Love!!

you've ever been in love, you've probably at least considered classifying the feeling
as an addiction. And guess what: You were right. As it turns out, scientists are
discovering that the same chemical process that takes place with addiction takes
place when we fall in love.

Love is a chemical state of mind that's part of our genes and influenced by our
upbringing. We are wired for romance in part because we are supposed to be loving
parents who care diligently for our helpless babies.
In this article, we'll find out what love really is and what happens in our bodies that
makes us fall in love -- and ensures we stay there. We'll also look at what attracts us
to someone in the first place. Is it their pheromones, or do they just fit the right "love
template?"

What is Love?

Romantic love both exhilarates and motivates us. It is also critical to the continuation
of our species. Without the attachment of romantic love, we would live in an entirely
different society that more closely resembled some (but not all) of those social circles
in the animal world. The chemicals that race around in
our brain when we're in love serve several purposes,
and the primary goal is the continuation of our species.
Those chemicals are what make us want to form families and have children. Once we
have children, those chemicals change to encourage us to stay together to raise
those children. So in a sense, love really is a chemical addiction that occurs to keep
us reproducing.

Regardless of the country or culture, romantic love plays an important part. While
cultural differences in how that love is displayed vary greatly, the fact that romantic
love exists is undisputed.
But let's get down to the nitty gritty. What is it that makes us fall in love with
someone in the first place?

What Makes us Fall in Love?

We all have a template for the ideal partner buried somewhere in our subconscious. It
is this love map that decides which person in that crowded room catches our eye.
But how is this template formed?

Appearance
Many researchers have speculated that we tend to go for members of the opposite
sex who remind us of our parents. Some have even found that we tend to be
attracted to those who remind us of ourselves. In fact, cognitive psychologist David
Perrett, at the University of St. Andrews in Scotland, did an experiment in which he
morphed a digitized photo of the subject's own face into a face of the opposite sex.
Then, he had the subject select from a series of photos which one he or she found
most attractive. According to Dr. Perrett, his subjects always preferred the morphed
version of their own face (and they didn't recognize it as their own).
Personality
Like appearance, we tend to form preferences for those who remind us of our parents
 (or others close to us through childhood) because of their personality, sense of
humor, likes and dislikes, etc.
Pheromones
The debated topic of human pheromones still carries some weight in the field of love
research. The word "pheromone" comes from the Greek words pherein and hormone,
meaning "excitement carrier".
In the animal world, pheromones are individual scent "prints" found in urine or sweat
that dictate sexual behavior and attract the opposite sex. They help animals identify
each other and choose a mate with an immune system different enough from their
own to ensure healthy offspring. They have a special organ in their noses called the
vomeronasal organ (VNO) that detects this odorless chemical.
The existence of human pheromones was discovered in 1986 by scientists at the
Chemical Senses Center in Philadelphia and its counterpart in France. They found
these chemicals in human sweat. A human VNO has also been found in some, but not
all, people. Even if the VNO isn't present in all of us -- and may not be working in
those who do have it -- there is still evidence that smell is an important aspect of
love (note the booming perfume industry). An experiment was conducted where a
group of females smelled the unwashed tee shirts of a group of sweaty males, and
each had to select the one to whom she was most "attracted." Just like in the animal
world, the majority of the females chose a shirt from the male whose immune system
was the most different from their own.
Staring Into Each Other's Eyes
Professor Arthur Aron, of the State University of New York
at Stonybrook, has studied what happens when people fall
in love and has found that simply staring into each other's
eyes has tremendous impact.
In an experiment he conducted, Professor Aron put
strangers of the opposite sex together for 90 minutes and
had them discuss intimate details about themselves. He
then had them stare into each other's eyes for four
minutes without talking. The results? Many of the subjects
felt a deep attraction for their partner after the
experiment, and two even ended up getting married six
months later.

Aphrodisiacs

According to the Food and Drug Administration, aphrodisiacs are based in "folklore,
not fact." Still, people continue to believe in the love-inducing effects of certain foods,
herbs and extracts. There are several common aphrodisiacs that may or may not
have actual effects on your love life. Discovery Health listed some of these:

• Asparagus: The vitamin E in this vegetable is said to stimulate sex hormones.

• Chili peppers: Some researchers say that eating hot peppers makes us release
endorphins, which might lead to "other things."
• Chocolate: This favorite for Valentine's Day contains phenylethylamine, one of the
chemicals your body produces naturally when you're in love (see The Chemistry of
Love).
• Oysters: Oysters contain high levels of zinc, which reportedly increased the
production of testosterone. Testosterone increases libido for both sexes.
Others include Ginkgo, Spanish fly (dead beetle parts) and Damiana.
Most of these are supposed to create the desire for sex or improve male sexual ability
rather than attract a mate. But, if you're stimulating hormones that make you more
interested, then you're more likely to meet someone and fall in love. And, even if
they don't actually work, some say that if you think it's going to work, you're halfway
there.

Types/Stages of Love: Lust and Attraction

There are three distinct types or stages of "love":

1. Lust, or erotic passion

2. Attraction, or romantic passion
3. Attachment, or commitment
When all three of these happen with the same person, you have a very strong bond.
Sometimes, however, the one we lust after isn't the one we're actually in love with.

Lust
When we're teenagers, just after puberty, estrogen and testosterone become active
in our bodies for the first time and create the desire to experience "love." These
desires, a.k.a. lust, play a big role both during puberty and throughout our lives.
According to an article by Lisa Diamond, entitled "Love and Sexual Desire" (Current
Directions in Psychological Science, vol 13 no. 3), lust and romantic love are two
different things caused by different underlying substrates. Lust evolved for the
purpose of sexual mating, while romantic love evolved because of the need for
infant/child bonding. So even though we often experience lust for our romantic
partner, sometimes we don't -- and that's okay. Or, maybe we do, but we also lust
after someone else. According to Dr. Diamond, that's normal.
Sexologist John Money draws the line between love and lust in this way: "Love exists
above the belt, lust below. Love is lyrical. Lust is lewd."
Pheromones, looks and our own learned predispositions for what we look for in a
mate play an important role in whom we lust after, as well. Without lust, we might
never find that special someone. But, while lust keeps us "looking around," it is our
desire for romance that leads us to attraction.
Attraction
While the initial feelings may (or may not) come from lust, what happens next -- if the
relationship is to progress -- is attraction. When attraction, or romantic passion,
comes into play, we often lose our ability to think rationally -- at least when it comes
to the object of our attraction. The old saying "love is blind" is really accurate in this
stage. We are often oblivious to any flaws our partner might have. We idealize them
and can't get them off our minds. This overwhelming preoccupation and drive is part
of our biology. We'll go deeper into the chemicals involved in attraction in The
Chemistry of Love.
In this stage, couples spend many hours getting to know each other. If this attraction
remains strong and is felt by both of them, then they usually enter the third stage:
attachment.

Types/Stages of Love: Attachment

The attachment, or commitment, stage is love for the

duration. You've passed fantasy love and are entering
into real love. This stage of love has to be strong
enough to withstand many problems and distractions. Studies by University of
Minnesota researcher Ellen Berscheid and others have shown that the more we
idealize the one we love, the stronger the relationship during the attachment stage.

Psychologists at the University of Texas in Austin have come to the same conclusion.
They found that idealization appears to keep people together and keep them happier
in marriage. "Usually, this is a matter of one person putting a good spin on the
partner, seeing the partner as more responsive than he or she really is," says Ted
Huston, the study's lead investigator. "People who do that tend to stay in
relationships longer than those who can't or don't."
Playing a key role in this stage are oxytocin, vasopressin and endorphins, which
are released when having sex (more on this later).
Let's find out more about the chemistry of love.

Love Junkies
Chemical Bonding There are those who may be
addicted to that love "high."
In romantic love, when two people have sex, oxytocin They need that
is released, which helps bond the relationship. amphetamine-like rush of
According to researchers at the University of California, dopamine, norepinephrine
San Francisco, the hormone oxytocin has been shown and phenylethylamine.
to be "associated with the ability to maintain healthy Because the body builds up a
interpersonal relationships and healthy psychological tolerance to these chemicals,
boundaries with other people." When it is released it begins to take more and
during orgasm, it begins creating an emotional bond -- more to give love junkies
the more sex, the greater the bond. Oxytocin is also that high. They go through
associated with mother/infant bonding, uterine relationship after relationship
contractions during labor in childbirth and the "let to get their fix.
down" reflex necessary for breastfeeding.

Vasopressin, an antidiuretic hormone, is another chemical that has been associated

with the formation of long-term, monogamous relationships (see "Are We Alone in
Love?"). Dr. Fisher believes that oxytocin and vasopressin interfere with the dopamine
and norepinephrine pathways, which might explain why passionate love fades as
attachment grows.
Endorphins, the body's natural painkillers, also play a key role in long-term
relationships. They produce a general sense of well-being, including feeling soothed,
peaceful and secure. Like dopamine and norepinephrine, endorphins are released
during sex; they are also released during physical contact, exercise and other
activities. According to Michel Odent of London's Primal Health Research Center,
endorphins induce a "drug-like dependency

The Long Haul?

What about when that euphoric feeling is gone? According to Ted Huston at the
University of Texas, the speed at which courtship
progresses often determines the ultimate success of
the relationship. What they found was that the longer the courtship, the
stronger the long-term relationship.

The feelings of passionate love, however, do lose their strength over time. Studies
have shown that passionate love fades quickly and is nearly gone after two or three
years. The chemicals responsible for "that lovin' feeling" (adrenaline, dopamine,
norepinephrine, phenylethylamine, etc.) dwindle. Suddenly your lover has faults. Why
has he or she changed, you may wonder. Actually, your partner probably hasn't
changed at all; it's just that you're now able to see him or her rationally, rather than
through the blinding hormones of infatuation and passionate love. At this stage, the
relationship is either strong enough to endure, or the relationship ends.
If the relationship can advance, then other chemicals kick in. Endorphins, for
example, are still providing a sense of well-being and security. Additionally, oxytocin
is still released when you're having sex, producing feelings of satisfaction and
attachment. Vasopressin also continues to play a role in attachment.

Are We Alone in Love?

Only three percent of mammals (aside from the human species) form "family"
relationships like we do. The prairie vole is one such
animal. This vole mates for life and prefers spending
time with its mate over spending time with any other voles. Voles even go to the
extreme of avoiding voles of the opposite sex.

When they have offspring, the couple works together to care for them. They spend
hours grooming each other and just hanging out together. Studies have been done to
try to determine the chemical makeup that might explain why the prairie vole forms
this lifelong, monogamous relationship when its very close relative, the montane
vole, does not.
According to studies by Larry Young, a social attachment researcher at Emory
University, what happens is that when the prairie vole mates, like humans, the
hormones oxytocin and vasopressin are released. Because the prairie vole has the
needed receptors in its brain for these hormones in the regions responsible for
reward and reinforcement, it forms a bond with its mate. That bond is for that
particular vole based on its smell -- sort of like an imprint. As further reinforcement,
dopamine is also released in the brain's reward center when they have sex, making
the experience enjoyable and ensuring that they want to do it again. And because of
the oxytocin and vasopressin, they want to have sex with the same vole.
Because the montane vole does not have receptors for oxytocin or vasopressin in its
brain, those chemicals have no effect, and they continue with their one-night stands.
Other than those receptors, the two vole species are almost entirely the same in their
physical makeup.