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but lights can be seen in the windows at night, giving credence to the story that its haunted. It isnt. Whats going on inside is far stranger. In order to gain admittance, you will have to wear traditional funeral attire: black and subdued rather than anything flashy or informal. Bringing flowers is said to help. When youre admitted, whatever you do, do not sign the book or you will find that the exit is barred for you. Instead, offer your condolences to the mourners, who seem to be a collection of people of all ages and races, most of whom are wearing old, worn suits or patched dresses. The funeral repeats itself every night at eight. If you come at any other time, you will be required to wait in the main hall while the staff prepare. During the ceremony itself, never volunteer to speak and never view the body. Both would draw too much of the deceaseds attention. Instead listen with rapt attention to the eulogy, as it is a valued component of the secret history. Leave before the funeral is done, and just like in those old Greek stories: never eat anything anyone offers you.
is that it opens onto an alley instead of onto the street. The merchandise inside cant be seen through the murky glass, but you can usually make out the window display. The display, despite the fact that no one really knows how to get into the building since the doors apparently rusted shut, changes from day to day. A stuffed bears head might show up on Monday and be gone on Friday, replaced with a large antique samovar. The floor beneath this merchandise is covered with newspapers written in a language that no human being has ever spoken or read, and the pictures... well, lets just say youd be amazed what you can fit in a samovar.
Instead, ask the stylist to pick something that suits you and sit in one of the chairs. She will cut off your face with a straight razor, but the process will be strangely bloodless and you will feel nothing. Your vision will fade to black for a time, and when it returns one of the faces from the jars will have been seamlessly transplanted. Your features will, in every respect, be identical to whoever the face belonged to before the stylist stole it, and over time your body will change to resemble theirs as well. If you must vanish, this is how you do it. But be warned that you can never get your face back, and the friends and enemies of the faces owner will mistake you for them forever.
building contains a tap that dispenses water so pure that any scars, mutations, cancers or birth defects will vanish.
decomposition. It is not, despite all appearances, closed. Patrons occasionally enter through the side door and leave, although they rarely find anything of interest. They also rarely find the proprietor, who never responds to the bell located on the counter. The bell does arouse his attention, however, so it would be in your best interest NOT to ring it. Instead, simply browse for a time. If you are as well versed in the secret history as you should be by now, objects of interest and historical significance (although no real power) will catch your eye. Many of them are belongings of other phenomena, including empty jars that used to house the tobacconists preparations and a headset identical to the one in Viscount Bennett. Do not take any of these, or their original owners will return to collect them. The Thrift Store is a safe location to dispose of any refuse you collect over the course of your journey, but be warned that you can only dispose of small objects, and never anything truly dangerous to anything other than kayfabe.
entry. Watch the channel until the scene cuts away from the two men and into a series of grotesque clips no longer than three seconds in length. These are not all original. Records kept by Eddie Decae indicate that at least sixty of the hundred and forty three clips are sampled from various films and snuff tapes. The surreal and visceral imagery will burn itself into your brain indelibly, but you will find in the morning that with it has come a masters knowledge of the fine art of mutilation and torture. This must be used sparingly, for the knowledge has brought with it a great pleasure at its exercise. You will, however, always be able to recognize Their handiwork, even if you will find yourself admiring it.
amongst the list of code words. Eventually youll hit upon the correct code word and the clerk will admit you to the red room. There is no space in the building for the red room. The place where it is should be taken up by the kitchen of the Italian restaurant next door. The red room is a small strip club, with only a half dozen seats inside and the brightest, shiniest red paint. For the most part, the shows are very said and conventional, but be sure not to attend on any night which belongs to a martyred saint. If you do, youll find out the red room: The walls arent red. Its what theyre covered in.
Each date is the day after a rainfall in the year to come. At each of these locations and times, you will find an envelope with a sentence of your obituary in it.
Kitsch (#49)
On Edmonton Trail there is a diner of the type that was trendy about ten years ago. You know, the kind that puts muesli in everything and has a DVD of old cartoons running on a wood paneled television. The walls, like all diners of this type, are practically dripping with kitsch. Mostly fifties and sixties stuff, although there are some old Lohengrin post cards and the like. What makes this diner unique is that every single piece of kitsch inside was used, in some way, to kill someone. There is not a single object in that room which has not been, in some way, used for an act of violence. The post cards were love letters left out to inflame the rage of a jealous spouse. The broken clock above the counter was used to brain a sewage worker in the late seventies. Even the decorative infomercial knife set was once used in the torture, murder and mutilation of a local gang member. What's more, if these objects are placed atop the DVD player hooked up to the TV near the entrance, the picture on the television changes to the murder through the eyes of the victim. This has made the diner popular amongst local Satanists and snuff fetishists who view the murders after hours. However, the diner ran through its stock of deadly kitsch last summer, and has since taken to commissioning new killings to decorate the walls.
down to nothing with a mortar and pestle or blender. Store the resulting violet coloured powder in a small leather bag (no other material is safe) and carry it on you. The wheels of bureaucracy will turn smoothly for you. Forms will never be lost, more ID will never be required, and nothing will have to be filled out in triplicate. However, the powders odorlessness will eventually permeate your body, robbing you of your own scent and your sense of smell.
in a vast and empty copy of the baggage claims downstairs, inhabited only by still figures made of plaster. Pilfer what you find valuable or notable from the baggage that is kept here, but only take with you what fits in your carry-on bag and what will pass safely through airport security. Larger or more conspicuous objects, such as the still-whispering heads of saints or the monitors that show the state of your soul will have to be left behind. Then leave, get on your flight and lay low for a time in another city. They will soon find out what youve done, and theyll want their stolen property back.
If not removed promptly, the vase will make more water burn. Ice will melt, sweat on the skin will begin to heat, and other more discrete forms of water will become agitated. After around thirteen hours, water in the human body will begin to boil too, killing whoever is in the home in short order as the water in their bodies boils off and their skin is seared. After the vase has claimed a life, al the water immediately condenses as if it had never evaporated.
To date, the vase has been used to assassinate sixteen prominent individuals, including three members of parliament and five practitioners.
Queen Elizabeth Jr./Sr. High School. The Card is yellow, and a magnetic strip has been crudely pasted overtop of a barcode on the bottom of the card. Identical copies of the card and wallet are known to exist. The photograph and name have all been scratched out. Only the school logo and the words Grade 08 are visible. When carried in your pocket, the school ID card makes you appear to others as you did when you were thirteen. Your clothing will resemble whatever you typically wore at the time without being too specific to any year. Despite this, the card will be accepted as acceptable proof of age as though it were a drivers license with a date of birth eighteen years to the day before the current date. Unfortunately, prolonged exposure to the card makes its effects permanent.
with the newer shuttle-busses, at least one of the thirty year old busses will remain in service. It comes intermittently and at odd hours, but it is possible to bring it to yourself using a simple albeit highly modern rite. Go to a bus stop and dial the Calgary transit automated number. Hit one and then punch in the number of the stop youre waiting at. Then punch the number seven repeatedly. The systems pre-recorded voice will grow more degraded and heavy with static with each keystroke, eventually going silent entirely. The voice will eventually croak Next Bus in three minutes and disconnect you. Within that window of time, no matter where you are, the bus will arrive. The driver never asks for fare, although it is wise to pay regardless. The Bus will be empty other than a dozen or so plaster statues posed on the seats, unless They are using it. If They are, disembark immediately. If not, sit near the front and watch as the landscape outside grows blurry and abstract. Before long, you will feel tired. Allow yourself to fall asleep. When you awaken, you will be sitting on a bench at Brentwood Station. From now on, you will always have perfect luck when it comes to catching a bus and no driver will expect you to pay your fare.
Dunno how useful it is, but I wouldnt recommend going back. Place STUNK of allspice. I bet that little faggot was a trap... Keep safe, Sand-Man, Nick Maharis.
acquired through a number of means, you may smear it on your eyelids and close your eyes. The glow of the pillar will penetrate your eyelids and you will see the tent through them, etched on your retina in red. The veins will resolve themselves into words which will describe in great detail the history of the land. Never read the full history, as you must leave the tent before the blood on your eyelids dries.
kinds, all of them useful in the craft and many of them extinct, are all sitting in the rack in clearly labelled flasks. Take one and leave. Do not look back and do not take more than one. There is plenty of room in the freezer aisle.
tragedy, but from that day on youll see the masks in crowds and never quite belong in this world.
The baker will bring out a human heart, glazed with maple sugar, choked with cherry juice and custard and surrounded in a flakey crust. Eat this grisly treat, choking down the still warm, still half-alive organ, and you will be rewarded with an unearthly, haunting beauty, but your damnation will be complete and thorough.
office workers inside have been replaced by toothful predators. Eventually you will find the three at the center of an intersection. Tell them you have brought the ingredient to complete their labour and offer them either a jar of allspice or a jar of air. If you offer the jar of allspice, they will give you a cup of soup spiced with it. You will gain all the boons that They can give, but the three old men will turn on you once they recognize the scent as They are no friends of the downtrodden. If you offer them the empty jar, the blind old men will attempt to poor it into the soup and, in the process, fill it at least a quarter full. The broth will cure all injuries but leave your skin tough and leathery. Leave the splinter and never return.
unharmed. If your confidence vanishes so will the mattress beneath you to break your fall. Once you land, get up and walk straight ahead through the dusty gloom. Eventually you will find a laptop computer sitting on top of a milk crate. The computer is on and its battery is perpetually at full, although it isnt plugged into anything. The screen doesnt display an operating system, instead showing a list of names that updates with a new name about once every eight seconds. The foolish think that this is a list of who is dying, with each name representing another death. If you try to remove the computer, your name will appear and you will realize that theyre wrong. The list is indeed of deaths, but its about five minutes behind.
The phone is an old nokia. Open it and hold it to your ear, but say nothing. Do not even breathe. For as long as you can remain silent, the person on the other end of the line will tell you everything you need to know to solve whatever problem youre currently faced with. But once you breathe or speak, she will stop mid-sentence and scream. The scream will be deafening, and you will pass out quickly. Explaining your presence in the school at night, in the cloakroom, will prove surprisingly easy. Claim you came back to reminisce. The principal will ask if you were a student there once. Tell him you like to think you are always a student. Hell recognize you as an acolyte and allow you to leave, but from then on you will owe him a great and grievous favour.
will be a display case against one of the warehouses walls containing the only wares it has ever housed: a dozen rings. One of them is real, the rest are made of paper. If you pick up the real one on your first try, youll be permitted by the aged Japanese man who seems to own the warehouse to take it with you. Never wear the ring, but instead give it to someone you love. For the rest of their life, theyll never fall ill. If you get one of the paper rings, wear it. It will bring you good luck and success at the office.
broken bookcase that has been placed there for storage. However, if you move the bookcase and open the door, youll find that the office is actually surprisingly well preserved considering how long it has remained shut. The inside of the office is like a time capsule, furnished with thirty year old chairs and bookcases in the style of the time. The walls have a vaguely yellow patina to them, but this is of no significance. If you look at the degrees hanging on the walls or the books on the shelves, you will discover that the office belonged to Earl Wiser, PhD in history. No sign of Doctor Wiser remains, nor is he mentioned in any records kept by the university. Judging by the books on his shelves, Doctor Wiser was an expert on the Second World War. The only thing in the room that will appear to be touched by time is the 1930s typewriter on the desk. You will notice that this typewriter is unique for two reasons: it has German character keys, and it is typing the same narrative over and over again without any human interference. The narrative tells the story of a German victory in the Second World War and what happened after. If you take a closer look at the books on the shelves, youll notice that the axis won in them too.
Acquiring a bottle of the ink is difficult, and only once has it ever been accomplished. Should the ink feel threatened, the art projects displayed in the room will come to life and pull you back into them, trapping you for eternity within canvas or clay. To retrieve the ink, come by night and come alone. Instead of breaking into the school, hide in a closet or classroom until everyone has left. Then enter the art room. Approach the cabinet where the supplies are kept slowly, and if you start to see any stirring or movement in the dark, leave. Open the cabinet slowly using either The Key or more conventional means of lockpicking, and search for the ink. It sits near the back, and in the dark you can tell the jars apart from the others because they will feel very, very cold to the touch. Only take one jar, leave the other two for other seekers. Under no circumstances should you ever use the ink to draw an image that includes yourself. Doing so will create your nemesis, and the picture will show you his journey to reach you which will end in your death.
to count backwards from ten, and when I get to zero, youll see a door in front of you. Do you understand? NM: I understand... ED: Ten. Nine. Eight. Seven. Six. Five. Four. Three. Two. One. Zero. SA: The Fuck? Where the fuck did he go? ED: Hes in the white room, Sandy. Would you like to go there too?
board it, and tell them you need to get to the hospital. The driver wont be able to care for your injuries. Hes a driver, not a paramedic. However, hell drop you off at Calgary General. Unlike the Ambulance, Calgary General will be as it was in its height: one of the leading medical centres in the country. Of course, everything will be about fifteen years out of date. Leaving is, unfortunately, more difficult. They get so few patients. They need the practice.
tarot. The figurative meanings of the cards are totally unimportant. Instead, focus on the images. These depict a trial you will face over the course of your journey. For example, a seeker whose reading contained the tower unfortunately met the end of his journey while consulting with the Hassidic Wizards of New York a week after his September Fourth reading yielded only one card: The Tower.
couldnt figure out on your own. What he will do is nudge. Imply. Insinuate. Help you think aloud. The old man who owns the liquor store is fond of cleverness, and if you surprise him with your acumen, he may smooth the citys rough edges for you. If you, like most, arent clever then you will have to ply him with his passion: liquor. Like most of the dead, hes constrained by rules and by customs. He cannot drink unless it is purchased for him, and he cannot forget unless he drinks. If you help him, he will owe you a favour. Forgiveness of a trespass against another practitioner such as those described elsewhere in my notes, or perhaps something more mundane. However, if he realises what you are trying to do, you wont make it out the door. Cleverness and whisky are no match for a Smith & Wesson with more than a century of practice behind it.
youre done typing the word. Though no one has ever tried, its assumed that with enough patience one could reconstruct the finished document. The only problem is that the words are in an extinct dialect of French.
and should prove easy to climb. Descend slowly and carefully. As you descend, you will find yourself sinking through the earth. Seeing will become impossible for a time, until you reach the basement. The basement contains the bones and ashes of a handful of practitioners and priests who have come seeking what you are about to find. Located in this basement room is The Christ, still on his Cross, still bleeding. One drop of his blood is enough to grant the strength to work miracles, but two will burn you to a cinder.
The Other Mall looks just the same as a regular mall, except the stores are all wrong. Woolworths, A&A Records, Eatons, every defunct company from the last twenty years. The products are even weirder. Instead of stocking normal goods, or even normal goods that have gone out of style, the stores stock things that never made it. Product ideas that died on the table. Amidst piles of anatomically correct dolls and surprisingly sharp-edged jewellery, amidst sweaters with three sleeves and all the other defective garbage, you can sometimes find a product that should have made it but didnt. Home Cold Fusion. The cure for Cancer. Appliances that never break down. Anything that THEYRE using the other mall to hide. The only problem is getting anything back with you. You dont want to know what they do to shoplifters on the other side.