GMAT Essay: Sample of an AWA Scored a 4

Meghan Daniels is the Associate Editor @Knewton, where she helps students rock their GMAT Essays. When someone achieves greatness in any fieldsuch as the arts, science, politics, or businessthat persons achievements are more important than any of his or her personal faults. In general, this argument is correct. Arts, sciences, politics, and business are very important to our culture and achievements made there are more important than personal faults. The positive will outweigh the negative, inevitably. Most people do not go down in textbooks, for example, for their personal mistakes. Instead for making discoveries, starting a company, or when people are elected to office. Yes, it is true that personal faults can have big effects. For example when Bill Clinton had an affair, his impeachment trial took up valuable time and he went against Americas trust. But normally this isnt the case. Their are many times when personal faults should be less important. For example, think of the people whose achievements are so crucial to the arts. These people arent perfect. To name one tragic example, Michael Jackson. There were many times when people wondered is this woman insane? For example: he hung his baby over a balcony and people called him a sexually offensive. Michael Jackson to many people was not the ideal model citizen. When he died some people talked only about his faults. But most people, for example at his funeral concert, were truly upset because of the great strides he made, especially for African-American musicians. He truly opened many doors. Isnt it often the case that people want to look at politicians faults? For example, when the presidential candidate John Edwards had an affair and a baby with a woman, it was always in the tabloids. People werent thinking about politics, or the fact that he could have been president, only about his mistake. And yet more likely than not that affair wont be in textbooks in years to come. Instead the fact that John Edwards lost in the presidential race will probably appear. However, in the end John Edwards probably isnt the most important politician ever, so his personal faults and greatness in his field might be of equal importance. For someone like Bill Clinton who has achieved so much, though, even big personal faults are not as important as greatness. Overall, I agree with this argument. Although there are cases that arent clear-cut, more often than not when someone achieves greatness in their field, that should be the most important factor. Personal faults are not important to future generations. Greatness is their legacy.

Score: 4 In order to score well on the GMAT essay, test-takers should take a strong stance on the issue in the prompt. Needless to say, this essay does not take a firm enough stance. The modifer in general in the first sentence weakens the authors argument (by implying that there are times the argument is incorrect). In addition, the author never sets her thesis statement out explicitly; she says that this argument is correct, but never clarifies the argument to which she is referring. The author also overuses qualifying words like probably, and spends a disproportionate amount of time exploring the opposing side of the argument. The structure of the essay is a bit messy. The authors mention of Bill Clinton in the first paragraph feels out of placethe example is tangential to her argument (she says that his personal faults had big effects, but doesnt specify until later whether these faults should be considered more or less important than his political achievements). In the third paragraph, too, the author goes off on an unnecessary tangent, bringing up the example of John Edwards, who she later admits doesnt fit particularly well into the category of someone who has achieved greatness. The example of Michael Jackson works, but could be made stronger by focusing more on the great strides he made for African-American musicians, rather than on details about his personal life and flaws. In general, this essay would benefit from another specific example that clearly supports the thesis. The writing in the essay is about average. There are several sentence fragments; the author uses the first-person pronoun more than necessary; and he frequently repeats certain words and phrases (for example, probably, etc). The conclusion of the essay is a bit short, but it more or less gets the point of the essay across. The idea that personal faults are not important to future generations is an interesting one; the essay might have been stronger had the author expanded on this point earlier (perhaps even as part of her thesis). This essay presents an important lesson: Create an outline before writing your essays on the GMAT! This author seems to be formulating her opinion as she goes; as a result, the essays argument is confusing and unclear.

GMAT Essay Series: A Perfect 6 Essay Sample

How to Score a 6 on Your GMAT Essay Writing Score

Here is an example of a GMAT essay that earned the score of 6. Take a few moments to read it over. Below we will break down exactly how and why the piece was able to earn this score.

Get the Free GMAT Starter Pack with Essay Tips and More Essay Prompt:
When someone achieves greatness in any field such as the arts, science, politics, or business that persons achievements are more important than any of his or her personal faults.

Student response:
When individuals attain greatness, their achievements are more important than their personal faults. While historians should not whitewash the personal foibles of great individuals, the impact that these mortals have had in their fields should tower over any personality defects. To focus on the personal weaknesses of great individuals is to miss the importance of their achievements. The course of human history is decorated with individuals able to rise above their peers and reach the zenith in their fields. These individuals are often the subject of intense scrutiny from contemporaneous skeptics and later historians. But no one can lead an exemplary private life all the time; no human being is able to withstand such surveillance and historical scrutiny without personal faults coming to light. Great individuals are no exception. However, it is misguided to focus on their personal faults rather than their achievements. To do so is to miss the importance of their work, without which our culture would be worse off. For example, Abraham Lincoln was arguably one of the greatest Presidents the United States has ever had. He managed to bring the country through a substantial revolution and to end slavery despite powerful economic and social forces working against him day and night. However, Lincoln was not a saint. He was moody and prone to depressive funks that disrupted his family life and slowly eroded his marriage. These personal faults did not reduce his success as a President. While we do not have to ignore questions about whether he was a depressive, we also should not consider them an important part of his political heritage. In contrast, many people criticize Lincolns decision to suspend the right of habeas corpus. This (presumed) failing is not personal in nature, but relates directly to Lincolns work in his field. Criticisms of this sort are entirely relevant, whereas personal criticisms are not. Another example of a great individual dogged by criticism of his personal conduct is Albert Einstein. Einstein developed a number of the most important theories in modern physics, including an explanation of the photoelectric effect, an explanation of Brownian

motion, special and general relativity, and Bose-Einstein quantum statistics. Each one of these theories would have been considered a great lifes work for a scientist; for one man to contribute this much is remarkable. However, Einstein also had life-long problems with infidelity. The fact that he cheated on his wife is in no way relevant to his accomplishments in the field of physics, and indeed most references to Einstein properly ignore it. To focus attention on the faults of his personal life is to obscure the impact he made on history. Great individuals have personal faults, as all human beings do. Yet it is incorrect to assert that these faults detract from those individuals accomplishments. We are better able to appreciate the gravity of great accomplishments when we are not burying our heads in the sand, in search of personal failings.

Explanation
The essay above earned a 6 because it takes all five steps necessary for a perfect score on the AWA. The thesis is extremely clear and concise. There is no ambiguity about how the author feels about the issue; she simply states her opinions with confidence and clarity. This section tests how well we can present a position on an issue effectively and persuasively and this author passes with flying colors. The piece is also very well organized via the suggested intro-body-body-body-conclusion template. While she does deviate slightly from the suggested model by giving two examples rather than three, the first body paragraph strengthens the essay by lending heft and specificity to her position. Her two examples are very strong. President Lincoln is an ideal case study of a leader whose greatness should be not be obscured by his domestic doldrums (however interesting they may be to learn about). The same can be said with Einstein; his infidelities went to the grave with the women he may have wounded emotionally, while his work will live forever. Additionally, the conclusion is substantial and does an excellent job of summing up the essay without sounding too much like the introduction. It is easy to recycle many clauses from the intro in the conclusion, but this author does a great job of restating the thesis without sounding overly redundant. Lastly, this essay is extremely well-written. The grammar and syntax are practically flawless; the author sounds knowledgeable but not pedantic. Keep these steps in mind as you write your GMAT essay and you should have little trouble earning a score that is reflective of your overall b-school portfolio. Best of luck with your GMAT prep