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Page 2
Introduction
Page 3
Proposal
Page 4
Graphs, Projections and Summarization
Vachon pg.2
Jeffrey Vachon
Understanding Computers
Prof. Hockenberry
10/14/2008
Operation Oiseaux de
Massacre, Or: How I Intend To Stop The
Blue Jays From Taking Over
As you may already be aware, blue jays are heavily over populating the world1. As early
as 1998, scientists noticed a dramatic shift in the human to blue jay ratio. Dr. Herman
ornithologist, has done extensive studies on the rising blue jay problem. “Blue Jays are
extremely territorial, so much so that they have recently begun stealing human children
straight out of their beds in an attempt to take the world back from their bipedal
Certainly, you must understand the dire situation that the world is currently in; rising
energy prices, global unrest, and economic hardships are hardly a match for the growing
blue jay problem. With your help, the Focus Group of Associate Federations, in
conjunction with the Federation of Groups with Associated Foci, can begin the planet on
1 Taken from Heffenfleischer’s “Dissertations and Deep Discussions on the Planet’s Impending Blue Jay
Related Demise”
Vachon pg.3
the fast track to recovery. If you would agree to provide funding for our project,
Operation Oiseaux de Massacre2, you would not only be insuring the future of humanity,
but you will be handsomely rewarded with kind and gentle, heartwarming feelings at
night.
With a donation of just $16 Billion2, we would be able to absolutely ensure the
end of this dark, dark time in human history. Below, you will find an outline of our plan.
Ÿ Line the tops of all trees with hungry opossums ( known to feed on blue jays)
Ÿ Supply every wayward child with a pellet gun, Ritalin, and a map of known and
Ÿ Plant biologically enhanced Venus fly traps in every other yard in every suburban
st on the head, a crown of feathers, which may be raised or lowered according to the bird's mood. When excited or aggres
town. barred with black, sky-blue and white. The bill, legs, and
to the sides of the head. The wing primaries and tail are strongly
eather is crushed, the blue disappears as the structure is destroyed. This is referred to as structural coloration.
ts and other berries, peanuts, bread,
Ÿ Open meat,
chain of small invertebrates
fast food restaurants of many
with types,
menu heavyscraps
on theinblue
town parks, bird-table food and ra
jay.
fic study found only 1% of Blue Jays had evidence of nestlings or eggs in their stomachs."
These are but the preliminary plans, as you must understand, this is an
equation devoid of strict limitations. The blue jays could swoop in and take over at any
minute, and we simply must prepare ourselves now. The F.G.A.F and F.G.A.F. have
already begun extensive opossum cloning and housing projects across the continental United
States.
The map on this page is a visual representation of where in America our two groups
2 Operation Oiseaux de Massacre, or Operation Killing a Great Number of Birds, is a project of The Focus
Group of Associate Federations and the Federation of Groups with Associated Foci and is endorsed fully by
the United States Department of Homeland Security.
3 The populations of the state of New York and the state of Florida will be completely replaced with
opossum with your help.
Vachon pg.4
Within the first six months of activities, our team will go door to door, providing
families with the necessary anti-blue jay implementation, as well as a monthly stipend for
every one hundred blue jays killed and sent to the Operation Oiseaux de Massacre
Headquarters. As a launch pad for this project, we are also proposing “Kill A Blue Jay
With all of these aspects of our plan working in perfect unison, there is no reason
why our home planet should be taken over by those dastardly blue jays.3
1 Statement not supported by most scientists.
2 Amount of donation may increase at anytime without the knowledge of the lender.
3 Opossum may or may not become a future problem.