1.

0 Introduction

Every society has a different culture, where people share a specific language,
traditions, behaviours, perceptions and beliefs. Culture gives them an identity which makes
them unique and different from people of other cultures. Although every society has a
specific culture, there are certain elements of culture that are universal. They are known as
cultural universals, in which there are certain behavioural traits and patterns that are shared
by all cultures around the world. For instance, classifying relations based on blood relations
and marriage, differentiating between good and bad, having some form of art, use of
jewellery, classifying people according to gender and age. They are common in all cultures of
the world.

Some people believe that humans are the only living beings who have a culture. But,
there is a group of people who believe in the existence of culture even in animals. It is said
that animals have certain social rules which they teach their young ones as a medium for
survival. Culture is necessary to establish an order and discipline in the society. It is not only
a means of communication between people, but also creates a feeling of belonging and
togetherness among people in the society.

1.1 Definition of Culture

Culture is an integral part of every society. It is a learned pattern of behaviour and

ways in which a person lives his or her life. Culture is essential for the existence of a society,
because it binds people together. In the explicit sense of the term, culture constitutes the
music, food, arts and literature of a society. However, these are only the products of culture
followed by the society and cannot be defined as culture.

Culture is something that a person learns from his family and surroundings, and is not
ingrained in him from birth. It does not have any biological connection because even if a
person is brought up in a culture different from that in which he was born, he imbibes the
culture of the society where he grows up. It is also not a hidden fact that some people feel the
need to follow the beliefs and traditions of their own culture, even though they might be not
subscribing to certain ideologies within.

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2.0 Cultural Experience

Culture is a complex tool which every individual has to learn to survive in a society. It
is the means through which people interact with others in the society. It acts in a
subconscious way and whatever we see and perceive, seems to be normal and natural.
Sometimes, other societies and people seem to be a little odd because they have a different
culture from ours. We must remember that every society has a distinct culture that forms the
backbone of the society. Culture does not remain stagnant. On the other hand it is evolving
constantly and is in fact somewhat influenced by the other cultures and societies.

2.1 Bidayuh Pre-Wedding and Bidayuh Wedding

The Courtship in the Bidayuh community is basically common with the Malay
community. Basically the Bidayuh is an agrarian society where most of their activities at the
kampongs are evolved around farming and various festivals are connected
with these activities. It is through working together in the farm (pingiris) that young men and
women often acquainted with each other. As time passes, they fall in love i.e. a young man is
interested with another young woman, he develops a relationship through the tradition
commonly known among the Bidayuhs of Serian as "maasu". Maasu literally means to visit a
girl at night. It is a decent way of establishing relationship between a young man and a
woman in the traditional style.

Maasu/Mewah is carried out during the night, usually after the dinner and is always in
the presence of the girl's parents and other members of the girl's family. The young man
however is permitted to stay awake with the young lady until the family goes to bed. If the
parent of the young lady objects to the maasu or mewah, they would politely advise the
young man to keep away from their daughter. However if he insists on visiting or abuse the
tradition, he is brought to the Tua Kampong. If it is established that he has breached the adat,,
the young man is than required to provide a restitution known as takud. This is more or less
the same as the Malay. This is to protect the good name of the young lady’s family and her
virtue.

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 The proposal comes into the scent after a series of visits the girl indicate her
willingness to marry the man, and he is satisfied with the way she carries herself, the young
man will ask his parents for advice. If the young man's parents agree to their son's choice,
they will appoint someone as a go-between, who in most cases as intelligent uncle or a close
relative to see the young lady's parents to find out whether the agree to give consent to their
daughter to accept the young man's proposal. This applies to a person who is below the age of
21. A woman or a man who has reached the age of 21 and above does not require permission
from their parent. Nevertheless, as a matter of respect for both parents and adat the couple
should inform their parents of their intention if they want to get married. When the go-
between goes to the girl's house, his duties are not only to find out if the family accepts the
proposal, but to negotiate on other related issues. He may begin by giving an outline of the
boy's modest family background and also the young man's family tree. The reason for this is
to make sure that the both of them are not closely related. According to the Bidayuh adat it is
a taboo to marry close relative. The go-between will also ask the girl's parent whether they
agree to let their daughter move (nyusu or tunda) to the man's family. If the reply from the
girl's parent is positive, the go-between will inform the young man's parent. He then return to
his house as soon as possible to avoid hearing or noticing bad omen within the vicinity of
their house. If there is no incident on the way home, the go-between may consider that his
mission is successful. The next night, he conveys the good news to the young man and his
parents. Unlike the Malay, for the Bidayuh to marry close relative is a taboo. Therefore, it is
considered a positive change in the culture in certain angle. This is to avoid producing
abnormalities genetic and generations in the future.

If the answer from the girl's parent is negative and the young man's parents are not
satisfied with the reply, they either abandon their mission or get the go-between to make
another negotiation. Sometimes, a new go-between is appointed and sent for the second time.
If he is unable to accomplish the mission then the whole idea of the proposal will have to be
abandoned. But there is still hope for the couple in love. When a proposal is rejected by the
girl's parents, and both the young man and girl insisted in getting married, the only option for
them is to elope. However, this seldom happens, and it is also rare that a marriage proposal
from the young man's side is rejected by the girl's parents.

When the proposal is accepted, the go-between is asked by the young man's parent to
send the engagement gifts (tanda betunang) to the girl's family as a token for their

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engagement. The ‘tanda betunang’ given to the girl's family differs from family to family to
another family.

For an average family it is usually in the form of:

· a black sarong locally known as jamuh singot

· a gold ring; and

· some cash

A well-to-do family will give the following :

· a silver belt (gimba)

· a black sarong or jamuh singot

· a gold ring; and

· some cash.

In the old days, the young man normally present his betrothed (tunang) with:
· a set of three small boxes (nakan) made of bamboo, in which are placed tobacco, gambir
and lime;

· a bundle of hand-picked sirih leaves as big as a head;

· a black sarong; and

· a ring

The sirih leaves (duon biid) and the areca nuts (bua bai) must be hand-picked by the
boy himself from the top of the tree. They must be of good quality. The sirih leaves must be
properly and nicely bundled (merun) according to the adat.

On one night, usually after one or two weeks after sending to go-between, the young
man accompanied by his parents and a few relatives proceed to the girl's house with the go-
between leading the party. On the journey, they must avoid from falling down, or stepping on
pig's dung or ants. They also beat musical instruments to prevent them from hearing sounds
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of bad omen from the kusah or kriak. When the party arrives at the girl's house, they are
sprinkled will yellow rice (beras siya), a traditional way of welcoming the young main and
his party to the house. After that they are taken to the verandah of the girl's house for them to
sit down. The engaged couple sit next to their parents. When all are seated the go-between
will address the gathering by telling all present the purpose of their visit. This is followed by
a speech from the young man's father, and then a reply from the girl's father.

After these speeches, the arang will then give the tanda tunang on behalf of the girl's
parent as a final token of the girl being engaged to the boy. After the presentation of the gifts,
the couple are advised to be faithful to each other. Any breach of the adat concerning
engagement will mean that they guilty party will have to provide a restitution to the
aggrieved party. The engagement period should not exceed a year, and the couple may
choose anytime within that period to get their marriages solemnized. If they decide to extend
the period of engagement, the headman should be informed accordingly.

In most Bidayuh kampongs, wedding ceremony begins in the evening. The bride
together with her parents proceed to the young man's house in a procession accompanied by
music from the gong. The bride may wear a skull cap made of ancient beads, if she is from a
well-to-do family. Her blouse and skirt are lined at the edges with silver laces and lower part
of her black skirt is decorated with hawk bells and ancient coins. The bridegroom wears
traditional Bidayuh costumes, with a typical Bidayuh head gear. He adorns himself with
necklace of the ancient beads, teeth of bears or leopard. His coat is lined at the edges with
silver laces. The procession bringing the bride is met on arrival by the bridegroom, his
parents, the go-between uncle, and relatives at the top of the staircase of the longhouse. While
the guests are asked to take their seats on the verandah (tanju) of the bridegroom's living
room, the couple take their seats side by side near the wedding jar.

When the couple is seated, the wedding ceremony begins with the tua gawai
sprinkling yellow rice over the couple. As he does this he invokes this prayer. After the
prayer, the tua gawai will brush a white cockerel over their heads, and at the same time he
invokes another prayer.

The ceremony is followed by the sprinkling of beads over the couple. This is done by
the tua gawai. While doing this he invokes a short prayer asking God (Tepa) to bless, guide
and guard the couple in their daily life. He also asks that the couple be blessed with lots of
children.
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 As soon as the ceremony is over, food, and drinks which has been prepared earlier are
served. The host may invite any number of guests he wants depending on his means. If he is
poor he may only invite his close relatives and few friends. If he is rich he may invite the
entire long house as well from the nearby kampongs. While the guests are being served or
eating, the ceremony of feeding the married couple is carried out. Normally the person who is
assigned to the job must be well versed in the Bidayuh custom. He or she must be fertile. A
person who is barren or who keeps divorcing his spouses are also not allowed to perform this
ceremony. While performing this ceremony, the dayung bris or priestess will invoke a prayer.

On the wedding night the newly married couple is considered by the adat to have
acquired parental status and as such they are given a sobriquet name (adon jajang). After the
name is announced the married couple is from then onward called father of so and so (sama
sinuh or sindu sinuh for the bride. In most cases, they take the name of a child from the elder
brother or the sister. Their parents and their kindred of the same or senior generations may
continue to call them by their personal names but other person especially those generation
younger than them and their parent-in-laws, as a matter of respects will no longer called them
by their personal names but by their jajang instead. Once the jajang name is given, everyone
in the kampong calls them by that name rather than their personal names. The novel feature
of the naming system in the Bidayuh community provides a basis a basis for kinship network
which further consolidates further their kinship ties.

A marriage ceremony is not complete if the newly married couple is not given words
of advice from the village elders. It is customary for an endless list of speakers to stand up to
give their word of advice to the newly married couple. The first to speak are the parents of
both the bridegroom and the bride. This is followed by their uncles, aunts, grandparents,
brothers, sisters and relatives. Their advices range from asking the couple to be kind to one
another, avoid quarreling, respecting their in-laws, not to listen to rumours and to remain
faithful. After this is over entertainment follows, entertainment sometimes is in the form of
traditional Bidayuh dance like berejang or birayun or even begendang. These activities will
continue until morning, with lots of tuak or rice wine.

3.0 Conclusion

Cultural Awareness is the foundation of communication and it involves the ability of

standing back from ourselves and becoming aware of our cultural values, beliefs and

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perceptions. Why do we do things in that way? How do we see the world? Why do we react
in that particular way? Becoming aware of our cultural dynamics is a difficult task because
culture is not conscious to us. Since we are born we have learned to see and do things at an
unconscious level. Our experiences, our values and our cultural background lead us to see
and do things in a certain way. Sometimes we have to step outside of our cultural boundaries
in order to realize the impact that our culture has on our behaviour. It is very helpful to gather
feedback from foreign colleagues on our behaviour to get more clarity on our cultural traits.
Cultural awareness becomes central when we have to interact with people from other
cultures. People see, interpret and evaluate things in a different ways. What is considered an
appropriate behaviour in one culture is frequently inappropriate in another one.
Misunderstandings arise when we use our meanings to make sense of our reality.

References

Damen, L. (1987). Culture Learning: The Fifth Dimension on the Language Classroom.

Reading, MA: Addison-Wesley.

Lederach, J.P. (1995). Preparing for peace: Conflict transformation across cultures. Syracuse,

NY: Syracuse University Press.

http://www.asiafinest.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=181704[Dayak Wedding - Asia

Finest Discussion Forum

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