AFFECT OF GENDER ON GRACE AND FORGIVENESS IN RELATIONSHIPS

The Affect of Gender on Grace and Forgiveness in Committed Relationships Mike Driscoll, Emad Fahmy, John King, Dave Olges, Reg Watson Regent University

AFFECT OF GENDER ON GRACE AND FORGIVENESS IN RELATIONSHIPS Abstract Our research was conducted to determine if there was a significant difference between gender as it relates to forgiveness influenced by grace in committed relationships. We distributed more than 100 self-administered inventories to primarily married Christian couples; although, non-Christian couples also responded. These inventories included the Interpersonal Relationship Resolution Scale (IRRS) and the Global Relational Attitudes Conflict Exam (GRACE) scale. Our results revealed no significant difference between gender and the expression of grace and forgiveness in committed relationships. Our research will become part of a larger study currently being conducted by Beckenbach, Patrick and Sells. One of their purposes is to examine the validity of the GRACE Scale, as utilized in our study. The GRACE Scale, while still developing, will eventually be used to determine how grace is expressed between partners.

AFFECT OF GENDER ON GRACE AND FORGIVENESS IN RELATIONSHIPS Introduction

Numerous studies have indicated the importance of forgiveness in emotional wellbeing and mental health (Freedman & Enright, 2001; Greenberg, Warwar, & Malcom, 2008; Harris, Thoresen, & Lopez, 2008; Lundahl, Taylor, Stevenson, Roberts, 2008; Wade, Worthington, & Haake, 2009; Klatt & Enright, 2009). The literature shows practically no research on the correlation between gender and forgiveness, though there are notable exceptions (Konstamm, Chernoff, & Deveney, 2001; Konstam, Holmes, & Levine, 2003). The Interpersonal Relationship Resolution Scale (IRRS) developed by Hargrave and Sells (1997) has been shown to be a valid and reliable scale for measuring forgiveness. Sells, Beckenbach, and Patrick are utilizing the IRRS in further research in their study of the importance of grace as an unmerited gift between individuals in committed relationships. To date no research has been done to determine whether gender plays a role in forgiveness as it is measured by the IRRS. Similarly, there has been no research on whether gender as influenced by grace has an effect on forgiveness. If forgiveness and its connection to grace are demonstrated to be of significance in emotional well-being and mental health, it is worth knowing whether differences exist between the sexes within these constructs. The importance of forgiveness in interpersonal relationships has been demonstrated in the literature. In a study of graduate students, Konstam, Chernoff, and Deveney (2001) found a positive correlation between forgiveness, feelings of concern and compassion, and the ability to take another persons perspective in day-to-day situations. They also observed that guilt-proneness, anger reduction and detachment positively influenced forgiveness among women, while age and pride in behavior were

AFFECT OF GENDER ON GRACE AND FORGIVENESS IN RELATIONSHIPS

positive indicators among men. Konstam, Holmes, and Levine (2003) noted that, in their study of graduate students, emotion-focused coping and detachment are connected to forgiveness, while a self-serving orientation is related to a lack thereof. Oman, Shapiro, Thoresen, Plante, and Flinders (2008) studied the results of meditation-based stressmanagement among college students, finding reduced stress and increased forgiveness as results. In their qualitative study of six Roman Catholic families with children, Batson and Marks (2008) found forgiveness to be the primary factor allowing unity to flourish. Among fathers of toddlers (age two through seven), Lee and Enright (2009) found that the fathers forgiveness of their own perceived unfair treatment was a moderating factor in anger toward their own children. Several scales that measure forgiveness have been introduced in the literature. The Enright Forgiveness Inventory (Subkoviak et al., 1995) is designed to determine the overall degree of forgiveness of the respondent toward an offender. It is divided into three 50-item subscales measuring the presence of affect, behavior, and forgiveness. Kanz (2000) proposed a Forgiveness Attitudes Questionnaire that examines how forgiveness is used and conceptualized; its 23 questions are not divided into subscales. As its name suggests, the Marital Offence-Specific Forgiveness Scale (Paleari, Regalia, & Fincham, 2009) examines offence-specific forgiveness between married couples. It consists of five items measuring benevolent motivations, five measuring resentful motivations, and two measuring avoidant motivations. A common denominator of the above-mentioned scales is that they do not evaluate forgiveness as a process of several stages.

AFFECT OF GENDER ON GRACE AND FORGIVENESS IN RELATIONSHIPS

Grace, defined as an unmerited gift, is a construct that intervenes in the process of forgiveness. This study examines grace and forgiveness, however, a model is needed that includes both of them in a step-by-step process. In their Relational Conflict and Restoration Model, Sells, Beckenbach, and Patrick (2009) illustrate how grace can intervene to break the negative cycle of pain, injury, and defense, and transform it into a positive cycle of justice, empathy, trust, and forgiveness. This is similar to the approach used in the IRRS (Hargrave & Sells, 1997), which examines the steps of the forgiveness process on subscales. Its 22-item pain subscale includes rage, shame, control, and chaos; its equally numbered forgiveness subscale consists of insight, understanding, trust, and an overt act of forgiving. The steps of forgiveness in the RCCM (should this be RCRM?) rather than RCCM) are not identical to the items in the IRRS. However, the RCCM (RCRM) positive and negative cycles do correspond to the IRRS forgiveness and pain subscales. This correspondence facilitates the use of the IRRS in the study of grace and in forgiveness as described by the RCCM (RCRM). There are numerous studies of concepts related to grace and forgiveness that have examined differences between the genders. In their study of the differences between men and women in regard to forgiveness, Konstam, Chernoff, and Deveney (2001) used four scales, including the Enright Forgiveness Inventory and the Interpersonal Reactivity Index (above). (what does above refer to? Do we need it here?) Women scored higher in guilt-proneness, anger reduction, and detachment, while men scored higher in shameproneness and pride in behavior. Stanley, Markman, and Whitton (2004) found that male divorce potential was more strongly correlated with high levels of negative interaction, while female divorce potential was more strongly correlated to lower positive

AFFECT OF GENDER ON GRACE AND FORGIVENESS IN RELATIONSHIPS connections within the relationship. Ball, Cowan, and Cowan (1995) examined gender differences in marital problem-solving. Women were perceived to be more likely to choose topics for discussion, while husbands were more likely to control the outcome of the problem-solving discussion. Women were more tolerant of how labor was divided in problem situations; however, they were less tolerant about who dominated the discussion. Grote and Clark (2001) found a cyclical relationship between marital distress and perceived unfairness. While

both genders agreed that women do more housework, their reactions differed: women felt resentful and expressed this feeling openly, while men felt guilty and withdrew. In their study of cognition during marital conflict, Sillars, Roberts, Leonard, and Dun (2000) reported that women focused less on their own intentions and behaviors than on that of their husbands. Both genders viewed their own communication more favorably than that of their spouse; however, observers judged wives to be more accurate than men in assessing their own communicative behavior. Wood, Rhodes, and Whelan (1989) found that married men and women both report greater well-being than their non-married counterparts, with women showing even greater differences than men. Thompson and Walker (1989) confirmed that there are continuing gender differences in the roles of men and women in marriage, parenting, and work outside the home. They found that womens work outside the home is underrated and that mens work inside the home is minimal. Nevertheless, both genders said family life is fair. This elasticity in satisfaction may show itself in the current study looking at gender differences in forgiveness as influenced by grace.

AFFECT OF GENDER ON GRACE AND FORGIVENESS IN RELATIONSHIPS The focus of our research was to examine the role of gender in the relationship between grace and forgiveness. The following hypotheses were proposed: 1. Gender does play a role in determining ones willingness to forgive. 2. Gender influenced by the practice of grace will be a better predictor than gender alone in determining ones willingness to forgive. Method Participants This study included one hundred and fifteen participants (n = 115) who were married, engaged or involved in a committed relationship. Participants involved were from Illinois, Indiana, New York, Pennsylvania and Maryland. Participants included

non-Christians and Christians. Christian participants represented Orthodox, Catholic and Protestant denominations. Participants ages ranged from early twenties to the late seventies. More than half of the participants (53.91%) were females (n = 62). Procedure Participants were given a consent form explaining the study and detailed guidelines about the questionnaire. Anonymity was assured as there was no identifying information collected in the questionnaire. Participation was voluntary and participants were provided the option to withdraw from the study at any time. The study posed no known risks to the participants physical health and minimal risk to their psychological well-being. Individuals names were not associated with the study; therefore, participants were not required to return the consent forms to the researchers. All participants completed a package of five instruments. These packages were collected and the data was entered into a central computer for analysis using Multivariate

AFFECT OF GENDER ON GRACE AND FORGIVENESS IN RELATIONSHIPS Analysis of Variance (MANOVA). We used gender as our independent variable and used grace and forgiveness as our independent variables. Instruments

Participants completed an intake questionnaire that included questions about age, gender, location, committed relationship, socioeconomic status, religious background, race and other demographic background. The inventory packet included the following questionnaires: the Batson Empathy Adjectives, the Dyadic Trust Scale, the interpersonal Relationship Resolution Scale (IRRS), the Relational Ethics Scale and the Global Relational Attitudes Conflict Exam (GRACE) Scale. Although our study focused on the Global Relational Attitudes Conflict Exam and the forgiveness portion of the Interpersonal Relationship Resolution Scale, we asked participants to complete the entire questionnaire packet. The additional information we gathered has been submitted to a larger study conducted by Beckenbach, Patrick and Sells: Resiliency, forgiveness, and intimacy in the frame of us: A validity study. The Global Relational Attitudes Conflict Exam, still under development by Sells et al., is based on their Relational Conflict and Restoration Model, which defines grace as any act of kindness, mercy or goodness that has neither the obligation nor the expectation of reciprocal compensation. The GRACE Scale consists of fifteen yes or no questions such as I have had to fight for all that I have and My partner is good to me without my asking. The Interpersonal Relationship Resolution Scale (Hargrave & Sells, 1997) has a pain subscale that includes rage, shame, control, and chaos; and a forgiveness subscale consisting of insight, understanding, trust, and an overt act of forgiving

AFFECT OF GENDER ON GRACE AND FORGIVENESS IN RELATIONSHIPS In the Sells et al. study the IRRS instrument has shown a reliability measure on the Forgiveness (for consistency sake should these be italicized) scale of =.790. The

Trust and Overt Acts (should these be italicized) subscales have shown reliability as well, but the Insight and Understanding (should these be italicized) subscales have shown low reliability. Table 2 displays the reliability coefficients for all subscales. Table 1. Reliability Coefficients of the IRRS. Scale Subscale Number of items 22 5 5 7 5 Coefficient alpha .790 .200 .201 .766 .882

Forgiveness Insight Understanding Trust Overt

Furthermore, the IRRS has shown the following validity for the forgiveness scale. Table 2. Discriminant Validity Indices of IRRS. Scale Forgiveness Insight Understanding Trust Overt Subscale Abused 36.77 7.16 7.64 12.48 9.45 Not abused 32.29 6.44 6.82 10.70 7.45 t 8.88 4.24 5.49 5.70 8.35 P .000 .000 .000 .000 .000

AFFECT OF GENDER ON GRACE AND FORGIVENESS IN RELATIONSHIPS Results

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Based on our hypothesis, we expected our independent variable, gender, to have a statistically significant impact on our dependent variables grace and forgiveness. Our statistical analysis has shown, however, that there was no statistically significant difference (p =.248) between men and women in the practice of forgiveness overall. Furthermore, gender had no significance on grace (p =.353) as measured by the GRACE Scale. Both the Owed subscale (p =.404) and the Kind subscale (p =.373) on the GRACE Scale has shown no statistically significant difference between men and women. This was not the case for all the IRRS forgiveness subscales. Understanding scored a relatively modest statistical difference between men and women (p =.026) while Trust (p =.387), Overt (p =.440) and Insight (p =.883) have shown no statistically significant difference between men and women. Nevertheless, the Understanding subscale, as previously noted, does demonstrate a low statistical reliability as seen in Table 3. Table 3: Results Scale Gender Forgiveness Insight Understanding Trust Overt GRACE Owed Subscale F 1.415 .022 .022 5.126 .754 .601 .869 .702 Sig .248 .882 .883 .026 .387 .440 .353 .404

AFFECT OF GENDER ON GRACE AND FORGIVENESS IN RELATIONSHIPS Kind .801 .373

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Discussion Our study originated from a question that Beckenbach, Patrick, and Sells (2009) asked to validate the GRACE Scale, namely, whether gender accounts for any significant differences in forgiveness, and whether grace was an intervening variable between gender and forgiveness. The results of this study show no significant difference in either of our hypotheses. The statistical analysis of the MANOVA study revealed that p = 0.248, which suggests: 1) that gender alone is not a predictive factor in ones ability to forgive, and 2) that gender influenced by grace is not a predictive factor in forgiveness. Nevertheless, this non-significance finding does have merit as demonstrated in a larger study currently in process by Beckenbach, Patrick, and Sells. First, Beckenbach et al. are attempting to secure a sample size of over one thousand people in committed relationships to participate in a larger study to validate the GRACE Scale. Our contribution of more than one hundred subjects assists them in their ongoing study of the Grace Scale. Second, our research further establishes a high positive correlation between forgiveness and grace as measured by the IRRS and the GRACE Scale, respectively. As a result of our study, we can more definitively say that the higher the GRACE score, the higher the probability that forgiveness will be extended. It is noteworthy, however, that while there were no significant differences between genders within this study, there was a significant difference on the understanding (should this be capitalized and italicized?) subscale of the IRRS. The IRRS demonstrated that women are more understanding than men. This significant difference is not enough to

AFFECT OF GENDER ON GRACE AND FORGIVENESS IN RELATIONSHIPS make any broad statements about differences in gender on the execution of forgiveness and grace in a committed relationship, but it is a variable between genders that can be studied further. Implications for Counseling Since we have previously established that forgiveness is critical to emotional wellness and mental health, it is important to understand this construct as it pertains to

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couples counseling. Some couples counselors may be tempted to make broad statements from their own professional experience by suggesting that, based on gender, men or women are more likely to forgive or extend grace. However, our study clearly shows that we are not able to make such statements. Since there is no significant difference between genders, any actual differences between men and women on the IRRS or the GRACE Scale can be interpreted as coming from actual individual differences. That notwithstanding, we must keep in mind the somewhat mixed results in previous work done comparing genders (Konstam, Chernoff, and Deveney, 2001; Cowan and Cowan, 1995; Grote and Clark, 2001; Sillars, Roberts, Leonard, and Dunn, 2000; Wood, Rhodes and Whelan, 1989; Thompson and Walker, 1989). While we recognize no significant gender difference in grace and forgiveness, individual differences do exist in the execution of grace and forgiveness. For example, men may show grace to their wives in very different ways than women show grace to their husbands. While we cannot draw conclusions based on gender, the research continues to point to some differences in how men and women relate to one another. Limitations of Study The results of our study should be viewed in the context of the studys limitations.

AFFECT OF GENDER ON GRACE AND FORGIVENESS IN RELATIONSHIPS We should note that the large majority of our subjects express some kind of Christian background, from Catholic, to Orthodox, to Evangelical Protestant. Forgiveness and grace is a strongly held Christian construct in nearly every Christian background. Therefore, if a subject in this study is a Christian that individual probably may have a more thorough understanding of grace and forgiveness than one not part of a Christian context. Additionally, if ones religious background is a mitigating factor in the execution of grace and forgiveness, then the results of a study with a majority of Christian subjects could not be generalized to the larger population. Further Research This study sought to determine whether gender was predictive of ones ability to forgive, or whether grace was a intermediating factor between gender and forgiveness. Since there is no significant difference in this factor (p = 0.28), we are curious about other variables that could be researched to determine whether there are significant differences. Some possible variables for further research may include the following: Religious affiliation. This variable could be researched on two different fronts. First, is there any difference between Christians and non-Christians and grace and

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forgiveness as variables? Since grace and forgiveness tend to be associated as Christian constructs, might there be a significant difference between Christians and non-Christians in the expression of these constructs in life situations? Second, are there any significant differences between Catholic, Orthodox, and Protestant Christians in their execution of these variables? If our team had considered this at the beginning of our study, we would have included this as a variable in our research. We could have incorporated this into our MANOVA study to determine if there was any statistically significant difference.

AFFECT OF GENDER ON GRACE AND FORGIVENESS IN RELATIONSHIPS

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Age of subject. Further research might also consider whether there is a significant difference between those who are older (i.e. 65+) and those who are younger (under 30) in their execution of forgiveness and grace. We suspect that those in the 30-50 age bracket, which are typically child-rearing years, may exhibit significant differences in the expression of forgiveness and grace than those who are empty-nesters. Should there be any significance in these constructs, it would may implications for couples counseling. This may be particularly true for couples preparing for marriage, couples who are raising children, and for couples entering their senior years. Income level. We suspect that significant differences may exist between people of differing socioeconomic levels on the execution of forgiveness and grace in committed relationships. Further research on this factor combined with education level should be included in those who study both scales in the future. Education Level. We wonder whether there are any differences with ones level of education and the resultant propensity to offer forgiveness and grace to others. We suspect that questions on the intake form that further delineate between those with only a high school diploma, college degree, and graduate degree may reveal some kind of significance in ones ability to offer forgiveness and grace. We hypothesize that there is a positive correlation between education and forgiveness and grace. Marital Status. Finally, one may consider researching whether there are significant differences between someone who has been divorced in their past will have lower forgiveness and grace scores than someone who is currently married, perhaps even for ten years or more. These are but a few of the potential research options that may be considered for further study.

AFFECT OF GENDER ON GRACE AND FORGIVENESS IN RELATIONSHIPS Conclusion

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Numerous studies have been conducted on the topic of forgiveness. Fewer studies have been conducted on grace. In our study of the literature, we found no studies focusing on how gender, in the context of a committed relationship, influences the expression of grace or forgiveness between partners. This was the focus of our study. To accomplish this task we used two instruments, the IRRS and the GRACE Scale. These instruments were dispensed to individuals who acknowledged being in a committed relationship. After the data was gathered and analyzed, the results showed no significant correlation with gender and how grace and forgiveness are demonstrated to a partner. While there were some limitations inherent in our study, we believe our findings may have relevance for future studies and the role gender plays in committed relationships.

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