MARRIAGE 1. What is your concept of marriage? 2. Have you been married before? 3. Are you married now? 4.

What are your expectations of marriage? 5. Why have you chosen me/other person as a potential spouse? 6. What are your goals in life? (long and short term) 7. Identify three things that you want to accomplish in the near future. 8. Identify three things that you want to accomplish, long term. RELIGION 9. What is the role of religion in your life now? 10. Are you a spiritual person? 11. What is your understanding of an Islamic marriage? 12. What are you expecting of your spouse, religiously? 13. What is your relationship between you and the Muslim community in your area? 14. Are you volunteering in any Islamic activities? 15. What can you offer your spouse spiritually? 16. What is the role of the husband? 17. What is the role of the wife? 18. Do you want to practice polygamy? FAMILY 19. What is your relationship with your family? 20. What do you expect your relationship with the family of your spouse to be? 21. What do you expect your spouses relationship with your family to be? 22. Is there anyone in your family living with you now? 23. Are you planning to have anyone in your family live with you in the future? 24. If, for any reason, my relationship with your family turns sour, what should be done? FRIENDS 25. Who are your friends? (Identify at least three.) 26. How did you get to know them? 27. Why are they your friends? 28. What do you like most about them?

29. What will your relationship with them after marriage be? 30. Do you have friends of the opposite sex? 31. What is the level of your relationship with them now? 32. What will be the level of your relationship with them after marriage? 33. What type of relationship do you want your spouse to have with your friends? SELF 34. What are the things that you do in your free time? 35. Do you love to have guests in your home for entertainment? 36. What are you expecting from your spouse when your friends come to the house? 37. What is your opinion of speaking other languages in home that I do not under stand? (with friends or family) 38. Do you travel? 39. How do you spend your vacations? 40. How do you think your spouse should spend vacations? 41. Do you read? 42. What do you read? 43. After marriage, do you think that you are one to express romantic feelings v erbally? 44. After marriage, do you think that you want to express affection in public? 45. How do you express your admiration for someone that you know now? 46. How do you express your feelings to someone who has done a favour for you? 47. Do you like to write your feelings? 48. If you wronged someone, how do you apologize? 49. If someone has wronged you, how do you want she/he to apologize to you? 50. How much time passes before you can forgive someone? 51. How do you make important and less important decisions in your life? 52. Do you use foul language at home? In public? With family? 53. Do your friends use foul language? 54. Does your family use foul language? 55. How do you express anger? 56. How do you expect your spouse to express anger?

57. What do you do when you are angry? 58. When do you think it is appropriate to initiate mediation in marriage? 59. When there is a dispute in your marriage, religious or otherwise, how should the conflict get resolved? 60. Define mental, verbal, emotional and physical abuse. 61. What would you do if you felt that you had been abused? 62. Who would you call for assistance if you were being abused? HEALTH 63. Do you suffer from any chronic disease or condition? 64. Are you willing to take a physical exam by a physician before marriage? 65. What is your understanding of proper health and nutrition? 66. How do you support your own health and nutrition? MONEY 67. What is you definition of wealth? 68. How do you spend money? 69. How do you save money? 70. How do you think that your use of money will change after marriage? 71. Do you have any debts now? If so, how are you making progress to eliminate t hem? 72. Do you use credit cards? 73. Do you support the idea of taking loans to buy a new home? 74. What are you expecting from your spouse financially? 75. What is your financial responsibility in the marriage? 76. Do you support the idea of a working wife? 77. If so, how do you think a dual-income family should manage funds? 78. Do you currently use a budget to manage your finances? 79. Who are the people to whom you are financially responsible? 80. Do you support the idea of utilizing baby sitters and/or maids? CHILDREN 81. Do you want to have children? If not, why? 82. To the best of your understanding, are you able to have children? 83. Do you want to have children in the first two years of marriage? If not, whe n?

84. Do you believe in abortion? 85. Do you have children now? 86. What is your relationship with your children now? 87. What is your relationship with their other parent? 88. What relationship do you expect your spouse to have with your children and t heir parent? 89. What is the best method(s) of raising children? 90. What is the best method(s) of disciplining children? 91. How were you raised? 92. How were you disciplined? 93. Do you believe in spanking children? Under what circumstances? 94. Do you believe in public school for your children? 95. Do you believe in Islamic school for your children? 96. Do you believe in home schooling for your children? 97. What type of relationship should your children have with non-Muslim classmat es/friends? 98. Would you send your children to visit their extended family if they lived in another state or country? 99. What type of relationship do you want your children to have with all their g randparents? RELATIVES 100. If there are members of my family that are not Muslim, that are of differen t race or culture, what type of relationship do you want to have with them? Questions to ask your wife to be or your husband to be: 1. What do you want in your husband? 2. What do you not want in your husband? 3. If I had to ask your friends to describe you in one word, what would that be? (ask her to ask them) 4. Do you wake up to pray Fajer on time? 5. What is the relationship between you and your family? 6. Have you had any previous relations? (better not asked directly) 7. Where do you see yourself in 10 years? Any goals you like to accomplish? 8. What is the thing you like most about yourself? 9. What is the thing that you do not like about yourself? 10. Do you like to read Quran? or Islamic Sciences? 11. Do you like to read in general? 11. Are you doing good in your academic studies? what s your grades or GPA? 12. Do you like what you study or did you want to study something else? 13. How do you spend your day in detail? 14. How much do you spend watching TV? What is your opinion on TV?

15. Do you perform the Sunan? 16. Do you have the intention to wear Jilbab? 17. Throw a problem and ask for a solution? a situation and so on. 18. Send an article and ask for her opinion. 19. If you were doing something and you discovered that it was against the Sunna , would you change? 20. if you had some extra time to do what you want, what would you do? Do you li ke doing voluntary work? 21. What is the role of deen in your life? What priority does it take? 22. What are the roles of a husband and a wife? Does the wife have to obey the h usband?

The Big Issues: (1) What makes him angry and how does he deal with his anger? Does he blame everybody but himself? Does he stop talking to the person involved? Does he bear grudges ( I ll get him back one day! ) Has he ever physically or mentally abused anyone with whom he was angry? Does he get angry when those who may be wiser disagree or suggest an alternative point of view? Does he ever forgive those with whom he was angry? (2) How does he behave during a crisis? Does he blame everyone except himself? Does he become hostile towards an uninvolved member of an ethnic group which is known to abuse followers of Islam? What steps does he take to face and deal with pressure? Does he remain optimistic that things will get better, and that after every diff iculty comes ease? (3) How does he feel about women s rights in a Muslim home? Did he ever observe abuse from his father towards his mother? Did he ever act to prevent abuse at home? How? Did he believe that his father was always right? Does he believe that all women deserve abuse? How does he make decisions? Does he rely on his own wisdom? Does he consult with close friends?

Will he be willing to consult with his spouse on any decision? Does he stick firmly to his decisions? (4) How does he deal with money matters? Does he save his money for the future? Does he give money to charities? When he decides to buy something, will he consult his spouse in making the decis ion? How does he describe his own spending and attitude towards money? (5) What does he expect from his wife and children? How would he react if his expectations are not met? What is his vision of family life? Would he pitch in and co-operate in family chores and the upbringing of children ? Would he be willing to change to accommodate your views? (6) What are his family like? Are his family religious, or will you be the only one in hijab? Does their approach to Islam differ from yours will you be the only fundamentalis ts in a family whose Islam is more traditional ? If this is a mixed match, are his folks open to outsiders, or will you face clan nishness and exclusion? (7) What is his medical background? (Many Imams in the US are now refusing to conduct Nikah until they see proof tha t the couple have undergone blood tests and been given a clean bill of health) Has he ever had an AIDS test, and what was the result? Is there any history of major illness in his family? (8) What are his views on education of women and children? Will he allow you to continue and/or return to education? What are his views on education and schooling of children? If you have strong vi ews on Islamic schools, home schooling, etc., find out if his views coincide wit h yours. Will he take part in the children s upbringing and education? Will he teach them Q ur an? (9) Where does he want to live? Does he want to settle in the country where you now live?

Does he want to return to his homeland? Does he want to move to a new country al together? Will the family have to move frequently because of his profession? Will he take your feelings into account when deciding where to live? Does he aspire to a large and luxurious home, or will he settle for less? Does h e want to live in the heart of the city, in the suburbs, or in an isolated rural setting? Day-to-day matters Some of these are individual preferences what may deeply concern some may not ev en be an issue to others, but if you have some strong feelings on a matter, it i s better to get it out into the open before you make a commitment: (1) Food: Do you agree on the halal meat issue some people will only eat halal-slaughtered m eat, whilst others will eat any meat of the Jews and Christians as long as it s not pork. Does he insist on only eating the food of his own ethnic group, or are his taste s more eclectic? Will he insist on having every meal cooked from scratch, or will you be able to have convenience food or take-away on busy days? Does he have some strong preferences for meat, or will you go vegetarian ? (2) Smoking: Does he smoke? Do any of his family or friends smoke? Will he let people smoke i n your non-smoking home? (3) Going Out: How does he feel about women going outside the home? studying outside? working o utside? Will he want to roves? check out your friends and only let you visit those of whom he app some days

How does he feel about women driving? (4) Pets: Are either of you very keen to keep pets at home? Do either of you have any allergies, dislikes, or phobias when it comes to anima ls?