternoon breeze blowing was not at all easy. I felt self-conscious and confused, forgetting my lines, tripping over my long shawl and being very distracted by the newness and uncertainty of my undertaking. Eventually the tent was up and I was inside, finishing the practice. A final Chod around midnight, and then the first for the new day at dawn. It was hard to adjust to the timing because I was allowed no light at night, and sitting in the dark listening to the wind had a very soporific effect. The wind was to be my companion for the next three months, testing me with howling gusts in the middle of the night. My great fear was that the tent would rip for it was made of very cheap cotton, the kind used in India to wrap up parcels for the post. I often had to stand in the tent pushing the pole with my full weight and force as it threatened to keel over in the face of the gale. During the day in the first month or so it was very hot, and sitting inside the tent was exhausting and disorientating. Thoughts and feelings whirled round and round; memories of childhood, recent encounters with the villagers, longings and fears, so many ways to be distracted.

Rhythm of the practice

Gradually the rhythm of the practice took over. Wake, Chod, prayers, tea, Chod, strike camp, Chod, dance to the next crematorium, Chod, eat, Chod, prayers, Chod, sleep. Owing to the kindness of my teacher I had very little money with me for he had borrowed most of what I had in Leh in order to buy some offering bowls. There were occasional shops to buy butter, sugar, paraffin for my stove and mostly I lived on tsampa (roasted barley flour) and black tea. I bought the tsampa from villagers but it was often difficult to find anyone willing to sell anything to me. The villagers who helped me most and seemed most respectful of my purpose were Muslim.
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Apart from a few monks and yogis, most of the Buddhist population I met had no knowledge of the practice I was doing. Again and again I was asked "Why do you sit in the burning place? You wear robes. You should go to the monastery, there is food there!" In this barren landscape where harvests are uncertain, food is a central obsession. The hunger I experienced most of the time helped to make me more aware of my sense of my body, of my embodied existence. The expectations of others and my own expectations and desires formed a backdrop to every activity. It was difficult just to be present in the vast landscape, to lie on the ground and watch the lammergeyers riding the thermals. A thought would arise and then a stream of associations and, before I knew it, I would be off somewhere in my head. Suddenly I would recollect myself and break the stream of elaboration with a " Phat !"

Addiction to writing
My worst addiction was to writing down ideas. I would connect some experience I had with a concept in Buddhist philosophy and start writing. I ran out of paper and used incense packets, paper bags, anything to fix the moment. One afternoon I was sitting writing in my tent doorway near Stagna Gonpa when a man walked up and said in English; "This is not the way to realisation. These words will only fool you." That was Tshering Dorje of the royal house of Stok whom I was to meet again ten years later on my journey with John. We talked for a half an hour, sometimes in English, sometimes in Tibetan and something in his presence shifted my energy so that I gave up writing.

Blessing of antibiotics
By August I had spent ninety days in crematoria and was nearing the end of the practice. I was camping on the edge of Mattro village and was quite unwell. I had a massive infection in my upper gums and the poison had spread up through my face so that my left eye was closed and the right eye nearly so. I tried to do the Chod but the pain in my body kept bringing me back to a very dualistic perception of just wanting to be free of this hellish torture. I spent the night banging my head on the ground trying to distract myself. In the morning I went up to the monastery. Sakya Trizin, the head of the Sakyapa Sect, was giving some teachings and when I asked him for a blessing to clear the obstacle of my infection, he gave me some antibiotics! Two capsules later the inflammation had vanished and I was able to return to my practice.

Potatoes
Three days later it was the twenty-fifth day of the lunar month, the day that is associated with meditation on the dakini. This is considered to be one of the most powerful days for practising Chod and Chhimed Rigdzin had told me that he would be doing a special meditation that day to help me in my practice. I had reached the last crematorium of the village which was on the edge of the stony wasteland leading into the mountains and the path to the next village of Stok. I was feeling in a good mood because I had managed to buy a kilo of potatoes and was boiling them up. This was going to be a feast. Hot potatoes! What a relief from the tsampa and black tea that I had been living on. It was about six o'clock, the sun had almost set and I was just finishing a Chod in my tent, with the potatoes boiling merrily in the background. I could hear the sound of men's voices getting louder and then there was a tugging at the door and someone fell through the doorway and crashed into me. I tried to continue my practice but he began shouting so I stopped and tried to make out what he was saying. He was very
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drunk and was waving a sickle in my face. He was joined by a friend and thus encouraged, he interrogated me about my purpose. Why was I staying in the place where his mother had been cremated? He did not want me disturbing her spirit. I tried to explain that his mother would have passed into her next life and was not hanging around there, but he was adamant that I was disturbing her and was becoming angrier by the minute. He pulled me by the arm and tried to drag me out of the tent. Through the doorway I could see two more of his associates shaking their sickles. They were all very drunk having just finished a long hard day harvesting sustained by ample supplies of barley wine. I told them to go away and let me finish my practice and said that they should go to the monastery and ask their own local monks if what I was doing was harmful or not. This got through to them but with a consequence other than the one I had intended. They pulled out the pegs supporting the tent ropes and ran round the tent tying me up in it tighter and tighter. I felt the sharp tips of the sickles cutting into me as they stabbed and shouted. Feeling in some real danger I shouted "Phat!" loudly three times and then sang a verse calling on the guru's protection. They stopped their beating and I was able to extricate myself from the collapsed tent, with my text and vulnerable drum held in my arms. They bundled the tent together and threw everything in a pile and marched me up the hill to the monastery. I struggled to keep my mind in the practice but found my thoughts returning to my potatoes now trampled in the mud. Once we reached the monastery the Abbot was called out to pass judgment. Since the farmers were sponsors of his establishment, he had a delicate task. With various jests and stories he reassured them that I was not a danger to their deceased relatives and, in any case, was leaving the next day. I spent the night in the monks' cemetery on the hill and after stitching up my tent in the morning, set off for Stok.

Walking back
I visited 120 cemeteries then spent twenty one days at one burning place to round off the practice. The nights were very cold and I had to keep my stove inside my shirt at night otherwise the diesel fuel I was using froze. All the streams were frozen to a depth of two or three inches and winter was approaching. I checked out when the last bus was leaving and then reluctantly left the hillside and started the long walk back to Leh. My relation to the world seemed to have been altered and I felt very free and easy walking through the crowded streets.

The dead weight of ignorance

Writing about this kind of experience makes me aware of how much I wish to keep secret. The visions and understandings that occur are private and of no real value if they become tokens of social exchange. But one thing that struck me very powerfully was that my practice was more at risk from other people than from "demons". The demonic takes strange forms but when we meet someone in the street we locate them in our known world by interpreting their behaviour according to our own value system. They may be Buddhas or they may be demons; if our own frame of reference is too restricted we would never know. By acting out my aspiration, I encountered the dead weight of ignorance in myself and in others. Cutting a way through cultural limitation, cutting off the demands of others, cutting into the innate clarity of presence - this is the task of Chod.

All content copyright James Low 2007

http://www.simplybeing.co.uk

Practising Chod

25

And it is a task that calls us, the soft reverberating drum of Machig Labdron, echoing down through every moment of experience, transforming the corpse of reification into the living dancing beauty of the ceaseless play of becoming.

All content copyright James Low 2007

http://www.simplybeing.co.uk