Mixed Emotions By Ral Carpentier

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MIXED EMOTIONS At rise, There is a group of 5 people talking at the same time about why they were called together. Each of them is acting with a particular emotion, as they represent the emotions of a man who is unseen. There is a microphone CS to represent the voice coil of the man. The brain enters. He is wearing an ear piece and carries a viewing apparatus. BRAIN Alright, settle down everyone, settle down. (They all line up, as if at semi-attention. Brain paces back and forth in front of them) Youre probably all wondering why I called you together tonight. Well it turns out that the man is expecting a woman over for dinner. I think its a date. (They all get excited) Oh, how wonderful! time. Tell me about it! FEAR I dont know about this. BRAIN Now, dont start. I called you over a little early to make sure we dont mess up like last time. Lets not forget what you all are to the man and what your purpose is. Youre his emotions. Youre the only emotions hes got, and youre the only thing that keeps him going day to day. Its very important that you keep in line so as to not upset his nervous system. In order to not have anything go wrong, its also important that you follow all my instructions to the letter. I am after all the executive commander, his brain. Understood? ALL Yeah. BRAIN What? HAPPINESS He hasnt had one of those in a long ANGER

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ALL Yes sir! Alright, roll call. Present. BRAIN Fear...Fear? FEAR Yes, Im here. BRAIN Ecstasy... ECSTASY Ready to rock and roll, chief. BRAIN Humor... HUMOR Take my wife, please. BRAIN Anger... ANGER Up yours. BRAIN Look, were going to have to follow orders. Lets not have any recurrence of what happened last time he was on a date. ANGER It was Fear; it got everybody nervous. FEAR Look I told everybody it was a bad idea and we went ahead with it anyway. BRAIN Well, whats your problem, Fear? FEAR You know what the problem is. HUMOR Yes, we know (laughs) BRAIN Happiness... HAPPINESS

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FEAR Its not funny. HUMOR I think the mans short comings are hilarious. So does every girl he goes out with. It looks like a sex change operation gone bad. ANGER (To Humor) Why dont you shut up! HUMOR (To Anger) Why dont you make me, you over-sized, primitive emoticon. BRAIN Thats enough!! Please stop. FEAR Anyway, its not that. ANGER Well then what? FEAR (Hesitantly) Sometimes Ecstasy jumps in prematurely ECSTASY I do not! Its never premature. I think I contribute at the proper time, and my timing is impeccable. Its too soon. FEAR You ruin the whole experience.

ANGER (To Ecstasy) I agree with Fear. Youre out of control, Ecstasy. HUMOR (To Ecstasy) Yeah right. Why dont you just admit you cant control yourself? Youre like a wild animal in heat. BRAIN Alright, alright. Stop this nonsense right now. We have to keep it together this time. We cant afford to get all mixed up and cause an incident. We need to be cool about this. Now, when she gets here, remember to speak directly into the voice coil (points at the microphone). If you dont, itll sound like hes mumbling. (Looks at his/her watch)

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BRAIN Where the hell is she? ANGER Shes late? HAPPINESS (To Anger) Calm down, shell be here. Why did you call me over? tonight? ECSTASY You expecting some action

BRAIN Just in case, Ecstasy. You never know. If something happens, I want you around. I mean I dont think wed get the same result from Fear, or Humor...do you? ECSTASY OK, well Im here when you need me. BRAIN (Puts his hand up to his ear piece) Wait a minute. I hear the door bell. ANGER Its about time. BRAIN Shhhh! (beat) Its her. OK, now remember, speak clearly into the voice coil and dont blow it. And only speak when I say so. (All acknowledge. Brain looks into his viewing piece.) Hes opening the door. ANGER (Approaches the voice coil) Youre late!! BRAIN Anger, what are you doing? Youre going to blow everything. (beat) OK, she apologized. Anger, get out of there. Humor, say something. HUMOR (Approaches and thinks hard to come up with something) Sorry about that. My doctor says I overreact to everything all the time. I said thats OK, youre overbearing and you overcharge.

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BRAIN Good, shes laughing. She said she got stuck in traffic, then she had a flat tire and had to call roadside service. HUMOR Hmph! Yeah right! Like my ex-wife said the first time we had sex...thats a hard one to swallow. BRAIN (To Humor) Get the hell out of there! What are you trying to do, ruin the only possible chance we have of being with someone decent? Happiness, please say something. ANGER Uh oh, hang on to your lug nuts. HAPPINESS (Approaches) Ha, ha, just kidding. Im glad you could make it. I should apologize for that wisecrack. But I must admit, when Im with you, I feel like you bring out the funny kid in me. BRAIN Good, we recovered. Please refrain from blurting out whatever comes to mind. Lets try to contain ourselves so we can have a decent evening. (Looks into the viewer) Wow, she looks hot tonight. ALL (BUT BRAIN) Can I see?...Lets see...etc. Shhh! BRAIN OK happiness, youre up.

HAPPINESS You look very pretty tonight. Come on in and relax a while. You must be all shook up from your experience driving over here. She agreed. BRAIN Shes giving a little pout. ECSTASY Oh my God, I love that. Ecstasy, dont start. Well leave then. FEAR Im warning you, Ill just leave.

ANGER Who needs you?

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BRAIN I need all of you, so knock it off you two. (Looks in viewer) Good, shes in the house. She said something about how good the place looks. Oh, thank you. HAPPINESS I did it myself. FEAR Youre lying to her? BRAIN Shhh! Quiet! ANGER How come Happiness is the only one talking? ECSTASY Please, Anger, can we just get on with this and follow protocol. Youll get your turn, Im sure. ANGER (To Ecstasy) Hey, Ecstasy, was I talking to you? Youre just in a hurry to get in there and get everything over with. I just want to know why Happiness is the only one talking, thats all. Are we playing favorites here? BRAIN We need to make the woman happy, you dope. Calm down. Alright, theyre sitting on the couch. Humor, get in there. HUMOR (Approaches) This is kind of awkward for me. BRAIN She asked why. HUMOR Well Ive had some weird experiences. BRAIN (Apprehensive) She wants to know like what. HUMOR Went out with a hooker once. Her private part was on her hip cause she wanted to make money on the side.

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BRAIN What the hell is wrong with you. Dont you know any clean jokes. Oh, this evening is gonna go down the drain. ANGER (To Brain) Relax, will you. BRAIN Dont you tell me to relax. I wont tolerate any insubordination. FEAR Can we please work together on this? BRAIN (looks in viewer) Wait a minute. Shes laughing (All give a sigh of relief) Happiness, go. HAPPINESS So is your car alright, now? BRAIN She says its time to get a new one. ECSTASY Oh my God, shes rich besides. This is going to be a great night. FEAR Can you try to contain yourself, Ecstasy? Shut up! BRAIN OK, lets keep it going, Happiness.

HAPPINESS (Approaches) Yeah, I guess youre right. Old cars are nothing but a problem. Would you like a drink before dinner? BRAIN She said yes. ECSTASY Lets get her drunk. HUMOR Well have to get her drunk to get anything tonight.

8. FEAR Does it always have to be sexual with you two? HUMOR & ECSTASY Yeah!! BRAIN Get along! (Looks in the viewer) Hes getting the drinks, and walking back to sit with her. HUMOR Can I go up? ALL No!! BRAIN OK, here we are at the sofa. Shes taking the drink, sips it, and shes putting it down. (beat) Whoa! She said she doesnt need a drink. Shes already intoxicated with his good looks. (Everybody hi-fives) So far, so good. ANGER Yeah, but if she thinks he looks good, she must be drunk already. BRAIN (Looking into the viewer) Wait a minute. Shes putting her hand on his knee. FEAR Oh my God! ECSTASY (Not able to contain itself, Ecstasy moves quickly towards the voice coil, as everyone holds Ecstasy back) Can I go up now? ALL Not yet, Ecstasy! BRAIN Fear, go ahead. But just be a little reluctant. Dont go overboard. Tell her something like how much you respect her, or something. FEAR OK. (Approaches, and practically screams in fear)

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Your hand is on my knee!!

Oh my God!!

ALL What the..., what are you doing?...etc. BRAIN Quiet!! ECSTASY Can I go? ALL Not yet! BRAIN Everybody just relax! Let me see. Happiness, see what you can do. We might be able to recover from this too. HAPPINESS (Approaches) I love how your eyes shine when you smile. ALL (BUT BRAIN) (Sarcastically) Awwww HUMOR Hey, ask her why her shiny eyes are looking at each other. ANGER (To Humor) Why dont you shut up! HUMOR (To Anger) Why dont you make me. FEAR Please. BRAIN Oh my God, she wants him to kiss her. FEAR No way.