Parents should not be allowed to spank children 3

Imagine hearing a child screaming because his/her pants are being pulled down by his/her

parents and hit on his/her bare buttocks. Child abuse can be happening right next door to

you. For many years, people have recommended that banning physical punishment of

children should be considered seriously. Children have the same right to protection of

their physical integrity as an adult. There are two theories about spanking. The two

theories are children should or should not be spanked. Below will be a show of reasons

why not to spank children, the consequences of spanking children and alternatives to

spanking children.

Department of Social Services (2006) studies have shown that the majority of

documented child abuse cases are the result of spankings. In 2003, 5,940 cases were

reported as physical abuse, 70% of these cases were the result of spankings. Although the

direct results of spankings are often easily recognizable, the long-term consequences

cannot always be immediately measured.

Department of Social Services (2006) reports that hitting children just teaches

them to be hitters themselves. Department of Social Services also says “there is definitely

a direct correlation between spankings in childhood and aggressive violent behavior in

the teenage and adults year”. Many parents who spank their children have themselves

suffered spanking as a child and rely on these abusive techniques in dealing with their

own children.
 Parents should not be allowed to spank children 4

Children, the most vulnerable segment of our population, are those most directly affected

by spankings. This is troubling because children also represent our most valuable

resources for the future. Children learn attitudes and behavior through responsibility to

set an example of empathy and wisdom. Mackenzie says “Children love to imitate,

especially people whom they love and respect. They perceive that it’s okay for them to do

whatever the parent does” (page 46). Parents need to remember they are raising someone

else’s mother or father, and wife or husband. The same discipline techniques the parent is

using with their children are most likely to carry on in the children’s own parenting. As

Helfer & Kemp said, “For abuse to occur the parent must be predisposed, often as the

result of his or her own personal history to use violent child bearing techniques and

mechanism” (page 37). The family is a training camp for teaching children how to handle

conflicts. Usually children from spanking families are more likely to use aggression to

handle conflicts when they become adults. Spanking demonstrates that it’s okay for

people to hit people, especially for big people to hit little people and stronger people to

hit weaker people. Children learn that when you have a problem, you solve it with a good

hit. A child whose behavior is controlled by spanking is more likely to carry on this mode

of interaction into other relationships with siblings, peers and eventually a spouse and

child.
 Parents should not be allowed to spank children 5

In recent studies, Department of Social Services (2004), Child abuse and domestic

violence, often occur in the same family. Children who live in a home where their parent

is being abused are more likely to be physically spanked. As Unell stated, “Children are

15 times more likely to be spanked compared to the national average. About 50 percent of

parents who have been spanked as children are at a higher risk of spanking their own

children” (page 99). US Department of Health and Human Services (2006) said, “either

parent may spank their children and hurt them; therefore parents should not be allowed to

spank their children”.

Marshall (2004) stated, “Children remember spanking messages more than

nurturing ones. You may have a hug-hit ratio of 100:1 in your home, but you run the risk

of your child remembering and being influenced more by the one hit than the 100 hugs,

especially if that hit was delivered in anger or unjustly, which happens all too often”

(page 61).

A spanking shows that it’s okay to vent your anger, right or wrong, by hitting

another person. This is why the parent’s attitude during the spanking leaves as great an

impression as the spank itself. How to control one’s angry impulses is one of the things

parents are trying to teach their children. Spanking sabotages this teaching. Spanking

guidelines usually gives the warning to never spank in anger. If these guidelines were to

be faithfully observed, 99 percent of spanking wouldn’t occur, because once the parent
 Parents should not be allowed to spank children 6

has calmed down, he/she can come up with a more appropriate method of correction such

as time-out and taking away some of their privileges.

The children’s self-image begins with how he/she perceives what others,

especially his/her parents perceive him/her. Marshall (2004) also states, “Even in the

most loving homes, spanking gives a confusing message, especially to a child who is too

young to understand the reason for the spanking” (page 92). For example, parents spend a

lot of time building up their child’s sense of being, helping the child feel good. The child

then breaks a glass and the parent spanks the child. The child feels as if he/she must be a

bad person. Even a guilt-relieving hug from a parent after a spank does not remove the

sting from the spank. The child most likely will feel the hit inside and out, long after the

hug. Most children put in this situation will hug to ask for mercy. A child may think that

if I hug daddy, he will stop hitting me. When a spanking is repeated over and over, one

message is driven home to the child, he/she is weak and defenseless.

Some parents sincerely believed that spanking is a parental right and obligation

needed to turn out an obedient child. They feel spanking is for the child’s own good.

Marshall (2004) stated, “Spanking makes children feel smaller, weaker and overpowered

by people bigger than them” (page 64). Many parents spank children’s hands without

thinking or considering the consequences. Children’s hands are tools for exploring, an

extension of the child’s natural curiosity. Spanking them sends a powerful, negative

message. Some parents believe that children’s hand should not be off limits for

spankings.
 Parents should not be allowed to spank children 7

Pritchett (2004) stated “Parents who spank their children often feel devalued

themselves because deep down they don’t feel right about their way of discipline.” (page

9). Often parents spank or yell in desperation because they don’t know what else to do

but afterward feel more powerless when they find it doesn’t work. As one mother, Lynda

Johnson (2006) who dropped spanking from her correction list said, “I won the battle, but

lost the war. My child now fears me, and I feel I’ve lost something precious.” Spanking

always devalues the role of a parent. Being an authority figure means you are trusted and

respected, but not feared. Lasting authority cannot be based on fear. Miller (2002) stated,

“Parents, who repeatedly use spanking to control children, enter into a lose-lose situation.

Not only does the child lose respect for the parent, but the parent also loses out because

they develop a spanking mindset and have fewer alternatives to spanking” (page 44). The

parent has fewer preplanned, experience-tested strategies to divert potential behavior, so

the child misbehaves more, which calls for more spankings.

These children, who are being spanked, are not being taught to develop inner

control. Hitting devalues the parent-child relationship. Spanking puts a distance between

the person who is giving the spanking and the person who is receiving the spanking. This

distance is especially troubling in home situations where the parent-child relationship

may already be strained, such as single-parent home or homes with stepparents. While

some children are forgivingly resilient and bounce back without a negative impression on

mind or body, for others it’s hard to love the hand that hits them.
 Parents should not be allowed to spank children 8

Spankings can escalate into more dangerous things. Once you begin spanking a

child a little bit, where do you stop? For example, a toddler reaches for a forbidden glass;

you tap the hand as a reminder not to touch. He reaches again; you hit the hand again.

After withdrawing his hand briefly, he once again grabs a valuable vase. You hit the hand

even harder. You have begun a game no one can win. The issue than becomes who is

stronger, your child’s will or your hand, not the problem of touching the vase. What do

you do now? Do you hit harder and harder until the child’s hand is so sore he can’t

possibly continue to disobey? The danger of beginning spankings in the first place is that

you may feel you have to bring out bigger guns; your hand becomes a fist, the switch

becomes a belt, the folded newspaper becomes a wooden spoon, and now what began as

seemingly innocent spankings escalates into child abuse. Spankings set the stage for child

abuse. Miller (2004) stated “Parents, who are programmed to spank, set themselves up

for punishing harder, mainly because they have not learned alternatives and click

immediately into the spanking mode when their child misbehaves” (page 27). Lynda

Johnson (2006) says, “Many times parents has said the more we spank the more they

misbehave.” Spanking makes a child’s behavior worse, not better. Remember the basis

for promoting desirable behavior: The child who feels right acts right. Spanking

undermines this principle. A child who is hit feels wrong inside and this shows up in

his/her behavior. The more he/she misbehaves, the more he/she gets spanked and the
 Parents should not be allowed to spank children 9

worse he/she feels. The cycle continues. The children need to know he/she did wrong and

to feel remorse, but to still believe that he/she is a person who has value.

One of the goals of disciplinary action is to stop the misbehavior immediately and

spanking may not do that. It is more important to create the idea within the child that

he/she doesn’t want to repeat the misbehavior. Erickson (2003) said “One of the many

reasons for the ineffectiveness of spankings are it is creating internal controls. During and

immediately after the spanking, the child is so preoccupied with the perceived injustice of

the physical punishment that he/she forgets the reasons for which he/she is being

spanked” (page 48). Sitting down with the child and talking after the spanking to be sure

he/she’s aware of what he/she did can be done just as well, if not better, without the

spanking part. Alternatives to spanking can be much more thorough and conscience

provoking for child, that he/she may take more time and energy from the parent. This is

why some parents lean toward spanking; they believe it is easier than an alternative like

time-out. Spanking decreases the self-esteem of the child.

Hitting often promotes anger in children as well as parents. Children often

perceive spankings as unfair. They are more likely to rebel against spankings than against

other disciplinary techniques. Most children do not think rationally and they do have an

innate sense of fairness, though their standards are not the same as adults. This can

prevent spankings from working as one hoped it would and can contribute to an angry
child. Oftentimes, the sense of unfairness escalates to a feeling of humiliation. When

punishment humiliates children they either rebel or withdraw. While spanking may

Parents should not be allowed to spank children 10

appear to make the child afraid to repeat the misbehavior, it is more likely to make the

child fear the person giving the spanking. Children who were spanked throughout their

childhood their behaviors may appear outwardly compliant, but inside they have a lot of

anger built up. They feel that they have been violated and they detach themselves from a

world they see as being unfair to them. They find it difficult to trust. They become

insensitive to a world that has been insensitive to them.

Parents who examine their feelings after spanking often realize that all they have

accomplished is to relieve them of anger. This impulsive release of anger often becomes

addicting and having a cycle of ineffectiveness discipline. Department of Social Services

(2006) said, “Spanking is detrimental to children.”

A child’s memories of being spanked can scar otherwise joyful scenes of growing

up. People are more likely to recall traumatic events than pleasant ones. Although a child

remember growing up in a loving home, he/she may not remember specific happy times

with nearly as much detail as he/she may remember the spanking times. Parents’ goals

should be to fill children’s memory banks with hundreds, perhaps thousands of pleasant

times. It’s amazing how the unpleasant memories of spankings can block out those

positive memories.
 Parents should not be allowed to spank children 11

Spanking may leave scars deeper and more lasting than redness on the bottom.

Straus (2006) stated, “The more spankings a child receives, the more aggressive he/she

will become, the more children are spanked the more likely they will be abusive toward

their own children” (page 102). Spanking teaches children violent behavior later in life

and spanking doesn’t work.

Spanking does not work for the child, for the parents or for society. Spanking does

not promote good behavior, it creates distance between parent and child and it contributes

to a violent society. As Erickson (2003) notes “Parents who rely on punishment as their

primary mode of discipline don’t grow in their knowledge of their child” (page 64). It

keeps them form creating better alternatives, which would help them to know their child

and build a better relationship. Spanking should not be an option. Parents should be

forced to come up with better alternatives such as listening to child, taking a time-out for

you, compromising with child. Instead of telling the child let’s leave the park now, let the

child have one more ride and explain to the child why you need to leave so soon. These

will not only make better parents, but also in the long run, it will create more sensitive

and well-behaved children. Society should realize that some loving, nurturing, committed

parents believe in spanking as part of their overall discipline package. Society should also

be aware that regardless of all the advice against spanking, some parents are going to

spank their children. For these parents, the best that can be
 Parents should not be allowed to spank children 12

hoped for is to help them spank in a way that is less likely to become abusive. If there is a

close relationship with the child then an occasional spanking is unlikely to harm the

relationship. If, however, parents has a distant relationship and don’t feel connected to the

child, a spanking is likely to increase the distance between the child and parent.

If a person is an angry parent and an impulsive spanker, he/she should realize that

he/she is at risk for spanking abusively and dangerously. Some children have a way of

pushing buttons in adults and some adults have very sensitive buttons. Parents should

examine their feelings during and after spanking. Miller (2002) said, “When parents

spank their children, they never feel right about it” (page 106). They didn’t spank because

the behavior was so bad, but because they had been inconvenienced, and they were taking

it out the child. When parents are angry, they are likely to spank too hard because they are

out of control. Powers, Child Bearing and impulse control said, “When a child sees that a

parent is out of control, it traumatizes them as much, if not more, than the spanking.

Spanking in anger leaves the wrong impression in children’s minds”. They may be so

afraid of the anger in the parent’s eyes and face that they don’t realize the reason or the

justification for the spanking. As a result, the punishment has no teaching value. A proper

disciplinary action should improve the relationship with the child and the parents by

creating a feeling that the parents are fair and consistent parents. The child should feel as

if they can depend on them to be in charge when he/she is out of control. Spanking,

especially in anger, disturbs the trust between parent and child. In a family, they should

find the best way to avoid spanking in anger. Parents should mentally program
 Parents should not be allowed to spank children 13

themselves against spanking. This preprogramming against spanking will override the

reflex to spank a child and give parents time to think about what type of correction is best

in the situation. Programming against spanking is a sort of safety valve that keeps parents

from possibly hurting a child.

In Department of Social Services (Child Maltreatment 2006) pamphlet says “Use

of open hand, paddle or switch to spank will cause permanent physical harm.” If a child

under three is spanked and told why, the child will not be able to fully understand the

explanation. He/she will just know he/she’s being hit and it has something to do with

his/her bad behavior. He/she is probably also too young to separate his/her person from

his/her action, so he/she will think he/she is bad even though the parent is telling him/her

that his/her behavior was bad. Parents should not be allowed to spank children regardless

of the age.