1. Choosing a bride: There is a well of tears of rejection in every married woman tale.

She goes through a series of rejections by so many good prospects before her marriage is finalized with someone with whom she feels the marriage would just be convenient. All this would almost rob her of her confidence in herself. Even if she got lucky, she would marry the man of her choice, with remorse that her choice could have been better. Some girls seem to suit all the cumbersome specifications that the eligible boys would have on their mind but are somehow cast off like hot bricks. Surprisingly, the same groom would marry someone who is ordinary but high on looks. All this stems from an inbuilt mechanism of desires and fancies overriding their sense of specifications and values. Their desires may not be in the higher level though their level of refinement is at the highest level. Then the refinement becomes only peripheral and their desires and fancies will only betray their refinement. They say they expect certain things from their partner whereas they finally prefer something else. This means good taste need not go hand in hand with the level of refinement and culture achieved. But there is also no checking on the desires. You cant exactly like and desire a woman because she suits all your requirements and specifications. The reason would be that in all probabilities, she might ultimately look like a plain Jane or might be just too dignified and not all that chirpy or bubbly enough for you. It takes a real man, to mean what he says. Others are just wimps. Value systems make us real men. Choosing a partner should be done with care and a good girl with a pleasant and interesting personality would be an ideal answer. It pays to seek beauty in the good than goodness in the beauty. These good girls seem to have a charm of their own and look really attractive. They are really charming but their beauty is to be

experienced and not just enjoyed. Beauty of personality is more important than physical beauty. Choosing the right partner requires a certain level of emotional maturity. Internal beauty is what holds real attraction . A manipulative scheming but beautiful woman would seem ugly and despicable because of her crooked nature. This holds good for women too and they also need to look for factors beyond what catches the eye.

2. Relationships with aged parents in modern times: Declining interest in relationships with parents as we grow older is a newly experienced phenomenon of modern age. Probably as we age, our ability to feel diminishes. We grow quite insensitive and show concern to our parents as long as it suits our interests and does not enforce any obligations on us. The tender feelings and steadfastness in relationships gives rise to the formal coldness and wisdom of the advancing years. May be the selfish lives that we have lead so far is responsible for this gradual change in our attitude towards our parents. The aged too feel they need to peacefully pass away since they feel they feel they are slowly outliving their utility and so do we feel about it. A few of us who have still cherished the old world values, may feel bothered about their parents gradually failing health, their insecurities, but this does not translate into action since we ourselves feel worn out and have grown more practical. We see our parents the way we see ourselves and the world and deal accordingly.

Our equation with our destiny is our main preoccupation at this time. Seniors also lose their stamp of character and get cranky and their senses wither away into oblivion. At this stage, we feel that it is important to know how to coexist with them in harmony as long as they are alive and don't care a tuppence about redressing their grievances simply because we lack energy or ideas of youth, to do so. They derive their peace in our company and this is what we cant exactly give them because we are busy settling our scores in life. We expect them to adjust with our inability to spend time together. The loving interaction that forms the basis of a solid relationship ceases to exist in old age. May be the experience of the world separates us from them.

3. Single woman: A boon or a bane? Post divorce blues are often much more notoriously difficult to handle than the post natal blues. A woman who becomes single feels all the load falling over her shoulders all over again and the quest towards finding peace both internally and materially starts. It is understood how tortuous it feels to be in the blues, and then to be accepting it and then moving on. May be acquiring a certain mindset would be an effective remedy for the blues and for the life thereafter. 1. Together, a couple normally seeks to play a responsible role in society and strives to acquire a respectable position thereby. Now, this goal could be fulfilled with out the presence of the husband since this one goal, before and after marriage remains the same. 2. Only difference is that you fulfilled your obligations to the husband, family, and in some cases in laws. But now the obligation is solely towards your own self.

3. Responsibilities can also include a kid if there is one. You lived for your family before and now the attention is turned to yourself or your kid. 4. You have to realize that there is no loss of confidence as a result of breakup, because you dont need a husbands reassurance to make you feel at peace with yourself and to be accepted by the world for what you are. It only requires confidence in your own self to stand by your convictions. 5. Dependence on husband in a marriage emotionally is the key factor which makes you feel you have lost something post divorce. But your emotional dependence on the husband may also be misused or taken for granted in a marriage. Gaining in emotional independence only strengthens you and you are emotionally independent once you feel you would do with just a bout of meditation or a therapeutic session spent with your pet dog. This has the capacity to recharge you and quell the thoughts of negativity, to put you back in action. 6. Learn to be in your company and not be bored. But keep the socialization skills alive and keep abreast of the events by having a circle of well wishers and friends and keep in touch with them often. 7. Face single life as a new challenge to be overcome and that your personality gets only better and acquires richness by overcoming these obstacles. Remember not many of the much married housewives have this luxury or time for personality development. It gives you an aura of maturity which makes you an enviable person. You are a richer person by winning the challenges in life. 8. You have to dispense justice to the much forgotten area- your personality. You have to prove your worth as a person because it was hitherto submerged under the identity called wife. One does not need marriage to succeed in life. It is the ambition and will that take you towards success and you need to concentrate on yourself and not on any other person to succeed. Sometimes marriage may be an obstacle to this in its own ways. 9. People never changed before or after marriage. If they want to laud your efforts they will but if they would not choose to do so, they would

not. This stands as truth whether you are in marriage or not. So, do not get discouraged by their reactions thinking some people have changed towards you. There is finally good news for the single woman. In a study conducted in UK, it was noticed that most single women in their later years are happier than their married counterparts since they dont need to look after an older and an ailing husband.

4. Man caught between wife and mom The mom and wife cat fight has a history that dates back to the times of yore. The man has everything going well for him initially but the tussle between the two loves of his life starts soon after marriage. He has this obligation towards his new wife who has come to him leaving her folks and her family only to be with him, to look after him for the rest of her life and to lend meaning to his life. She after all, goes through unlimited duress in the areas of house upkeep, new pressures of being housewife, and all sorts of adjustments with the new people that have become a part of her life. She even works for keeping his family secure financially. All she wants him to do is to cut his apron strings and prove himself to be the man that he is, by standing for her rights in her battle of one upmanship with his mother. But, he has his own reasons why he is not able to put in his bit of sacrifice for his love. He feels the ties that he has with his mother is established socially and by pure love. It is the same tender loving hands of his mother that made him what he is today and gave him an identity, that soothed his sorrows when he was feeling down, that served as an emotional crutch giving a meaning to his days of early struggle. The relationship started right from his cradle days and he found himself looking at the world through her glasses because he is a product

of that woman who generously contributed to his personality traits, the ones which attracted his wife to him, when they met. He gets caught in a losing battle and does not know where to draw the line. He has to be protective of his wife and supportive of his mother at the same time which is an impossible task to do. So, their bitter fights rob him of his mental peace and he finds it difficult to convince either of them and fails in his attempts to bring the two opposing poles together, to make them work in unison for the harmony of his household and his mental peace as well and also feels that would amount to selfishness on his part to expect them to live only for his comfort. The man now starts feeling as if he should his acting skills a try. He starts behaving as per the needs of the situation and supports vocally both of them. He is not able to hold an opinion of his own. This soon becomes a part of the drama that is going to ensue, the whole of his life or as long as it lasts. He cant ensure his loyalties to both. A wife should understand that a great son would make a great husband. Wife should also understand that continuous fights may lead to so many complications like ill health, divorce,etc. She needs to be at her diplomatic best when trying to convince him of the necessity of being a great husband to her. IT may be a little difficult in the beginning but patience is a virtue that helps in overcoming unforeseen circumstances. She should accept that her husband is after all is a package very similar to the other package who also entered her life at the same time, in the form of mom in law. When she accepts one package, then why not the other similar package? Screaming alone would not really help in the long run. Mother should understand that she needs to entrust her son to her daughter in law's care and that her son is in safe hands with the girl she herself had approved of initially before the marriage happened. The daughter in law would be able to shower the same amount of love and concern on her son too. It is time maturity dawned on her and she needs to realize that her son needs a soul mate who will take on the baton from her to lead the way for her son. She also needs to realize that this competition and rivalry with the daughter in law is futile and serves no purpose at the end of the day.

This endless tug of war needs a mature approach and tact from both sides to make a success of the hapless man who is caught between them. Marriage is not only a heart breaking affair for the man, but also for the other two people as well.

5. Destiny versus hardwork: Astrology has always taken a fancy place in our hearts. Requesting the services of an astrologer during the bad times is perfectly normal since it is the first reaction to hopelessness and despair, when all else fails to deliver the results. It requires a special strength to combine the beliefs in astrology and ones own self. Astrology requires a believing person, who truly believes that the key to his failure is elsewhere, mostly in the hands of a planet. But believing in oneself requires that amount of self dependence and an adventurous spirit to carry out what one feels is best for oneself and this decision to act in times of crisis comes out of a lot of practical deliberation on ones part. To combine both is an art which comes only for a few of us since astrology makes everyone of us wonder if there is somebody else to blame for our faults. Of course, destiny has a role for everyone and everything goes according to its dictates. It is the destiny which takes the blame when every effort fails. But the decisions and dictates of fate is not known to us and is a mystery. No astrologer can occupy the position of an oracle or god in our lives and predict our fate 100% accurately. 10 different astrologers have 10 different solutions for the same question. If the astrologer says that we are going to succeed in our efforts, we may not put in the required amount of hard work to achieve it. We would not even try venturing something if the astrologer predicts that the effort is not going to succeed. To top it all, the astrologer may not be right in his predictions also. So, it affects our clarity of mind and our efforts. There are so many cases who have lost the joy in their lives waiting for things to materialize from beyond and waiting for god to give them their

share of good fortune on a platter. But there are also a few who have put in their best efforts in the direction the astrologer ask them to take, but still fail to get results. Yet, there are so many of us who take on the challenge in life and succeed in life despite having a bad horoscope. Astrology is a magnificent branch of knowledge no doubt, but to predict accurately requires not only astrological wisdom but also a good amount of intuition. In the hands of a right astrologer, it may revive a persons sagging fortunes but most of the astrologers somehow do not come up with perfect predictions and this has become a bane of astrology too. It is important to believe in our own selves and that we create our life. We build the kind of life what we want to live and our efforts go a long way in ensuring that for us. Past has been our own handiwork. So future is also in our own hands. So, it is best to go for astrological consultations only when all else fails, to get the much required solace to get back the fighting spirit and a rejuvenated mood.

6. Honesty versus diplomacy: Honesty brings up a question, diplomacy finds a solution. Honesty gets the better of us whenever we find the ways of the world unacceptable or when we are deviating from the beaten path. Seeds of honesty should be first sown within ourselves and also is best practiced within us. Sometimes, we use honest outburst as a weapon to support our views or to criticize other person which is basically human and unavoidable. So many beautiful relationships are nipped in the bud with one honest remark. It only breeds contempt in the other person. Constructive criticism should be given only to people who need and require it. Otherwise, our talk falls into deaf ears. Between bosom friends, an honest opinion does not necessarily evoke contempt.

World is, in most cases, imperfect and all of us have our weaknesses as well as strengths and each person is unchangeable to a large extent since he is a product of the environmental and hereditary influences. So, there is no point in hurting a person when you know he can not change his character. He is also aware of his weakness and commenting on that would only aggravate his pain. In that case, leaving him alone instead of hurting him, would be the only way. Why not turn to the good old virtue of kindness and practice it? Be kind and turn a blind eye to the defects in people because all of us come with defects and it is only human to be so. But, practicing kindness will only improve our relationships and help us thrive. Diplomacy is a result of that kindness and consideration for others feelings. But, it does not mean you are dishonest. You can be honest at the same time while expressing your disagreement. It takes a while to learn how to be diplomatic without foregoing the value of honesty. Diplomacy and honesty certainly go together but one needs to know how to express oneself appropriately in situations. Psychologists are of the view that these honest outbursts also indicate immaturity on ones part because there is no adult communication happening in an appropriate manner. So, it pays to think twice before you speak anything or before you do anything. Propriety seems to help enormously here and why not revive this old world virtue? On the whole, honesty would look certainly better if it is embellished with diplomacy. Practice of diplomacy would only make the world a better place to live in. 7. Modern Indian spirituality: Spirituality is making a great comeback as a cultural trend. Way back, in a conference attended by big shots of the corporate world, there was a view that was expressed by one of the management gurus of America. In his valuable lecture, he stressed on how Indian spirituality is taking the west by storm and Indian values and concepts are leading the way for the modern American. He was appalled at the fact that India

, hitherto known as the cradle of spirituality has lost its spiritual qualities and modern India had let American values rule their lives while Bhagavadgeetha has become the bible of management today in some of the universities of the west. This sea change in the western attitude towards Indian culture, may be the result of the current trend of art of living movement led by Sri Ravishankar which has its followers amongst the people of all religious sects. It has found its followers even in American celebrities, like Madonna. This may have worked as an eye opener to us here. Yoga, reiki and host of other fields of paranormal interest have reached even the common households today. Thanks to the stress that was caused by the new Indian lifestyle that had been influenced by the west. There was an increase in the percentage of depressed young individuals which was a cause for concern. This was evidently the result of the ambition and the sense of cut throat competition that had caused the burnout of our souls. Slowly, we then made inroads in to spirituality with the slightly paranormal remedies like reiki and this helped us reduce the stress significantly. But spirituality is bigger than life and beyond our earthly capabilities. It requires serious efforts and definitely is not achieved overnight. But, somehow, it seems to be on everybody's lips as though it were the latest western fad that has to be aped but it sounds very pretentious. The question is not to go back to spirituality but to shed the pretences and be honest to ourselves.

8. Culture shock in marriage: There is an age old saying that opposites attract. Opposites attract initially but that is where it ends and culture shock begins. Culture is nothing but the degree of evolution and differs greatly from person to person. It is the result of environmental influence, upbringing, and the background which we come from and that is what constitutes us. We all belong to one kind of a tribe or the other. Take up the example of a union of two unique wholes who have cultural differences. That unique and whole personality, with all its foibles, has to be lived with, every moment of your life, with a valley of difference at all levels.

This way, life becomes a constant battleground of two diverse backgrounds and is an infernal experience if they do not match. Life at this stage, transforms into a battle within oneself, battle inside the home, and battle outside, and life comes to a standstill. The ancient proverb which says that friendship and marriage should happen between equals, (equal in status or background )is an absolute truth which was not uttered to be forgotten. It still holds good today and following this would assist our youngsters in finding Mr or Ms right for themselves.

9. Emotional maturity in men and women: In the age of equality, men and women still seem to be having some traces of inequality but women have made an enormous impact on the way men feel about themselves. Psychological set up of men and women is totally different. Female priorities are relationships and she seeks happiness out of playing her roles as daughter, wife, and mother. But a man seeks status in society, money, career, and achievements. Ultimate satisfaction and peace comes out of handling these gender specific roles well. There was an prevalent opinion that a woman is psychologically more faithful in relationships and a man is no match in this area. In social gatherings, women are generally seen chatting up with friends, or talking about the exploits of their children and the communication gap they have with their husbands. But, men would like to chat about business and politics. Men who handle difficult situations at work with ease, fail miserably at home. Women are more responsible, and reliable but men score over women in negotiating skills. Women have better verbal skills compared to men, but a survey shows that women are more scared of maths than men. It is observed that men and women achievers have almost always had setbacks in their childhood which they overcame with perseverance and enthusiasm.

So, emotional intelligence is observed in people who react and respond to life, build a base of reflections and move ahead brushing aside the past experiences. We can conclude finally that emotional intelligence depends on the person, his experiences, and his family background. These are the things that make us or mar us. 10. How to develop a pleasant personality: The word " pleasant personality" is much talked about mostly as a fad which may fade with the passage of time. Little is known or understood what it really means. Pleasantness is not to be seen as a particular behavioral pattern or as a privilege of the cream of society. Not even belief in yourself can be of help anyway. When you are pleasant inside, that pleasantness reflects in your outward behavior. The behavioral pattern always follows the kind and pleasant instincts. We only give what we have. If there is only negativity within us, that is what comes out of us. The goodness within us radiates from within and attracts good will and good words from everyone around us. Bitterness broods bitterness. People always like demonstration of good will and love from others. It also means that we need to be good inside to ourself as well as to others. We need to accept ourself as a package to be able to accept others in the same way. Pleasantness is always inborn and not learnt and the behavior patterns germinating from the pleasantness within, are also inborn. Let us endorse virtues for a change and let this change make us pleasant personalities that we have been yearning to be. 11. Maturity versus immaturity: Broadly, there are 2 types of people. The first group is full of experiences and the lessons learnt from life. They enrich their maturity quotient. They may ultimately take good decisions or may not. They are the people who seem to be knowing what they are doing. The second group of people are amongst the successful few who have not

experienced the bitterness in life arising out of wrong decision making. These people take right decisions, do the right thing at the right time. They seem not to be disturbed by the thoughts of negativity or apprehension like their mature counterparts. They do not require maturity to make their presence felt. The first category of people normally go through grief first, then somehow ease their pains, and get in to action finally. The second category get into action first without thoughts and traces of grief and negativity. May be for this same reason, they seem to be psychologically so strong, and have the stamina and will to go through any challenge or test in life. 12. Laws of attraction: The definition of beauty and attractiveness seems to have gone through a makeover. The latest theory proves that women are not enamored of just good looks, attractive smile, bank balance, and the like. A survey taken recently has led to a conclusion that the diversity in genes is the factor which draws men and women together ultimately. This diversity is reflected in averageness in looks, symmetry in features (not being too big or small), good health, and femininity/masculinity in men and women. Good health reflects in glowing skin which is another element that does attract. So, plain janes can now affirmatively proclaim loudly that drop dead gorgeous was never a staying yardstick for beauty. Earlier, the yardstick to measure appeal was wit, personality, confidence, a certain vulnerability arising out of honesty, sociability, and dress sense. But, still, one can pass off as attractive by flashing the right dress code, and strength of personality. Looks like character and beauty coexist, but surely raises the hopes of plain janes trying hard to be in the shoes of drop dead gorgeous people.

13. The eternal battle: The battle between the sexes has been an age old phenomenon. But now, surveys have proved that it causes health upsets too. Getting excessively criticized by the husband results in clogging of arteries in the wife. Similarly, husbands of nagging wives also develop clogged arteries. So, it pays to be careful with words. Men can not take excessive nagging and humiliation from their women and similarly women can not take

excessive criticism from their men. Looks normal but has really serious consequences. It is quoted that marriage is the only battleground where the enemies live together. The battle has serious consequences when a child arrives in the scene. Whenever there is a quarrel between the wife and husband, they forget that there are two eyes watching them, two ears hearing the verbal exchanges and an impressionable young mind trying to follow their example. It is really necessary that husband and wife stay in harmony for the sake of their children and for their own wellbeing.

14. Setting up goals and reaching them: There are some easy ways how to hit the goal of your life provided they are consistently practiced. 1. Don't have more than 3 goals at a time. 2. Practice these three goals consistently for the next 10 days. 3. Prepare yourself for the new tasks by an autosuggestion every morning before you set out. 4. Concentrate on the most annoyingly tough things first because the easier things were always at your beck and call. Make tough tasks your priority. Priorities were always the right aids that speed up the process of self improvement. Around 30% of tough tasks finished during the day would bring the goal nearer you in a short span of time. 5. Do the tough tasks in the morning because you have enough energy to complete them whereas during the course of the day, the energy peters out gradually. 6. Be consistent in the consolidation of gains finally. 7. One most important thing to remember is never let your mind debate on what you are going to do. If 6.30 is the time you have to get up in the morning, then just get up when the alarm rings, and never allow your mind to think about it because the first thing it tells you is to delay it to 7.00 and then this process repeats till it is too late to get up. So, just get to the task immediately when the time comes and never put your mind to work about it. 8. A daily dose of meditation or exercise gives clarity to your thoughts and helps you achieve the jobs in a more efficient way. It also lifts you up from any irritations that you may encounter while adjusting yourself to doing new things. If there is undue irritation, then sleep over it and

you will be fresh and fine when you get up. 9. Be active throughout the day. Idleness is devil's workshop and constant work dispels feelings of negativity. 10. If you find it hard to motivate yourself for all this, then write the goals in a sheet along with the time table in which it is set, and read them everyday so that you will enthused to keep going at it. Also it pays to mark the day's jobs which were successfully done so that at the end of the month you can realize your capacity for endurance and get ready for the really hard work that your dream requires.

How to manage emotions in crisis: Most of us groan and crumble under pressure when we face a test of might in our lives. Some believe that god gives just enough troubles that we are capable of handling. The clarity of thinking diminishes when in duress but some people manage to bounce back after a spell of gloom. Some feel that they can not be outsmarted by adversities and that they should not lose out to troubles in life and they handle their problems with this mindset but this requires a lot of willpower. Some others see life as a set of challenges to be faced and any obstacle is a new and interesting challenge for them to handle. It is a question of winning the game for them. A few amongst us feel ready for any unforeseen change psychologically and just this readiness makes them think and act in troubled times and sails them out of it. A few enterprising ones amongst us use their resourcefulness during the challenging times and never allow their mind to go over the issue till the issue is resolved. When in trouble, they start thinking about solution and works towards it and this happens to be their first reaction to stress. But the best way to greet challenges and face them successfully is to be ready for all the problems, with solutions, so that nothing goes unnoticed. Anticipate problems beforehand in each situation and be ready with solutions for them.

The attitude that you should cultivate for this is to be prepared for the worst and get ready with solutions so that anything that befalls you turns out to be better than you expected. The trick is to turn on your presence of mind and keep it alive and ticking always.

How to bear the pain:

Each problem naturally brings along some amount of stress with it. The only way to combat this problem is to increase our pain threshold in order to bear the pain. Here are a few ways to go about this process. 1. Unforeseen problems were not brought in by us in to our life. So, let us do what is left for us to do and what can be done to to save ourselves and let fate play its tantrums side by side. To each his own. We cant control life but certainly we can control ourselves and our reaction to life. We would do better concentrating on our duties which lie immediately ahead of us. 2. We must be aware of the fact that the material possessions and success do not bring in peace but strengthening our personality with virtues and values would really help. So search inwards for your imperfections and make yourself more perfect by polishing the rough edges of your personality and becoming a person of some worth and use to society. Enrich your personality because there is no better joy than the joy of achievement. Achieve something and prove yourself, for your own happiness. So many great personalities bloomed in most unfavorable circumstances. 3. Make the most of what you are left with. Build the superstructure of your life from the point where it crumbled, with perseverance. 4. See from the world's point of view and assess where exactly you stand and then you can see so many more people who are worse off. See objectively how many pluses you are left with and you will see the minuses disappearing from your eyes. You would do better seeing yourself as a third person when you are facing adversity.

See yourself in that new light and you will know how to deal with your problems effectively.

Friendships in modern times: Almost all of us live in a circle of friends that we have developed carefully over time. Friendship is defined as two similar people coming together in thoughts or feelings. But relationships at work are the relationships that don't work. Anyhow, being socially active, is a way to hone your social skills by way of get togethers. There are certain kinds of friendships that seem to be the order of the day. For example there are "shopping friends" who are called in to be able to assist in the shopping errands. These are the ones who put in their bit by helping you pick up classy tasteful stuff from the shop. There are some, who already know what way a person can be of help to them before they come to know the rest of his personality. These people are here to use you and are a big no no for friendship and can come in various forms. Some people strike unspoken but understood deals with you. They help you only if you keep helping them. This is perfect give and take of "favors only" in this relationship when you actually long for a give and take of experiences, thoughts, feelings and goodwill. People in power seem to have a different tale to tell. They are mostly surrounded by hoards of friends who pose as friends but are here to stay only to curry favors from their well placed friends and ditch them in times of trouble. But some status conscious people use them for name dropping amongst their acquaintances. But the potentially powerful threat in the form of a friend comes when she/he asks to be introduced to that very well placed good contact of yours only to gradually change his/her loyalties to that other friend. This becomes a vicious circle of introductions and currying favors for their own ends. This good friend in no time becomes a big noise based

on this misadventure, and you lose your contacts in the bargain thereby. These are called social butterflies and some socialites come under this category. A friend is on any day a potential threat if you upset him in some way or the other because this is the person who holds the secret key to the box of your secrets you so carefully gave to him in your vulnerable moments. It is a good idea to keep friendships alive, to keep in touch with the social side of your personality. The only benefit that you can derive out of modern friendships is that you can enjoy a fair exchange of ideas, thoughts and knowledge, and can keep abreast of the events. Unfortunately, the earlier definition of friendship does not seem to hold value for many people of today.