THE MBT BULLET

Volume 61, No. 10

THE MONTHLY NEWSLETTER OF THE MIDWEST BUDDHIST TEMPLE Midwest Buddhist Temple * 435 West Menomonee Street * Chicago, IL 60614 Resident Minister: Reverend Ron Miyamura Phone: 312. 943.7801; Fax 312. 943.8069; Website: www.midwestbuddhisttemple.org October 2011

WHEN A LOVED ONE DIES

by Bishop Koshin Ogui Our sorrow consists not in the shortness of life, but in our inability to make supreme use of the present moment. John died. I said to John's loved ones, "I believe John lived his life with his ability and with his might in his karmic path. He shared his life with his family and friends when things were good or bad or sad or happy. I enjoyed playing golf with him." When a loved one dies, I extend respect to the family and friends who shared his joys and suffering. Also I am sure that John's truthfulness, wisdom, kindness, patience and smile will never die, but will shine in our hearts and give us the light of wisdom. I also admire the family for deciding on a service which is practical and meaningful. When someone we care for dies, we have strong feelings. We don't know what words to say. But when we come to the temple we light candles and offer incense and chant sutra. Our mood becomes less agitated; we settle down. A peaceful feeling is created. Then the feelings which arise at the loss of a loved one are somewhat less difficult for us. When our minds are calmed, we can become open to the reality of life. I could say hundreds of beautiful words to comfort you in your sadness. You may feel security and satisfaction at the time of a loved one's death when hearing and thinking about many ideas from the various religions. But I encourage you to develop the J encourage you to develop the ability to face death as a part of life... ability to face death as a part of life, and from there you may overcome your sadness and learn to take care of your life. I have heard people say so many times, "I can't believe it! I just talked to him on the phone last night." Or they say, "I had dinner with him two days ago! I can't believe it!" For twentyfive years as a minister I have heard people say countless times, "I can't believe it!" It doesn't matter whether you believe it or not, it happened. It's beyond our beliefs. The truth always manifests itself beyond our beliefs. It is very difficult to accept the reality of the death of a friend or family member, especially when the loved one dies at the age of forty-seven. Is forty-seven young? Young and old are interesting concepts. What is young and what is old? Ten years old is old\ Just ask a five year old. Forty-seven is younger than eighty-five. So this man died at the age of forty-seven, yet reality is quite beyond our grief and words. You see, whatever we say or however we express our emotions, the reality is very cruel. And so it is, he died at the age of forty-seven. In our western culture we don't look at such things as burned bodies and the remaining bones. Rather we observe the body in an embalmed state and then cover the body up in a casket. We say, "He went to heaven." But we are kind of scared to see the reality of it, which is interesting. Rennyo Shonin, a priest of Shin Buddhism, stated in one of his epistles, "In the morning we may have radiant health; in the evening we may be white ashes. When the winds of uncertainty strike, our eyes are closed forever. When the last breath leaves our body, the healthy Continued on Page 2

October 2011 colors of our face are transformed and we lose the appearance of radiant life. Our loved ones may gather around In the morning we may have radiant health, in the evening we may be white ashes. and lament, but to no avail." That is a very cruel message, isn't it? When a person dies, loved ones can do nothing to bring the person back to life. Rennyo wrote further, "When such an event occurs, the body is sent into an open field and cremated, leaving only white ashes. What a sad plight." As was the custom in Japan in the past, the family waited until the cremation was over, then they picked the bones and placed them one by one into a box. This aids the family in realizing the death of the loved one. We will have questions unless we face the reality that our friend or family member has died. Rennyo is telling us to develop our ability to see our life as it truly is, to see the changing nature of human life, to accept the reality as it comes with a truthful mind. We tend to see things, including the death of a friend or relative, with our convenient mind of egoistic mind. We even get angry at the person for leaving us by dying. With time, a truthful mind will accept things as they truly are. Ikkyu, a Zen priest, said, "It is good to die when we die. It is good to live when we live." That's all! Behind such a simple message, he's saying Hey, you! While we are living, why not learn to concentrate on living? Even though we may want to die, we will not die until the time comes. Conversely, even though we may not want to die, we will die when the time comes. John died at the age of 47. We may think this is too young to die. We generally think that. Even I think that, you know? What age is a good age to die? I asked a lady in our temple who was 103, "Isn't it hard to live up to 103?" She said, "Yes." The saddest thing she had to go through was facing the death of her own child. For parents to face the death of their own child is extremely difficult. So I don't know if living that long is good or bad. She was in good health and cared for by her family members. She shared her wisdom and compassion for 103 years. But until the time comes, she cannot die. I found it hard to share words with a friend who was bedridden. I bough him a book as a gift and wrote on the front page so when he was by himself he could read. Our sorrow consists not in the shortness of life, but in our inability to make supreme use of the present moment. He then could reflect on what this message means for him in his life. So what does this mean for you and your life? It's a beautiful spring day, and your heart is beating. You're not bedridden; you're able to walk. Yes, you're very fortunate to be in good health, so why not learn to enjoy your life? That's a good question, how can we make ourselves enjoy life? Without the experience of sadness, frustration, arguments, unhappiness, we would never be able to realize what

Page 2 enlightenment means. Unpleasant, unhappy happenings in your life are important opportunities to experience, to learn from, and then to grow. So please don't be disgusted with yourself, nor get disgusted by your friends, your society, your community, your nation or even Unpleasant, unhappy happenings in your life are important opportunities to experience, to learn from, and then to grow. other nations. This is the place where we are able to experience life and the joy of enlightenment. What I am saying about looking at death, accepting death as a reality, is not a negative way of looking at things. When we truly know the meaning of death and dying, we are able to see the meaning of living. To know dying is to know living. We usually think we will live a certain amount of time beyond where we re living now. I am fifty, so I might have thirty years left, and if I live that long, I'll be glad. But, inhalation and exhalation are a matter of birth and death. If your breath doesn't return to you, you are dead. We're actually living a new life everyday. Buddha Dharma emphasizes you are reborn every day. When you wake up in the morning, place your hands on your heart and say Wow! My heart is beating this morning! Now what can I do this morning? Live each day, each new life, live today!
[This article was taken from Sensei Ogui's book, Zen Shin Talks, compiled and edited by Mary K. Gove. It is available for purchase through the temple for $15 plus $3 for postage]