Forwarded by: Reverend E.O.

Kayode
Provost,
Grace Springs Bible College,
Of The Fountain Of Life Church,
Lagos.

Singles;

Your spouse is not in church.

(Twenty one ways to avoid been deceived)

Fasanya, Olufemi Abiodun

 Unless otherwise indicated, all scriptures are from the HOLY BIBLE easy-to- read
version.

1st Printing.

Singles; your spouse is not in church.

Copyright © Fasanya, Olufemi Abiodun ---

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 Dedication

This book is dedicated to my wife, she has being a source of encouragement to me, and
her faith in the work that the LORD has committed into my hand is one of the motivating
factors as l fulfill God’s purpose for my life.
 Acknowledgement

My special thanks goes to everyone who has being supportive of what the Lord
committed to my hand which includes, the patrons and members of Singles Affair
Ministry. God bless for your support. It goes to the Senior Pastor of Latter House
Christian Centre; Pastor Sam Ajana and all her members. I say a big thank you to
Reverend Kayode who has taken the time to read and forward this book.

My appreciation also goes to Pastor Jide Hassan , Pastor Lordsday Latunbosun Latunji
and Funmi Fasanmi, for the time they spent in editing my manuscript, and to Seyi
Adegboyega who helps out in the printing of our ministry jobs.

My continual thanks goes to my brothers and sister, for their love and support.

And to my son (Alex), you are indeed a gift from the Lord.
 Forward

Going through the initial manuscripts of this book, l felt satisfied that one of the major
needs of young people is being addressed and in a balanced way. I saw in the manuscript
treasures for both young people and parents who will have the task of guiding and
counseling them.

Bro. Femi Fasanya has carefully and systematically presented a list of things to pay
attention to when making a choice of a spouse especially from the many who are present
in church.

This book tells us that not all who go to church are Christians (Matthew 7:21) and that as
many as profess to be Christians should depart from evil (2 Timothy 2:19).

I strongly recommend this valuable material to singles, parents, youth workers, church
leaders and who desire a positive change in marriage relationships and in the society at
large.

Reverend E.O. Kayode

Provost,
Grace Springs Bible College,
The Fountain Of Life Church,
Lagos.
 Section 1

 Introduction

 The power of relationships

 Unmasking your arch enemy... the devil

(Pastor Sam Ajana said, “Empty heads cannot be the head but the tail.”)
 Introduction

Many are losing faith in the church in our generation because the church is living below
the standard that the Lord requires. Some see the church as a theatre, where you go and
watch a play let, all that is done there is but a show. Some have seen the deceptions, and
are losing faith. Someone once told me that he would rather do business with an
unbeliever than with a Christian, because according to him, the believer who calls on the
name of Jesus still cheats on him when they do business together.

The mistake they make is that these people focus on the place of worship they call
erroneously the church rather than the real meaning of the church in Greek, “Ekklesia”
meaning the “Called out” ones. Everyone is permitted to come to the place of worship,
the reason is that it is one of the easiest places that the Lord can reach and change them if
they are willing. Thieves, prostitutes, homosexuals, murderers, etc, are all welcome to
come to the place of worship.

The desire of the Lord is that you do not get deceived, that you should know that because
everyone is allowed to come to Him, therefore everyone is His child. It is this knowledge
that can prevent you as a single from falling into the hands of the devil, which is getting
you involved in a relationship that will take you away from the Faith, or hinder you from
becoming all that you can be in God.

The purpose of this book is to help you as a single person, look beyond the accepted
norms of determining who the right person to get married to is. It is good to pray, but
Jesus’ first instruction is for you to watch, and then pray. A Russian adage says... “The
non observant man goes through the forest and sees no fire wood”. My prayer is that
“The Lord will use this book to illuminate your heart so that you will not make the
mistakes that many have made in the past”.
 The power of relationship.

It is a common saying that, “Behind every successful man is a woman”; but permit me
to rephrase that saying this way; relationship(s) is one of the secrets behind every
successful man/woman. Relationship is a powerful tool that can take you beyond your
imaginations in life.

History has not recorded a person that succeeded without it, and this is the reason why
the statement, “I am a self made man” is wrong. No man ever attained the level of
success he did on his/her own without help from others. Therefore the relationship an
individual gets involved in is quite vital to his/her success in life.

There are two relationships that are essential to everyone...

 Your relationship with God...
Pastor Eric Obigho said... “Man was not first created for responsibility, he was
created for relationship”, Adam saw Elohim when he first opened his eyes. The first
relationship that Adam had was with Elohim; "Elohim" in Hebrew language is plural,
meaning “Gods”. The word is used in the sense of a majestic plural.

The first relationship that Eve had was with God, not with Adam. God in His infinite
wisdom created her in a place where Adam was not present; I believe He did this so that
Eve will learn to put her confidence in Him and not in Adam.

This was the secret of their success in the Garden of Eden before their fall. They had
access to the wisdom of God, because He had continual fellowship with them.

 Your relationship with people...

God created the human race to be connected with one another; we all came from Adam
and Eve. He created every human being, with different gifting and purpose, to the extent
that the success of one depends on the input of the other. It goes to show that without you
there, are certain aspects of my life that will not find expression which implies that we
need one another. Everyone you meet in the journey of life is for a purpose, how much
you will get from them in the future is a function of how much your relationship with
them added value to their lives.

Joseph may not have got to the palace if he had not developed a healthy relationship with
his fellow prisoners; the servants of Pharaoh would not have told him their dreams if he
was considered a cruel leader in prison. They would still have had their dreams and it
would still come to pass without an interpreter.

One of the secrets of Adam’s success in the Garden of Eden was the woman; she was
created to help him fulfill the purpose for their creation.
 Unmasking your arch enemy...the devil

Someone once said, “You will remain where you are in the next five years except you
change the books you read, and the company you keep”. The devil knows that this
statement is true about relationships; therefore he is out to....

 Break the relationship that makes you better than what you are...
The devil knows that two good heads, (not two heads as it is often said) are better than
one. He knows that with every great accomplishment, a secret behind it is a relationship
that unity is exhibited in.

He will attempt to make you break your relationship with God; he will try to make you
do this by telling you lies about your Maker. He deliberately went after Adam and Eve to
sever their relationship with God, he knew that if he succeeded they will be open to all of
his evil vices.

Some singles blame God for their inability to get a spouse, they believe that they have
prayed for long and that the Lord has not been good to them in this area. Permit me to say
that since the scriptures never said you should pray for a wife/husband from the Lord,
how then can the Lord answer such a prayer? A wife is a lady that you have proposed to,
she has given you her consent and the marriage rites have been performed by both
families.

The responsibility of finding lies with you, however you can ask for the leading of the
Lord in finding the man/woman that is His will for your life. Some singles because of
their ignorance of the truth, have been lied to by the devil that the Lord is the reason
behind their not being married yet.

Some singles have been deceived in the past by the saying, “Heaven helps those that
help themselves”, because of this they, have got themselves married to unbelieving
partners because they feel they were advancing in years, believing that God will save
them later on in life; Pastor Sam Ajana said, “Where a man can no longer put his trust
in God, compromise is inevitable”. They sooner or later find out that, heaven only
helps those that summit to God’s will. Some of the people who disobeyed God in the
area of marriage have departed from the faith.

The devil will also attempt to break your relationship with people who add value to your
life. He will try to create an environment where bitterness and strive reigns. One of the
ways he does this is through spreading rumours; another through your trying to please
everyone you meet, etc. Permit me to say this, never break your relationship with
anyone because the person has a problem with your pastor or your boss in the
office, what is required is that you act in wisdom. Never make this mistake, because you
may be destroying a vital relationship that can lead to your lifting in future.
If Jonathan had broken his relationship with David to please his father, it would not have
stopped David from being king over Israel and Jonathan son’s (Mephibosheth) life may
not have been spared when the Gibeonite asked for the lives of the sons of Saul for the
atonement of the sin that he had committed against them.

 Introduce relationship that will destroy you...

If the devil fails in the first attempt, he will try to get into your life through people; he
will do everything to get you involved in a relationship that he can use to stop you in the
future. One person that he can use is your intended i.e the man/woman, you are interested
in.

History and present day experiences have shown that people who got involved with the
wrong partner either departed from the faith or almost lost their ministry...

Kathryn Kulman, one of the most anointed lady evangelist history has ever recorded
almost lost her ministry because she got involved with an Evangelist who divorced his
wife, but who told her a lie on the issue. Though she perceived that the Lord was not
happy with her choice, she still went ahead to marry him. It gave her such a bad
reputation that she almost lost the ministry that the Lord had committed into her hand and
she eventually had to break away from the relationship.

I am reminded of a brother in one of the popular Pentecostal churches in Nigeria that got
involved with an unbelieving lady. The brethren spoke with him at length to make him
see reasons why he should not continue with the relationship but he however, did not
listen to them. Today he is married to the lady, but has since departed from the faith.

I once heard the story of a lady that was zealous in the things of God, who met this
brother who also appeared to be zealous in the faith. They got married only for her to
later discover that he was a womanizer, smoker, and a drunk. She ran away from her
matrimonial home with no one knowing her where- about.

In a fellowship that I once ministered at, a brother told the congregation (singles) about
an Evangelist that got married to a lady who was actively involved in the church
activities, but was later discovered to be a witch.

These are some true-life experiences of people, who gave the devil room in their lives
through their relationships. The devil is out to ensure that you also get into relationships
that he can use to destroy you.

Let me share with you four things that you need to know about the devil...
 He is often where you do not expect him to be...
The last place you will expect the devil to be is in church.
The last place you will expect to see an occultist is in church.
The last place you will expect to see a witch is in church.
The last place you will expect to see a thief is in church, etc.
But this is where you will find them; as the church is the best place for them to hunt their
unsuspecting victims.

To many, a church is a place of worship; a place people congregate to worship God.

Since it is easy for many to assume that people in such a gathering will be there only to
worship God, it is easy for the devil and his hosts to deceive a lot of unsuspecting
Christians. I appreciate the statement of Pastor Sam Adeyemi that says, “Assumption is
the lowest level of knowledge, to a fool, assumption is knowledge.”

 The devil deceives easily those who believe that they cannot be deceived...
Deception is a powerful tool that the devil uses in destroying people, and the strength of
his ability to deceive people lies in their pride. Pride was the first sin of the devil. C.S
Lewis said concerning pride, “The essential vice and utmost evil, is pride. Unchastity,
anger, greed, drunkenness, and all that are mere fleabites in comparison. It was
through pride that the devil became the devil. Pride leads to every other vice; it is
the complete anti- God state of mind”. The warning of the Lord Jesus about the end of
days is that deception will increase and if care is not taken even the elect may fall into
this trap; the Bible said, “And Jesus answered and said unto them, Take heed that no
man deceive you” (Matthew 24:4; King James Version).

People who take pride in their infallibility are very prone to the devil’s deception. Never
forget this, you can be deceived! C.C Colton said, “This is the difference between
happiness and wisdom: he who thinks himself the happiest man really is so; but he
who generally see himself the wisest is generally the greatest fool”. It takes walking in
humility before the Lord, to be able to discern the lies of the devil. Kathryn Kulman as
anointed as she was, was deceived because she did not heed the witness the Lord placed
in her heart and the brethren who gave her godly counsel.

One easy way that the devil deceives singles is by speaking to their heart in a tone that
makes them believe that it is the Lord leading them. The words come on so strong like
the way they have been spoken to by the Lord in the past such that some of them follow
the leading without testing/proving it. When I was in the university, a brother said that he
heard the Lord say to him that a lady was His choice for him as a wife; however, the lady
he was speaking of was an unbeliever and he refused to listen to the brethren’s counsel on
the matter because he accepted the word he heard in his heart as God’s leading. However,
the leading could not have been from the Lord because His word (the Bible) is emphatic
on a believer not being equally yoked with an unbeliever.

 He operates where tradition is entrenched...

There are some traditions that the church has consciously or unconsciously accepted that
the devil has used to take advantage of the simple in faith. It is an accepted tradition of
the church to pray for everything including for a spouse. So you will hear a lot of singles
when asked if they are in a relationship say, they are still believing the Lord for a
wife/husband.
It is also now a tradition in the church that a single should expect a spectacular
manifestation before he/she can know that the Lord is leading him/her concerning
entering a relationship with the opposite sex. So you hear single sisters when asked why
they had not given the brother that has proposed to them an answer or why as a single
brother they have not proposed to the sister that they are interested in, say they are still
waiting for confirmation from the Lord. Some of them wait too long that the person they
are interested in, finds another person and before long gets married. Their excuse is
usually that, may be getting into a relationship with that person is not the will of God for
their life.

A pastor friend told me also what happened to one of his friends that sought for the
spectacular in finding a spouse. His friend prayed and fasted for twenty-one days seeking
the Lord’s help in finding a wife. After the fast, he had a vision, in which an address was
revealed to him and he heard the name of a lady in his spirit man. He went to the address
and met a lady with that name; and a relationship began. Few months to their proposed
date to get married, the lady called him to let him know that she was quitting the
relationship, the reason she gave was that she was a member of a diabolic society and that
if she marries him, she will not live with him for more than a year. The question here is
who showed him that vision? Permit me to say this, when you want the Lord to do for
you what His word did not say He will do, you open up for the devil to deceive you.
The Scriptures never said, “He that sees a vision finds a wife, or he that the Lord finds
a wife for finds a good thing and obtains favour of the Lord”. Rather it says that... “If
you find a wife, you have found a good thing. She shows that the Lord is happy with
you” (Proverbs 18:22).

 He does not take the form, you expect him to...

Centuries before us, sculptors wanting to portray the nature of the devil made sculptures
of him as a beast that is a dwarf with two horns, a tail, a long fork, and dark skin.
However, many have misunderstood the concept of what they were portraying by
believing that the devil is black and ugly, so they consider a person in an attire of a
voodoo priest as a satanic/possessed person, while a good looking gentleman or lady are
seen as saints.

The devil is not ugly, neither does he have a tail or horn, nor is he black. He will pass for
a gentleman any day, any time; Williams Shakespeare said, “The prince of darkness is a
gentleman”. The scripture never said that his beauty was taken from him when he
rebelled against God, but his wisdom was corrupted. He manifests himself through
people as a flawless and a perfect gentleman. The saying of Spencer Edmund best
describes the nature of the devil... “A cruel crafty crocodile, which in false grief hiding
his harmful guile, doth weep full sore, and sheddeth tender tears”.

The desire of the Lord is that you will not be deceived and this is the reason for the
publication of this book: “Singles; your spouse is not in church”.
Since many conceive that church denotes a place of worship; it is usually referred to as
the building where Christians do their rites. In church people talk holy, are respectful, and
friendly. As such most, people behave piously and the building is not the best place to
find your spouse. Permit me to say that the best place to look for whom to marry is not in
the building that we call church; it is outside the place of worship that you can discover
who the person you are interested in really is. You can pick an interest in someone in the
place of worship, but do not make a false conclusion that you know the person.
Section 2

How to know if the person you are interested in is right for you.
 Know the person’s doctrinal beliefs.
 Know the maturity level of the person.
 Note the behavioural pattern of the person.
 Know the person’s person.
 Know who the person’s friends are.
 Know who the person calls his/her best friend.
 Know how the person relates with his/her superior.
 Know how the person sees his/her subordinates.
 Know how the person treats those that he/she is above.
 Know how the person relates with his/her family.
 Note what people around him/her are saying about the person.
 Note how the person’s family reacts to your relationship.
 Know the person’s purpose for living.
 Note your parents’ opinion about the person.
 Note the reaction of your pastor to the relationship.
 Are you/the person you are interested in, proud to be seen with one another?
 Note the words the person says off line.
 What is the motive behind your interest in the person?
 Note how you feel from within.
 Note the person’s mindset about marriage.
 Pray and be sensitive to the Lord’s leading.

(An unknown Author wrote, “There are four classes of men... 1) He who knows not
and knows not that he knows not is a fool, shun him. 2) He who knows not and
knows that he knows not is simple, teach him. 3) He who knows and knows not that
he knows is asleep, wake him. 4) He who knows and knows that he knows is wise,
follow him”.)
 How to know if the person you are interested in is Mr. Right or Miss Right

The church should not totally be seen as a place of worship; according to the Greeks, the
word “Church” is “Ekklesia” meaning “Called out”. The church should be seen as the
company of the called out ones, and there are certain fruits expected to be produced by
them. It is important that as a single who is interested in finding out the will of God for
your life in the area of marriage, you need to look beyond charisma, and the involvement
of the person that you are interested in, in the church, so that you will not be deceived.

The question in your heart then may likely be how do I know that this person is the right
person who is the Lord’s will for me? The answer to this question will require your active
participation; never forget the saying, “The gods will not do for man, what man can do
for himself.” It will require time to know the person, sensitivity to the Spirit of the Lord
and to the things the person says, etc. Here are some of the ways that you will know if the
person you are interested in is Mr. Right or Miss Right...
 Know the person’s doctrinal beliefs.

This is a fundamental issue that you need to settle before going ahead in the relationship.
Anyone can lift up their hands in adoration to Jesus in church; it is when you leave this
place of worship that you can know what the person believes.

You will need to find out if the person you are interested in believes that Jesus is the way,
and if He is the Lord of the person. In church it will be almost difficult to discover this,
but in interacting with the person, you get to know the person’s stand in the faith.

Another doctrinal issue you need to find out is how the person sees the church; does
he/she see it as an organism which requires the active participation of everyone or as an
organization that requires the participation of professionals.

Another doctrinal issue you need to find out is how does the person see his/her pastor;
does the person respect the pastorate of the local assembly he/she attends? Does he/her
believe that when it comes to vital issues such as marriage, his/her Pastor needs to be
informed or the person believes that it is his/her prerogative. I have discovered that many
singles do not see the pastorate of their local assembly to discuss the issue of their
relationship until they have made their conclusion about who to marry. This is wrong; it
is disrespect to the leadership of the church. The Lord could use them to help you from
getting into unsuspected troubles.

If the person that you are interested in does not believe that Jesus is the way, my advise is
that you need to think twice about the relationship you are in/about to get into. If he/she
does not respect the pastorate of his/her local assembly, you might miss the blessing of
having a spiritual leadership over your family. And if he/she sees the church as an
organization, then gain will be the motive of such a person’s service to God. Do not
forget that committed members steal in church.

Philosophy is a pattern of life, religion is a moral agent, but Jesus is the only way.
Sunday Nnajiude
 Know the maturity level of the person.

In the Faith, your natural age does not equal your maturity in the faith. It is not a function
of how long a person has made a commitment to the Lord Jesus, or involvement in the
activities of the local assembly one attends. It is greatly determined by your walk with the
Lord, being able to discern His leading, and a commitment on your part to obey Him
irrespective of your feelings or what others may say.

One of the ways you can tell if a person has attained a level of maturity in the faith is in
the area of how he/she sees the tradition of the locality he/she comes from. Some
Christians still hold on fast to their native traditions; some singles will not marry outside
of their locality because the tradition has been upheld for a long time. Such people uphold
their tradition more than what the scriptures say.

Another way that you can discern a person who has attained a level of maturity in the
faith is, the kind of relationship he/she has with his/her parent. If he/she is a daddy’s or a
mummy’s pet, if care is not taken they will be the one ruling your home. I read the story
of a man, that dropped a note for his wife that he was going back to live with his mum,
because he could not do without her; such is the mind that is revealed by the saying of
Robert Browning, “Lovers grow cold, men learn to hate their wives, and only
parents’ love can last us our life time”.

An immature person will not stand on the side of the Lord if anything goes wrong in
your relationship in the future. My advice is that you think twice about the relationship
you are in/about to go into if the person is not mature to a certain level in the Faith.

It is very bad for a country if the king is like a child. And it is very bad for a country
if its rulers use all their time eating.
King Solomon
 Note the behavioural pattern of the person.

Tim and Beverly Lahaye wrote in the book, The Spirit Filled Family, “Many folks have
a mistaken idea that pressure makes a man’s spirit. That is not true; it only reveals
his/her spirit. Actually, what we are under pressure is what we are”. Care must be
taken to note how the person you are interested in, responds to the challenges he/she
is/will be confronted with. Such instances will reveal who he/she is; a response in anger
may reveal him as a hot tempered person; an abusive response may reveal him/her as a
person that is insultive, etc.

It is important that you note his/her reactions to God and man when things are not going
the way the person feels they should. If he/she has the kind of attitude that is contrary to
what Horace talked about “It is your own interest that is at stake when your
neighbour’s fence is ablaze”, my advice is that you think twice about the relationship
you are in/about to go into.

The ultimate test of man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and
convenience, but where he stands at times of challenges and controversies.
Martin Luther
 Know the person’s passion.

It is important that you know what excite the person you are interested in. What he/she
enjoy doing is a pointer to who he/she is.

The bulletin of The Redeemed Christian Church (The Fountain of Life Parish), wrote a
pierce of article on Vladimir Lenin in January 11, 2004 that shows the power of a thing
that excites one, “Vladimir Lenin was the fanatical architect of the former USSR. A
colleague said of him “Lenin thinks nothing but revolution. He talks about nothing
but revolution. He eats and drinks revolution. If he dreams at night he must dream
of revolution”. No matter how we may deplore Lenin’s fanaticism and all the evil
that came out of it, we must recognize that his single minded passion not only helped
him accomplish his goals but affected the entire course of history”.

What excites a person is impossible to hide, Vladimir Lenin could not hide his; the
person that you are interested in, cannot hide what excites him/her. If what excites the
person conflicts with your Faith, my advice is that you think twice about the relationship
you are in/about to go into, because the person will pursue his/her passion.

The fact that you see a person in church does not mean he/she has a passion for doing the
things that please the Lord.

Man is only truly great when he acts from his passions.

Benjamin Disraeli
 Know who the person’s friends are.

There is an English adage that says, “Birds of a feather flock together”, the company a
person keeps is a reflection of who the person is.

Take time to know who the person you are interested in, calls his/her friends; note the
way they behave, talk, relate with one another. Never underestimate the power of
influence; I read in one of the books of Bishop David Oyedepo’s (the Presiding Bishop of
Winners Chapel) how he saw a sheep who had been brought up with a dog eat feaces and
wag its tail like a dog. No man can move with the wrong company and end up well.

The magnetic field of a magnet is believed to be stronger on the negative pole of the
magnet than in the positive pole; it is easier to be negatively influenced than for you to
influence positively people who are negative in their attitude to God and life in general.
That is one lesson that King Rehoboam learnt the hard way, he lost ten tribe of the nation
of Israel to Jeroboam simply because he neglected the counsel of the elders, but listened
and acted on the foolish advice of his friends.

If the company he/she is keeping are not God fearing you will know outside of the
church, and my advice is that you think twice about the relationship you are in/about
going into, it could be what may destroy your marriage in the future.

Associate yourself with men of good quality if you esteem your own reputation; for
it is better to be alone than in a bad company.
George Washington
 Know who the person calls his/her best friend.

In a pack of lions you will find one of them who others follow; in a flock of sheep, you
find out that one of the sheep leads and the others follow. Among the friends of your
intended or the person you are interested in is a person that he/she discusses personal
issues with, and listens to. That person is the leader he respects and trusts, you need to
know the person. Since he/she is likely to become your intended adviser, it is important
to know the person’s mindset; how he/she views life’s challenges.

The reason is that if you have challenges in your marriage in future, he/she is the first
person your intended will turn to for advice. If the person does not fear the Lord, I will
advise you to think twice about the relationship you are in/about to go into.

What is a friend? A single soul in one body.

Aristotle
 Know how the person relates with his/her superior.

The order is that you have to be a follower before you can be a leader. People who are not
good followers do not end up being leaders or they end as bad leaders. The Lord in His
infinite wisdom places everyone under an authority, one of His aim is to help build the
desired character He wants in that person. The person He might place over you, may even
be a person that has no fear of God in his/her heart, He expects that you respect authority.

If the person speaks evil of the authority placed over him/her, and can do anything to take
the position of the person that is his/her superior, my advise is that you think twice about
the relationship you are in/about to go into. Richard Hooker said concerning people with
this negative attitude, “He that goeth about to persuade a multitude, that they are not
so well governed as they ought to will never want attentive and favourable hearers”,
when people who are desperate for position get there (the position of the leadership they
spoke against), many a time they are not better than the leadership they spoke against.

The reason l gave you that advice is that if the Lord should raise you above him/her in
the future; the person might have problems coping with you. It could lead to a
competitive kind of marriage, he/she always trying to beat whatever achievements that
you have made.

I know a lady who broke up her relationship with the man she was dating simply because
he could not handle the fact that she is a graduate and he was not. She said he always got
intimidated when certain issues turned up, she had to quit the relationship because of the
effect it would have on her future, since she was a career lady.

This problem is common with men, for a long time he has been made to believe that he is
in-charge: to be in-charge to him means to be at the top of everything, and he easily
brings this negative attitude into his marriage.

Heaven cannot brook two suns, nor can the earth two masters.
Alexander the Great
 Know how the person sees his/her equal.

The Lord will also place you, where you will have equals, i.e., those that you will be in
the same level with. One of the aims for this, is that you might know how to relate with
people your equal.

How the person you are dating sees his/her equal is therefore important if your marriage
will be a success. If he/she sees him/herself as better than everyone, it is mostly likely the
person has a complex problem; my advice is that you think twice about the relationship
you are in/about to go into. The reason is that he/she will not see you as equals when you
get married; he/she will always be looking for means to outdo you or may even do things
to pull you down.

No man is an island, entire of himself.

John Derwey
 Know how the person treats his/her subordinates.

The Lord in His infinite wisdom will also place you where you will have people who will
be reporting to you/for whom you will be responsible for. The wisdom behind this is to
learn to treat people with dignity and respect. Many have been deceived by believing that
people who greet others with respect in church are humble people, this is far from the
truth. I see “humility” as you being able to respect and treat people right who you can
gain nothing from, or people as it where who have nothing to offer you.

David Byrne said, “Sometimes it is a form of love just to talk to somebody that you
can have nothing in common with and still be fascinated by their presence”, the
reason being that you can still learn something you do not know from them. Never forget
that anyone you meet in the journey of life was placed there for a purpose.

You need to find out the way your intended relates to those that he/she is superior
to/higher than in the hierarchy of life. If he/she is the type that is bossy and has no respect
for them, my advice is that you should think twice about the relationship that you are
in/about to go into.

The effect of this could show up when the Lord blesses your family in the future, and you
can afford house helps. You may not like the way your intended treats them, and might
have to defend them which may make your spouse get suspicious about your relationship
with your house helps.

Humility is the acceptance of the possibility that somebody else can teach you
something else you do not know about yourself. Conversely, pride and arrogance
close the door of the mind.
Arthur Deikman
 Know how the person relates with his/her family.

Respectful people are not people that honour their pastors alone; there are some singles
who can do almost anything for their pastors, but consider their parent(s) as wicked and
would have nothing to do with them. A lot of singles give offering in church, which by
God’s standard are not acceptable. The reason is because they are holding their parent(s)
in unforgiveness and this is one reason why some singles are yet to be married, because
they have opened up themselves to a curse. The scriptures said, “You must honour your
father and mother. Do this so that you will have a full life in the land that the Lord
your God gives you” (Exodus 20:12), the instruction did not give the conditions which
demands that you honour your parent(s), it is a command. Permit me to say this, in the
way of the Lord, respect is not reciprocal, it is given.

Know how your intended relates with the members of his/her family as the atmosphere in
his/her family will be brought to your home if you both get married. If there is no love
among them, my advice is that you should think twice about the relationship that you are
in/about to enter. Never forget that the way he/she treats his/her family will be the way
he/she will treat your family eventually.

The commandment says, “You must honour (respect) your father and your
mother”. That is the first commandment that has a promise with it. That promise is:
“Then everything will be fine with you. And you will have a long life on the earth.”
Apostle Paul
 Note what people around him/her are saying about the person.

In church a lot of good commendations may be given because of ones participation in the
activities in one’s local assembly, but care must be taken to know how people outside the
church perceive that person.

Never mind if the person tells you that people gossip a lot where he/she lives; though
gossiping is bad, but do not just throw away the things that you hear about your intended
that is negative; even Jesus was concerned about who people said that he was. He asked
his disciples, “...who do the people say I am?”

Sift what you have heard; note the things that are not true and the things that are likely to
be true in their gossips. If he does not have a good reputation, even though he/she is
celebrated in church, my advice is that you think twice about the relationship you are
in/about to go into. You might get to discover after marriage that who he/she is in church,
is just a camouflage of who he/she really is.

To disregard what the world thinks about us is not only arrogant but utterly
shameless.
Cicero
 Note the reaction of the person’s family to your relationship.

It takes being sensitive to discern the feelings of your intended’s family towards you and
the relationship. Some parents’ excitement is not just as a result of their child getting
married but because at last someone is foolish enough to get involved with their child and
take the child off their hands. .

I know of someone who got to understand the reason for the effusive and nice welcome
his would- be parents in-law gave him when he came courting their daughter after several
years of marriage. The lady though a well mannered person in church, was nothing but
sheer trouble outside it and as such the parents were glad to get her off their backs.

If the family of the person wants the two of you to quickly make the wedding
arrangements, my advice is that you should not consent to it. Take time out to study the
person, because they might want him/her out of the house because they are tired of
his/her behaviour or nonchalant attitude to life.

A non- observant man goes through the forest and sees no fire wood.
Russian adage
 Know the person’s purpose for living.

Dr Myles Munroe defines purpose as, the original intent for the creation of a thing; it
therefore behooves a man and a woman to discover their purposes. I believe strongly that
until a person finds his/her purpose, he/she should stay away from any relationship that
will lead to marriage.

When God made the human race, He had a purpose in mind. The Scripture says, “Then
God said, “Now let’s make man. We will make people a copy of ourselves. People
will be like us. They will rule over all the fish in the sea and the birds in the air.
They will rule over all the large animals and all the little things that crawl on the
earth” (Genesis 1:26). Permit me to say that, the world is a stage, and we are all actors
in it, it is therefore important that when you play your part, you do not have a company
that will hinder you from being the best that you have been created to be.

Find out if the man/woman you are interested in is a purpose driven person. Where a
conflict exists with yours, my advice is that you should think twice about the relationship
that you are in/about to enter into. You will never be fulfilled in your marriage if the two
of you are heading in opposite directions. You will never be happy from within if you are
not fulfilling the purpose of God for your life.

The hole in your heart is not a people sized hole, it is a God and a purpose sized
hole.
Michele Hammond
 Note your parents’ opinion about the person.

It is important that you note your parents’ opinion about your intended, especially if they
are born again. When one is interested in a person, it is likely that one’s feelings might
have the better of one. We all need someone who is not biased when it comes to the vital
issues of our life. Your parents to some extent can play that role, they may see some of
the things that you do not see; they may not be emotionally carried away as you will be.

Your parents know who you are to some extent; they have lived with you and watched
over you for years. They have your interest at heart, and are sensitive to things you may
ignore. Your parents may likely not attend the church he/she (your intended) does, and
marriage is one issue that they will not play with because they know that if anything goes
wrong it will still bounce back on them.

I once read the story of a young lady that was in love with a certain gentleman and
against her mother’s wishes went ahead and married the said man. The mother’s
objection to the man was based on the fact that the man was once a part of a vigilante
group that took great delight in taking laws into their own hands when ever they caught a
supposed thief and therefore advised her daughter against marrying a man with such
soiled hands. The lady however refused, went ahead and married the man.

She later got pregnant but even as at the time she wrote the piece, the pregnancy
mysteriously stopped growing beyond a certain level. Her husband later confessed that
they (he and the members of the vigilante group that he used to belong) had taken the law
into their hands some years back in which they killed a pregnant woman that had stolen
something from a supermarket. She ended up with a curse because of what her husband
did in the past; this she could have avoided if she had listened to her mother.

Do not ignore your parents’ comments about the person you are interested in. My advice
is that you pray about it before you make up your mind to go on with the relationship.

You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the
time, but you cannot fool all of the people all of the time.
Abraham Lincoln
 Note the reaction of your pastor to the relationship.

Your pastor due to his/her care for you may be more sensitive to the leading of the Holy
Spirit than you will be, because you may have been carried away by your feelings. And
since he/she is the Lord’s shepherd over you, he/she is in a position to counsel you
rightly.

Your pastor is more mature than you are in the things of the Lord; he/she has seen and
counseled lots and lots of singles and married couples. He/she can discern to some extent,
the heart of the Lord concerning your relationship.

Most pastors will not come out with what they perceive the Lord is saying to them
directly, especially if you come up with the line that it is the Lord that said the person you
brought to him/her is His will for your life. They will only ask you to keep praying about
it. Be sensitive to his/her reaction, if it tilts towards the negative, pray about the
relationship you are in/about to go into.

What you despise, you can never benefit from.

Pastor Taiwo Odukoya
 Are you/the person you are interested in, proud to be be seen with one another?

How do you feel around the person outside of church? Are you proud enough to
introduce him/her to your friends or you just like him/her enough for the show of
spirituality and position the person holds in church?

You have to also be sensitive to the behaviour of the person; does he/she feels free with
you outside? Does he/she introduce you as someone special to people? Does he/she talk
about you to others? You will know this, because one of them (his/her friend(s) or
family) will talk about it. If you have no favourable answers to these questions, l will
advise that you think twice about the relationship that you are in/about to go into.

How does he introduce you to friends and colleagues?... Are you just a friend or
simply “Bunmi”? if he never introduce you as his woman or fiancée, especially when
your relationship is one year and above, the guy is only passing time with you. Some
guys will tactically avoid making introductions, it still comes down to lack of
commitment.
Jumoke llevbabor’s article written in the SUN newspaper dated July 11, 2004 on
“Ten signs that tell you whether your man is committed or not.”
 Note the words the person says when caught unawares.

There are times the person that you are dating/interested in, says some things offline i.e
things that he/she was not conscious of. Do not ignore those words because it reveals the
mindset of the person. In church, he/she would be conscious about what to say, but
outside of church people easily let loose their tongue. Jesus said to the Pharisees, “You
snakes! You evil people! How can you say anything good? The mouth speaks the
things that are in the heart” (Matthew 12:34). I define words as, processed thought
vocalized.

Care must be taken not to treat with levity things that the person say that you do not agree
with; do not just ignore his/her words as if they are trivial, you may latter discover in
marriage that he/she meant those words. If he/she makes statements offline, confront
him/her with the issue, if the response you get is not favourable, my advice is that you
think twice about the relationship that you are in/about to get into.

When you have nothing to say, say nothing.

Coltons, Charles Caleb
 What is the motive behind your interest in the person?

It is motive that determines motivation and motivation determines motion, and once the
motive for doing anything is wrong, it is just a matter of time before the motion will be
impeded. You need to search your heart and answer this question of the real motive
behind your interest in the person.

If the motive is wrong it could blind you to the real facts about the person, or it can make
you ignore the things you see that is wrong about the person you are interested in.

A primary motive of ladies wanting to get married is for security. However, this is a
wrong motive. Some ladies have gotten married to unbelievers because of this. I once met
a lady that married a rich man and enjoyed the glamour it brought for some time, but
today the man she got married to has been locked up in prison in one of the Islamic
countries for drug trafficking. As at the time l met her, the man’s fate had not been
decided as to whether he would be beheaded or not.

The only person that can guarantee you a lasting security is the Lord.

Men on the other hand want to get married because of the beauty that ladies exhibit
which could be in terms of good looks, exhibition of talents, etc. However, this is a
wrong motive. It is easy for a brother with the Lord’s calling on his life to the five fold
ministry to believe that the sister that has a beautiful voice can help him fulfill that calling
if they get married.

If you search your heart and find out that the motive behind the relationship you are
in/about to go into is wrong, my advice is that you think twice about the relationship that
you are in/about to get into.

If you must love me, let it be for naught except for love sake only.
Browning, Elizabeth Barrett in the sonnet for Portuguese
 Note how you feel from within.

A Christian is meant to live his/her life from inside out, and not outside in. It means
that a Believer is meant to live his/her life by the leading of the Holy Spirit that dwells
within him/her, and not by the things that he/she sees around.

If you are sensitive enough you will know within you if there is a release concerning the
relationship or not. There will be a feeling of being uncomfortable anytime you are with
the person, or when you think about the relationship, if it is not the will of the Lord. Most
times you will not be able to explain these feelings, because everything may seem to be
going on well. And if it is the will of the Lord that you continue with it, there will be a
peace that you cannot explain even though everything around says the contrary.

Take time out to note this feeling, if you do not feel comfortable from within, despite the
fact that everything seems to be alright, my advice is that you think twice about the
relationship you are in/about to get into.

Be willing to do what your soul directs you to do if you want to create what you are
asking for.
Sanyana Roman
 Note the person’s mindset about marriage.

Most singles do not see marriage from the way the Lord intends it to be; to them marriage
is an avenue to procreate, find security, have a status, etc. Finding out the mindset of the
person you are interested in is therefore important so that you do not walk in
presumption.

For the lady: Know how he feels about children; does he see all children... male or
female as the same or he is obsessed with having a male child? How does he view
women who are committed to their career? How does he view women who work, or does
he want his wife to be a house wife? Does he have the same mindset as that of George
Orwell who wrote in the animal farm, “All animals are equal, but some animals are
more equal than others”? Does he see women as being equal with the men? Do not
assume that because he listens to messages in church that goes contrary to tradition that
he accepts them. If his mindset is in conflict with Biblical injunctions, l will advise that
you think twice about the relationship you are in/about to get into.

For the man: Know how she feels about responsibility; does she see marriage as an
institution where the woman helps the man or she believes that the man should be the
sole provider of the family? How does she see family planning? What is her mindset
about in-laws? Do not assume that because she speaks to you with respect she does not
have a mind of her own. If her mindset is in conflict with Biblical injunctions, l will
advise that you think twice about the relationship you are in/about to get into.

To take a wife merely as an agreeable and rational companion will commonly be

found to be a great mistake.
Philip Domar
 Pray and be sensitive to the Lord’s leading.

Prayer is very vital to making your decision about who to eventually get married to.
People who commit their ways into the hand of the Lord in prayer have made themselves
open to His leading. If you pray to the Lord on every issue of your life, not leaning on
your understanding, then the likelihood of being deceived by the devil is minimized.

Permit me to say this, if you do not pray, you will become a prey of the devil, no one
can truly say l know another person inside out; the heart of a man is desperately wicked
says the scriptures and no man can know it except the Lord reveals it.

It is only the Lord that knows the future, so care must be taken to seek His direction in
the area of your choice. Be sensitive to His leading: it might come as peace in your spirit
man, counsel from the brethren, etc. Remember that the Lord will lead you if you ask
Him to, but the responsibility of proposing to the lady or of responding to the proposal of
a man lies with you.

l am the gate. The person that enters through me shall be saved. The person will be
able to come in and go out. He will find everything he needs.
Jesus the Christ
Comment

I believe that you have been blessed by the things that you have learnt from this book.
My desire is not just to write this book but to know have peoples’ comment about it.

If you have anything to contribute, criticize, or comment on the things that are written in
this book, please feel free to express them by getting to me through my email address...
singlesaffair@yahoo.com, or call me on my mobile no +234(0)803 725 7479.

Stay bless.

Olufemi Fasanya
Back cover...
Daniel Defoe said, “Wherever God erects a house of prayer, the devil always build a
chapel there; and it will be found, upon examination, the latter has the largest
congregation”; in this book Femi Fasanya wrote on how you can walk in wisdom as a
single to avoid being deceived. This book contains...

Why people easily get deceived in making the right choice of a partner.

True life stories of people who could have avoided being deceived but fell into it.

Thirty eight inspiring words from notable people... Jesus the Christ, King Solomon,
Benjamin Disreali, Abraham Licoln, Alexander the Great, Pastor Sam Adeyemi,
Pastor Sam Ajana, etc.

And lots more.

The greatest destroyer of humanity is not the devil, it is ignorance. Do not let it
destroy you.

Olufemi Fasanya is the cordinator of Singles Affair Ministry, with the vision to “Raise
singles of purpose, with a healthy self esteem, through the knowledge of Christ”. He
is married to Doyinsola who is a co- helper in the ministry and they are blessed with a
son- Alex.

He is the author of the book, “21 Never Singles Must Observe.”