How to Be a Total Man-Magnet

A girl who got paid to help guys meet women shares her insights into what motivates men to make a
move.
BY CHRISTIE GRIFFIN

"Is it just me or is that chick checking us out?"

Do you ever go out sometimes and feel like guys aren’t giving you the attention you deserve, and
you can’t figure out why? That used to happen to me too. Then I became a part-time "wingwoman"
— a girl who helps guys meet chicks in bars by posing as the guys’ platonic female friend.
(Wingwoman services are available in many cities, including New York, Los Angeles, Chicago,
Dallas, Miami, and Saint Louis.) While earning my wings, I learned lots of little tricks every single girl
can use to improve her success with guys. Warning: Once you perfect these moves, you might find
that you’re such a powerful man-magnet, you attract guys everywhere. I used to date a guy who
asked me out at the ATM!

Wingtip #1: Go out in groups of no bigger than three.

Larger groups of girls are supertough (read: intimidating) to approach. Three is a good number
because your two friends can keep each other company when a guy walks up to chat with you.

Wingtip #2: Hold a drink in your hand.

Guys don’t want to be used. Meaning: They don’t want to buy you a drink right off the bat. My clients
and I used to look for the girl with half a cocktail. That way, if she finishes her beverage while
chatting with my guy, he could offer to buy her another to keep things moving.

Wingtip #3: Smile genuinely.

So obvious, right? But I can’t stress it enough — and I can’t believe I ever acted aloof in an attempt
to seem sexier. Now I know that women smile all the time naturally (when we’re nervous, when
we’re trying to be polite, etc.), so if you don’t do it at all, you look like an unapproachable bitch.

Wingtip #4: Work the eye contact.

To reel him in from across the room, tilt your chin down a bit and flash him a couple of sultry
glances. (Guys love it when you look up at them — it makes them feel manly.) If the guy across the
room is so gorgeous you have a hard time looking straight at him and are simply too nervous, fake it
by focusing on the tiny area right between his eyes. He won't be able to tell the difference.

Wingtip #5: Don’t immediately ask him what he does.

Some men think all women are gold diggers. A lot of my clients hated being asked what their job is.
It’s that fear-of-being-used thing again.

Wingtip #6 Make positive small talk.

Once I started studying other women, I couldn’t believe how negative some of us appear. When
you’re out on the town, you’re supposed to be having fun, and any complaint (“It’s hot in here!”),
pessimism (“There will definitely be another terrorist attack”), or snarky quip (“Look at that chick’s
belt — so 2002!”) pretty much pokes a hole in the fun-girl aura you should be projecting. Some
better small-talk topics: recent vacations, favorite bands, hilarious movies. You can hit him with your
deep, dark world-view some other time.

How to Work Less and Get Wayyy More Done

You know those (extremely) rare workdays that just seem to fly by? A new book says it's possible to
recreate that feeling, all day, every day. Here’s how...
BY JESSICA KNOLL
Imagine that your boss offers you $100 to complete a challenging new project as quickly as possible.
He then asks your co-worker to complete the same project, but without any kind of cash reward or
time constraint. Who is more likely to finish first? According to the theory in Daniel H. Pink’s
fascinating new book, Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates You, your co-worker is.

What the what? We’d think that extra wad of cash would be a serious motivator. But it turns out that
intrinsic motivation — the drive to do something because it is interesting, challenging, and absorbing
— is far more effective in producing results than extrinsic motivation — the “if you do this, then I’ll
give you that” model that most businesses use with their employees. This is because when a reward
is offered, as it is in the scenario above, you become more focused on those shiny new pumps that
$100 would afford you, rather than on the best way to complete the task. Drive says that the secret
to being more productive and feeling more fulfilled is to enjoy what you’re doing, and to feel
rewarded by the work itself.

We know — easier said than done. But Drive takes into consideration that even if you’re not 100
percent in love with your job, you can still be more successful and feel happier just by figuring out
which tasks truly engage you — aka those rare moments of, “Ohmigod, I missed lunch I was so
caught up in my work.” Drive refers to these moments as “flow,” and offers up nine strategies to
produce flow more often, and for longer periods of time. Here’s one of them:

Give Yourself a “Flow” Test

Here's how: Set a reminder on your computer or cell to go off forty random times in a week. Each
time it beeps, write down what you’re doing, how you’re feeling, and whether you’re in “flow.” Record
your observations, look at the patterns, and consider the following questions:

* Which moments produced feelings of “flow?” Where were you? Who were you with?
* Are certain times of day more flow-friendly than others? How could you restructure your day based
on your findings?
* How might you increase the number of optimal experiences and reduce moments when you felt
disengaged or distracted?

The New Marriage Rule: Age Matters

Studies reveal that you should reach a specific age before you get married.

He may be Mr. Right, but are you ready?

We doubt you were shocked when Avril Lavigne recently announced she was splitting from her
husband of three years. But while it’s tempting to assume the cause was her bratty persona or
rocker lifestyle, comments from her friends suggested that something more universal was at play:
She was only 21 when she tied the knot and later told pals that she realized she’d been too young to
make such a life-altering decision. Could fellow young celebrity divorcées Reese Witherspoon, Kate
Hudson, and Britney Spears have also hit the same age-related issue?

We doubt you were shocked when Avril Lavigne recently announced she was splitting from her
husband of three years. But while it’s tempting to assume the cause was her bratty persona or
rocker lifestyle, comments from her friends suggested that something more universal was at play:
She was only 21 when she tied the knot and later told pals that she realized she’d been too young to
make such a life-altering decision. Could fellow young celebrity divorcées Reese Witherspoon, Kate
Hudson, and Britney Spears have also hit the same age-related issue?

The Magic Number

There are practical reasons for the mid-20s dividing line, and most of them boil down to two biggies:
education and money. Turns out, the more years of higher education a woman has under her belt on
her wedding day, the lower the chances that she’ll get divorced…and by 25, you’re more likely to
have earned a degree or two. “Educated women tend to be more confident about who they are and
less willing to settle for a man who doesn’t meet their standards,” explains Terri Orbuch, PhD, author
of Five Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage From Good to Great.

Odds are that by 25 you’re also supporting yourself, so there’s less incentive for you to rush into
marriage because you’re seeking financial security from him.

But the marriage-related benefits of working and having money of your own go beyond feeling
secure, says Pepper Schwartz, PhD, author of Finding Your Perfect Match. Learning to budget your
cash carefully when you’re single will help you avoid financial problems—one of the main causes of
couple fights—for the rest of your life. And juggling responsibilities, dealing with differing
personalities, and resolving conflicts on the job force you to develop skills that are necessary for
maintaining long-term love.

Knowing the Real You

At 25, you’ve had time for some crucial life experiences, including a relationship or two that may
have improved your Mr. Right radar. “You’ve probably dated enough to have a better idea of what
you don’t want in a man, which makes it easier to know what you can live with and can’t live
without,” says Orbuch.

Perhaps the most important aspect of waiting is that you’ll know what your goals and values really
are, says Paul Coleman, PsyD, author of The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Intimacy. While you don’t
want to marry someone just like you, marriage is a lot easier if you two share a similar outlook on
life.

Twenty-four and already married to the man of your dreams? Don’t worry: Many young marriages
survive. But given the choice, you might consider putting off the big day until your mid-20s or later.

Beauty on your fingertips

By beauty.teamfemina, Jan 19, 2010 - 06:49 PM

From free makeover demos to online beauty consultations to even make up tips and tricks on your phone, the
internet is abuzz with a bevy of beauty applications (apps) just for you. Amrita Bose presents a round up.

Daily Makeover
www.dailymakeover.com
Want a makeover but not sure how to go about it? Fret not! Just try out a virtual makeover first. At the Daily Makeover
all you need to do is hop over to the Makeover Studio section, upload your latest photograph and figure out whether
the deep shade of purple lipstick suits you, the smoky eyes make your eyes look wicked or that retro fringe
compliments your face or not. All at a fee of course. The website also shows you a gallery of virtual makeovers
people have had, the latest hairstyles celebs are spotting these days, beauty trends, and tips.

mySkin
www.myskin.com
Now you can get advice on skin troubles at just a click of a mouse. At mySkin.com, once you sign up, a detailed
analysis is done of your skin. Questions are asked regarding your skin type, the kind of lifestyle you lead, and your
skin problems. Step two involves talking about the products you use and whether they work on your skin or not. Once
done, the site does a skin mapping and profiling for you. This helps skincare experts employed by the website to
narrow down your skin issues, suggest products, skin-care routines and lifestyle changes. You can also chat and
connect with other skin-worried people just like you on their community page. How cool is that?

Makeup for iPhone

www.apple.com
Your phone can whisper beauty and make up secrets to you now thanks to the new Makeup application on the Apple
iPhone.The app can be downloaded from the Apple App Store. The app uses a cool facial recognition technology and
gives out make-up advice and beauty routines. Just upload your mug onto the phone and let your iPhone give your
face a virtual makeover according to your face structure. So don’t miss out on checking your virtual avatar first before
you put on that pancake for the next party.

YouTube
www.youtube.com
If you are the type who just loves freebies and cant be bothered to surf through endless beauty websites for advice,
just type in the keywords on YouTube and watch the magic unfold. On YouTube, a video sharing website, millions of
people upload and share videos of every possible thing on earth, right from movies to music, to how-to demos. If you
want to know how to create marcel waves (a vintage hairstyle) or how to apply black nail polish neatly or hide your
last night’s vestiges skilfully with make up, just watch a video of it. Step-by-step instructions complete with advice on
how to try it at home makes YouTube your best friend on the internet. And the best part is that you don’t need to
register nor do you need to pay anything out of your pocket.

20 gifts that totally suck

By buzz.teamfemina, Dec 18, 2009 - 03:16 PM

Racking your brains over cool gift ideas for the holiday season? We make it easier for you
by telling you what NOT to gift. And no, it's not just the thought that counts.

1. Whatever you do, please don’t walk into the party with a lame bunch of flowers. If at all
you do, team it up with a book on “50 Cool Uses for Half-Dead Blossoms”.

2. Unless you want your run-of-the-mill photo-frame from a local gift shop circulated
back to you a few parties later, don’t bother spending the bucks.

3. Gifting religious paraphernalia like idols and pictures of your favourite deity and
spiritual books will only make you look like a wannabe fanatic.

4. Classy perfumes are cool but deodorants are a strict no-no when it comes to gifts -
unless you want to get a clear message across.

5. A book on how to lose weight - gift that to a friend and earn an enemy for life! The
same goes for weighing machines or other similarly suggestive objects.

6. Handmade stuff like that pink and black muffler (your first ever knitting project) is
sweet but then…

7. Mostly bought out of well-meaning intentions, self help books only suggest that we
could use some help. In short, they spell “you’re not good enough yet”.

8. We could probably write a book on “why not to gift a vase”.

9. Fake jewellery and tacky trinkets are very likely to end up adorning our domestic
help.

10. Spare us the hassle of trying to figure out what to do/ where to place/ whom to re-
gift that useless crystal piece.

11. We don’t need you to buy us random stuff like a box of Pringles or a bottle of
Worcestershire sauce - we like to do our own grocery shopping.

12. Presenting cookies to a diabetic, a bottle of wine to a teetotaler or a kitten to

someone who is not fond of pets - the worst gifting faux pas.

13. Buying us a ‘useful’ item is a noble idea but vacuum cleaners and toasters kinda
cross the line unless they are specifically asked for.

14. We would rather dig ourselves a grave than commit a sartorial sin in those hideous
clothes!

15. A box of icky, sticky, grease laden sweets - give this one a skippety skip.

16. Gifting ivory, fur or any other remains of a dead animal is totally, awfully and
extremely loathsome.

17. We might put up with your unhealthy obsession for a movie star or sportsperson
but don’t test our goodness with posters, memorabilia and autographed scrapbooks.

18. There are better ways to flaunt your spending power than by gifting something
ugly, useless and ridiculously expensive like an indoor fountain.
 19. A tie and cuff set is passé, passé and some more pass&#233.

20. Did you ever gift someone plastic jars and containers? You did? Gasp!Remember,
bad gifts are like bad karma - they always come back. So beware!

Hw to b the party’s life

1. Take the Prime Position: When you arrive, grab one or two of your friends and head straight for
the middle of the room. As other people walk in, you’ll appear to be the center of attention and they’ll
naturally gravitate towards you.

2. Show Your Shoulders: The more skin you show in the winter, the more you will stand out in a
crowd. Wear a strapless dress that maximizes the amount of shoulder you show off. Make sure it’s a
solid color (patterns cause you to blend in) such as red, fuchsia or turquoise and you’ll turn more
heads than all the women in LBDs...combined.

3. Perfect Your Smile: The biggest mistake people make in social situations is putting on the
perma-smile, which comes off as insincere. Instead, don a close-lipped smirk, like you have a secret
you’re just dying to tell. Then wait until after you say hi to someone to flash them a big smile. You
want them to think that they’re the reason you’re suddenly so happy.

4. Don’t Be Afraid to Touch: When you’re chatting with someone, casually place a hand on his or
her arm. Touch triggers good feelings and signals special treatment — so not only will the person
you’re talking to like you more, other people will wish they were the object of your rapt attention.

5. Try This Alluring Posture: Rather than sitting with your hands at your side, move one elbow
onto the back of your chair. This subtle move amps up your sexiness factor and exudes confidence.
If you’re standing, you can get the same effect by leaning on a nearby bar or countertop with one
arm.
6. Hands Off Your Hair: Messing with your tresses sends a message to both men and women that
you’re insecure or nervous, which makes them suddenly get the urge to refill their drink.

7. Let Your Cocktail Do the Talking: Hold your glass in one hand and off to the side as opposed to
directly in front of you with two hands. Doing so will show off your wrists (a move men find
particularly attractive because it hints at openness and vulnerability) and leave your midsection — a
power zone that communicates confidence — unobstructed.

8. Get Moving: As the party gets packed, change your locale every ten or fifteen minutes. It can be
as simple as walking from the bar over to the window or the couch. Each time you move to a
different setting, you’ll be seen from a new angle, making you seem instantly more dynamic.
6 Secrets to Getting into Any Party or Club
December 17, 2009 at 3:25PM By Zoë Ruderman | Comments

Not that we approve of the couple who crashed the state dinner at the White
House a few weeks ago, but you've gotta admit that having the balls and the
know-how to get into an event you're not invited to is pretty awesome. Imagine
never being turned away by an a-hole bouncer or missing a party your friend's
friend's friend is throwing again.

So we got celeb event planner and author of Party Like a Rock Star, Jes Gordon to
give us a crash course in party-partying. Here goes:

1. Do your research. Before you attempt to infiltrate a fiesta, Google it. Find out
who will be there, who is throwing it, and the dress code. The more information you
have, the easier it will be to fib your way in (i.e. name drop).

2. Dress appropriately. Use the info you gather from your research to pick out
the right outfit. If it's a fancy gathering, you're not going to get in wearing jeans.
And it's always better to blend in rather than stand out. So save the peacock-
feather cocktail dress and neon pumps for another night, and stick to a number that
isn't so memorable.

3. Wait until the party is really going before you try to crash. If it started at
8 p.m., don't even think about getting there till 10. By that time, everyone who
wasn't on the list will already have tried and been turned away. And the bouncer or
event planner will be much more lax about checking names.

4. Grease the doorman. If you're trying to get into a club and the bouncer is
turning away almost everyone ahead of you in line, wait until your turn then step
up with a $20 folded against your palm. Shake his hand, transferring the bill.
(Never ask first if you can give him money. Bouncers will almost always say no.)

5. If the get-together is at someone's house, show up with a gift like a

bottle of wine, and say, "Hi, I'm a friend of [insert common name]. Thanks so much
for having us." The hostess will most likely invite you in rather than risking an
awkward social faux pas.

6. Tell a little white lie. As a last resort, you can always tell the bouncer — or
host if it's a raging party and you'll go unnoticed once inside — that you are having
a bathroom emergency. Don't elaborate since you'll just sound insincere.

But just remember: if a doorman, host, or Secret Service agent starts giving you
the evil eye or flat out asks you to leave, admit defeat. No party is worth causing
an embarrassing scene...or a government hearing.
How to Totally Rule Your World
On Commander in Chief, Geena Davis’s female president has work and life tactics that you can use
to get ahead.

A woman kicking ass in the Oval Office is the fictional premise of ABC’s hit drama Commander in
Chief, and it got us thinking about why we should have a lot more power. U.S. president Mackenzie
Allen has mastered a fresh set of strategies (in some cases working her feminine instincts; in others
overriding them) that can give you the edge in your quest to excel on the job or anywhere.

Her Gut Gets the Final Vote

After considering everyone’s opinion, Mackenzie lets her internal compass guide her. She was
discouraged from stepping up to become president, but in the end, she felt she had the competence
to lead the country. “Intuition has often been discounted as a woman’s trait, but it’s now gaining
ground as a valuable way to make decisions,” says Marie C. Wilson, president of The White House
Project and author of Closing the Leadership Gap.

Popularity Isn’t a Top Priority

It’s tough not being liked by your workmates. “Seeking approval is a typical female behavior, but
strong leaders rise above that,” says Marilyn Manning,PhD, coauthor of Leadership Skills for
Women. Mackenzie connects with some of her colleagues, but she’s not invested in their opinions of
her. That’s why she didn’t fire any of the cabinet members when she came onboard — their
experience and commitment to the job mattered more to her than being liked.

She’s the Last to Speak

We’ve all had bosses who do all the talking (yawn). But in an interesting twist, Mackenzie isn’t so
worried about being heard. “Intent, tuned-in listening is what engenders empathy and creates
connectedness,” says Wilson. Mackenzie adopts this approach with every crisis she handles,
allowing others to contribute their thoughts before she bears down on the situation. “Strong leaders
combine collaboration with aggressive decision making,” says Wilson.
She Wears the Pants (and the Bra)
Of course, you don’t need to fill out a jock strap to be a serious contender for management these
days. But the genius in Mackenzie’s leadership style is that she blends classic feminine traits with
masculine traits. “Female managers are able to combine traditionally masculine attributes — such as
being decisive under pressure — with feminine strengths, like strong communication,” says Wilson.
Her Face Doesn’t Give Her Away

If you’ve ever had a meltdown at work, then you know this: When you freak, you lose your clout. “A
good manager delivers direction without giving in to the panic — at least outwardly,” says Manning.
Case in point: When the Russian president threatens to bail on a state dinner, Mackenzie keeps her
cool, knowing that the only way to triumph is to make sure no one sees her sweat.

How to Be Rich, Sexy, and Famous

Ivanka Trump uses her guts, brains, and magnetic charm — not her last name — to get what she
wants. And now she's showing you ways to do the same. Ready for the ultimate apprenticeship?
BY HOLLY EAGLESON

You know her famous family, but you might not know how hard Ivanka Trump has worked to carve
out her own success. At 26, she’s a graduate of the prestigious Wharton School of business and the
vice president of acquisitions and development of the Trump Organization. She also just launched
the Ivanka Trump fine jewelry collection. Needless to say, the girl has style...and she pulls it off with
a brilliant set of life and work rules that allow her to be strong and knockout sexy at the same time.
Put them to use and you can build your own luxe existence.

1. Work Your Sexiness 24/7

“When it comes to the workplace, there’s no such thing as feminine self-expression,” she says.
Emitting sex appeal on the job makes you alluring — just be smart about it. “Serious cleavage is not
appropriate, nor is flirting with potential partners,” she warns. Instead, keep your voice at a
captivating low tone, and evoke sensuality by saying you are “passionate about a project” or have
“intimate knowledge” of your industry.

2. Let Yourself Be Underestimated

“There are people who assume I’m daddy’s little girl or just a 26-year-old blond,” she says. But this
fighter uses the underminers’ blind spots to her benefit. “If you misjudge someone, she’s more likely
to get the better of you,” she says. It pays to play up your differences. “I’m strong yet I’ll exude
feminine traits, like keeping the peace and managing people,” Ivanka says. Then the punches have
more power.
3. Think Commanding, Not Demanding
“There’s something unappealing about someone our age being too authoritative,” she says. Don’t
get her wrong: “I can’t be a sycophant, so I stake my ground politely and don’t sugarcoat things.”
You actually get more power by deferring to higher-ups in public or backing up a colleague’s ideas.
And when you disagree, a little diplomacy (“You make a great point, but I see it another way....”)
builds a solid rep.

4. Learn to Read a Room

In addition to being respectful, always take the temperature of whom you’re dealing with. “Know your
audience,” she advises. “People like aggressive styles or gentle styles or want to feel they’re your
best friend.” By sizing up a situation with small talk — ask about their last vacation or how their
family is doing — you sense whether they’re in buddy mode or need kid gloves.

5. Handle a Bitch the Right Way

Sometimes you’ll meet a heinous beast whose number-one goal is to make you squirm. “You have
to rough some people around tactically so they respect you or get intimidated,” advises Ivanka. “I’ll
make light of the fact that they’re an aggressive human being.” If you fight the bitch head on, you’ll
lose; instead, defuse her by using humor and your power not to get ruffled, then move on.

6. Have a Secret Weapon for Negotiating

Competitors bank on an easy win with Ivanka because she’s young, but they get tripped up because
she won’t let on that she’s done her homework. “Always allow the other person to throw out the first
offer, because you often over calculate things and want to spill information you’ve gathered to prove
yourself,” she says. So when you’re negotiating a raise, let your boss say “Sorry, no money in the
budget” before you spring the fact that you know a junior coworker makes more than you do. “Don’t
ever show your hand until you really have to,” says Ivanka.

7. Don’t Be Afraid to Make an Ass of Yourself

“Some people in my industry are shocked by the brazenness of my requests, but they’re more
shocked when the answer I get from the decision maker is okay,” Ivanka says. “You have to be
willing to embarrass yourself by laying claim to something so egregious that you may get laughed at
for it.” When you ask for something outrageous, like the nicest office, they may be so taken aback,
they’ll relent on a lesser point you really want, such as your own private workspace.

8. Love What You Do

The Trump business may live and die by one bottom line, but the family abides by this one: “My best
advice from my dad is ‘Love what you do,’” Ivanka says. “It’s as basic as that. You could be a
genius, but if someone else in the room is less intelligent but wants it more, they have a leg up. The
only way to succeed is to have more motivation than the next person.”

Why Being Ballsy Matters

Ivanka didn’t get where she is by waiting for daddy to drop plum projects in her lap. The Donald
doesn’t like to travel, so she took charge of huge deals in Hawaii and Dubai. “If you think you can do
a job that is a stretch but will test your confidence, let people know,” she advises. And use the
element of surprise to catch the boss’s eye, like putting an unexpected idea memo on her desk. “So
what if she says no?” Ivanka says. “She’s never going to not respect that you asked for something
above your duties.”

The Secret to Getting What You Want in Life

New research has uncovered a fascinating little strategy for achieving any goal. Curious? Read on to
find out what you need to do.
BY BETHANY HEITMAN

1 of 3 »
It's a commonly held belief that whenever you set a new goal for yourself — whether it's scoring your
ideal job, writing a screenplay, or yogacizing your bod down a size or two — you should broadcast it
to everyone you know. After all, the more people you tell, the more likely you'll do it because you
don't want to be thought of as a failure, right? Wrong. New research shows the opposite is true. A
study conducted at New York University found that blabbing about your goal can give you a false
sense of accomplishment, making you less likely to actually go after it.

Here's an example: Imagine you tell a friend that you want to train to be a long-distance runner. Your
bud has a "Oh, wow, that's great!" reaction, and you get a jolt of satisfaction and pride. You feel so
satisfied, in fact, that you lose motivation to get up early and jog. Why should you, when you're
already reaping the benefits of being known as a runner?

The smarter strategy: Don't tell a soul. Of course, that's easier said than done. Keep reading for
more reasons to stay mum, plus tips for achieving your dream on the down-low.

Why Secret Dreams Are So Freakin' Powerful

Okay, so you can at least tell your BFF, right? Nope. "By not telling anyone, you're making sure your
goal is something you're really doing for yourself," says K.C. McCulloch, PhD, an assistant professor
at Idaho State University who worked on the study. That's opposed to, say, just wanting to have
something impressive to talk about at parties.

Plus, you won't run the risk of letting anyone else's opinions get in your way. "What stops a lot of
people from doing the things they dream of is other people," says Susan B. Wilson, a life coach in
Michigan and founder of Get Over It, Move On! "If you tell someone you want to apply to a graduate
program, they may go on about how terrible the campus is…and you may start to believe them when
you really should be trusting your own gut." Beyond that, loved ones may have ulterior motives for
being naysayers. If you announce that you're going to be devoting tons of time to a big goal, a good
friend or your significant other may worry that he or she will see less of you and subconsciously
distract you from the finish line.

Two more reasons why keeping your dream a secret will help your cause: You'll be so antsy finally
to be able to share it with everyone that you'll put your nose to the grindstone and get it done as fast
as possible. And doing something just for you feels selfish in a really good way. "Women tend to
overextend themselves for loved ones," says psychologist Lucy Jo Palladino, PhD, author of Find
Your Focus Zone. "So if they can have something that is solely theirs, it can feel really special."

How to Self-Motivate When No One Knows

Staying on task without support from your friends and family might sound impossible, but there are
some easy, tried-and-true ways to do it. "There's something called the fantasy realization theory that
has proven to help people attain whatever they want," says McCulloch. The gist is that you must
fantasize about your goal on a regular basis — think about all the awesome consequences of
achieving it. Then think about all the negative things you'll have to deal with along the way:
sacrificing time with friends, paying for expensive classes, etc. "Often, people think about only either
the really good stuff or the terrible stuff," says McCulloch. "But by considering both, you make the
fantasy more realistic, and it will seem more attainable." Not only that, but it also helps you plan
exactly which steps you need to take to get there.

"Surrounding yourself with people who have some connection to your dream is also sure to push you
forward," says McCulloch. If you want to get into the fashion industry, for example, schedule lots of
time with fashion-forward pals. They may not know what you're trying to do, but being around them
will keep your eyes on the prize.

If You Have to Blab to Someone…

…Make sure you pick the right person to share your dream with. "Choose someone you trust
completely who has never been competitive with you and has been successful at achieving her own
goals," says Palladino. Can't think of anyone who fits the bill? Zip your damn lips, and try writing an
anonymous blog (just be sure to turn off the comments option). That way, you can tell the whole
world without suffering any of the negative effects of outing your secret.

The New Life Rules to Follow Now

These truisms of today allow you the power and flexibility to get what you want, how you want.
BY HOLLY EAGLESON

Here’s the problem with conventional wisdom: You’re not conventional, and neither are the situations
you’re facing these days. So Cosmo collected a set of modern guidelines perfect for a brazen 21st-
century babe like yourself.

1. You No Longer Need a Five-Year Plan

It used to be that people were encouraged to set a strict time line for achieving milestones: dream
job by 25, married by 27, first kid by 30. Thankfully, you no longer have to map out contentment in
advance. “Committing because you’re supposed to — whether it’s saying I do or sticking it out at a
soulless job — prevents you from seeking situations that make you happy,” says life coach Valorie
Burton.

Plus, you don’t want to be so locked into a game plan that you can’t grab a fabulous opportunity that
comes out of the blue. Another factor: Since it’s now acceptable to delay marriage, have kids later,
and job-hop, it’s to your benefit to adopt a fluid approach to planning your future.

Your strategy then?

“Reevaluate your path every six months, then tweak your goals if necessary,” says career strategist
Cynthia Shapiro, author of What Does Somebody Have to Do to Get a Job Around Here?
2. It’s Possible to Turn a Hookup into a Real Relationship
Believe it or not, your 2 a.m. booty call could become your boyfriend. People are so busy with their
careers, they don’t have the time or patience to court for months before finding out if they click
physically, so they test the waters, says Kathleen A. Bogle, PhD, author of Hooking Up: Sex, Dating,
and Relationships on Campus.

But to convert an FWB into a BF, let it be known after the first two hookups that you want more than
a fling. Guys may just need a nudge to take it to the next level. “If he has a steady job and friends
who are coupling up, there’s a good chance he’s relationship-ready,” says Bogle. And don’t
underestimate young dudes: Research from the State University of New York at Oswego found that
college guys may prefer relationships to one-night stands.
3. Your Family Doesn’t Have to Be the Most Important Thing
Not everyone is born into a nurturing clan. If yours is more toxic than tight-knit, don’t feel guilty about
establishing a surrogate family of friends. “It’s now common for women who have acrimonious
relationships with their parents or live across the country from them to create family like bonds with
roommates, coworkers, and friends,” says Cheryl Dellasega, PhD, author of Forced to Be Family. “It
can be easier to be open with nonblood relatives, which may lead to more intimate connections.”

4. Mixing Business and Pleasure Is Wise

Not so long ago, dating a coworker was considered career suicide. But companies have realized that
interoffice dating actually increases productivity by as much as 20 percent, so many have loosened
policies against it, provided it’s not a boss/ subordinate situation.

The fact is, at least 50 percent of workers have dated a fellow employee, and 25 percent of them —
including Barack and Michelle Obama — have married. “When you get to know a coworker, you see
past superficial stuff, like height, that would be a red flag to you online or at a bar,” says Stephanie
Losee, coauthor of Office Mate: The Employee Handbook for Finding — and Managing — Romance
on the Job. “You’re also bound to be intellectually compatible and have a built-in level of respect.”

5. You Can Run from Your Problems

After a devastating breakup, you dream of escaping to Italy to drown your sorrows in gnocchi and
gelato. Well, experts have one word for you: arrivederci. “Women think they have to stay and
ruminate over a problem to fix it, but that increases anxiety and depression,” says Susan Nolen-
Hoeksema, PhD, professor of psychology at Yale University and author of Women Who Think Too
Much.

Taking a time-out to refocus after an unpleasant event — even if it’s just going to stay with a friend in
Miami for a few weeks — can be an option. “A change of scenery may help you objectively choose
the next best course of action,” says clinical psychologist Renee Gilbert, PhD.

6. Short Hair Is Not a Job Requirement

To reach the top of your profession, you used to need two things: a stellar résumé and a Hillary
Clinton–style crop. Thankfully, influential businesswomen like Oprah Winfrey have shown that you
can have great success and great hair. “Major companies now realize that a woman doesn’t have to
be masculine to be powerful,” says corporate image consultant Sherry Maysonave, author of Casual
Power. In fact, beauty and fashion sense can be assets. “Women who wear makeup earn 20 to 30
percent more income,” adds Maysonave. “If showing femininity builds confidence, it’s a plus.”
7. Stay-at-Home Dads Are Catches, Not Lazy Asses
With 25 percent of chicks outearning their spouses and childcare costs skyrocketing, nearly 2 million
men have chosen to stay home and raise the kids. “Many young guys saw their moms work growing
up, so they respect a successful woman and don’t assume that the man has to be the breadwinner,”
says Aaron Rochlen, PhD, associate professor of psychology at the University of Texas at Austin.

A guy who’s willing to stay home is likely supportive, able to compromise, and comfortable with his
masculinity — all great qualities in a partner. This setup works best when the wife also has
progressive ideas about gender equality and allows the husband to control some aspects of the
household so there is an equal division of power, says Melissa Milkie, PhD, coauthor of Changing
Rhythms of American Family Life.

8. You Don’t Have to Grow Up and Buy a House Already

Once upon a time, adults who rented were dismissed as Peter Pans with negative cash flow. But
given the current mortgage crisis, in some cases, it may be smarter to rent. “It’s a misconception that
real estate is an investment guaranteed to make money,” says Robert Shiller, professor of
economics at Yale University and author of The Subprime Solution.

At present, it could be shrewder to rent until the market rebounds. “You may make more in the long
run by putting cash you’d pay in interest on a home loan, property taxes, and repairs into
investments like T-bills or inflation-indexed bonds,” explains Shiller.

9. A Relationship Can Survive After One Person Cheats

Cheaters are cruel, selfish, and narcissistic, right? Well, 15 to 20 percent are, says psychologist Mira
Kirshenbaum, author of When Good People Have Affairs, but the rest are well-meaning if imperfect
people who love their partner but made a stupid mistake.

What’s more, an indiscretion can sometimes draw a duo closer together. “For some couples, it takes
a bomb going off to get them to address their problems,” says Kirshenbaum. So if the cheater is
deeply apologetic and committed to working to improve the relationship, it can be salvaged.

The 10 Most Annoying Text Habits Ever

3. The Double Message
Of course you screen calls. Everyone does. Sometimes you’re in the middle of something and
sometimes you just don’t feel like talking. But your phone is still working, and you see the missed call
and the voice message alert. So why — why?! — do certain people feel the need to send a text
letting you know that they just left a message? Don’t they realize that if someone is smart enough to
read a text, they’re also capable of understanding what the little bobble head with the sound waves
coming out of him symbolizes? Text back, “What’s next, a carrier pigeon?”

4. The Texting Tease

You’re seeing a really cute/smart/funny/cool new guy, and your heart skips a tiny beat every time
you get a text from him. In the middle of the week, you get one asking what you’re up to this
weekend. Assuming he wants to do something together, you let him know that it’s looking pretty
relaxed so far. Does he then proceed to make a plan with you? No. He responds, “Oh okay, cool.”
You stand there with a perplexed look on your face. Respond “Yeah, but call my secretary if you
want to schedule something.” This way, the ball is in his court, but ultimately you’re the one who is in
charge, thanks to your confident attitude.

5. The Bulk Texter

An example of what a series of texts from this person might look like:
Text 1: Hey!
Text 2: What’s up?
Text 3: What are you doing tonight?
Text 4: Some of us are going to Cool People Bar tonight.
Text 5: Around 10
Text 6: It’s gonna be me and Chris
Text 7: Are you coming?
Text 8: Let us know
Text 9: Byeee!
Text 10: lolz

An example of what that exchange should look like:

Text 1: Hey, Chris and I are going to Cool People Bar around 10 tonight. Let us know if you wanna
come.

An example of what you could text back:

Text 1: Please
Text 2: never
Text 3: text
Text 4: me
Text 5: this
Text 6: way
Text 7: again.
(one-minute pause)
Text 8: For “realz.”

6. The Bored Texter

You’ve just finished a sufficiently long and entertaining texting exchange with someone, and now
you’re ready to put your phone down for a little while. But your phone dings, and it’s another text
from said person. It looks like this: “Soooo...” Or, “What upppp.” Or, “la la la...” Clearly, they have
nothing else to say and just want something to do. Send a text saying, “Running, watching movies,
reading books, baking.” Your buddy will get the point that some people actually have a life.

7. The Show-and-Teller
Love is wonderful. We’re huge advocates of love and being in love and enjoying that love. People
gushing on and on about their amazing love life? Not so much. Not only do you have to listen to
them tell every insignificant story about how cute it was that their boyfriends ate pancakes for dinner
and woke up with a funny hairdo, but you also have to read all of their SUPER-cute texts. “Guys,
look what he wrote to me! Omg look at what he said now! Haha aww, look at this one!!” The cure? A
dose of their own medicine. “Hey, look what my Mom said about her gallbladder! Omg you won’t
believe how I’m planning to organize my sock drawer! Aww, my dog is wagging his tail. Oh, he’s
doing it again!!”

8. The Goobers-and-Popcorn Texter

The previews are over, you’ve been waiting to see this movie for weeks, and here you finally are,
snacks in hand. But the guy in front of you insists on ruining your experience by texting for the entire
96 minutes. Here’s a little secret he doesn’t know: EVERYONE sees his phone lighting up. And
hears it vibrating violently every two minutes. When the lights come up at the end of the flick, call up
a friend and loudly discuss how rude the guy texting throughout the entire movie was. Then get
ready to start running.

9. The Lingering K
This one is especially aggravating if you’re not on an unlimited texting plan. You get a message
asking how your day went or if you’ll be free at a certain time, so you send back a detailed and
informative reply. Your phone dings again. You open the message and it says...“k.” Do people not
even have the decency to include the o? The offender doesn’t even need to reply to the message.
But if they feel the need to, could they not at least drum up something a little more
personal/creative/not totally unnecessary? Respond by letting them know how much, to the cent,
they owe you for superfluous texts the next time you’re together. Then hold your palm out
expectantly.

10. The Needs-to-Grow-a-Pair Texter

Guys should never, ever get comfortable with using text slang and abbreviations. Whether he’s a
friend, date, or boyfriend, no girl wants to associate the men in their lives with tween-speak. The next
time he sends you a “TTY L8ER” or “C U 2morrow,” tell him that he should really consider an
iPhone, BlackBerry, Sidekick, or “anything that gives you more room to text.” He’ll realize how
outdated his text-talk is.

7 Travel Secrets to Keep You Safe

Freaked out that a creepy perv made a nude video of ESPN Anchor Erin Andrews by peeping into
her hotel room? You’re not alone. Here, travel safety expert Marybeth Bond explains what you must
know before you check in.

1. Ask to be assigned a room above the ground floor, especially if there are sliding glass doors — an
entry point offering easier views of and access into your room. Once inside your room, check the
door and window locks.

2. Hang the Do Not Disturb sign on the door when you’re out so would-be thieves will think the room
is occupied.

3. If the desk clerk mentions your room number out loud and there are other guests around, request
that you be given a different room.
4. If you’re planning to arrive at night, have the rental car agency or hotel arrange for someone to
accompany you to and from parking lots.

5. If you use the preorder menu that hangs on your door all night, don’t mark a first name or the
number of people in the room — this reveals to anyone passing your room that you’re alone.

6. Pull the drapes shut as soon as you walk into your hotel room. If you plan on staying at an
inexpensive motel, pack some safety pins and duct tape so you can make sure the curtains are
completely closed.

7. If you like to walk around naked in your hotel room (no judgment!), cover the peephole on the
interior side of the door with a Band-Aid. This way you can easily peel it off when you need to peek
out.

For more safety tips, check out Marybeth Bond’s Website, The Gutsy Traveler.

The Fierce New Secret to Success

Forget everything you've heard about the importance of playing it safe right now. If you really want to
succeed, it's time to make a bold, brazen move. We tell you how to take the plunge.
BY MOLLY FAHNER
Think of one big thing you would love to do but haven't. Then ask yourself what's stopping you.
Chances are, it's fear — of navigating new territory, of turning your life upside down...and of failing.
Who hasn't wished at times for a magic fearlessness potion, something you could gulp down that
would instantly transform you into Gutsy Girl? But lacking magic and with the world in an uncertain
state, it's tempting to stay in your bubble and put off going after those dreams. Well, we've got a
secret for you: It takes only one leap of faith to propel your life forward for the better.

And here's the really counterintuitive part: This is actually the best time ever to do something fierce
and bold. What, now? you're probably thinking. When my best friend got canned last week and
everyone says the economy's totally whacked? Yes, now.

When things are changing a lot — and quickly — it's scary, but it also opens the door to unexpected
possibilities. "Times of upheaval can indeed lead to major positive shifts in our lives," says Arianna
Huffington, author of On Becoming Fearless and creator of the news-and-politics Website
TheHuffingtonPost.com. "The upside of the downturn is that it may force you to confront your
darkest fears and push through them. As the president's chief of staff, Rahm Emanuel, put it: 'You
never want a serious crisis to go to waste — and what I mean by that is an opportunity to do things
you thought you could not do before.'"

So how do you incorporate that inspiration into your own life? New research is showing that you
don't have to be born brave to act that way. Instead, you can crib some crucial ballsy skills from
people who do come by their fearlessness naturally. Read on for the four key ways to tap in to your
inner tigress. And remember this: "The survival skill of the 21st century is going to be dealing with
change," according to psychologist Frank Farley, PhD, an expert on thrill seekers at Temple
University. Get ready not only to survive but to thrive.

Live Like a Type T

The first step is to figure out where you stand on the spectrum of risk taking, or fearlessness. Farley
has devised a T scale (the T stands for thrill) to describe the distinction: At one end is the Type T,
and at the other is type t. "Type T's are natural-born thrill seekers who live for excitement and
uncertainty," Farley says. "These people often do their finest work in periods of flux. They look at
chaos as an opportunity for change. While other people get nervous and avoid trying anything
different, they take action."

How to Make a Choice You'll Never Regret

Forget the psychic and Magic-8 Ball. Simply using these clear-headed strategies can ensure that
you do the right thing.

1. Go with Your Gut Instincts

A study found that when making simple choices (like what cereal to buy), it pays to be rational. But
when it comes to bigger ones (like which job to take), you're better off listening to your instincts.
That's not to say you should buy a car on a whim, but if you have weighed the pros and cons and
still can't reach a conclusion, let your snap judgment be the tiebreaker and go with what just feels
right.

2. Put Down the Mojito

There's a reason Google Mail Goggles was invented: Cocktails make it easier to act. Although one
drink can relax you while you're agonizing over a choice, more than that can cloud your judgment.

3. Sleep on It...but Just for One Night

Researchers say unconscious deliberation (i.e., getting shut-eye) can help you analyze your options
and come to a conclusion, which is why people will often tell you to sleep on it. However, belaboring
a decision for too long means you aren't comfortable with any of the choices you have before you
and you need to consider alternatives.

4. Get into a Stress-Free State

Go for a haircut right after you are laid off and you could wind up looking like Javier Bardem in No
Country for Old Men. The reason being, we tend to act rashly when we're nervous or upset.
Research suggests that anxiety not only makes it more difficult to settle on something but also
actually makes you more likely to come to the wrong conclusion. So if you're fighting with your
boyfriend while choosing between two apartments, try to resolve the disagreement quickly so you
can make a more clearheaded resolution. And since one study found that stress has a residual
effect, wait a few days after you've kissed and made up before forking over your security deposit.

5. Talk It Over with a Select Few

Chatting about your predicament with close friends, your mom, or whomever you trust to give an
honest opinion is a good idea. Hashing out your options allows you to further process the decision,
and hearing others' perspectives (whether you agree with them or not) can help you arrive at a more
informed — and better — conclusion.

6. But Avoid Discussing It with Everyone

So you know that running your decision past a few key people in your life is smart. But it's best to
keep your hairstylist, trainer, and barista out of it. Soliciting too many opinions — especially from
people who don't know you that well — can leave you with lots of conflicting (not to mention bad)
advice. Before seeking someone's opinion, ask yourself if the person is really in a position to know
what's best for you. If the answer is no, keep it to yourself.

7. Consider the Long-Term Consequences

Some decisions make short-term sense but in the long run can be disastrous. For example, telling
your guy you cheated on him once three years ago may relieve your guilt, but it will probably cause
him to break up with you. Similarly, doing things like sitting in the sun or having unprotected sex
often can feel right in the moment, but these toxic behaviors have serious health ramifications.

A good rule of thumb: Play out each possible scenario in your mind...and consider the outcome (on
your health, on a friend's or boyfriend's feelings, on your credit-card bill — whatever) before making
a controversial move.
8. Don't Leave It Up to Chance
It can be dangerous to make a major, life-changing choice based on what your horoscope instructs
you to do. While it's definitely fun to let these things influence small decisions (which dress to wear
on a date, if you should ask out a guy), the bigger stuff (dumping your boyfriend, moving across the
country) should not be left up to the stars.

9. Blow Off Bullies Who Are Pressuring You

When grappling with a decision, it can be easy to be swayed in one direction by someone who has
self-serving motives — whether it's a salesperson talking you into buying a pair of shoes you can't
afford or your parents being all up in your grill about going to a particular grad school. Distance
yourself from the person or people pressuring you while you sort out your thoughts. And if that's not
possible, pretend you're advising a friend on the matter, which will help you act more logically and
guilt-free.

10. Remember That You Can't Always Use the Past to Predict the Future
Especially when you're making a choice that will seriously affect your bank account or lifestyle, it's
important not to rely simply on experience. In our rapidly changing world, experts recommend
assessing each new opportunity with a fresh mind-set. What might have been a shrewd move a few
years ago — like buying a house or leaving your 9-to-5 gig to start up your own business — could
wreak havoc on your life today.

Mind Tricks That Get You What You Want

You can actually learn to use subliminal messages to make people adore you. Behold the smart,
sneaky strategy behind this science.

There's a subtle tactic to make things go your way in your career, love life, and social world — one
that has nothing to do with effort or luck. It's called priming. Research shows that by exposing people
to specific words, body language, and symbols, they can be affected in a way that benefits you
without their even realizing what's going on. Here's how to use subliminal moves to get an edge.

At Work

What you want: To seem like a team player

How to get it: Put up a picture of your dog (or even of a friend's pup) in your workspace.
Why it works: When people look at shots of a pet dog, they not only tend to presume you're loyal,
but they may also act more loyal toward you. But don't paper your cube with canines. Research
shows that too many personal shots make other perceive you as a less professional worker.

What you want: To appear more powerful in the office hierarchy

How to get it: Wear a chic all-black outfit to work, and don't smile as often as you're inclined.
Why it works: You'll be seen as assertive and directed. Studies have found that people in black
uniforms (like sports teams) are viewed as more dominant figures, while the act of keeping a neutral
face is associated with higher status and power in a work environment.

What you want: To bond with the boss

How to get it: Offer to get her a hot cup of coffee — even if you're not her assistant — and chat her
up as she's drinking it.
Why it works: A recent study showed that just by holding the high-temp liquid, she'll implicitly
assume you're an emotionally warm person — someone very likable. Just don't hand her an iced
latte or you could trigger a frosty reception.

With a Man
What you want: To seem more alluring when you meet a guy
How to get it: Talk about a beach vacation you took using sensual terms (e.g., "The sun felt so
fabulously warm against my skin") to paint a mental picture about the climate.
Why it works: According to psychologists, this seductive I-feel-like-I'm-there speech will make him
associate your personality with the lush sensations you're describing.

What you want: Your crush to fall for you on a dinner date
How to get it: Subtly touch the back of his hand as you're reaching across the table for bread.
Why it works: It's a proven way to win someone's affection: Libraries and car dealerships have
higher customer-satisfaction ratings when workers imperceptibly touch their clients. Touch activates
the human desire to bond.

What you want: To have The Talk without his flipping out
How to get it: Take him to a restaurant that has soft, feminine colors and furniture with few angular
lines.
Why it works: Researchers think that simply being in this kind of an environment can influence a
person to behave in terms of communicating. That means that he'll be more likely to be open and
disclose his true feelings to you.

In Social Settings

What you want: To impress your guy's parents the first time you meet
How to get it: Casually praise someone whom you're certain his mom or dad holds high esteem,
such as a political figure, author, or celebrity.
Why it works: Experts say that as you talk about their hero in a positive light, your targets start to
think about all the qualities they admire in that person. And because they're looking at you, they'll
subconsciously link you with that person's positive traits.

What you want: To make a friend out of an acquaintance

How to get it: Start mirroring her behavioral tics, like touching your hair when she touches hers.
Why it works: We like to see ourselves in other people. Researchers at New York University found
that when you're sitting across from someone who's unconsciously shaking his foot, if you start
moving yours in a similar but unobtrusive way, then the person feels more positive toward you.

What you want: Your slob roomie to clean up after herself more often
How to get it: Spray a bit of liquid all-purpose cleaner in the air right before she enters the skanky
spot in question.
Why it works: A Dutch study recently proved that the faint smell of a cleaning product will spur
people to start picking up the area around them. You can also prime her by squirting a little fluid in
the bathroom sink before she goes in to use it.

How to Spot a Real-Life Vampire

Twilight's Edward Cullen puts his life at stake to save his love, but many mortals are not so kind.
They may not have visible fangs or a fear of sunlight, but there are certain types of people who suck
up your time, money and love. Cosmo IDs the toxic villains who make your blood boil.
BY ASHLEY WOMBLE

The Buddy Thief

She's a new acquaintance who hijacks your social life by befriending all of your pals.

How to spot:
• She only wants to go out with you if you're getting an amazing group together.
• You suddenly notice a ton of your friends on her Facebook page.
• You hear from your girls that she's invited them to dinners and parties — and hasn't included
you.

The Flaky Friend with Benefits

He's lurking in your life — soaking up your love and affection — but refuses to commit.

How to spot:
• You only see him after dark.
• You don't know what his voice sounds like on the phone.
• The only meal you've ever shared is late-night pizza.

The Clingy Coworker

Her constant need for help and reassurance tests your patience.

How to spot:
• She appears to only be able to speak in interrogative sentences, such as, "How do I do
that?" and "Where is the copier, again?"
• You constantly have to tell her, "No, the boss doesn't hate you," and "No, you're not getting
fired."
• When she can't manage to complete a project, it magically lands on your desk.

The Mooch

This friend drains your bank account by taking advantage of your generosity.

How to spot:
• When she invites you over for dinner, you somehow wind up bringing the main dish, salad,
and wine.
• At bars, she often claims to have forgotten her ATM card at home.
• You tell her she can crash on your couch for a week between apartments, and she's still
there three months later.

The Drama Queen

Empathizing with her takes up nearly all of your time and energy.

How to spot:
 • She always writes "911" text messages to be sure you will call her immediately.
• It doesn't feel like a normal conversation unless she breaks down in tears at least once.
• She asks for your advice and then promptly does the exact opposite.

The High-Maintenance Boyfriend

This dude likes to be doted on and insists on monopolizing your attention at all times.

How to spot:
• He doesn't know how to turn on the oven.
• He thinks foreplay is a one-way street that leads to his penis.
• He insists you hang out with his friends, and then won't so much as talk to yours.

How to Save Your Ass with Self-Defense

It's awesome if you can take a self-defense course...but most of us don't have the money (or time) to
commit. So instead of putting it off any longer, learn some quick and easy tips now.
BY CASSANDRA KAPP
Tamara Schlesinger

Did you know that only 10 percent of self-defense is actually physical? That's what Angie Tarighi,
CEO and founder of the Women's Self-Defense Institute, told us. The rest of your defense is just
being aware of your surroundings and taking preventive measures. Here, how to fight an attacker
before he strikes...and then some sharp ideas for how to react if things really do get physical.

HOW TO PREVENT AN ATTACK

1. Be a hard target.
Attackers tend to look for women who appear insecure or unsuspecting. Hunching over, chatting on
your cell, or being distracted by your iPod or text messages make you an easy target for a bad guy.
Instead, walk confidently with your shoulders back and chin up. Make eye contact. You want to send
the signal that you’re a secure chick who could kick anyone’s ass.

2. Get bitchy.
If a stranger says he needs a hand — but you get a creepy vibe from him — you don't have to be
nice. Simply say, "Sorry, but I really can't stop to help right now," and keep moving.

3. Don't get sloppy during after-hours.

Don’t go to the ATM by yourself at 2 a.m., leave the windows to your house open at night, or walk
home from the bar wasted. You can’t control the predators but can control the opportunities you give
them.

4. Be discreet online.
Avoid having your contact information on your Facebook page, and actually know all the friends you
approve. Try having a different profile account for your close friends than you do for your
acquaintances.

5. Be on the lookout.
Parking lots are popular places for attacks because you’re distracted, your hands are often full, and
there aren't other people around. Other places attackers hide: between cars (even on streets),
stairwells, bushes, and alleys.

6. Let them have it.

Often, an attacker or predator just wants your money. If this is the case, throw your purse as far as
you can, and then run in the opposite direction.
WHAT TO DO IF IT GETS PHYSICAL

7. Use what's in your hands.

Whether it's an umbrella, pen, cell phone, or even hairspray, anything can be a weapon. Keys can
especially do a lot of damage: If an attacker comes at you, scratch his face or jab at his eyes with
the keys.

8. Aim for weak points.

When fighting off an attacker, go for his vulnerable points like eyes, throat, and knees. If he attacks
you from behind, stomp on the top of his foot. You should hit the groin last, as your attacker expects
you’ll go there first.

9. Throw your elbow.

Your elbow is way more effective than your fists. Make sure to bend your knees, twist your hips, and
put your whole body into it as you swing your hooked elbow across his jaw.

10. Use your palm.

A great skill to know is the palm heel strike. Get your hands in the high-five position with the palm
pushed forward and your fingers back. Step into the attacker and forcefully bang your palm at the
top of your attacker's nose, just below his eyes.

The Buddy System That Can Save Your Life

The saying "There is safety in numbers" has never been more true. Cosmo explains why you need
to make a danger-thwarting pact with your posse.
Wadley

These days, it’s not uncommon to hear about young females who go out to party one night and don't
come back. These stories share a key element: All of these women had started their evenings with
friends and at some point went off on their own. “A predator is looking for the most vulnerable prey,”
explains David Lisak, PhD, an associate professor of psychology at the University of Massachusetts
at Boston. And the most vulnerable prey, whether wild animals or chicks out for a good time on
Saturday night, is the creature who has wandered away from the pack.

Being out there alone compounds the dangers that already exist on the party circuit. “The person at
greatest risk to become a victim is someone who is alone late at night and is also under the
influence of drugs or alcohol,” says Karen J. Terry, PhD, an associate professor at John Jay College
of Criminal Justice and the author of Sexual Offenses and Offenders.

As far as who might be the attacker, it’s just as likely to be the guy sitting on the next bar stool as it is
to be the unknown perv lurking in a dark alley.

As scary as that notion is, it hints at a strategy that could save your life. Call it the buddy system: a
code of conduct that you and your friends should adopt to look out for one another. “It’s about
showing that you value your friends and refuse to stand by and watch something bad happen to
them,” says Ruth Anne Koenick, director of sexual-assault services and crime-victim assistance at
Rutgers University.

Read on for Cosmo’s five buddy-system rules. Vowing to follow them might just save a friend’s
life...or your own.
RULE 1: Designate a Sober Chauffeur — Even if You’re on Foot
Okay, so you like to party. Nobody’s going to get all finger-waggy on you. But when it comes to
drinking, there are some sobering statistics to be aware of. “The percentage of male sexual
offenders under the influence of alcohol at the time of the assault is in the high 90s, and at least
three quarters of women victims had been drinking,” says Cornell University professor Andrea
Parrot, PhD, coauthor of Forsaken Females: The Global Brutalization of Women.

Not only does booze cloud your judgment, it can blind you to the subtle cues that the dazzling guy
you’re talking to is trying to manipulate you. And then, of course, there are the date-rape drugs.
According to one recent study, almost 5 percent of sexual-assault victims were given a date-rape
drug, such as a dizziness and amnesia-inducing substance called rohypnol, aka, roofies.

So when you go out at night, someone needs to be designated the responsible person (you can
rotate taking on this duty) who will stay sober and look out for everyone — be it by stopping a pal
from stripping on the bar, ensuring that no one stumbles out of the club with a relative stranger, or
keeping an eye on your drinks. She also can be on the alert for signs that one of you has been
drugged. “If you know your friend is no lightweight but she’s falling-down drunk after one drink, that’s
a pretty clear sign,” Parrot says. Other clues include drowsiness, dizziness, and loss of memory.

RULE 2: Don’t Get Distracted by a Hot Dude

The rules that you and your best friend made seemed so sensible five hours ago — before you ran
into that guy from your gym you’ve been flirting with across treadmills for months... and before it
became clear that tonight was gonna be the night. You may feel pretty sure about this guy — you
know him fairly well, a mutual gym buddy has vetted him, and your rules allow for the occasional
hookup — but that doesn’t mean you’re free to go.

“If you abandon your friend, you’re saying that you value your fun over her safety,” says Koenick.
Don’t ask your pal if it’s okay if you leave without her (“I’m fine,” your nice friend will say, not wanting
to be a buzz kill). Try a compromise: You and Gym Guy can see your buddy to her door (or her car
or a cab) as promised and then continue on with your, um, workout.
RULE 3: Be a Bitch
The following scenario is bound to crop up at some point: It’s 2 a.m., the bartender just flashed the
lights for last call, and one of your friends is about to jump into a car with a guy she met 10 minutes
ago. When you gently remind her of the rules, she sneers, “Who are you? My mother?”

Don’t let her quip throw you off course, advises Donna Chaiet, founder of Prepare/ IMPACT
Personal Safety in New York City. “Resort to guilt-tripping her” by pointing out that she’s leaving you
in the lurch, advises Helga West, president and CEO of Witness Justice, a nonprofit organization
that helps survivors of violent crime. “Or explain to the people she wants to go off partying with that
she promised to go home with you.” Even if she gets pissed off, chances are, she will forgive you in
the morning.

30 Sexy Conversation Starters

If you still have bruises from kicking yourself the last time you didn't make a move on a lusty lad, try
one of Cosmo's irresistible lure-him-in tricks.
Yes, it's that time of year when the livin' is easy, but as you know, picking up a guy ain't always a
breeze. There is nothing as hair-pullingly frustrating as being surrounded by a slew of delectable
men and not being armed with a great strategy to break the ice and win a stud's attention — not to
mention his heart. Cosmo knows that the biggest hurdle in hooking a new guy is choosing the
perfect words or executing an eye-catching stunt that will launch you into a full-on flirtation. So we
devised a handy chat-him-up crib sheet filled with sizzling, surprising icebreakers that will make
babes eager to banter with you. Use it anytime you see a man you simply must meet.

The beach is bustling, with bronzed boys everywhere...

 Paddle up to a sexy surfer and say, "I drifted away from where my girlfriends are sitting. Would
you mind if I climbed on your board for a second so I can get a better view of the beach?"
 When the gorgeous guy on the towel near you is smoothing on sunscreen, ask if he wouldn't
mind giving you a dab. Rub it on your shoulders, then strain to reach the middle of your back, look
defeated, and ask him for a heavenly hand.
 Get the gals together and start a rowdy game of Sandbunny. Never heard of it? That's the point;
no guy will have either. Make up any rules you want — as long as they have you running around a
lot and cheering loudly. When a circle of intrigued sporty studs forms around you and your bunny-
mates, challenge them to a game.
 If you spy a cutie with a cooler of drinks, saunter over to him and offer a tantalizing trade. Say,
"I'll give you half of this watermelon for a couple of sodas. Pretty sweet deal, huh?"
 Ask a cute beachcomber to take a picture of you "to send to a friend." Ask him if he'll pose in the
shot and pretend to be your boyfriend. (Just kidding.)

It's Saturday night, and the bar is swarming with single studs...

 Ask the guy near the jukebox if he has four quarters for your dollar, then sweetly inquire if he'll be
your deejay and help you pick out a few songs.
 While he's waiting for his turn during a pool game, tell a sharp shooter that you and your pal have
wagered a beer on who will win, and he'd better not let you down.
 Don a necklace or T-shirt with your name on it or, if you're more daring, a cute moniker like
Sweet Devil or Foxy Mama. Don't be surprised if a friendly fella starts chatting you up to see if you
really live up to your title.
 Go to a sports bar wearing the cap of your favorite baseball, basketball, or football team. Guys
who are also fans will want to bond, while rivals will pick a flirty fight.
 "Lose" one of your earrings. Start eyeing the ground, especially near that dude you'd like to date.
Lift your hair and show him the other earring so he can help you in your search. When you both hit
the floor, lock eyes with him, then smile when you're just inches away from each other's lips.

You're at a bookstore, a prime place to meet a cultured cutie...

 Ask the adorable guy in the fiction section if he can help you remember that best-seller by Tom
What's-his-name. When he says he doesn't know, ask him to recommend a high-suspense book —
you love a little mystery.
 Hang out in the travel section, planning an "upcoming trip." Ask a gorgeous globe-trotter for
suggestions about where the hottest vacation locales are.
 Sit down at a table near him with a stack of intriguing books (a massage manual, a guide to
mountain climbing, a Thai cookbook). Minutes later, ask if he'll watch them so they don't get
reshelved while you make a quick phone call.
 If he works there, special-order an out-of-stock book and ask him to call you — any time at all —
when it comes in.
 Pick out a humor book, sit down next to him, and start laughing seductively. Lock eyes with him
and let him know you're not a psycho — this book is just so funny! Lean in to show him a hilarious
line.

At a party, a man has you mesmerized...

 When he comes into the kitchen for another beer, enlist his help in opening a jar of olives or a
bottle of wine.
 Say, "You look so familiar. Didn't we meet at Lisa's coed naked lawn-bowling party?" It doesn't
matter that he won't even know who Lisa is; he'll be so intrigued, he won't be able to resist asking
what exactly happens at a naked lawn-bowling party.
 Bring a hilarious card for the host of the soiree. Have everyone at the party sign it — it's an easy
ticket to talk to your target.
 Practice some psychic savvy — read a few of your pals' palms, then ask him if he'd like you to
read his.
 In front of the guy who's caught your eye, loudly announce to a pal that you're launching a thrill
campaign to add excitement to your life — and you're now officially up for almost anything. Glance at
him and ask, "Any suggestions?"

You're getting hot at the gym, and it's not from working out...

 Lay your mat near a dude doing crunches, and when he takes a sit-up break, ever-so-politely ask
if he can show you the best move to get six-pack abs.
 You want to try the leg-press machine, but the last user left heavy weights on it. Ask a buff boy to
help you remove them.
 Situate yourself near the hottie in your yoga class. When the instructor asks everyone to pair up
for a headstand drill, ask him to be your partner. Just make sure to tuck in your shirt (or forget to).
 Compliment a stylish stud on his awesome, state-of-the-art athletic shoes and ask him where he
bought them.
 After breaking a sweat, turn to a mouthwatering man and exclaim, "Ooh, I can't catch my breath
— I just don't know if it's the workout or the company."

In the coffee shop, you scope out a hunky java junkie...

 If he has the latest laptop (or Palm or cell phone), ask him how he likes it and if you could take a
look since you're thinking of buying one. If you're feeling bold, type in your name and phone number.
If possible, add in the line, "I'd love to take a closer look at the merchandise."
 After taking a big sip of your mocha so your smackers get doused with whipped cream, ask if
there's any whipped cream on your lip. Take a long time licking it off.
 Ask to borrow the movie section of his newspaper to see what's playing that night and casually
inquire if he's seen any good flicks lately. If he gets really animated during your cinema chat, invite
him to catch a 7:30 show with you.
 While standing by him in line for coffee, debate out loud which brew to order. "Do I want a skim
latte with a shot of hazelnut? Is the caramel cappuccino good? Maybe I should try that." Then gently
tap his shoulder and ask, "What do you think I should get?" He's sure to offer advice.
 As you're walking by a hot joe-sipping stud, seductively utter, "You know what they say about
men who drink coffee...." When he smiles and asks, "What?" Tell him, "Catch me here at this time
tomorrow and I'll tell you all about it."

Top 10 Signs Your Internship Boss Might Go

Letterman on You
Some colleges are keeping a closer eye on their interns after a certain talk-show host admitted to
giving some of his temporary employees, ahem, special treatment. If you’re an intern, watch out for
these clues that your boss might be just a little too into The Late Show.
BY ROBIN HILMANTEL

Asha Fuller

10. Your internship application asks for your past job experience — and your measurements.

9. When he asks to see your body of work and you hand him your portfolio, he says, “No, not that
one.”

8. He keeps talking about what the meaning of the word is is.

7. When you call him Mr. Smith on the first day, he insists you call him Dick — even though his
name is George.

6. Making small talk about the weather, he says, “It’s cold outside, isn’t it?” and stares at your
breasts — but it’s a summer internship.

5. When you grab drinks with the staff after work one day, your boss says, “What happens at happy
hour stays at happy hour”...more than 20 times.

4. As a result of a switch-up in the office floor plans, your desk has been moved to a new location —
in his so-called Inner Office.

3. During your “career advice” meeting, he says, “I bet you’d like to know how you could get into my
pants, er, shoes one day.”

2. He tells you he wants to introduce you to a “special member” (air quotes) of the staff.

...And the number-one sign your internship boss might go Letterman on you:

“This job blows” doubles as both a complaint and your job description.

Sexy Texts to Entice Him

Want to turn him on in 10 words or less? These naughty e-notes will do it.

I was a BAD GIRL and spent my lunch hour shopping. You can spank me later.

Got a new showerhead — the detachable kind. The pressure's awesome.

There's a VIP-only party @ [fill in your address here] 2nite.

TDTM (translation: text dirty to me)

Don't do much @ the gym...save energy for L8R.

Ur picturing me (a) naked, (b) in a Jacuzzi, (c) both

Was in such a rush! 4got 2 wear a bra.

Can I bring anything 4 our d8? Wine? Chocolate sauce?

I'm in dressing room @ the mall...in a thong.

Ur ass looks gr8 in those jeans.

I'll pole dance 4 you. U bring the pole...

Found my old cheerleading uniform. Still fits.

Had a stressful day. I NEED you to help me unwind. Wink, wink.

My roommate is out of town. Let's throw a party tonight — for two.

HOT kiss this a.m. Hope you can finish what you started...

Splurged at Victoria's Secret. A girl can't have too many lacy panties, can she?

No movies out I want to see. Other ideas for what we can do in the dark?

Yes, You Should Trust Your Gut

You have a natural sixth sense that can help you make better decisions, suss out a person, even
save your life.
BY MOLLY TRIFFIN

Her subconscious just gave this guy the thumbs-up.

Noel J. Federizo

You've heard of intuition, but what you may not realize is that it's a biological survival tool. And while
animals often heed this sixth sense, humans tend to let "rational" thinking override it.

Here's the thing: Intuition can guide us to make smarter, faster choices, says Gert Gigerenzer, PhD,
author of Gut Feelings. We break down how these feelings operate and offer tips for harnessing their
power.
What Intuition Is
"Gut instincts are mental shortcuts used to make a snap judgment based on experience and
environment," says David Myers, PhD, author of Intuition. Your unconscious picks up on clues below
the surface of rational awareness and communicates the info to you via intuitive feelings. It's like a
little covert operation in your head.

These messages are sparked by perceptual cues (e.g., people can tell when a smile is fake yet can't
explain why) or by past situations. "Your brain has a database of knowledge that your subconscious
sifts through," notes Gigerenzer. So if you get bad vibes from a coworker, on a deeper level you
might be noticing patterns between her and someone else who mistreated you.

Ways to Spot a Gut Signal

An unconscious nudge often manifests physically, says Judith Orloff, MD, author of Positive Energy
— think a knot in your stomach or feeling the hair on the back of your neck stand on end.

But how can you tell if the jittery anxiety you have before boarding a plane is a subconscious SOS or
just nerves? "A gut instinct isn't accompanied by fear," notes Dr. Orloff. "It calmly advises you what
to do."

How to Intuit
"Intuition is like a muscle," says Gigerenzer. "It gets stronger with use." So give it a workout by
following your instinct with inconsequential choices, such as whether to wear jeans or black pants.
Assuming both look great on, it doesn't matter which you go for. But this exercise gets you in the
habit of relying on gut reactions instead of analyzing ("I wore jeans the other day, so I guess I'll do
the pants"). Eventually, listening to your inner voice will become second nature and help you out with
important decisions.

Having trouble tuning in to your gut? Jump-start it by making a logical decision, but before doing
anything, take stock of how you feel about that conclusion. Say you're dating two guys. Pick the one
who makes more sense (has a better job, etc.). If your heart sinks, you know the other guy is right.

Just remember that your intuition's power depends on the breadth of your experience. Example:
While someone who cooks regularly can wing a recipe with terrific results, a less practiced chef
should probably stick to the instructions. "In unfamiliar territory, give practical thinking added weight,"
notes Gigerenzer. "The unconscious and conscious minds were designed to work in tandem."

Read This Before You Go on Facebook Again

Having 764 friends is fun, but some social-networking blunders can affect your rep, your job — even
your safety.
You Friend Anyone

You wouldn’t let strangers into your house and give them access to your personal things. Yet that’s
kind of what you’re doing if you fully friend them on Facebook — or leave your MySpace page public
— and let them see photos, day-to-day details, and the other names on your friends list. “If you don’t
know someone in real life, don’t friend them at all,” says Parry Aftab, an Internet privacy and security
lawyer. And be wary of fully friending a person you only kinda-sorta know, like a guy you chat with at
work. “He can copy your info onto his own Website or distribute it via e-mail,” says Aftab. The upside
to restricting your page: You’ll come off as mysterious.

You Pick an Easy-to-Guess Password

Don’t use your middle name, your pet’s name, or another common password to log in to your page.
If you do, any random acquaintance who knows or can guess what these are could log in and
pretend to be you, sending messages that are hurtful to others and detrimental to your rep, says
Aftab. Instead, choose something less obvious, and don’t share it.

You Post Pictures of Yourself Partying Hard

“Almost all big employers now look up young applicants on Facebook or MySpace to see if anything
surfaces that may indicate the person isn’t a good hire,” says Aftab. So restrict access to any
suggestive photos...or don’t post them at all. “Even when you use the privacy controls, photos can
still be tagged and copied onto another site,” says Aftab. “If your name is attached, anyone who
Googles you will see them.”

You Update Your Status and Say Where You Are

The status update is a fun Facebook feature. And though letting your friends know you’re going to a
specific club for the night or leaving for vacay tomorrow seems innocuous, you’re essentially telling
everyone your location and when you won’t be home — setting yourself up to have someone come
by your social event unexpectedly or burglarize your apartment, says social-media expert Ryan
Hupfer, with PhotoCrank in Palo Alto, California.

You Make Identifying Details Public

Posting a cute photo of yourself in front of your house, with the street number in view, lets anyone
with access to your page know where to find you. Another reason to never post your name, address,
or date of birth is to avoid identity theft. “With these details, a credit-card account can be created in
your name,” says Anastasia Goodstein, founder of Ypulse, a generation-Y marketing Website.
Kristin Cavallari’s Bitch Lessons
She’s known for speaking her mind and putting people in their
place (Lauren, Jayde, Audrina, the list goes on...). So we
got Kristin to spill when it pays to be a little bad.

Love her or hate her, you have to admit that one of the reasons Kristin Cavallari is
so much fun to watch is that she can be a bit of a bitch. And we mean that in a
good way. Unlike some of the other Hills castmembers, the girl doesn’t let anyone
walk all over her and she always speaks her mind. So we gave Kristin a few
scenarios to see how she’d handle them. Read on for her bitchy little secrets...

The Dilemma: You find out the guy you’re hooking up with is secretly talking to his
ex.

What Would KCav Do?: She says that lying is her biggest pet peeve and when
she finds out someone is being untruthful about one thing, her first thought is, He’s
probably hiding other things too. “Definitely have a conversation with the guy,” she
suggests. “Tell him that you heard X, Y, and Z. If he denies it and you know it’s
true, I’d have to move on.” On the other hand, if he fesses up and apologizes, you
should go with your gut, according to Kristin, because people eff up, but if they’re
willing to take responsibility and change, they might deserve a second chance.

Oh, but don’t go snooping to find juice on the guy, she says. “I don’t think you
should ever read text messages or emails. Ninety-eight percent of the time, you
take it out of context.”

The Dilemma: Someone is spreading a nasty rumor about you.

What Would KCav Do?: “Go up to the person and confront them,” she says.
(Kristin also spilled to us that she does just that in the first episode of the new
season. Hint: it has to do with Stephanie and the drug rumors.) “Go right to the
source. I actually think that by not confronting the person, you’re just adding fuel.”
Kristin advises against involving others. “Just say, ‘I heard from a few different
people that you’ve been saying this,’ They don’t need to know who.”

The Dilemma: Some girl is talking to your boyfriend at a club.

What Would KCav Do?: She recommends keeping a cool head until you have the
full story. “If the girl doesn’t know he’s your boyfriend, it’s his fault for not making
it clear.” In which case she says you should just tell your guy, “This isn’t cool and
we need to go.” If the other woman does know he’s attached and your guy is
clearly uncomfortable, “tell her she’s talking to your man and that she needs to
back off. If you’ve had a word with her and she keeps going, don’t make a scene.”
Kristin says it will only make you look crazy so it’s best just to get out of there—
with your boyfriend, of course.

The Dilemma: You think your friend’s boyfriend is an a-hole.

What Would KCav Do?: “What I love about my friends is that they’re brutally
honest,” she explains. And this is when you should say something, according to
Kristin, since there’s probably a legit reason you’re not a fan. “You don’t need to
say, ‘I hate him’, but you can tell her, ‘You know, he’s not my favorite’.”

And One Time NOT to Be a Bitch

The Dilemma: A guy is playing hot and cold with you.

What Would KCav Do?: “Just let it go. I’m a firm believer that if this is the case,
he’s just not into you,” she says. “When a guy wants to see you, he makes time.”

Little Things That Eat Up Your Paycheck

If the joy of being flush with dough on payday seems more
fleeting than ever, read on. We point out sneaky cash
suckers and offer tips on stretching your hard-earned
dollars.

You don’t need us to tell you that right now, it’s smart to function on a leaner,
meaner budget. But it’s hard to do that when you’re oblivious to where all your
cash goes. Well, stop scratching your head, and consult this list of innocent little
expenses that may be siphoning off your bottom line. The great news: With a few
tweaks here and there, you can keep your wallet fatter for longer.

IRS withholdings. Many people have money withheld from their paychecks in the
hopes of getting a fat refund. But doing that is like giving the government an
interest-free loan. Instead, change your W4 filing—just ask your employer for a
new form—so that you get as much money as possible up front. Then discipline
yourself to put that portion in the bank, where you’ll earn interest.

Dry cleaning. Dropping off your nice clothes at the cleaners can cost $5 or more
per item…and that adds up. But thanks to such products as Tide Total Care and
Dryel, you can give TLC to your finer duds while using your home washing machine
and dryer. They both cost under $15, will clean at least 16 garments, and can be
found at your local drugstore.

Gym memberships. Belonging to a decent gym costs at least $50 a month—

whether or not you use it. Keep your butt in tight shape by joining a running club.
Not only will you meet lots of new people and get to breathe fresh air, but you’ll
also often pay significantly less (some are free!). Check out rrca.org for one in your
area.

Groceries. Coupons aren’t just for grandmas; they can save you beaucoup bucks
too. It’s best to use them for staples you always need: eggs, milk, bread, etc.
They’ve even gone high tech, so you can skip flipping through the paper and just
search clipngocoupons.com.

Eating out. Catching up with friends over dinner is something no girl should have
to give up. But you can enjoy the fun vibe of a restaurant without racking up a big
bill by eating bar food instead of pricey entrées.

Movie rentals. Unless you’re pulling in a Jolie-Pitt–size salary, it’s a good idea to
sign up with an online movie-rental company, such as Netflix. For $4.99, you can
get two rentals a month, which is about what it costs you to check out just one flick
at your local movie store. Or opt for the $8.99 plan and get unlimited rentals.

Manicures. Let’s do some grooming math: Getting a mani once a week can add up
to $60 a month. That’s $720 a year! Stretch your nail maintenance to every two to
three weeks by picking only light-colored polishes—when they chip, it’s not as
noticeable.

The Money Honey's Tips to Loving Your J-O-

B
The co-host of CNBC's Closing Bell and award-winning
journalist, Maria Bartiromo, talks about her life and
enviable career in her new book, The 10 Laws of Enduring
Success. For anyone who's a little freaked about her future,
this is a must-read...

As if trying to figure out what the hell you want to do with your life isn't hard enough, our gen
has some seriously limited career options (thank you, crappy economy). Which is exactly why
TV anchor and financial reporter, Maria Bartiromo, decided to write a book about success now:
Because during a rough patch like this, she believes that there are certain rules you must follow
in order to get ahead. Read on for a few that have served Maria well on her own kick-ass career
path....

1. Own Your Destiny

I started my career at CNN as an editor and producer for the business news segments, and I loved
it. Then, a few years later, I had a big crisis: I was told that I was getting a promotion, but I didn't
think the new position was right for me. I was really upset, crying my eyes out in the ladies
room, when Kitty Pilgrim (an anchor for CNN) walked in. "Kitty," I confided, "I don't know
what to do. I'm proud to get promoted, but I think I will hate my new job." Kitty gave me great
advice: She told me to think about where I wanted to be in five years, and to control my destiny,
not let others control it. I ended up turning down the promotion, and I've never regretted my
decision.

2. Work Your Arse Off

If you were to ask my parents what they thought the secret to success was, they would tell you
that it's all about hard work. My dad ran his own restaurant, and in addition to her full-time job,
my mom also worked at the restaurant and raised a family. It never would have occurred to them
to gripe about how hard they worked. If I complain that my job is stressful, my mother rolls her
eyes, and says, "Come on, Maria, you're not chopping trees." I have to laugh — no sympathy
there! Her quip also reminds me how lucky I am. But I know that I got to be where I am today
thanks to the work ethic that I learned from my parents.

3. Be Open to Change
Success is fleeting. People have said to me, "You made it. You're set." But I know that's not true.
We live in a time of enormous change, and to really be successful, you have to constantly adapt.
Now more than ever, you have to look within and assess your skill sets. What are you good at?
How can you align your dreams with the areas in the economy that are actually producing jobs?
It's critical to figure out what kind of training you may need to best position yourself for this
economy. The changes won't wait for you, so adapting will be key to success during this
tumultuous time.

4. Cut Yourself Some Slack

I'm an overachiever, and hate it when I can't do something perfectly. In the early years of being
on air, I thought that I couldn't afford to make any mistakes, have a hair out of place, gain a
single pound, or make an incorrect analysis. I worried a lot about the impression I gave. But
when a reporter from the New York Post gave me the nickname "Money Honey," instead of
worrying that a moniker like that would make me look ridiculous, I just laughed it off. I decided
I didn't need to take myself so seriously. It was a breakthrough for me — realizing that I could be
human and relax about it.