Why Do People Have Sex?

Sexual motives greatly surpass the 'Big Three' -- love, pleasure, and making babies.
By Kelli Miller Stacy
WebMD Feature
Reviewed by Laura J. Martin, MD

Your partner may come up with a dozen excuses to say "Not tonight, dear, I have a ____," but
how many reasons can the two of you name for seeking sex?

One? Two? Twenty? How about 200? Some college students have cited as many as 237 different
reasons for having sex.

From pleasure to procreation, insecurity to inquisitiveness -- today's reasons for taking a roll in
the hay seem to vary as much as the terms for the deed itself. A 2010 Sexuality & Culture review
of sex motivation studies states that people are offering "far more reasons for choosing to engage
in sexual activity than in former times." And we're doing it more often, too. It is a stark contrast
from historical assumptions, which tend to cite only three sexual motivators: To make babies, to
feel good, or because you're in love.

Today, sexual behaviors seem to have taken on many different psychological, social, cultural,
even religious meanings. Yet, some sexologists say, at the most basic level, there is only one true
reason people seek sex.

Wired for Sex

"We are programmed to do so. Asking why people have sex is akin to asking why we eat. Our
brains are designed to motivate us toward that behavior," says Richard A. Carroll, PhD, a sex
therapist and associate professor in the department of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at
Northwestern University Feinberg School of Medicine.

The idea that humans are hard-wired for sex reflects an evolutionary perspective, says Elaine
Hatfield, PhD, professor of psychology at the University of Hawaii and author of that 2010
review examining sexual motives from cross-cultural, historical, and evolutionary viewpoints.

"Evolutionary theorists point out that a desire for sexual relations is 'wired in' in order to promote
species survival," she tells WebMD in an email. "Cultural theorists tend to focus on the cultural
and personal reasons people have (or avoid) sex. Cultures differ markedly in what are considered
to be 'appropriate' reasons for having or avoiding sex."

What's Your Motive?

Why do you seek sex? Motivations generally fall into four main categories, according to
psychologists at UT-Austin, who asked more than 1,500 undergraduate college students about
their sexual attitudes and experiences.
 • Physical reasons: Pleasure, stress relief, exercise, sexual curiosity, or attraction to a
person.
• Goal-based reasons: To make a baby, improve social status (for example, to become
popular), or seek revenge.
• Emotional reasons: Love, commitment, and gratitude.
• Insecurity reasons: To boost self-esteem, keep a partner from seeking sex elsewhere, or
because of a feeling of duty or pressure (for example, a partner insists on having sex).

The Difference Between the Sexes

Generally speaking, men seek sex because they like how it feels. Women, although they very
well may also derive pleasure from the act, are generally more interested in the relationship
enhancement aspects of sex. Researchers describe these differences as body-centered versus
person-centered sex.

• Body-centered sex is when you have sex because you like the way it makes your body
feel. You are not really caring about the emotions of your partner.
• Person-centered sex is when you have sex to connect with the other person. You care
about the emotions involved and the relationship.

The Difference Between the Sexes continued...

"Men often start out being body centered," says Janell Carroll, PhD, adjunct professor of
psychology at the University of Hartford and author of a human sexuality textbook (no relation
to Richard Carroll). "But that changes later on. As men reach their 40s, 50s, and 60s, their
relationship becomes more important."

Richard Carroll has been counseling couples with sexual issues for more than two decades.
"Women actually become more like men over time, in the sense that often early on, sex is about
initiating, developing, strengthening, and maintaining relationships, but in a long-term
relationship they can actually begin to focus on the pleasure of it."

Despite the generalities, research suggests that there has been a big convergence in sexual
attitudes among men and women in recent years. In 1985, Janell Carroll and colleagues found
that most college-aged males had casual sex for physical reasons, without emotional attachments.
She repeated many of the same study questions to a new audience in 2006, and is working
toward publishing her results.

"Instead of men and women being at opposite ends of the sexual spectrum, they are now coming
together," she tells WebMD. "More women might be having sex for physical reasons, but many
more men were more likely to say they had sex for emotional reasons."
20 Reasons People Have Sex

Stressed out? Have sex. Stress reduction is one of the leading reasons Americans, particularly
men, say they have sex, says Richard Caroll. The review, published online in Sexuality &
Culture, shows other most frequently cited reasons for having sex include:

• Boosting mood and relieving depression

• Duty
• Enhancement of power
• Enhancement of self-concept
• Experiencing the power of one’s partner
• Feeling loved by your partner
• Fostering jealousy
• Improve reputation or social status
• Making money
• Making babies (procreation)
• Need for affection
• Nurturance
• Partner novelty
• Peer pressure or pressure from partner
• Pleasure
• Reduce sex drive
• Revenge
• Sexual curiosity
• Showing love to your partner
• Spiritual transcendence

Why Study Sex?

Understanding why people seek sex is not always a simple task. Most studies have involved
college undergraduates, a "sample of convenience" for university researchers, but one that is
often very limiting. Such young men and women typically haven't been in very committed
relationships and are in the process of discovering their sexuality. Their answers to "why do you
have sex" are often greatly tied to the image of themselves and their social relationships, says
Richard Carroll. This can change over time. But such knowledge can improve a couple's sex life.

"Understanding these differences in motivations is very important. It helps us understand what's

going on in the sexual relationship and treat sexual disorders. Very often you find the source of
the problem can be traced to the particular motivation," says Richard Carroll.

If you need help, you can find a qualified sex therapist in your area through organizations such as
the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapist (AASECT) or The
Society for Sex Therapy and Research.
SOURCES:

Meston, C. Archives of Sexual Behavior, August 2007; vol 36: pp 477-507.

News release, University of Texas at Austin.

Carroll, J. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 1985; vol 14: pp 131-9.

Hatfield, E. Sexuality & Culture, 2010; published online ahead of print.

Richard A. Carroll, PhD, sex therapist and associate professor, department of psychiatry and
behavioral sciences, Northwestern University Feinberg School of Medicine.

Janell L. Carroll, PhD, psychology department, University of Hartford.

Elaine Hatfield, PhD, professor of psychology. University of Hawaii.

American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists: "Frequently Asked

Questions."

The Society for Sex Therapy and Research: "Sex Therapist Directory."

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