OffTheWall

no.12 Winter/ Spring 09

I n f o r m at I v e

supportIve

c r e at I v e

The Truth behind Tranquilisers

Smarties or killers?
Also in this issue...
Whats Polarity Therapy? l From client to employee - the full story l Cook for four for under a fiver l Whats on at DHI l DHI bookclub reviews l Computer games reviews
l

Does your business want to advertise in Off The Wall?

4 Interview: Bath Mayor
Off The Wall No.11, Autumn 2008 Off The Wall No.11, Autumn 2008

An audience with DHIs No.1 Fan...

Interview by Gemma

Off The Wall No.11, Autumn 2008

19 fiver!
Check out these coming issues...
Omelette

afternoon Hawkwind, poached eggs and Sunday insight into the in front of the rugby - we get a rare Ball. life of Baths Mayor - Councillor Tim

Quick Q&A Recipes: Feed six for a

Beanzy Pie

Main COuRSE

What did you have for breakfast? Im on a diet at the moment as Im preparing to run the Bath Half Marathon so I ate a poached egg on toast. Whats your favourite band?

We are planning to increase the print run of Off The Wall and improve the distribution and visiblity of the magazine.
Do you think your business would benefit from showing its support for our magazine, or do you just want to be a part of a fast-growing and important addition to the work of the Drugs and Homeless Initiative? If so, please contact sean Kehoe on offthewallsk@yahoo.com

HI spoke to the Mayor of Bath about the Change Scheme, his working day and preparing to run the Bath

Half Marathon. in The Change Scheme has been running Bath for many years, collecting residents small change in seven locations throughout Mayor of the city. As part of the scheme, the Bath donated 500 to DHI at a presentation on Monday 16 June this year. break DHI was set up back in 1999 to help and alcohol the cycle of homelessness and drug over abuse. During that time, weve helped And 4,000 people overcome their addictions. that it is thanks to donations like the Mayors in need were able to continue to help the people Wiltshire, across Bath and North East Somerset, Mendip and South Gloucestershire. When speaking to him about his donation, DHI to the Mayor commented that he considers to continue be very important and that he wants way in supporting us. DHI has gone a long hes providing a good system, he said. Although of drug or never personally had any experiences has become alcohol abuse, he believes that alcohol dont realise so accessible to so many, that people they know what theyre getting involved in. Before it, its snowballed out of control. out what We were also intrigued to find It involves being the Mayor of Bath involved. opening lots of different things, he said. From with events and welcoming visitors to working lots of different people and charities.

Morrisons british potatoes Hawkwind. 3.3lb 59p Betterbuy red kidney beans 14p Value baked beans 20p Favourite film? Morrisons value tin tomatoes Flew Over The One 19p Morrisons butter beans Cuckoos Nest. 420g 40p Morrisons broccoli 2lb 60p Betterbuy sweetcorn ideal Sunday? 15p Whats your Onions 25p To relax in front of a Garlic 34p rugby match. Betterbuy tomato ketchup 24p Wexford irish cheddar cheese 4oz 52p

recipes over The Mayors Curry Recipe... the

Chicken Madras Dustbin

Method 1. Peel potatoes and boil until soft, drain and mash with 5oz of marg, meanwhile chop and fry onions and 3 garlic cloves in 2oz of marg, in a large saucepan until soft. Leave saucepan on simmer, drain kidney and butter beans and add to the onions and l Dont think we can do garlic, add tin of Salmon on baked beans and tomatoes, the cheap? Just watch blend the mixture us... Method to a fine pulp or with masher, garni bag continue to While this is all cooking drop a bouquet heat for 2 minutes. Take off heat then stir in 3 to 4 table spoons of tomato before you dish 2. Place mixture in oven ketchup. it, but dont forget to take this out proof casserole dish, preferably in 35 by 23 inch, cover with and top with grated cheese. l It might sound like a the mash Sliced tomato optional. cousin slightly thicker drop a bit of needs it out. If thisTelly Tubbies,to be fishy of the 3. Place in the oven at medium but this heat 3 quarters of an hour winner is too much tomato or until golden brown. 4. Boil broccoli and heat probably the if you dont sweetcorn. Serve hot. tomato puree in or cheapest recipe welllike

l Might not sound very appetising Ingredients but its a great way to clear prefer 1lb of chicken orscraps and that youthe fridge of meat fill your face! in little olive oil Soups 1/2lb mushrooms l Keep an 1/2lb onions favourites eye out for a bunch of - Leek & - crushed Potato, Lentil & Garlic 3 cloves and Tomato all coming to Carrot OTW passatta 1 tin tomatoes orvery soon... 1 tin coconut milk Salmon Fishcakes powder 2 desert spoons of madras curry

Kedgeree

DESSERT

mash will then a bit of instant the tastiest! be

ever print. And

just as nice

Hot Choc Banana in Skin

6 Morrisons fair trade bananas 87p Bettabuy milk chocolate 23p

To serve Fancy yourself baked potato as a cook? Put with basamti rice or chips or

Think you can better our resident masterchef? Send in your recipes, and pics and well print them...

TOTal: 4.96

Method 1. Keep skin on banana, make a slit on inside curve of banana with a knife, squares of chocolate inside insert four the banana, wrap the banana in foil. 2. Place in oven on medium heat for ten minutes until chocolate is melted.

(only if theyre any good!)

The Food Page

Off The Wall Magazine 15/16 Milsom Street, Bath BA1 1DE Tel 01225 329411 Email offthewall@ drugsandhomeless.org.uk

Dhi is pleased to announce that by popular demand, the...

art group is back!

The all new 12 week programme starts on Monday 16th February 11am 1pm. Ask your key-worker to refer you as soon as possible.

Off The Wall No.12, Spring 2009

Contents
Giving Something Back Day & Night Support Service BADAS Tranquilisers - my experience Smarties or Killers? What is Polarity Therapy? Poetry Corner Keep Bath Tidy! The David Miel Award Romantic Recipes Book reviews Computer games reviews Art Group 4 6 7 8 10 12 13 14 15 16 18 20 22

20 16 18

Next issue

24

Off The Wall Magazine 15/16 Milsom Street, Bath BA1 1DE Tel 01225 329411 Email offthewall@drugsandhomeless.org.uk
Patron Midge Ure Off The Wall Editorial Team Acting Editor: Rachel; Computer Reviews: Stephen; Books: Jim; Feature interview by Stephen: Food words and pictures: Rachel Advertising Sales Sean Kehoe (offthewallsk@yahoo.com) Contributors Tabz, Stu Ergot, Colin at BAT, Ananda, Gemma, Andrew Harry, and thanks to Stu for the paintings and photos.
Copyright 2008 Drugs and Homeless Initiative. All rights reserved.

Off The Wall No.12, Spring 2009

Interview: From client to employee

Giving something back

Interview with an ex-service user who is now an employee of DHI by Stephen Campbell
How did you manage to stop using drugs?
I started using drugs like most people did, when I was 12 or 13. Smoking cannabis and stuff. I enjoyed experimenting with anything that made me feel different, then it moved on to codeine linctus, (you cant buy it any more by the way!), alcohol and speed, acid etc. In those days, it was very difficult to get hold of smack but I just happened to be hanging around with the people using it. By the time I left school, I had an opiate habit, without really knowing it at the time, I was a full blown addict. I used for heroin for over 20 years. For a lot of that time, I was in and out of treatment, using various services all over the country. I think that my drug use started to became problematic at about age 18. I first started approaching drugs services when I was about 21, which was when I really admitted to myself that it was becoming a problem. Using had definitely stopped being fun. If Im honest, I didnt plan to stop taking drugs, I didnt want to, I had no idea how I could. I just wanted a script. I wanted a methadone script but it was very hard to get one in those days so instead, I managed to get a decent sized valium script, which became another problem. It was just another drug to abuse. That script quickly got bigger & bigger. Over the 20 or so years I went through a lot of bad stuff but there were also a lot of good times also, eventually I was finding that the bad times happened more often and went on for longer and longer and got more serious. I got to the point where I was street homeless and crack had taken a big toll on things. I was doing a lot of very risky things and I really didnt care what happened to me. I thought that everything was really, hopelessly crap. So, anyway, for about the last 5 years of using, I felt sick of using drugs but I just didnt do anything about it, I had no faith in my ability to stop or that drugs services could help. I just didnt believe that anything would work and had resigned myself to using for the rest of my life. I had a lucky break. I was trying to blag a script from this GP; he called my bluff on it and persuaded me to give it one last go. Turns out he was one of the most decent people I have ever met. I was really lucky to have a good GP; he used the shared care approach with me. He gave me a realistic script and really listened to what I thought I needed to go about cleaning up. I was also given a drugs counsellor that I had to see every week that was part of the deal. They both treated me like a human being, with respect, which I wasnt used to and so self worth began to improve. I really felt they had my best interests at heart and included in my own treatment -I wasnt just a junky to be processed anymore. This experience taught me that things could actually be different. It came at the best possible time as it was the end of the line as far as I was concerned. Up to that point I didnt care if I lived or died. I stayed on that script for a couple of years. At first I was using a couple of times per day on top of my script, that was an improvement but as I got used to having enough methadone and I was confident wouldnt be taken away from me, the using started to peter out. I can clearly remember the first day when I didnt use on top. March 21st 2003! I can remember being so proud when this then became a week without using on top. It then became two weeks and I thought Well Ive done two weeks now, I can try another. That was how it started for me. I havent used any street drugs in 5 and half years now.

What made you want to do this work?

For a long time, I was worried that I wouldnt be able to handle it. I didnt know what I wanted to do. All Id ever really known was using drugs. It was like nothing else made any sense. So I sat around taking my script, watching daytime TV and life wasnt getting any better. My key worker had been hassling me for about 6 months about attending a service user forum. I kept saying Id go but never did. Eventually I did go and I had a bit of a revelation that my/service users opinions actually counted. It was a big deal to me. I just thought that it was a case of beggars cant be choosers and no one would be interested in what an old junky thought. So I started to get more and more involved. Service User Involvement was fairly new to the BANES area but it made so much sense to me. Someone once said to us You guys are the experts; youve been there and know what its really like, so lets hear what

The best part of my job is when I am able to do something useful for a client.

Off The Wall No.12, Spring 2009

you have to say about it. Were listening. Other workers were not so encouraging, which proved to be very frustrating but overall, the experience, for me, was very rewarding. Service user involvement then became voluntary work. We started our own service user groups and met other service user groups across the country; it was quite exciting to feel part of something. In time, we found we were able to build positive working relationships based on mutual respect. And my life became more interesting and fulfilling. I felt like I was doing something useful. I had a real purpose. It gave me a reason for staying clean, the more I did of this, the more interested I became in drugs work.

What struggles have you faced?

There are always lots of knocks, just because you stop using, life doesnt instantly become a bowl of cherries, and sometimes you just have to hang in there. This didnt happen overnight, it happened over a few years. The worst days for me were when I was bored and depressed with money in my pocket. At first, I struggled when having contact with service users that were still actively using. I once, for example, had to visit a service user in their home, who was smoking this great big rock of crack in front of me. He actually offered

me some; the smell of crack has always been a bit of a trigger for me! This was so difficult but what got me through it was recognising that this guy wasnt aware of whether it was day or night. He looked unwell and he looked unhappy. I didnt want to go back to that. I have been working at DHI since the beginning of 2007. My philosophy has always been to try work with people and not against people. If I have had to challenge practise, I hope have been able to do this constructively by saying this isnt working so well, what can we do to improve it?

in with service user involvement work. There are so many different aspects to drugs work, its not just all about counselling & prescribing. Service user activists have access to all these areas. Its an education in itself and youll have a really clear idea if this is really what you want to be doing. Even if decide to do something completely different itll be recovery time well spent, because you pick up loads of skills along the way.

How do you see yourself progressing in your career?

I dont really know where I want to go. I really enjoy the face to face client work. The best part of my job is when I am able to do something useful for a client, which makes them believe that they can continue on their journey. For me, realising that I could do this kind of work was the biggest milestone.

Have you ever worked with a client that you used to use with?
I have come across people that I used with but not yet found myself working directly with them, say, keyworking. If I did, I would discuss it with my team leader to decide whether or not I would be the best person to support them. The thing to remember is that I am not trying to be friends with clients. I am here for them, not myself. Its about their needs and what is best for them. I see a lot my service user involvement work as training and preparation for this role. For a while, I did feel more like a service user than staff but I think, that was about me and not how I was treated. Sometimes it has been tough but Ive worked through it because I know that this is something that I really want to be doing. Now I feel comfortable in this role. I guess it just took a bit of time to believe in myself.

Under what circumstances would you disclose your background to a client?

I didnt really do any using in Bath but most people in this area know something about my history and thats fine. I am proud of who I am now, & the past is the past. I dont make a habit of disclosing to anyone unless I think that it might be useful to that person, for example, if a client is really stuck and has no belief in themselves or drugs services. I might then. I try to treat everyone as an individual.

Do you think that you make a better drugs worker than someone who hasnt experienced drugs problems?
No I dont really think so. Everybodys experience of life is different, whether you have used drugs or not. I can only really say how it has been for me. I think having had this experience I can draw on it to empathise and communicate ideas to service users effectively. In certain situations, drawing on this experience has definitely helped me. In my opinion, it is more important that any drug worker has a professional attitude and cares about their work. For that, drug using experience isnt necessary.

What advice would you give to someone wanting to do what you have done?
Everyones recovery is different. If someone wanted to work with drug users, I would definitely recommend dipping your toe in the waters, so to speak, by joining

6 Whats On @ DHI
Monday
10.00 - 2.00

Off The Wall No.12, Spring 2009

Tuesday
10.30 - 2.00

Wednesday
12.00 2.00

Thursday
10.00 - 12.00

Friday
10.30 - 12.00

Arts And Crafts Group

(Drop-in) 2.30 - 4.00

Womens Group
12.00 - 2.00

Gardening Group
2.30 - 4.00

Drop-in Advice Service

(Last Thursday Of Each Month) 12.30 - 2.00

Communications Group
12.30 - 2.00

Off The Wall

Magazine Group (Drop-in) 12.30 - 2.00

Topic Workshops
Managing Emotions Developing Self-esteem Managing Stress Becoming Assertive

BAT
2.30 - 4.00

Abstinence Group
5.30 - 6.30

Book Club
(1st Monday Of Each Month) 6.45 - 8.15

A Chance To Change Group

2.30 - 4.00

A Chance To Change Group

1.00 3.30

Abstinence Group
5.00 - 6.00

Homeopathy
(Waiting List) 2.00 10.00

Baad Auricular Acupunture

Football

Positive Change Group

Polarity Therapy
2.30 - 4.00

Saturday
Gardening Group

Positive Change Group

6.00 - 7.00

Relapse Prevention Support Group

(Drop-in) (No Referral Required)

A CHANCE TO CHANGE What Pleasures Does Your Drug Use Bring You? What Difficulties Does It Take Away ? What Problems Does It Add To Your Life? What Good Things Does It Take Away? l This group aims to assist people to make their own choices about what, if anything, they wish to change about their substance use. l This is a rolling group which takes new clients on a weekly basis. POSITIvE CHANGES How Can I Manage Cravings? How Can I Manage Tempting Thoughts? How Can I Develop My Confidence And Coping Skills? What Might Get In The Way? What Else Might Help You Achieve This? How Will I Keep This Going? l This offers clients the opportunity to develop and manage their plans for

change, overcoming obstacles and developing commitment. l This group takes new clients every six weeks. ABSTINENCE What Is The Next Step? How Can I Increase Importance Without Adding Stress? How Can I Build A Lifestyle To Support My Recovery? What Are My Triggers And How Can I Manage These? How Can I Prevent Lapses Becoming Relapses? l This group aims to support people who have identified abstinence as a goal. This group takes new clients every six weeks. WORKSHOPS @ DHI Series Of Three Sessions Focusing On Topics That Interact With Changes Around Substance Use.

Topics Are: Becoming Assertive; Improving Self-esteem; Managing Emotions; Managing Stress WOMENS GROUP Drop - In Womens Support Group RElAPSE PREvENTION SUPPORT GROUP Drop In Talking Support Group For Abstinent Clients. BRIEF 1-1 COUNSEllING An Opportunity To Explore Drug Or Alcohol Use 1-1 With A Counsellor, Either To Help You Arrive At Your Decision Or To Maintain Progress. l This service is available most days and some Evenings.

Off The Wall No.12, Spring 2009

7
32-33 Broad Street, Bath, BA1 5LP, 01225 469479 frontdesk@badaservices.org.uk

Support in Bath
Day and Night Support Services in Bath
Julian House
Manvers Street 01225 354650 Day Centre: Offers tea and coffee/General advice/cooked meal 11.00 until 11.45 Mon-Fri: 9.30 until 12.30 Sat: 9.30 until 1.00 Sunday closed Night Shelter: Open every night 8pm-8.30pm Overflow Shelter: 15-bed spaces at no charge Open 10.30pm-7.30am No booking required, first come, first served basis, deadline: 12.00am.

DROP-INS

The Soup Run

The Soup Run is open at 7pm seven days a week, 365 days a year in the Old Cattle Market, off Walcot Street, in the centre of Bath, providing free coffee, soup and sandwiches. Each night of the week is run by a team from a different church. People use the Soup Run for a variety of reasons, because they are homeless they dont have a place to cook or their benefits have ran out. The soup run offers support, a point of contact and a social meeting place.

Had it in the ear yet?

Free Acupuncture Service

Genesis
Lunch Box St Michaels Church (Opposite Waitrose) Mon-Wed: 12.30 until 1.30 Egg, bacon and sandwiches, tea and coffee (50p - 1) General advice.

lifeline Centre
The Forum Building (Corn Street entrance) 01225 329263 Mon-Fri: 2pm-4pm Support and advice on all issues (including homelessness, substance misuse) A safe place to rest up. Tea and coffee available

Acupuncture What auricular acupuncture may do for you: Decrease withdrawal symptoms Improve mood and sleep Ease cravings Increase sense of calm Relieve stress Available Mon 12pm, Thurs 12.30pm, Fri 3pm. BADAS provides auricular (ear) acupuncture by trained practitioners. This is a free service for anyone the B&NES community who has concerns abouth their own or someone elses drug or alcohol use. Blood-Borne Virus Nurse BADAS have a registered nurse offering support, advice, vaccinations and screening for substance-related infections. Please phone or call in at the Broad Street project. Relaxation Fri 12-1pm. Contact BADAS for details. Family Support Group Concerned about someone elses drug or alcohol use? BADASs family support group can offer: A safe place to express and explore your feelings Information and advice concerning drugs and alcohol Support with difficult decisions Thurs. 5.30-6.30pm Herbal Therapies A selection of herbal teas is available for help with detoxing, relaxing and reducing cravings. Contact BADAS for details. Needle Exchange Service Confidential and free advice, information and support concerning drugs or alcohol, either face-to-face or over the phone. Initial assessments for onward referral into specialized treatment, i.e. Structured Day Care, Housing, Prescribing. Clients can self-refer or be referred by GPs, social services, probation, police and other helath and social services. No appointments needed; clients are seen on a first-come, first-seen basis. Needle Exchange Scheme Providing clean needles and syringes in return for safe disposal of used equipment. Harm minimization, advice and support, paraphernalia for safer injecting for safer injecting and safer sex practice. Mon 9.30-1pm, 2-4.30pm Tue 9.30-1pm, 2-4.30pm, 5-7pm Wed 11-1pm, 2-4.30pm Thu 9.30-1pm, 2-4.30pm, 5-7pm Fri 9.30-1pm, 2-4.30pm

OTHER SERVICES

This is a free Sunday Centre service available to anybody who is Genesis experiencing drink or drug Sunday: 1pm 5pm related problems. Every Sunday of the year based Ear acupuncture Informal drop ain at be Methodist Church, DHI also offers range can Nexus very (no needaftercare services the Nelson Place East, London Road. of to book) at helpful in Shed including access to a Project Low cost dinner, warm relieving stressand 55 Newlocal gym, St Bath. Kings complimentary and anxiety as friendly environment. Next to Percy Community Centre. well coffeesome of Tea, as and cakes. therapies, auricular the more physical For more info & and computers Sunday papers and games acupuncture advice symptoms of Tel:07952296990 available. with internet access. withdrawal.

Tuesdays & Wednesdays

11.00 to 12.00

The following services are available by arrangement only. Please contact BADAS for details. Alcohol Management Group Support for people with alcohol issues. Tues 5.30-7pm Preparation 4 Change A support group for people with drug or alcohol issues. Thurs 11-12.30pm Seated Massage Working through clothes and in a chair, this massage is focused mainly on the upper body - shoulders, neck and head. It can help on many levels, for example: to ease muscle tensions, to energise, reduce stress levels and cravings, improve sleep and well-being. Open to anyone who has concerns about their own or someone elses alcohol or drug use. Thurs 10-1.00pm

Off The Wall No.12, Spring 2009

4-page special feature: Tranquilisers

My experience of Benzos...
By Tabz

W
Withdrawal

hen I look at all the symptoms listed on the right, I know that nothing put into words or even verbalised can truly explain the true agony of what this stuff is like to live through on a mostly daily basis. I say mostly because the nature of benzo withdrawal generally tends to wax and wane and there can be minutes, hours, and if youre very lucky, days, where you are almost completely free from all these symptoms. These times in benzo world, we call windows And these windows are what we cling on to, these hours minutes or days ,are times of normality where you get glimpses into the person that you truly are ,and will be on a more permanent basis when recovery has taken place, which in some cases can take months or even years...

and therapeutic use, I cold turkied benzos regularly without really realising it. Always putting weird symptoms down to my issues with anxiety. I now know that I was in withdrawal constantly.

Free of it all
Nothing prepared me for what was going to happen to me the final time I stopped them for good. I was 32 and going back to college, I owed it big time to my kids who had seen enough chaos from me over the years with my drinking and drug taking and I owed it to myself. I was feeling positive, motivated, hopeful and I had begun to get on top of my drinking, which at that point my intake was minimal. I was taking benzos more regularly to cushion me particularly on college days. Still, all was going ok so I decided to stop the pills and never go back on them again. I wanted to be free of it all. I gave myself (laughingly) a couple of weeks to recover, believing completely I would feel like shit for a while and slowly get better.....I never got better. I got worse. Some of the symptoms I was feeling I recognised from old but some of them I definitely didnt. I became wobbly headed(a familiar symptom I had always put down to anxiety) and disconnected from myself and my feelings(emotional blunting and depersonalisation). I felt I was constantly looking through a net curtain on a very dull day. I started being sick in the mornings and I was unable to eat or drink for a few hours. I was unable to think straight and clusters of the symptoms above manifesting together at any given time of the day with minutes of normality sometimes hours in between symptoms. I wobbled off down to the doctors on several occasions. Why was this happening to me? Was I having a nervous breakdown? It certainly felt that way. I thought all the

traumas I had experienced throughout my life had finally caught up with me, but the doctors were in complete denial about any of this being related to my abrupt withdrawal from benzos, choosing instead to label me with severe depression or anxiety and prescribing me with anti-depressants. I knew this was no depression, I wasnt unhappy. Just very, very scared. I really believed I had simply begun to lose my mind

Six months of hell

So I gave myself a hard time trying to read self help books and get myself out of this shit. I didnt know then that no self help book was going to take THIS away! Not even Louise Hay! After around six months of fear and even a reinstatement on a low dose of valium (which made me worse due to tolerance), I by chance got to see a different GP at the surgery ,who agreed categorically that I was in fact in fully fledged benzo withdrawal and that he had seen many people particularly at his London clinics manifesting with the exact same symptoms. Imagine the relief of passing your driving test and magnify it by ten. He looked up some online support for me and I got Dr Heather Ashtons web site and support forum at benzo. org.uk. When I got home, I logged on and with my daughter, we went through the very long list of symptoms ticking off virtually every one as I went along. Now I was able to remove the fear and anxiety about what was happening to me, I could use that precious energy on just getting myself through the days and being as kind to myself as possible. Symptoms of course didnt leave me but slowly over the months certain things would disappear. Sometimes I got new stuff. I didnt see

Anyone reading this who has ever experienced a bad trip or a negative reaction to cannabis could possibly glimpse some of how it feels to be in a benzo withdrawal. Remember that time you took a bad trip and thought you were going to be like this for the rest of your life? I used and was prescribed benzos for around 12 years on and off. They were not hard to get hold of elsewhere either. I used them to control anxiety and anxiety attacks. I used them to come down from alcohol binges. I used them during alcohol binges which would turn me into a venomous monster on occassion. I used them for the sake of it. I also stopped using them for periods of time. Sometimes my anxiety would be through the roof for a few months and then after some time it would all calm down and I would be fine. Because of my sporadic

I thought I had mentally damaged myself with drug abuse as I was a poly drug user. I never knew about the long lasting withdrawals and side effects from Benzos and then when I did find out, I was afraid to stop and thought that this was it for the rest of my life. BAT Service User

much of a huge difference until around two years off. And at three years off and while I still have some mild things going on, life is infinitely better. Panic attacks virtually disappeared at around 6 months, which leads me to know now that any anxiety disorder I had was always massively exacerbated by the pills and definitely not cured by them.

lack of support
I went to places in my mind in the earlier days I could never have known existed. I have been through a lot during my life, but nothing will ever compare to the effect that drug had on me. It is undoubtedly the single most difficult and painful thing I have ever been through. Lots of that pain was caused by the ignorance, denial and total lack of support from the medical and psychiatric profession. This leaves you to cope entirely alone. They lose patience with your wacky symptons that they cant pigeon hole. The saddest thing in many ways is that my kids took the brunt of all this as I was barely able to socialise a lot of the time or make plans and due to the social anxiety I couldnt reach out to people. People cant understand unless they have been there and some dont believe you so it becomes easier to isolate yourself. I have no idea what sort of effect my withdrawal may have had on my kids. And I feel resentful at the irony, that just as I was beginning to turn my life around for them, I became even more incapacitated for such a long time. To the point where I couldnt even walk my son to school some days because of the agrophobia, social phobia and balance stuff.

A slow plan
If someone had told me I couldnt have my precious benzos anymore years ago ,I would have created hell. I loved my benzo script of course because I was unwittingly highly addicted. I only wish I had understood then just how highly insidious these drugs really are, and the impact they were to have.

I thought I was being funny tapping the chemist up after he had shut to get my script. It was all a joke to me. Funny how karma sometimes has the last laugh. Or maybe it was just the blindness of a dependency I never truly realised the extent of. I didnt see much of a huge difference until around two years off although things were certainly getting better. And at three years off while I still have some mild things going on, life is infinitely better. Im back out there and stronger than ever in many ways. I try to accept I still have bad days (it can be frustrating) but, while I am still an anxious person by nature, it is nowhere near what it was. Even before I took benzos, which leads me to know now that any anxiety disorder I have, was always massively exacerbated by the pills and definitely not cured by them. In extreme situations, as in alcohol withdrawal, extreme anxiety, or pre op, benzos are very valuable but prescribed unnecessarily for months or years benzos can be truly devastating. The pharmaceutical companies that are making billions from manufacturing mental illness all be it temporary for most in withdrawal, are nothing more than front door drug pushers and GPs prescribing them, theyre lackeys. There are thousands of people going through this out there, many of who have never had a mental or physical illness in there lives and end up in that state after believing the doctors when they said it would cure their back pain. Those are the ones I feel most for as at least if you are aware that you are a misuser of substances particularly street drugs like heroin crack and alcohol, you EXPECT to feel a little rough when you stop using because the withdrawal effects from these drugs are so well advertised. The negative effects of benzos for a myriad of reasons are not, and that is why this issue needs more publicity, more research. Please never cold turkey benzos! Get on a slow and steady tapering plan if at all possible, and if you are lucky enough, find a supportive understanding benzo wise GP who wont label you with some unrelated mental illness, stay as positive as you can and believe that you will recover. It is achievable to regain your life after benzos.

Some Withdrawal Symptoms...

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l l

l l l l

Inner vibrations (like having an internal pneumatic drill) Vertigo, Burning skin, Burning cramping shins when walking Jelly legs (cant feel legs or they feel weak, or like they feel like they dont belong to your body causing you to sometimes fall or collapse) Rapid resting heart beat... (100 bpm) Wobbly head, /balance problems/ dizziness Racing, disconnected thoughts (one thought makes no sense to next thought) Intrusive thoughts (no control over thoughts often negative or bizarre, tourrette like). Depersonalisation (out of body, total disconnection from self) Derealisation (feeling of unreality) Audio hallucinations (own voice sounds like its coming from somewhere else in the room) Visual misperceptions (catching tracers out of corners of eyes, or misinterpreting objects) Agoraphobia Social phobia (even phone conversations, fear of my madness showing) Extreme anxiety and anxiety attacks Extreme vivid nightmares Suicidal ideation (cold clinical thoughts, non emotional) Manic feelings (occasionally feeling speedy) Electric shock type sensations Strange bodily sensations, e.g. crawling skin, floating, brain zaps Memory and cognitive dysfunction (unable to follow tv plot lines or read) Blank spots(like black outs) Exhaustion Fear Fear of the fear

10

Off The Wall No.12, Spring 2009

4-page special feature: Tranquilisers

Bad Boy Benzo

by Colin BAT group facilitator

n the previous pages is the rollercoaster which is Benzo addiction & withdrawal, Tabz story is similar to hundreds I have come across, at a rough estimate I would positively say that out of a hundred benzo users I have personally spoken with 98 of them have described at least a few of the withdrawals mentioned above and most if not all have expressed the length of withdrawal and the fear of having to do it in the first place. Many poly drug users are happy to come off heroin, crack alcohol and methadone if you can guarantee them that they can keep their benzo script, now this isnt because their benzos are super drugs and they want the fix. For many it is the fear of coming off as they will most likely have attempted this and experienced the trauma that lies ahead and went straight back on. Yes many people do get out their nut on them but the tranquillity has long gone and they are stuck in a spiral of misery and despair, they have been taken hostage hostage by bad boy benzo. Fears of going out the house, major paranoia and constant ringing in the ears and to make matters worse this is happening when youre on them and magnified in withdrawal. Its worth a mention that this happens to many people without drug abuse bad boy benzo has the power to tear families apart even if you are

Identifying the problems Benzos bring is priceless. Otherwise, you start to blame yourself.
BAT Service User

prescribed them for muscle relaxant, bad boy benzo takes no prisoners. Some doctors recognise this but many dont. Personally I think its a matter for the health minister to straighten out. This has been swept under the carpet for long enough the late 1960s to be precise. Battle Against Tranquilisers based in Bristol now have a benzo

group at DHI in Bath which has a regular attendance each week, some illicit drug users some prescribed by doctors for variety of reasons all experiencing the same punishing regime. Familiar questions and fears are expressed; however we are here to make stabilisation and withdrawal as comfortable as possible.

Battle Against Tranquilisers group sessions DHI Friday afternoon 12.30 2.00pm drop in.

I thought as the withdrawals lasted so long and I felt worse and worse as time went on, whats the point in being drug free?! So I would start using everything again. However, it was the ups and downs of benzos being released from my brain. This detox is better done slowly. BAT Service User

11

What s the Story?

l The biggest drug-addiction problem in the world doesnt involve heroin, cocaine or marijuana. In fact, it doesnt involve an illegal drug at all. The worlds biggest drugaddiction problem is posed by a group of drugs, the benzodiazepines, which are widely prescribed by doctors and taken by countless millions of perfectly ordinary people around the world... Drug-addiction experts claim that getting people off the benzodiazepines is more difficult than getting addicts off heroin... For several years now pressure-groups have been fighting to help addicted individuals break free from their pharmacological chains. But the fight has been a forlorn one. As fast as one individual breaks free from one of the benzodiazepines another patient somewhere else becomes addicted. I believe that the main reason for this is that doctors are addicted to prescribing benzodiazepines just as much as patients are hooked on taking them. I dont think that the problem can ever be solved by gentle persuasion or by trying to wean patients off these drugs. I think that the only genuine long-term solution is to be aware of these drugs and to avoid them like the plague. The uses of the benzodiazepines are modest and relatively insignificant. We can do without them. I dont think that the benzodiazepine problem will be solved until patients around the world unite and make it clear that they are not prepared to accept prescriptions for these dangerous products. Dr Vernon Coleman, Life Without Tranquillisers, 1985.

Just A Pill: A Poem

I took a few pills in my early years - I had a laugh and it took away some of my fears, Just a few tamazies till I get my life in place- most kids go through a mad little phase, Having a laugh and enjoying life- I wasnt to know theyd change my life and mean more than my wife. At first they gave me comfort like no other, In fact they seemed to love me like a mother, It felt safe and warm with benzos at my side, But all it was, was a temporary guide, At first they were with me when life was tough, Then they turned on me and called my bluff, Soon theyd turn on me and make me sick, Id crave them more and need them quick, Feeling down now and all alone paranoid and restless my habit had grown, Life was miserable I felt trapped and sad- but worst of all I thought I was going mad, Stuck in the house I cant go out, I cant tell anyone theyll section me without a doubt, My benzos have turned on me and left me here- trying to cope with paralysing fear, I cant tell anyone theyll take me away- oh God I cant get through another day, My doctor doesnt understand- but my mental states got out of hand, I need more and more and still feel crazy the docs accusing me of being lazy, I phoned for help saying Im needing more- I couldnt face going out the door, I need prescriptions on repeat Im stuck in the house and cannot eat, My sleeps disturbed and my curtains drawn my will to live is all but gone, Bad boy benzos turned the screw - youre in the grips of insanity and theres nothing you can do, Darkened rooms disturbed and manic- 24/7 in a constant panic, A ray of hope in the form of BAT, with our help you can beat all that.

12 Polarity Therapy What is Polarity Therapy

Off The Wall No.12, Spring 2009

olarity therapy is offered to all clients attending DHI. Our therapist Andrew Harry provides up to three sessions from the Bath Natural Medicine Centre. OTW recently met with him to find out more OTW: Hello Andrew. Thanks for having this chat with me. Could you tell me what Polarity Therapy is? You have been seeing Clients here at DHI for more than 12 months now with some impressive results and I really think it will be helpful if everyone has a clear understanding about what you do. Andrew: Thanks Doug. Polarity therapy is a natural way to balance your inner energy and to be healthy - physically, mentally and emotionally. OTW: So how does it work? Andrew: Polarity therapy balances your inner energy in four natural ways: balanced touching, balanced eating, balanced stretching, balanced thinking. It is in the first of these - bodily manipulation - that the polarity therapist does most of their work; the rest of the balancing work is done by the client. It is a very encouraging and empowering system.

OTW: How so? Andrew: Well, perhaps the most amazing feature of Polarity therapy is how it engages with the inner energy. While everybody has it, only a few people know they have it. Your inner energy is nearer to you than your hands and feet, closer to you than your own nose. Polarity therapy is a rational system that enables the Client to engage with this energy, recognize it and use this new experience to consciously develop a more balanced, more harmonious relationship with themselves. OTW: But how do you have such consistently positive results? Andrew: In polarity therapy you wont find any doctor and patient relationship - no teacher and pupil, no adult and child. There are just two ordinary people, both on the same level, both attending to the same thing: balancing the Clients energy. We refer to each person as a client (Latin, cliens, listening), not as a patient (Latin, patiens, suffering), because you are in therapy to listen to your body talking, not to suffer the misery of drugs and surgery. Wed rather concentrate on the positive quality of health through self-awareness, rather than the negative states of disease, pain or addiction.

OTW: In essence, what is unique about Polarity? Andrew: Its really the bodywork. The balanced touch of polarity therapy works on various levels of related energy patterns in your body: nervous system, cranial, spinal, and musculoskeletal. The therapeutic touch of the polarity therapist is generally gentle, non-invasive and sensitive to the clients process. The therapist uses both hands, one each on specific polarity points, as may be needed to balance the energy currents in the clients body. This has nothing to do with faith healing or the laying on of hands. But releases block energy which helps the Client re-connect with themselves. This release of energy is accompanied by a raising of self-awareness and this is where the element of balanced thinking comes in. The release of energy and awareness may be re-presented to the Client as feelings, images or sensations and the Polarity therapist will facilitate the Client in addressing these. Through greater selfawareness, we can redirect our lives in more constructive directions. A polarity therapist will help you achieve this goal by means of caring counselling, as well as sensitive bodywork. Clients are encouraged to make a

commitment to positive change and to take responsibility for their own health. OTW: Last question Andrew, why is it called Polarity therapy? Andrew: Polarity is the law of opposites. It is a universal law, which is expressed in the human body in the same way that it is impressed on the creation above and beyond the human body. The principle of Polarity is a simple and profound requirement for life to exist and thrive. It is a central tenet underlying both spiritual and scientific endeavor and it has been encapsulated in Polarity therapy. The deeper one gets into spirituality or scientific research the more the importance of the principle of polarity is revealed.

Get it?!? We agree that it can sound a little out there but it has been hugely successful with many clients in all aspects of their recovery, even those that were a little skeptical to begin with. If you would like more information or you would like to be referred for Polarity therapy, speak to Holly in the Daycare office. Dont knock it until you try it!

Off The Wall No.12, Spring 2009

13 Poetry corner
A Poem
by Stu Ergot

Polarity Therapy My experience

have attended three sessions of The Polarities in Bath. So far I have found this to be the best intervention I have received for my addiction problems. It is a mixture of body work, which helps balance the body, with approaches from Neural Linguistic Programming (NLP), which helps balance the mind. The idea is to get processes into the subconscious where they can work in the background and allow you to get on with life. I went along expecting to get help with my addiction but instead I found we were working back at the causes of the addiction, a bit like removing the tight hat which is causing the headache rather than taking tablets to mask the pain. The aim is to look at what the extremes of your behaviour are and then to find the opposite aspect within your being. By bringing this out you are put back into balance as one evens up the other. This all sounds strange but by working with the subconscious a lot of it happens automatically. I have come from my sessions feeling like a great weight had been lifted from me. I have also felt very relaxed and at peace with my self as well as being far more aware of my own inner self. Each week builds on the previous until the tools of this therapy are inbuilt and can be activated automatically by the client. I would thoroughly recommend this treatment to anyone as it is very effective. It is non-judgemental and there is a very real feeling that with the practitioner you are going to put things right. I know that there is a lot of interest in the medical world in NLP which has previously been mainly used as a coaching tool. In the near future this treatment will probably be developed for a variety of medical applications. It is linked closely to hypnotherapy which is used to treat addictions including smoking, and overeating. I expect we will see this more available in the near future, but in the mean time we have this opportunity to use it in Bath. Service User

Black satin sashes on the Chests of passers by Saying hey, look at me, I need some understanding. I cant stop long enough From talking to myself To hear the words that Are commanding me to Get myself in order. Ive got to pursue this means of self torture. Oh no, here I go again. Its really hard to stop. Its rather nice you know.

1 hour 35 minutes , &1 seconds 0

by Ananda lowe

Time, seconds, moments, like grains of sand flowing from you Away, never to be lived again. Running, dripping like water Evaporating into the air. Time, like the sparkle of fireworks. lit and all out of bangs But like a relay the baton changes hands And the runner sprints to win, Above all else. Success, a moment expanded And remembered, searched for like gold Substantiating the running out of time, Appeasing the graving years. Big bens illuminating face sneers Out of the sky, moving his hands as You formulate plans and hope reality Brings new beginnings and happy endings. Time, like leaves blowing from branches Onto the forest floor, deterioting into dust Corroding into rust, dictating work or rest. Tied to old man time, chained to the scythe Of life and death.

14 Whats your beef?

Off The Wall No.12, Spring 2009

KeepBath Tidy !
An Off The Wall rant by Jim Timoney

y beef is about the disgusting amount of litter I see scattered all over our city. Bath is a beautiful place to live and it irks me to see the mess left by thoughtless individuals everywhere I go. Is it so much effort to carry a piece of litter to the nearest bin? Having said that, I still see piles of it next to litterbins, even virtually empty ones.

front of the building where I live, ending up outside the basement. Why should I have to pick it up? I must own up here to having dropped the occasional dog-end or matchstick in my time. Even so, I have often made a point of disposing of them by thoroughly extinguishing them and finding a nearby bin. The abundance of litter annoys me so much that I am even known to pick up some of the larger items, if near a bin, and place them in it. I do, however, try to remind myself not to become too obsessive about it; after all, its not my job I havent been a road sweeper for over twenty years. It just gets to me at times.

Road Sweepers Whilst on the subject of road sweepers, please dont trot out the old chestnut about dropping litter to keep people in work. As I cannot expect everyone to stop dropping litter, there will always be a need to sweep the streets. In any case, plenty of things are blown around by accident and there are always the seasonal fallings of leaves and blossoms. Save our environment! So please spare a thought for your surroundings. I am sure visitors to Bath do not want to feel they have just been to the local tip, any more than I wish to live in one.

Not in my front yard! Im not just referring here to the odd bit of paper or fag packet. People drop anything from pizza boxes to carrier bags full of litter not to mention the ubiquitous empty cider bottles, Special Brew cans, etc. Litter of all sorts also gets thrown over the railings at the

Off The Wall No.12, Spring 2009

15

The David Miel Award

The David Miel Award

By Stephen Campbell
he first I heard of this award was from my key worker Bex, I was writing my first review for Off The Wall and she called to inform me that I would be put forward for this award. Though at the time I did not know it was the David Meil Award, well to be honest I actually thought it was really all about funding Id asked for how wrong was I. Anyway the next day I came to the DHI centre to speak with Bex regarding the phone call. Then, to my real surprise I was told it was the David Meil Award. Now I was honoured - I mean someone had really taken notice of the struggles Ive gone through the most difficult person to get along with is me, I know and recognise this. You see this award recognises the persons achievements and how much the person has changed in many ways from our drug abuse, to our normal every day behaviour and attitude towards staff and DHI workers. This is

why I was so surprised to get the nomination, let alone win. In my own personal view I have made some real changes in my life, Ive stopped drug use and I feel that my manners could be better. I have made certain changes in my approach to life and the way to speak to people, but theres still room for work and Im on it. Well I just wanted to write a little bit about the late David Meil. I mean the guy definitely made an impression on me and just about everyone he met. He wasnt my key worker - he was my ex- partners, but when I met him, he gave me the feeling of truly caring about the persons future and life. David was a loss which will be hard to replace so put your hands together for a dedicated and efficient worker - youll be missed. Goodbye. Pictured right: Stephen deep in research for his next batch of computer game reviews - see page 20 for this issues reviews.

Dont forget DHI will be looking for nominees for this award again for the year 2008/9. Please start sending us details of your nominees to the DHI address in April.
The final deadline is the end of June 2009.

16

Off The Wall No.12, Spring 2009

Recipes: Romantic three course meal

STARTER

Heart shape pat toast

Ingredients Four slices of brown bread Margarine Pat of your choice One tomato Some Cucumber lettuce You will need Heart shaped cutter. Method 1. Toast bread under grill or in toaster until golden brown. Spread with marg and cut into heart shapes with cutter. 2. Spread pat on heart shapes and arrange on plate with three lettuce leaves. Cut cucumber in to heart shape with a knife or a small heart shaped cutter. 3. To make the tomato look like a rose, peel it like you would an apple and use the peeling as the rose affect.

MAIN COURSE

vegetarian spaghetti bolognaise

Ingredients One onion Two garlic cloves One red pepper Two courgettes One tin of chopped tomatoes One teaspoon of basil One teaspoon oregano 200ml tub crme fraiche One bag of fresh spinach 300grams spaghetti Parmesan cheese Method 1. Fry onion, garlic, red pepper cougette for two mins. Add chopped tomatoes, basil and oregano reduce heat and simmer for ten mins. Add crme fraiche and spinach and simmer until spinach is cooked. 2. Boil spaghetti in boiling water for ten minutes or however long it says on the packet. Serve bolognaise on top of spaghetti and sprinkle on parmesan cheese.

DESSERT

Fruit salad fondue

For dipping Ingredients Quarter pound of red and green seedless grapes Quarter pound of cherries Quarter pound of strawberries Two bars of milk chocolate Method Wash and arrange fruit in a bowl. Break chocolate up in pieces in another bowl and heat in microwave for two minutes until melted. Dip fruit into chocolate maybe using cocktail sticks to keep your fingers clean. Yummy. Price check: Most supermarkets Morrisons, Somerfield, Sainsburys Asda and Tesco - do basics or home brand chocolate and spaghetti for around 25p each.

Off The Wall No.12, Spring 2009

17

Recipes: Feed four for three quid!

Method 1. Peel the onion, chop up and fry in half the butter until its almost seethrough. 2. Add 3/4 teaspoon of the curry powder and mix in with the onion. This meal is simple and quick to make. 3. Add the rice and mix with the It can be varied by changing the type of curry onion mix - make sure all the fish from mackeral to haddock fillets, curry powder is mixed in - no lumps. salmon or cod. I would use whatever 4. Add the water and bring mixture fish is cheapest or on an offer at the to a simmer. supermarket at the time. The version 5. Heat up the smoked mackerel and below is made with smoked mackerel hard-boil three eggs. - probably the cheapest fish you can by - 6. When the rice is tender - approx and also the tastiest ... though you might 10mins - and ALL the water is be burping fish for a week... absorbed - you dont want it sloppy, break the mackeral in. Peel the Ingredients - serves four hard-boiled eggs, chop roughly and 25g of Butter (cheap!) stir into the mix. 2 Smoked Mackerel fillets (1.50) 7. Add the rest of the butter and Hot Curry Powder (cheap!) mix in. Sprinkle a little extra curry 250gsm White Rice (cheap!) powder to finish - yummy! Boiling Water (cheap!) Onion (cheap!) 3 Eggs (60p)

MAIN COURSE

Kedgeree

Check out these recipes over the coming issues...

Thrifty Roast!
l A quick and easy roast dinner Chicken, Veg and all the trimmings. Were going to make our own gravy, make our own stock (by boiling the chicken carcass) and then were going to make the chicken and veggie leftovers last all week. Soup, Bubble and Squeek, Fritters and sandwiches. If you have any money-saving ideas on how you can make your food go further, dont hesitate to get in touch we need your recipes.

TOTAl: less than 3!

Soup Special!
l Also, if we have any room left, well be stuffing our faces with soup potato, leek, ham and pea. You name it, were chucking it in the mixer ... dont miss out!

Fancy yourself as a cook? Think you can better our resident masterchef? Send in your recipes, and pics and well print them...
(only if theyre any good!)

The Food Page

Off The Wall Magazine 15/16 Milsom Street, Bath BA1 1DE Tel 01225 329411 Email offthewall@ drugsandhomeless.org.uk

18 Book new & reviews

Off The Wall No.12, Spring 2009

DHI Book club

You may have noticed in the DHI timetable that we have a book club, meeting once a month. What happens here is that we are provided with a book to read each month and meet for about an hour on the first Monday of the following month at 5:30 pm to discuss it in an informal group. My aim in this section is to give a very brief review of some recent Book Club titles; I should point out that the opinions are my own and are not necessarily shared by other Book Club members, the OTW team or DHI. Jim Timoney

BOOK ClUB BOOK REvIEW

Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway

by Susan Jeffers (Hutchinson, 1987)
l Decembers book was first recommended to me about ten years ago and, although I had never read it, I have always remembered and liked the title. Would it live up to my expectations? Initially, I felt like I was sitting on the fence. I can see that it could be reassuring to many, letting people know that they are not alone in feeling fear, apprehension and a lack of confidence. At the same time, I couldnt help thinking that the title says in seven words what takes the book over two hundred pages. Why not make it even shorter, I thought, and follow the old Nike ad and Just do it? Cynicism having set in, I began to wonder whether this was nothing but a nice little earner for Ms Jeffers. After all, it hardly seems like a revelation that fear doesnt just go away and that it is necessary to act in spite of it. I worked out years ago that it is always better to face and deal with a tricky situation than suffer the endless fear of what if? If I expected to learn something new from this book, I realise now that I shouldnt and mostly didnt. I did, however, remind myself after a while that I reached a lot of the authors conclusions not only through my own thinking but also as a result of years of reading similar self-help or personal growth books, counselling and groups such as DHIs Topic Group. Having realised that there must be thousands of people out there who havent yet had the chance to gain such reassurance, I can see that Ms Jeffers book could be a big help to them. Also, as I dont pretend to know everything (far from it!), I tried to look a little deeper into the text, where I found some useful advice (some old, some new), despite my earlier scepticism. I was, for instance, introduced or reintroduced to such ideas as risk-taking, self-empowerment, positive thinking and the fact that ultimately the choice is mine. Perhaps the concept that most caught my attention was that of the chatterbox in my head, forever trying to lead me astray, telling me what to do and generally trying to negativise my thoughts and actions. This is something I have been trying to deal with for as long as I can remember and some of the advice given is well worth reading. On balance, I find the book contains much that is useful, especially for those who may have had little or no previous experience of self-help advice. I did find it a little overpowering, as she seems to expect me to spend my whole life putting her ideas of positive thinking, affirmation, etc. into practice, instead of just getting on with life. My advice is not to treat this book as a cover-to-cover read; far better to dip into it for advice in the relevant sections. Thats how I read most of it, anyway. Also, if the exercises seem too ludicrous, its OK to skip over them, unless you particularly enjoy that sort of thing. Jim Timoney

Coming up over the next few issues ... Through A Glass Darkly and plenty more...

19

BOOK ClUB BOOK REvIEW

Screwed
by Ronnie Thompson (Headline, 2008)
l The first things I noticed about Novembers Book Club choice was what I considered the atrocious writing style, or lack of it, and the over abundance of foul language. The author has, or gives the impression of having, a poor, limited vocabulary, knowing few adjectives that dont begin with A and few nouns that dont begin with C. Thompson comes across as a foulmouthed, semi-literate, thuggish, arrogant jack-the-lad, who would make a better inmate than screw, although I appreciate that by no means all prisoners fit this glib stereotype. I just wonder, if hes an example of a screw, what the average con is like. This particular screw seems proud of spending most of his spare time boozing with his fellow screws, neglecting his girlfriend and child, sleeping in the staff quarters instead of going home to his family, macho fighting in the bar and generally behaving like a bruiser and thug. I began to wonder if Thompson really is a screw; assuming he is (I dont think he could get away with claiming to be one if he isnt), Im surprised that he hasnt been sacked for his damning indictment of the prison service and the powers that be. Is this the real Ronnie Thompson, though? I sometimes gained the impression, perhaps a cynical one, that the book was written deliberately to shock, be controversial and sell copies. Despite finding it overall too disgusting, boastful and tedious, there are times when the author comes across as more erudite, with less swearing and more constructive analysis. I also believe him when he portrays himself as a conscientious and fair prison officer, sticking to the prescribed restraint procedures wherever possible

and not getting involved in the bent activities of some of his colleagues. I can see that officers have to put up with a great deal of crap in their jobs, including staff shortages, long hours and lack of appreciation by all - cons, bosses, government and public. Id have found this book a better read without the endless swearing and (possibly assumed) poor language skills. However, I did find it more interesting and readable towards the end, as Thompson described his suspension and a fellow officers trial. In the last couple of chapters the writing becomes much more articulate, using far fewer swearwords. Unfortunately, these last pages did not make up for the preceding chapters; I doubt Id have read that far had I not been reading it for the Book Club and this review. Despite my criticisms, there is a lot of telling information contained in these pages. I suppose my feelings can best be summed up by Oscar Wilde at one of his trials: There is no such thing as a moral or an immoral book. A book is either well written or badly written. That is all. I dont think I need to tell you which definition sums up my view in this case. JT

BOOK REvIEW

The First Chronicles Of Druss The legend

by David Gemmell (Legend, 1993) l This book was recommended and lent to me
by OTWs computer games expert, Stephen. I had never read anything by David Gemmell before, but he sounded like my kind of writer. This turned out to be a novel I found well worth reading and I hope to read more of his works. Action packed and hard to put down from the start, this is an intriguing mixture of fantasy and medieval adventure, introducing such as Rowena, called by many a witch because of her second sight and prescience. The novel is sprinkled with many more wondrous characters and events. Although it rakes place in a mystical time of long ago, it seems to be set on Earth (or could it be Middle Earth?). I hesitate to compare Gemmell to Tolkien, who to me stands alone in the realm of fantasy fiction, but this novel is definitely a supreme example of the genre. I found it a gripping, enthralling and entertaining read from beginning to climactic end. It has to be said that much of the excitement revolves around incredibly violent battle scenes, which, as they say on TV, some might find distressing and distasteful. Whilst I do abhor violence, I think two things need to be borne in mind. Firstly, this is a work of fiction, indeed of fantasy, and as such there is no need to feel that enjoying a good read means condoning the violence it contains. After all, we are constantly surrounded by excessive violence in books, films and on TV. Furthermore, Druss lives in a time and place far removed from our world; also, despite his violent life, he does have an innate sense of right and wrong, however misguided this might seem to the reader. Besides, considering the plethora of wars, terrorism and other violence which plague our own world, it seems somewhat hypocritical to judge Gemmells fantasy one. I found I could enjoy this book without feeling I was condoning violence. The violence is there, as it is in many other works of fiction, which is where Id like to see it stay. I highly recommend Gemmell on the strength of this novel, especially if you are a fan of this genre. May the Source be with you! (You have read it to understand). Jim Timoney

20 Computer games
GAMES REvIEW

Off The Wall No.12, Spring 2009

Fallout 3
By Stephen Campbell

ell lets just say this was the most challenging review Ive done since the first little Oblivion review, you see theres two ways to play this game and I had to do both. Also theres 55 (yes fifty five) different endings to the game which would be good if the game was more interesting. This will be my first review on which I had to play the game for almost two months and boy it was hard. I will now get to the point. At the start of the game you find yourself being born but the world above has been destroyed well Washington DC is smashed by nuclear war. Anyway, youre quickly brought through childhood by your father as your mother died at your birth. Since then youve lived n a nuclear bunker by the name of vault 101. About your father... he is a scientist working endlessly to find a way to purify the citys water supply since the bombs dropped its undrinkable. He has made quite alot of progress but then you were born and with the death of his wife he decided that for your safety you would all move into the vault so there you go, thats your childhood. Theres about 3 times you interact with your dad each time you add a few years to your age. For reasons yet to be found out youre awoken by your childhood friend Amata she lets you know that your Dad has left the vault and the overseer (Amatas father) had killed the only doctor and close friend of your dads (Johnas) she then tells you hes out of control and will kill you on sight. Security are looking for you also. What to do eh? Well, never fear. Its straightforward. Amata gives you the code to her fathers computer and a few bobby pins (lock picks) also a 10mm hand gun. So off you go make your way to the overseers office. On the way youll find a few side tasks to complete depending on what kind of character you want

to be, but just as you get to the office youll hear Amata speak with her dad and hes not happy. So enter and kill the security guard but dont hurt her dad or you will lose her friendship so engage him in conversation and threaten Amata. He will now let you go and off you go into the big bad world. Oh and it is bad unless you choose easy mode but wheres the challenge in that? Right, youre out of the vault and you have two choices you can either explore for a while and find your footing or you can go straight into the search for your Dad. Your choice, but I think youll probably do both remember theres 55 different endings! A few are down to the sex you choose to play as, some relate to your karma level but others are more difficult to discover and it wouldnt be fair to tell you those now, would it? As you do good deeds youll find some mysterious person has put a contract on your head, this is because of a bomb. You disengage a nuclear bombs power supply, so it cant explode. Anyway, someone wants that bomb to go bang. If you cant wait to find out, pay a visit to Moriartys bar and speak with one Mr Burk and all will be revealed. Dont worry, you dont really want to blow up megaton (named after the bomb) just inform the sheriff and tell him what Burk has asked of you. The sheriff now confronts Burk but is killed, so you kill Burk and dismantle the bomb. The sheriffs son confronts you and says how proud his Dad would be very proud, and so awards you with the money you earlier agreed and as a bonus he gives you the deed to the last house in megaton so youre quite lucky really. When you turned ten in the vault you were considered an adult and given your own pipboy this is one most important pieces of equipment you get. It holds all your vital statistics and any good or bad effects you may be under like drug addiction, or you may have a suit with some good properties like 5 speech points. Also your

pip holds your stats allowing you to heal certain parts of your body it has maps and a holographic cassette player. This makes life in the DC area easier to live in and find your way around. Once you find a place you are able to fast travel back and forth each area appears on your pipboys map when you find it so get out there and discover the new world. Allowing for discovery remember to find any clue to your Fathers whereabouts as this is the main mission. Another tip is that for every weapon you find somewhere in the game there will be a more powerful version. Example: youll find shotguns anywhere but then find the terrible shotgun and see the difference in power between the weapons. As for the way the game is played well thats one of its good points the info on Washington is great, so is the detail. The graphics are good but I run through my HDMI settings and get the benefits that come with high definition so try to get your television upgraded (trust me, its a crime to your playstation not to do this). I realised that all I do is tell you how to play these games, but to get the best from your game and its graphics then youve got to get the best equipment and Sony-made accessories. Always try to go with Sony components then if you get a problem, Sony wont be able to say or blame any foreign parts so stay smart and you will get amazing scenes from Fallout 3 and fight scenes when you use V.A.T.S. Play the game to find out what this means. Summing up in a nutshell, theres lots that is good about this game its a great play with loads to do but it could be a lot better. I mean all the different confrontations with the enemys like Raiders, Talon Company and other human villans all look the same. Having played other games by Bethesda I know they can fix these things it should have been a better gaming experience. Putting this aside the game gets another 7/10 but the real judge should be you guys so buy it and try it. Its only 14:99 second-hand but if you like the game and its plot then youll have hours of fun cause trust me its a nuclear wasteland out there so go and explore enjoy...

Theres lots that is good about this game... its a great play with loads to do but it could be a lot better...
Fallout 3 - see review left

21

GAMES REvIEW

viking - The Battle For Asgard

By Stephen Campbell

will start by saying this game has had a bad review by several professionals which in my view is unfair, I got several hours of fun and a few frights... its stealthy, violent, weird, gory and quite exciting at times. You my friend are a Viking named Skarin and the son of Asgards War Chief (our equivalent of a King/Queen) your foe is an evil Goddess who is named Hel. She commands an army of really sinister-looking soldiers ranging from the Common Soldier, Scouts, Assassins, Elite and then on to various other champions ending with Hels own right-hand man. I will leave him as a mystery only to be solved by buying the game. As for you during a rather large battle, this resulted in your Fathers death, and you going berserk in the ensuing rage and the fact that due to your Fathers demise your forces have scattered. You are now alone and easily overpowered one thrust to the heart later and its bye bye for now. You did die! but watching this was Hels twin sister Freya. She needs a Champion whom she can fight through and she hopes you will be the one, so she in her Godly way offers you a opportunity: immortality and the ability to use Earth Magic (a powerful stone which will let you know where you are at all times, should you

be over-powered and run out of energy you will be returned to base camp). Also you will find several large glowing stones which if approached will allow you instant travel from one stone to the next this makes things easier. Now youre ready to face your war-torn country once again and get on with the job at hand. You will be finding yourself back in the living world, several comments will be made about the fact you were seen to die and vanish but its all soon forgotten when the chief of the village where your army camped finds you have Freyas blessing. The first place to look if you need a pointer is the beach. Here youll find two or three sets of tied soldiers. Free them and swell your army have a look for gold bags,jars,chests and barrels of mead which you can sell to the Inn keeper in your Base Camp. Then have a chat with the settlements War Chief and though hes sceptical as to whether youve got what it takes to build an army he is hopeful. He tells you the outlay and the fact that three quarts of the army has been captured and are prisoners all across the land. What to do eh; well Id say get your ass out of there and start kicking some ass, but visit the forge and if you can top up your weapons. But you will need gold when first

traveling outside of base lean your blocking button (trigger) on the control pad and be very stealthy and watchful for ambushes along the path look for different colors in the bushes. OK, follow this road and you should come to a farm, once liberated you will open supply lines which will allow you to buy food and weapons, which can be thrown. The real thing you need first is to open supply lines for the army so as you leave the first village gate. Carry on up the hill keeping right and approach the small settlement this is where it all kicks off you will fight various enemy soldiers. Also dotted across the island youll find several soldiers tied up untie these men and they will instantly join your army. Now you can buy life upgrades which come in 4 different stages. You can only buy these when you liberate the farm. Speak to the farms head dude and he will ask you to recover some lost supplys destined for your base camp. Find these and take them to your man at base wallah you can now buy items like health potions, maps to find treasure chests, urns and bags. Also a very useful weapon the throwing Axe useful for taking out those pesky horn blowers... trust me, these you want to kill first because once they blow on that horn you will find yourself in real trouble. I cant tell you the whole game because it would obviously spoil it, so Ill sum up with this little taster: you get to involve Dragons in your battles as you go through the game, you collect a Dragon Amulet for each Dragon youre able to summon. You will have found a gem, there are three dragons in all so it does look quite spectacular during a war scene. So to some it all up I give Viking Battle For Asgard a whopping 7/10. For those who read this report thanks I hope it helps if you find yourself playing the game till next time bye bye from Stephen Campbell.

22 Art group

All paintings and photography by Stu Ergot

These three pics: The Temples of Doom from Stus dark period.

Dhi is pleased to announce that by popular demand, the...

art group is back!

The all new 12 week programme starts on Monday 16th February 11am 1pm. Ask your key-worker to refer you as soon as possible.

relAtionships problem solving guest speAkers heAlthy eAting

self cAre support domestic violence

Womens group

sexuAl heAlth confidence every tuesdAy 10.30 12.00

A supportive And informAtive femAle only group covering the issues thAt mAtter to you. interested or unsure pleAse come Along

Activities refreshments