Following the Slivio Berlusconi trial in Milan is a real revelation.

This is what a
real sex scandal is. Not a pathetic one dress/one stain deal like Watergate or whatever we
ended up labeling the "Starr crossed" fiasco of the Clinton years.

In Italy, when they decide to hold a sex scandal they do it right. It involves, or is
alleged to involve, septuagenarian Prime Ministers, the leading economic and political
figures of the nation, beautiful young women by the score (each with a professional angle
to play, no relatively innocent young interns here), promises of careers in stage and
screen and under age prostitutes. In Italy such scandals apparently center around "Bunga-
Bunga" parties where beautiful young women dine, dance and cavort with gentlemen of
advanced age. At the end of the "Bunga-Bunga portion of the evening, the Prime Minister
is alleged to have selected "one or two" of the ladies for a private session of cavorting
that lasts the rest of the night.

While nothing that has come out about the Berlusconi scandal, so far, would
shock anyone who ever attended a quiet dinner in the Jungle Room at Graceland when
the King was in town, these revelations do serve to remind Americas how far we have
fallen behind in the political sex scandal business. This need not be so. The fact is, we
have a long and illustrious history of scandalous mixing of politics and sex.

Right from the beginning, when George Washington was having so many extra
marital liaisons he may well have, quite literally, been the "father of his country,"
America showed real promise. Though it seems Abigail kept a close eye on John Adams'
zipper, the very next president has been demonstrated by DNA testing to have had a long
sexual relationship with his slave and sister-in-law, Sally Hemmings, half sister of his
wife. We have had a President who had a life long "spousal" relationship with a Senator
from Alabama back when neither Presidents nor senators were female. What can one say
about President Harding but that he was a good man at a party and was never far from a
paramour, even keeping one in a closet in the White House. Franklin Roosevelt had a
long-standing affair with a lady other than his wife, as did President Eisenhower. By all
reports, John Kennedy then came along and broke tart records set by Harding that most
historians believed to be unassailable.

Yes sir, we Americans have a sex scandal record in the highest office in the land
that we can be proud of. At least we did. Not so much anymore. Now days we are
governed by what the Governator might call "girlie men" Presidents. Even Clinton,
perhaps especially Clinton, falls in to that category. Clinton, for all his reputation to the
contrary, was never more than a "slam bam, thank you mam" kind of guy. There is
nothing inspiring about any of his alleged "conquests." It seems Clinton enjoyed the guilt
more than he did the sex, enjoyed getting away with it if he wasn't caught and surviving it
if he was caught, more than the deed itself. Carter, both Bushes and Obama never rate a
credible mention in the sex scandal department. I would like to think Reagan would have
spread some legs had he been a bit younger and less senile upon entering the White
House, and had Nancy not been imitating Abigail Adams in regards to his zipper. But the
fact is, even the most flamboyant and unscrupulous President in our history, Lyndon
Johnson, never seemed to engaged in any extra marital fornicating while in office.

With the exception of one, pitiful, pathetic little blow job, there has been nothing
in the way of presidential philandering since Kennedy. This is a very sad state of affairs.

I do think there be light at the end of the tunnel. Word has reached me,
unsubstantiated word as yet, that South Carolina Governor Nikki Haley is writing her
memoirs. Since she is not yet thirty-five this seems like a strange thing to do. After all,
while she has, no doubt, lived a frolic filled life, she has not yet entered into her prime
"cougar" years and I fear a memoir penned so prematurely would miss the best parts of
the story. However, I am assured that her decision to begin so soon is not a sign of an
intended retreat into the nunnery but a step toward raising her national profile. Would
that this be so.

Governor Haley is a young woman of, alleged, prodigious appetites. I have no

personal knowledge of her appetites but can vouch for the fact that she is an impressive
woman of considerable life force when observed in person. I can see why and how the
courtiers hanging about the Haley Statehouse could find themselves amenable to her
desires, should she have any. Should she ascend to the office of the President, I have no
doubt she could be the very person needed to lead our great nation out of our long, dark
sojourn in this Puritanical wasteland.

If even half of the rumors and salacious gossip rocketing around the lobby of the
Statehouse, and the great and small rooms in which elected leaders and their corporate
masters meet to decide our fate, are true, Governor Haley is just the woman for the job.
Indeed, if even one quarter of these tales merely approach truth then we may well have a
leader the caliber of a Catherine the Great of Russia at our disposal, ready to serve and
ready to be serviced.

I am not, of course, saying these rumors, tales and allegations are true. It hardly
seems possible that they all could be. Still, when confronted with the growing national
sex scandal gap between our great nation and the rest of the world, the very existence of
these tales and their young, frisky and beautiful heroine gives me hope for the future.

When I say hope, I mean real hope, not Obama type hope where one is supposed
to be happy being screwed. No I mean real hope, the kind of hope that emanates from a
woman who, if she is going to screw you, really knows what she is doing.