Meditations of

ancient, classical,
Odyssean advice for
the modern achaean
man in times of peril,
tribulation and
embarrassment
 Forward
Having been delayed in my journey home
from the grounds of troas, where man
slaughtering hector slew multitu de of
multitudes of Achaean s, I have learned
great wisdom from my experiences. I
have formulated a volume in which my
knowledge may be passed down from
generation to generation, so that if you
are ever in great times of peril,
tribulation and embarrassment, you may
look upon the illustrious wisdom of
wily Odysseus.
to Ever-Patient Penelope
Getting what you need
Having been cursed by ear th-shaker Poseidon,
I was set forth on the island of the
Phaeacians, dirty and naked. After seeking
shelter and waking from deep slumber, I
heard a group of girls nearby. In my
desperation, I walked from the bushes in my
desolate state scaring all away except for
lovely nausicaa. To make the best of things
in situations like this, might I suggest of
performing one of two ac tions:

• clasp their knees in supplication

• flatter them immensely
 lesser of two evils

I bemoan n ot makin g the best of every

situation. Being faced with the dan gers
of the Scy lla an d charybdis, I was forced
to maximize the utility of my situation
to effect the best outcome. Like many
times in life, we are presented with
situations that all too often result in
bad outcomes n o matter the choice we
make. We must choose the lesser of two
evils in these maligned times because
our experiences in this lifetime are
relative; we know no absolutes.
 You can’t stay on
ogygia
After being held captiv e on calypso’s
for many long years, I am wise en ough to
make this claim: pleasu rable things can
be ephemeral. I am reminded of my theme
of relativity because going home to my
wife is what I truly sought and ogy gia
was a hindrance in my way. Would that my
experiences allow y ou to define your
most important cares?
 All things in
moderation
Remember my friend elpenor. Alcohol
excess may result in y our untimely
death.

Remember the sirens. In times of peril,

take the necessary precautions to
eschew harm.
 The rules of Xenia
must be followed
Breaking the rules of xenia may result
in dire consequences, such as:

Becoming blind

Agonizin g death
 Procrastination can
be key to survival
My beloved wife is the paragon of this
modus-operandi. In times of tribulation,
one may stall the motives of others to
delay an undesirable outcome, such as
marriage.
 Afterword
A word of advice to you, my frien ds. I
implore y ou to call your mother, often
to just keep in touch. In my absence, she
took her life because she lamented my
imagined destruction in troy.