INTRODUCTION

The Filipino culture is the focus of this paper, particularly the family liferelations and old age. Through this paper, the dynamics within a Filipino family is shown and briefly discussed in accordance with a formal interview with a Filipino. The structure of a Filipino family is also discussed as well as the practices and values Filipino families have. Moreover, this paper contains my realizations and conclusion about the Filipino culture; and comparison to my own culture as well. Its differences from the western culture are, to some extent, brought up so as to show its divergence from liberated viewpoint.

The focus of this paper is the family life of the Filipinos; however, the conclusion does not utterly generalize since the interview is delimited to only one subject. There are also different families who may not have the same conditions with the subject.

I, the interviewer, asked for an interview meeting with my Filipina friend named Joana Victoria Mamanglu, a fourth year psychology student at St. James College of Quezon City. We met at 7pm at Greenbelt 5 and dined at the Korean restaurant Bulgogi Brothers last Monday, December 5, 2011 as what we have agreed beforehand.

The reason why I chose this culture is because I live here in the Philippines, I interact with Filipinos in my everyday life and I want to know better about the reasons behind their attitude, their overt behavior, their core values, beliefs custom and traditions

concerning their relationships with their families, relatives and old age. I also chose the topic Family Life because it is the basic unit of their society. It is where the identity, personality and personal and social adjustments of a Filipino come from. It is the foundation, the basic layer of a community, a society and a larger nation.

THE FILIPINO CULTURE

Filipino families have always been and will always be closely knit. Unlike the west, Filipinos are communal, interdependent people. Although the modern Filipino family is changing along with the current trends adopted from modern variations of cultural traditions, the Filipino families still maintain their Filipino identity, values, beliefs, custom and traditions that they grew up with.

Joana lives with her parents, sister, two younger brothers and her aunt. Basically, her family is an extended one. According to the Filipino culture, the extended family is the most important societal unit, especially for women. Women's closest friendships come from within the family. Mothers and daughters who share a home make decisions concerning the home without conferring with male family members. One child remains in the family home to care for the parents and grandparents. This child, usually a daughter, is not necessarily unmarried. The home may include assorted children from the extended family, and single aunts and uncles. Several houses may be erected on the same lot to keep the family together.

In relation to parenthood, bearing male and female children depends on the preferences of the parents based on the expected roles that each gender would assume once grown up. Both genders are expected to become responsible members of the family and their society. Women in the Philippines are expected to become caring and nurturing mothers for their own children. Female Filipinos are also expected to lend a hand in household work. They are even anticipated to offer assistance after being married. On the other hand, Filipino men are expected to assume the role of becoming the primary source of income and financial support of his family. This is why I asked Joana about who helps their mother in doing the household chores. She clearly knows that traditionally, the daughters are expected to lend a hand in household work.

When I asked Joana about her grandparents, she said that they lived with them; and sometimes, also with her aunts and uncles. In Filipino culture, if both parents are working, the grandparents are the primary caregivers for the children.

Joana said that she considers her father as the head of their family and sometimes her mother, too. Also, she said that her father is their familys provider while her mother is the caregiver. As what I realized about Joanas description of his parents roles, in a traditional Filipino family, the father is considered the head and the provider of the family while the mother takes responsibility of the domestic needs and in charge of the emotional growth and values formation of the children. They both perform different tasks and being remarked separately by the children. Children see their mothers soft and calm, while they regard their fathers as strong and the most eminent figure in the family.

Joanas elder sister, 25, still lives with them. She said that her sister is very close to their mother. She, too, is close to the family members. This remarkable closeness in the family is the reason why parents sometimes have difficulties letting go of their children and thus results to having them stay for as long as they want. Even after finishing school, Filipino children are not obliged to get out of their homes unless they want to. In fact, most of them keep their close relationship to their parents by staying at least before they get married. Leaving them happens only when they really have to, but usually, at least one child, depending on his willingness and financial capabilities, stay even after marriage to support and look after their aging parents. For this somehow explains why grandparents are commonly seen living with their children in the Philippines. Unlike the way people grow old in the west where they are provided with outside homes and care giving, Filipino elderly enjoy their remaining lives inside their houses with their children and grandchildren looking after them.

Joana also mentioned that they consult their parents before making decisions. Communication is, I believe, one attribute of a Filipino familys being closely-knit. Children never fail to consult their parents on special matters, most especially on some crucial decisions they are about to make. Siblings try their best to share their point of views as well.

Another trait Filipinos made themselves exceptional from others is their strong respect for elders. Children are taught from birth how to say po and opo to teach them as

early as possible how to properly respect their elders. These words are used to show respect to people of older level. Even adults will be criticized for not using these words when speaking with their parents or people older than them. Inside the family, the parents are expected to receive the highest respect from the children along with the elder siblings; as they are given more responsibilities to look after younger siblings when parents are not around.

I asked Joana if they still practice the kissing of hands or placing their parents or elder family members hand to their foreheads with the words mano po as a sort of greeting upon arriving home because conservative Filipino families expect children to do this. She said that they only practice this when they were young and when their grandparents were still alive. However, she said that instead of pagmamano upon arriving home, she kisses her parents cheeks. They call this beso. It is not the traditional practice, but nevertheless, it still conveys deep respect for elder relatives.

Joana said that her family spends the family day by going to church and then eating out or doing something like singing karaoke. Filipinos like to enjoy life and as families, they enjoy by doing simple activities together like singing karaoke, eating out in restaurants or playing board games.

Filipino families also make it a point to go to church together every Sunday. Filipinos have been religious since early civilization and that is an aspect of Filipino culture that

has remained the same till today. The religiosity of Filipinos is well-known, so much so that the Vatican praises the Filipino family for remaining religious despite troubled times.

More over, Filipinos keep close connection with other relatives. They recognize them from 2nd degree to the last they can identify. As Filipinos say, not being able to know a relative is like turning their backs from where they come from. Joana said that she keeps her communication and closeness with her relatives. Their family also keeps in touch with their relatives who live in Germany and Japan. Because of the closeness of the immediate family, all familial ties are recognized. Anyone who is remotely related is known as a cousin.

South Korea has a nuclear family form. But the Philippines has a large family and there is a lot of forms. There are many parents who do not have a job. So that their child is learning at a young age, not even finishes correctly, the money goes to make a buck. In South Korean perspective of culture, like me, these cases do not think that the parents are responsible because Korea's parents until the child's responsible adult because it is common.

The legal age to be able to marry is younger here in the Philippines compared to South Korea. Many Filipinos get married at early or mid-20s while in Korea, people get married at around 30. One reason for this is the educational system. The Philippine educational system takes only 10 years from elementary school through high school while the system in Korea takes 12 years. Due to financial problems, there are a lot of people

who do not go to universities or colleges. So, in my late teens, early 20s, there are a lot of people who live in the community as the age of marriage is too low. However, most of South Korean people who are graduating from universities, and of course not all men, should have the army for two years. Therefore, those who are in mid-20s or later in the course are finished. For this reason, age of marriage will be carried out almost at 30 years old.

I have something surprising about Philippines family life. It is about step parents. I have many friends who have step parents. I do not see this form of family in Korea, so I was surprised at first; and again surprised with the fact that step children could have a good relationship with their parent and vise versa. In South Korea, divorces happen often and so chances for having step parents are often as well. However, the relationship with their children is often poor.

APPENDIX 1 How many are you in the family? What time of family do you have? (If extended, who lives with you?) Who is the head of your family? What is the role of your father in the family? What is the role of your mother in the family? How old is the eldest child in your family? (If in legal age or older, does he/she still live with you?) How close are you with your parents and your siblings? Who helps in doing the household chores? Where do your grandparents live? Do you practice kissing the hands of the elder family members or placing their hand to your forehead with the words mano po as a sign of greeting? Do you use po and opo when you speak to people older than you? Do you have close relationship with your relatives? How do you spend Sunday as Family Day? APPENDIX 2 Interviewer: So, Joana, how many are you in your family? Interviewee: 6. My parents, my elder sister, me, and two younger brothers Interviewer: Ah. What type of family are you? I mean is it nuclear, extended, or what? Interviewee: Our family is extended because my aunt lives with us. She is 12 years old now. Interviewer: Really? Your aunt is very young. Interviewee: Yeah, shes my moms half-sister. When my grandmother died, my grandfather had another wife. And that is why. Then, when my grandfather and his second wife died, he asked my mom to take care of my aunt. So now, shes just like our younger sister, too. Interviewer: I see. Whos the head of your family? Interviewee: Our dad, of course. But, behind him is our mother who secretly seems to be the boss, I think, because shes very influential. Actually, she sometimes seems to be the head because dad wants her to decide about our expenses at home and in school, as well as our decisions that we think we need their approval first like sleepovers or out-of-town, buying gadgets, and so on. However, everyone sees our father as the head because its supposed to be a masculine figure as what everyone thinks. Interviewer: What is the role of your father in your family? Interviewee: Our father is the financial provider so we can meet our basic, physiological and safety needs, our education, our bills and miscellaneous expenses. Interviewer: How about your mother? Interviewee: Well, she is the one who cooks for us, washes our clothes, reminds us of so many things, talks a lot, shouts a little, scolds us when we did something wrong,

listens to our stories, chats with us. Shes the one who spends a lot of time with us at home and shows that she cares so much about us. Nevertheless, I understand why it goes this way. It is because dad is busy looking for sidelines so hes always out. He acts like he does not want to hear about our problems because hes too busy. Though, sometimes we chat during meal time or our free time. Interviewer: You have an older sister, right? Interviewee: Yeah. Interviewer: How old is she? Interviewee: Shes 25 now. Interviewer: Does she still live with you? Interviewee: Yeah, because shes still single and she obviously doesnt wanna move out. Shes not so friendly. Shes cynical, but in a right way. Its like were the only people she trusts and shes very conservative. Interviewer: How close are you with your parents and siblings? Interviewee: Very. But my brother, whos 17 years old, is undergoing peer pressure right now. So, hes sort of closer to his peers right now. Everyday when I get home, I tell my mom what happened to me in school or everywhere I went. With my dad, we usually talk about manly and mature things like cars, driving routes, transportation, business and current events. My youngest brother and I usually chat about funny things that happened to him in school or the mean things his classmates did to him or his plans for the next week. I also help him sometimes with his homework. My sister, on the other hand, is very much closer to my mom. I think she considers mom as her best friend. We consult mom about important matters first and then she will ask us to go tell dad and consult him, too. Mom and dad do not decide for us, they let us decide but they never fail to remind us of the consequences of our actions and decisions. They tell us whats best for us and whats not, but they still leave the decision to us. They are not authoritative unlike other parents. Interviewer: Who helps your mother in doing the household chores? Interviewee: I know I must be the one who should help her because traditionally, the daughters are ought to stay and help their mothers do the chores at home. But, my aunt does. My sister and I do not. Interviewer: Where do your grandparents live? Interviewee: My grandmother died when my mom was still a child. My grandfather lived with us for sometime when he was still alive. However, he lived longer with my uncle and his family. On my fathers side, my grandfather died when my dad was still a child and my grandmother lived with us until shes 89. Interviewer: Ah. By the way, do you practice kissing the hands of the elder family members or placing their hand to your forehead with the words mano po as a sign of greeting? Interviewee: At home? Yeah, we did when we were still young and our grandparents still live with us. But now, its different. Before I leave the house, I kiss my mom and my dads cheeks or beso instead of pagmamano. But when we meet the parents or grandparents of our friends or classmates, we still practice it. We feel like it will be rude if we dont do so. Interviewer: Do you use po and opo when you speak to people older than you?

Interviewee: Yeah, I do, especially to strangers or people in authority like our professors. Even to those who are just a year older than me, I use po and opo unless they are close to me that we already treat each other as friends or barkada. I always speak with po and opo because I do not want the people to think of me as someone rude. I really think that it would be so rude if I dont do so. If you could only speak and understand Tagalog when we first met, I could have spoken to you with po and opo. Its just that English doesnt have this kind of words that obviously show respect to elders. But you, Koreans, also have your way of showing respect to elders when talking to them, right? Interviewer: Yeah, we do. Interviewee: You use more formal statements which, if Im not mistaken, end with nida like gamsahamnida. Interviewer: Yes, thats right. Anyway, do you have close relationship with some of your relatives? Interviewee: Of course. I have a cousin who is closer to me than I am to my brother. My aunt, whos 38 now and still single, is so close to me that shes like my sister. I spend with her, I sleepover to her house for weeks, she shares her problems to me, we eat out and she even told me that she considers me as her best friend. Also, my family still communicates with our relatives in Japan and Germany. I talk to my 2nd degree cousins who are half-Germans and also to my 2nd cousins in Japan. And definitely, I wont lose contact to my first cousins in the province. Interviewee: I see. So, how do you spend Sunday as Family Day? Interviewer: We go to church either early in the morning or 6 in the evening. Then, rest at home or eat out. When we feel like doing something, we sing karaoke or watch movies at home. Interviewee: Very well. Anything you want to add regarding your relationships with your family and relatives? Interviewer: I think all I can say is that this kind of relationship, being closely tied with each other, is something I can be proud of. I do not envy the culture in the west because I think this is better. Interviewee: Yes, I think so, too. Anyway, this interview will help me a lot with my paper. Thank you very much for your time. Interviewer: Oh, youre welcome. Its no big deal.