OutlineforWeekThreeLecture:CourtshipandDating I. Introduction. Dating. SexualityandtheHookUpCulture. TheoriesofAttraction.

HomophilyandHomogamy QuestionstoTietheMaterialTogether

II. III. IV. V. VI.

I. Introduction. Inmanyways,courtshipanddatingarequitedifferenttodaythantheydidinthepast.Onlinedating servicessuchasMatch.com,eHarmony.com,andOkCupid.comaremorepopularthanever.Speed datingoffersafast,efficientwayofmeetingpotentialmatesinasocialsetting.Mostpeopledesirea relationshipthatoffersintimacy,companionshipandsupport.Atthesametime,thereisstillastigma towardbeingalone,especiallytheolderonegets.TanyaDavispoem,HowtobeAloneaddressesthis stigmathatsingleindividualsoftenexperience,particularlyincertainsocialsettings,suchasrestaurants. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k7X7sZzSXYs Thefeelingsexpressedbytheartistarenotunique.Infact,sociologicalresearchdocumentsthe increasingimportanceofloveandrelationshipsintheU.S.Mediaconstantlybombardsuswithimages andnarrativesremindingusthatlifeisbetterintermsofhappiness,fulfillment,satisfaction,andso onaspartofacouple.AsLefkowitz(2007)concludes,aslongasyoucansaywe,everythingis somehowallright(p.100). Thoughromanticloveisseenasthebasisofrelationships,thishasnotbeenthecasehistoricallyandis notthecaseinotherculturesinthepresent.Relationships,particularlymarriage,werebasedon economicconsiderations,familyties,orarrangementsbetweenfamilies(asisthecasewitharranged marriages).However,romanticloveisconsideredaprerequisiteformarriagebymanyintheU.S.today. Astudyofcollegestudentsfindsthatover85%ofU.S.respondentssaidtheywouldnotmarrysomeone iftheydidntlovethem.Interestingly,roughly75%ofstudentsfromcultureswherearrangedmarriages arecommon,suchasIndiaandPakistan,saidtheywouldmarrysomeonetheydidnotlove. Whethertheemphasisisonromanticloveornotalsohasalottodowithwhetherthesocietyis individualistorcollectivist.Individualistsocieties,liketheUnitedStates,celebrateindividualfreedom andchoices,whilecollectivistsocietiesaremorefocusedongroupobligationsandsocialsolidarity. Choicesofpartnersinindividualistsocietiestendtobebasedonindividualsfeelingsandemotions.

Arrangedmarriages,inthiscontext,areviewedasareflectionofcertainculturesvaluesregarding connectionsamongfamiliesandtheoverallintegrationandstrengthofcommunities. II. Sexuality,CasualSex,andGender a. TheSexualDoubleStandard Researchongenderandsexualityfindsasexualdoublestandardwhenitcomestodating,relationships, andsex.Menwhohavelotsofsexwithlotsofdifferentwomenareheldinesteem;theirsexual conquestsareasignofbeingarealman.Ontheotherhand,womenwhodothesamearelabeled negatively(termslikeslutandwhore)andoftenstigmatizedbybothmenandwomen.Some researchersnotethatthissexualdoublestandardiswaning,whileothersfindthatitcontinuestoexist, thoughsaliencevariesacrossgroups(forreview,seeCrawford&Popp,2003).Therecentintroduction oftermssuchasmaleslutandmanwhoreintothevernacularindicatesthatsexualpromiscuity amongmenisnotviewedpositivelybyall.(Itisalsointerestingthatwehaveseparatetermsfor sexuallypromiscuousmenandwomen;thetermsslutandwhoreareviewedasbeinginherently feminineandinordertoapplythelabeltomen,wemustaltertheterm.)Intheend,thebeliefthat goodgirlsdonothavesexoutsideofmarriageremainsintact,evenasdataonsexualactivityamong teensandyoungadultsindicatesincreasinglevelsforbothmalesandfemales. Thecontinuingtendencytolabelsexuallyactivegirlsandwomennegativelycanbeseeninthisclipfrom thetelevisionshowParenthood.Noticehoweventhetitleoftheclipreflectsthesexualdouble standardbyinvokingthegoodgirllabel. http://www.nbc.com/parenthood/video/whengoodgirlsgobad/1228946/ Thetwocousinsarefightingbecauseoneofthemsleptwiththeothersexboyfriend.Noticehowthe youngwomanwhohadsexistreatedbytheotheryoungwomenatherhighschool.Wouldthisbethe casefortheguyinthissituation?Whatdoesthesexualdoublestandardtellusabouthowheislikelyto beperceivedbyhispeerswhentheylearnofthesituation? b. HookUpCulture Arecenttrendthathasreceivedmuchattentioninthemediaandfromresearchersisthesocalled hookupcultureamongteensandyoungadults.Inlieuoflecturematerialonthistopic,followthelink belowtothearticlefromthesummereditionofContextsmagazine(publishedbytheAmerican SociologicalAssociation).Thisarticlereviewsrecentworkonhookingupanddiscussesitsimplications forbothmenandwomen. http://contexts.org/articles/summer2010/ishookingupbadforyoungwomen/ Somequestionstokeepinmindasyoureadthroughthearticle: Whatdoesthisarticletellusaboutwhoishookingupandwhy? Isthereevidenceofasexualdoublestandardinhookingup? Howdostructuralandculturalfactorscontributetotheprevalenceofhookingupamong youngmenandwomen?

 III. TheoriesofAttractionandRelationshipFormation. Despiteourtendencytothinkofourexperienceswithloveandrelationshipsasbeingdeeplypersonal andunique,theoriesdemonstratethatlikeotherformsofinteraction,theyareshapedbybroadersocial forces.Threetheoriesthatareparticularlyusefulforexaminingthewaysrelationshipsareformed includethesociobiologicalmodelofattraction,thestagemodelofrelationshipformation,andthesocial exchangemodel.Eachusesdifferentscientificandsocialscientificconceptstoexplainwhomateswith whomandwhy.Werevieweachbrieflybeforeturningtoadiscussionofhomophilyandhomogamy. TheSociobiologicalModelofAttraction Sociobiologists(andevolutionarypsychologists)viewmatingaspartoftheevolutionaryprocess. Reproductionisthegoalandallspeciesdevelopwaysofpassingontheirgeneticmaterialthroughthe creationofoffspring.Accordingtothistheory,becausethebiologicalinvestmentinreproductionis higherforwomenthanitisformen,menandwomenhavedifferentmatingstrategies.Womenlookfor mateswithlongtermpotential,whilementakeamoreshorttermapproachbecausetheydonotface thesamebiologicalobligationsforpregnancyandbreastfeeding,thatwomendo. Somesociobiologistsarguethatmenareinclinedtowardhavingmultiplepartnerspartlybecausethey donothavetobeaschoosyaboutwhotheymatewith.Attractionformenisbasedontraitsthat indicateabilitytoreproduce,suchasyouth,physicalfitnessandhealth.Somebelievethisevolutionary developmentofdifferentpreferencesformatesisthereasonwhymenandwomenratecertain characteristicsinpotentialmatesasmoreorlessimportant.Thebiologicaldriveistoreproduceto sustainthespecies,somenandwomenseekmateswhowillmaximizethelikelihoodofcreating offspring. TheStageModelofRelationshipFormation DevelopedmyIraReissinthe1960s,thismodelviewsrelationshipformationasoccurringthrougha seriesofstages.Itbeginswithmutualattraction,whichisconsiderednecessarytotheinitiationofa romanticrelationship(Murstein,1987).Followingthisstage,relationshipsprogressthroughthreemore stages:rapport,intimateselfdisclosure,andmutualdependencyandneedfulfillment. Thefirststageiswhereindividualstrytodevelopsomesenseofcommonalityorcompatibility.Though initialinteractionsmaybesomewhatsuperficial,duringthisstagetheemphasisisonidentifyingthe thingsthecoupleshares.Aswithothersocialinteractions,however,peoplegenerallytrytopresentthe bestversionofthemselvesortheonethattheythinktheotherpersonwillfindmostappealing.In somecasesthismaymeanembellishingordeliberatelypresentingoneselfinanidealizedfashion.This isevenmorecommontoday,whenmeetingonlineandemailandtextinginlieuoffacetoface interactionallowsmoreopportunitytopresentthisidealizedversionofoneselfandtohaveothers presentthemselvesinasimilarfashion.Ofcourse,thiscanleadtostressandstrainintherelationship whenthetruthcomesoutor,asisoftensaid,thehoneymoonwearsoff.

Iftherelationshipmakesittothenextstage,intimateselfdisclosurebegins.Partnersbegintooffer morepersonalinformation,includingsharingfears,vulnerabilities,hopesanddreamsthingsthatwe generallyshareonlywiththoseveryclosetous.Reciprocationisvitalduringthisstage,asalackof reciprocationcanbedetrimentaltotherelationship.Whenonepartnersharesmoreormoreintimate detailsthantheother,theimbalancecanleadbothtoquestiontheothersintentions.Disclosingtoo muchortoolittleistakenasasignthatperhapstheotherdoesnotfeelthesamewaythatwedo. MutualDependencyandNeedFulfillment Thisiswhenrelationshipsbecomeserious.Partnerscometorelyononeanotherandadjusttohaving someoneelseintheirlives.AsthelinesofTimMcGrawssongUsedtoSomebodyremindus,itis duringthisstagethatwerecognizetheroleoftheotherpersoninourlifeandbegintodependonthem forfulfillmentofourownneeds.Reachingthisstageisnoteasy,ascouplesmayexperiencenumerous setbacksalongtheway.And,aswehavediscussedalready,notallrelationshipslastanduncouplingcan bealonganddifficultprocessforbothmenandwomen. Newman(2009)providesasummaryofthismodel,usingthemetaphorofawheel: Reissviewedhismodelasawheel,withrapport,selfdisclosure,anddependencyandneedfulfillment asthespokes.Ascouplespassthrougheachstage,orspoke,therelationshipdeepensandso,too,does theirrapport,intimacy,anddependencyeachonereinforcingtheother(pg.197). TheSocialExchangeModel Thistheoryattemptstoexplainwhypeopleareattractedtocertainindividualsatthesametimethat theyfindothersundesirable(Blau,1964;Rubin,1973;ThibaultandKelley,1959).Accordingtothis theory,weassessourownattributesandseekmateswithsimilarcharacteristics.Becker(1981)argues thatmenandwomenlookfordifferentthingsinmatesbecausetheyareseekingthegreatestbenefits combinedwiththelowestcosts.Thismayrefertoeconomicbenefitsorrewards,butcanalsobebased onnonmonetaryrewardssuchassupport,intimacy,intellectualstimulationandanyothertraitthat peoplemayusetoassesshowwelltheyfitwithothers.Accordingtothistheory,individualswillenter intorelationshipsthataremutuallybeneficial.Obviously,though,acost/benefitanalysisisnottheonly thingthatfactorsintothechoiceofamate.Expectationsandperceptions,aswellastheavailabilityof partners(supplyanddemand)alsoconstrainourchoicesofpotentialmates.Forexample,aswewill discoverlaterintheterm,manyAfricanAmericanwomenremarkonthescarcityofemployedAfrican Americanmeninlowincomeneighborhoods. IV. HomophilyandHomogamy. Initssimplestform,homophilyreferstothefactthatwearemorelikelytocomeincontactwithothers likeus.Thiscanbeseeninlookingatfriendshipnetworksamongchildrenandadults.Peoplegenerally engageinfriendshipswithotherslikethemintermsofage,race/ethnicity,socialclass,education,and politicalviews.Wecanalsoseethisatworkinonlinepersonalsads.Inmanycases,individualsposting theseadsareseekingamatelikethemorattheveryleast,withsimilarinterests.

Homogamy,isthetermusedtorefertoamarriagebetweenindividualswhoareculturallysimilarinkey ways,suchasrace/ethnicity,socialclass,orreligiousviews.Again,thetendencyisforpeopletoenter intoandstayinrelationshipswithotherswhosharesimilarcharacteristics,interests,andgoals. V. QuestionstoTietheMaterialTogether 1. Howisdatingimpactedbyrace/ethnicity,socialclass,andgender? 2. Isthesexualdoublestandardlimitedonlytoteensandyoungadultsordoyoualsoseeevidence ofthisamongadultsintheir30sandolder?Whyorwhynot? 3. Givenwhatyouvereadforthisweekinthetextandthelecture,whatinsightshaveyougained aboutwhyparentsmaytreatteenageboysandgirlsdifferentlyintermsofrulesaboutdating andcurfew? 4. Thinkingaheadtonextweek,howmightsociobiologists,stagemodeltheorists,andsocial exchangetheoristsexplainwhysomerelationshipsleadtomarriagewhenothersdonot? Thinkingevenfurtherahead,howwouldthesetheoriesexplaindivorce?