A STILL POND

Stacie W Beliveau
Feb 6, 2011
 It didn’t matter how much I slept or rested, it never seemed to be enough
for me. I sat in my wing-backed chair with my feet up, my puppy on my lap and
my hamster in his cage beside me. The fire was low but comfortably warm, and I
could hear the wind howling through the pine trees that stood like sentinels outside
my window. My beautiful black and white cat, Farnsworth, was fast asleep in his
bed near the hearth, and I remember yawning with sleepy eyes as I heard the fire
popping and snapping against the fire screen.
“Pardon me Katherine, but I thought you might like a warm cup of chocolate
milk before you retire.” Jane, what a dear. She has lived with me ever since we
were just children when her mother cared for mine. We played together and grew
up together. When her mother passed on, we were only too happy to keep her,
since she had no living relative. Since my mother’s death four years later, she and
I have become more than friends. She’s more like the older sister who takes the
roll of mother hen, always taking care of my needs. Now we have been together
nearly 15 years, and she knew me better than I knew myself.
“Jane, you always know what I’m thinking. Thank you so much, just put it
here on the table.”
“May I take the pup out for the night? She’ll be such a good watch dog for
us. Martin calls her a ‘keeper’. And he told me that he’ll want to start her training
soon.”
“But she’s still just a puppy!” I surprised myself with my quick rebuttal, but, I
knew it was only because I never wanted her to grow up. She was so perfect the
way she was.
“Ah yes, I know she’s still young, but best to teach her good behavior now
instead of having to unlearn bad ones later.”
“Of course Jane, you’re right as always.” I brought the puppy eye-to-eye
and smiled. “You’re a luv, and I adore you already. You go along with Jane now,
and I’ll see you in the morning.” I gave her a soft kiss on her little forehead and
handed her off to Jane. “Here you are, don’t forget to give her a biscuit before
bedtime.”
“Oh Katherine, do I ever forget that?” Jane held the puppy close to her
breast and pet her head and smiled. She was as fond of the animal as I was.

The fire was getting low at last, and I reached for my cup of hot chocolate,
when abruptly my hand jerked and slapped the cup, knocking it over and onto the
table and dripping onto the rug. “Well for Pete’s sake, what a mess!” It seemed
my right hand was getting worse as the months dragged on, the uncontrollable
twitching and jerking that had begun in my little and ring fingers had slowly moved
to all fingers, then the hand. It concerned me somewhat, but these were lean
times, and in lean times you depend on home remedies. It was okay, I could still
use it fully, so my concern was minimal at most.
I reached for a tissue to help clean up some of the creeping liquid, but it was
too little too late. I moved the hamster cage back a bit to clean up under it, and it
woke up my darling little Odysseus, and he looked up at me with wide black eyes in
confusion and wonder.
 “I’m so sorry Odysseus, I didn’t mean to wake you up,” I purred. I opened
the top of the cage to pet him and he jumped into my hand as always and sat there
staring at me as if he were trying to speak to me telekinetically. He lifted his back
leg and scratched at his cheek, his whiskers twitching and his eyes slightly closing,
then used his front paws to clean his mouth and nose. It seemed if he wasn’t
sleeping or running in his wheel, he was preening himself.
Without any warning or notice, Odysseus jumped from my hand and onto the
table into the spilled chocolate milk, leapt off the edge making a soft landing on the
rugged floor, and scurried out the door and into the library. “Odysseus! Come
back here before Farnsworth sees you!” I ran out of the den following his little paw
prints on the wood floor, and followed them into the Library. I quickly looked
around the room, and saw him sitting at the foot of Uncle Walter’s antique ornate
full-length floor mirror in the corner near a bookcase.
I hadn’t really looked at it in such a long time, and I always found its carved
wood with spiral sides and wide-spaced feet very elegant. Standing an impressive
seven feet tall, it’s dark mahogany looked alive with it’s beautifully hand-cut ornate
frame that resembled the roof of an old cathedral. It was Uncle Walter’s most
prized possession. No one in the family really understood Uncle Walter very well,
he was always off doing who knows what, sitting and staring, humming and
rocking, disappearing for days sometimes. I suppose we had become accustomed
to just letting him be, until one day he never came back. I remember the night our
home was overrun by detective and police, asking questions for what seemed like
hours. They never found Uncle Walter and I was always a bit sad about that. He
may have been a bit different, but he was always kind to me and I loved him.
“Odysseus, why did you do that? You had me so worried, and you know you
were bad, don’t you.” I tried to scold him but he always made me smile. I slowly
walked towards him, when I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror. My
once copper colored hair had long turned grey, my eyes, once bright and clear, had
softened and relaxed over the years, but the blue was still a lovely color like a
summer sky. I smiled at my image and turned my attention to Odysseus.
He stood up on his hind feet and reached up to the frame of the mirror on
the right side, and sniffed at it quizzically. He scurried to the left side and did the
same thing, and I watched and wondered what was so interesting to him. All at
once he sprang into the mirror, and to my shock and amazement, he passed
through the glass! The face of the mirror rippled like a pebble being dropped into a
still pond. He was gone, and I was left questioning my sanity.
My jaw dropped and my eyes opened wide, my mind trying to make sense of
what had just occurred, and I realized I was holding my breath. I tentatively
approached the mirror, and logically I looked behind it, but saw only the wall. I
couldn’t think, yet my mind was spinning with questions leaving me in wonder and
disbelief. I yelled his name as I peered into the mirror and saw only myself.
“Odysseus! Odysseus!” I yelled again and again, and my eyes squinted as I stared
at the reflection of myself in the mirror. Then the glass started bending slowly,
seeming to wobble and twist as the sound waves danced upon its surface. I yelled
his name again...“Odysseus!” The reflection definitely reacted to the sound waves
just as before.
I was backing away with fear and wonder, when suddenly a tiny familiar
whiskered face emerged from the mirror at the bottom near the frame. Odysseus
blink at me, and slightly cocked his head to one side and sniffed at the air. I slowly
walked back towards the mirror, and when I was within arms’ reach, he ducked
back inside. A worried frown creased my forehead and I found myself being drawn
towards it, more by fascination than fear, and where I found the courage to test the
glass with my hand I don’t know.
I placed my palm on the mirrored glass sending a gentle ripple across its
face, and it began to swallow up my flesh. I marveled as I saw my hand disappear,
then my forearm and elbow. My face was so close, I could not stop now.
Something relaxing was calling to my spirit and I had to answer it. I pressed my
face against the cold glass and instantly saw a world so beautiful before me that I
was through the mirror before I realized it.

I stood as if in a trance with splendor all about me, the dim glow of a pale
yellow light cast a dream-like fog in the air. I heard distant chimes and they were
delicate like tiny rain drops falling from the sky, and the sound wrapped itself
around me like a shawl as smooth as silk. Exquisite pale pink birds flew overhead
with long colorful tails trailing behind them, their singing resonated in my head like
feathers floating on a gentle breeze, pleasant and joyful and filled with a stillness
that was new to me.
Before me I saw a dense bamboo forest, green and leafy, tall and tranquil,
the bamboo reaching into a pastel-blue sky above. I took a deep breath, filling my
lungs slowly and completely, and closing my eyes as I exhaled I felt a fullness of
life within that made me smile involuntarily. The dark green forest before me
appeared to be alive and inviting as I peered beyond its boundary. I instinctively
moved towards it, my spirit seeking, and hoping to find, something I did not
possess.
A small path disappeared into the foliage, and I stopped to look back before
being carried away in this world, and was alarmed to realize the mirror was
nowhere in sight. I hadn’t even thought about returning, but now I thought of
nothing else. My heart caught in my throat and I ran back to where the ornate
mirror should have been. I examined the ground and found no marks imprinted in
the soil to suggest anything had ever been there other than grass. I found my
mind wandering back to my childhood, when my mother had read to me the story
of a little girl who had fallen down a rabbit hole and couldn’t get back out. I felt I
knew much more about her now than I ever had before. Fear and unanswered
questions flew into my mind to meet nothing but more questions in a spinning
cyclone of confusion. To know there was no going back, only forward, and finally
realizing there was nothing to do but to give in to it. Surprisingly, I found it quite
invigorating!
I returned to the small foot path with renewed purpose, and quickly found
myself strolling amongst the most striking bamboo and stunning flowers of purple
and yellow and white that dressed the forest floor like a Spring bride. It wasn’t
long before I heard more birds singing and gentle chimes of deep resonating
harmony up ahead. My pace was steady, relaxed and taking in every moment with
new meaning and appreciation.
 When the bamboo forest ended, I found myself in a vast garden of small
pebbles, with tall black rocks that looked randomly placed, but yet the garden was
balanced to the eye and very pleasing to the senses. Beyond the garden I saw a
pagoda rising high above the land, with a decorative finial on the top like a
lightening pole waiting to be charged with energy.

I walked up the steps of the structure to the opened door and looked inside.
The room was vast and airy, a celebration of wood and its natural beauty. The arch
beams spanned more than 30 feet to create a huge open space within, and they
tied the building to where they came from by sharing their natural form. It was
exceptionally clean, and I noticed a wooden rack near the door. It was a beautiful
and simple shoe rack, and instinct told me that it would not be proper etiquette to
walk on the hinoki cypress bark floor, its perimeter lined with tatame mats. This
felt like sacred ground. I removed my slippers and placed them on the rack and
ventured inside.
It was obviously a Dojo. It felt like a shrine to me, and I was very
comfortable there. Not a word was spoken yet; my thoughts seemed to echo
against the walls. Across the room I saw a door decorated with traditional banners
in another language. The walls slid, a simple wooden lattice with translucent white
paper mounted on the outer side. They allowed the natural light to shine in on the
polished floor, giving the entire room an unearthly glow. I walked silently to the
wooden door and found it unlocked. Stepping into a narrow stairwell I made my
way up to the second floor.
As I entered the next room, its elegant simplicity was truly impressive and
relaxing to experience. These walls were solid, unlike the first floor. Pale beige
sand spread all across the level, with two low black stone benches facing the center
of the room. In the center was a pit one foot deep, square in shape and filled with
water. Fifty bamboo poles stood upright in the water in a line, and between the
bamboo and the edge of the pit were tall flames half the height of the poles, and it
looked like the flames were dancing on the water surface. This room was a perfect
balance of air, earth, water and fire, all existing within and without each other. I
walked to one of the stone benches and sat down, mesmerized by the flames being
fed by the air, the flicker of light reflecting in the water, its light illuminating up the
bamboo poles and casting shadows on the sand. As I sat there meditating my
breathing was slow and measured, my body taking breaths that were never more
or less than required to exist.

I don’t know how long I stayed there watching the flames, but after what
seemed like an hour I walked back to the door and continued up the stairwell. At
the top were a set of thick opulent double doors. This was the Pinnacle Chamber,
and I wondered what I would find inside. It was shocking to me that no guards
stood at these doors, as it was obvious that whatever was inside was extremely
important to be so well fortified.
 I pressed my ear against the door to check for life inside. Silence. It was so
quiet that I couldn’t even hear the chimes that had been filling my ears since the
moment I stepped through the mirror. I reached down and checked the latch, and
with a slow lift, the doors opened and slowly widened on their own without a single
squeak from the massive hinges.
This room was so elegant and dark, the temperature was a good twenty
degrees less than the Dojo room. A long corridor, the left side lined with the same
lattice and paper covered walls partitioned off the sleeping quarters of the Masters
that lived here, and various weapons for training and fighting on the wall to the
right, gave it perfect balance. The candles were lit so I knew someone was near,
but I had yet to see a soul, not even Odysseus.
I cautiously walked down the hall, admiring the workmanship of the weapons
and the handmade wall art. As I approached the modest door at the other end, the
fragrance of incense was evident, and I heard a low humming chant. I froze, not
knowing whether to enter, knock or run. The chant was so melodious and sweet; I
closed my eyes to absorb the sound and allow the music to react upon my body,
sending a slow chill down my spine that relaxed my shoulder muscles at once. The
more I listened, the more I felt I was floating, and it was an astounding sensation.
But when the chanting stopped and I opened my eyes, the door before me
was wide open, and a strange looking mouse stood behind a small wooden table,
eyes closed, and incense burners all alit on various stands around the small room.
He had a long white beard cascading down a pale white robe and onto the floor,
with long eyebrows that hung below his shoulders. And his ears, while very large,
were flattened and laying against his back, and he wore a black belt tied around his
waist. What an peculiar sight, I was convinced I was in a strange dream.
“Enter traveler, and welcome”, the old mouse said.
I froze in my steps. “Did…did you just say something to me?” I stammered.
I was unsure of what to do; enter, faint or run. Then the old mouse gestured to me
to approach, and as if hypnotized, I obeyed.
When I entered the small room I looked around at the bare walls, admiring
the condition of the polished wood set off by the soft glow of the various candles.
Then I looked at the table in front of the strange mouse, and to my complete
surprise, there sat Odysseus, calm and quiet.
“Odysseus...” I whispered to myself. “I don’t understand.”
“I am Sensei Shinji, and I live here in the Pinnacle Chamber. I and the
Masters of the Dojo are here to train all travelers that come here seeking. I am
connected with all life that exists, that existed, and that will exist. You were
brought here by the request of your friend. He worries for your health and has paid
a heavy price for my assistance.”
“Odysseus?” I blinked with bewilderment, looked down at my little hamster
with love and affection, no longer stunned by a mouse that spoke, but by a hamster
that would ask for help for me. It was all so absurd.
“I don’t understand any of this. I must be losing my mind!” I rubbed my
forehead trying to think, but I felt I was spinning down a large hole, out of control
and not knowing where the bottom lay.
Sensei Shinji raised his hand to stop my mental fall. “These things are not
for you to understand. Your friend and I share a connection. He has asked for my
help, and he is willing to pay the price. It is a great love he has for you.“
 I didn’t like the sound of that at all, and for the first time since arriving I
began to worry a lot. “Well, I must say that sounds ominous at best, Sensei Shinji
is it? I know many look upon animals as pets, and in my world, hamsters are not
very valuable on the scale of things, but he is to me. He’s my friend, he keeps me
company on lonely evenings, he makes me smile when I watch him preening and
running in his exercise wheel. He owns nothing, so what could he possibly offer
you, and what help could you possibly offer me?”
“I have the power to remove your pain.” He slipped his paws into each
sleeve and watched me with relaxed eyes.
I looked down at my hand. I opened and closed my hand and felt the jittery
muscles under the skin that reached into my elbow. My thoughts flooded back to
my younger years, when life was carefree and painless, and as ridiculous as it
sounded, I still found myself believing the Sensei. I looked up at him and tilted my
head. “And the cost?”
“Your friend remains here with me to become a Master of the Dojo.”

I sat on the short stone bench and watched the fire and water existing
together and pondered my life without Odysseus. I felt a tear fall, and the room
became a blur as my eyes filled with water. I could never trade my little friend, not
even for my health. I have had a very good life, blessed and free, filled with joy
and sadness, good times and bad, and life could be so much worse than it was. I
was happy the way things were, and no price could be put on my friend, who
brought me unending joy and happiness.
Sensei Shinji entered the Meditation Room and sat next to me on the stone
bench. “This is my favorite place”, he said, “It reminds me that all life works
together as one, and we are one with all. It’s a place of deep meditation when
seeking truth.”
“Sensei Shinji,” I began, still not completely comfortable talking to a mouse,
“I appreciate what you are offering me, but I have decided that I just want to take
Odysseus home again and keep life the way it was.”
“But your hand, you know it will get worse, do you not? And that within
years the pain will be crippling?”
“Yes, and that’s okay. Life is not all about air or earth, fire or water, it is a
mixture of all. If you never have sadness, you will never know joy. If you never
have pain, you will never know contentment. If you never keep a friend, you will
never know deep affection. Odysseus and I, we enjoy living beside one another,
along with the others in our home. I have a wonderful life, but what means more
to me are friends. And Odysseus is my friend.”
Sensei Shinji nodded slowly. “There is no greater act than one who gives
their life for another. This is the cornerstone of love.” He stood up and walked out
of the room.
 I sat for a while longer admiring the flames and water, and finally wandered
downstairs to the Dojo. The room seemed even larger this time and it was just as
lovely.
I heard a humming on the other side of the sliding panel walls. Walking to
the door, and replacing my slippers upon my feet, I went outside and followed the
tranquil sound. I walked around the side of the Pagoda and caught sight of a man,
dressed in a white robe with a white belt, his long gray hair pulled back and braided
down his back. He was using a ten-pronged rake in the garden of pebbles where
the black stones stood upright in it. The rake was like a paintbrush as he made
circles and long flowing lines around the stones.
The tune was soft but familiar. Something deep within my soul stirred but I
couldn’t put my finger on it.
I walked to the edge and stood quietly, watching the old man work, when he
stopped humming and turned around to look at me.
“It took you long enough to get here”, he said. “I’ve been waiting so long,
I’m so happy to see you again.” He walked towards me and smiled with a peaceful
calmness.
I studied his face, and when I searched his eyes I saw within them the man
who was different yet kind to me. “Uncle Walter?”
“Yes child, Uncle Walter.”
I looked around with my hands held out, “you’ve been here all this time?”
“Yes”, he replied and continued to smile.
“But, but I don’t understand. This is so confusing to me. How did you get
here? Do you know Odysseus?”
He leaned his head back and gave a hearty laugh. “I met Odysseus many a
time on my visits back to the house. He and I shared cheese many a night. It was
he who led you here.”
I was stunned into silence. He’d been coming back into the house?
“Please Uncle, what is happening? Sensei Shinji said that Odysseus asked
him for help for me, and as a payment he is to stay here to be a Master or
something.”
“No child, that is not what Sensei Shinji said. He said, ‘Your friend’ asked for
his help, not your ‘hamster’.”
Understanding went on like a bright bulb in my brain. I slowly nodded as I
looked into his eyes. “You are the friend”, I said at last. “Why would you want to
do this for me? I can’t sacrifice you for myself, I won’t.”
“Katherine, listen to me carefully. I want to tell you a story.”

We sat down on the grass together while Uncle Walter told me of the day
he found the ornate mirror in the attic, and how an old talking mouse came through
the glass and offered him a place to seek answers for his questions. He was so
amazed that he told my mother about it, and they treated him like a crazy relative
ever since, never paying much attention, but always making sure he was at least
fed and safe.
 As the weeks went on and on, he spent more time traveling through the
mirror and less time in the house, until one day he just didn’t see the point of going
back anymore. This new world had everything he needed for life, physically,
emotionally, and spiritually. But as the years rolled by his thoughts started
returning to the family, and from time-to-time he would travel back, just to see
what changes had taken place since he had left.
He knew when Jane’s mother died. He knew when my mother, his sister
died. And he watched Jane and I grow into young ladies, and women, and even
kept an eye on Farnsworth and Odysseus, becoming the very best of friends.
But on his last visit he had seen his little niece, me, suffer from the beginning
of a painful ailment, which caused the nerves in the fingers and hand to jerk
without reason or warning. He knew the path this would take and it depressed him
a great deal. This was only the beginning.
So he returned to speak to Sensei Shinji and asked if there was anything that
could be done, upon which he told Uncle Walter, “I will remove the affliction if you
stay here, never to pass through the portal again, and study under my guidance to
become a Master of the Dojo.”
I soaked in every word of his tale, eager to hear more and more until I heard
the price.
“Dear Uncle Walter, all this time and I never knew you were there. You were
always so kind to me, and even now, willing to sacrifice your world for me. I don’t
know what to say except, I love you. And, I can’t accept.” I reached out and held
his wrinkled hand softly. “But I thank you from the bottom of my heart.”
He looked at me with such a sad face that I didn’t understand. “Katherine,
you don’t understand dear. This isn’t for you, this is for me! Do you realize what it
means to learn under the tutelage of Sensei Shinji, to become a Master of the
Dojo? Do you know what you’re taking from me if you say ‘no’?” His eyes seemed
to gather more moisture as he went on, and I struggled to understand.
At that moment, from over his shoulder, I saw Sensei Shinji appear in the
door of the Dojo. He looked intently at me, and with a slight smile on his face he
slowly bowed his head at me. It was as if he had gifted me knowledge and
understanding, and I suddenly realized that this gift was not for me, it really was
for Uncle Walter.
“Uncle Walter”, I started, “I understand, and will do as you wish. If staying
here is what you want to do, then I will help you. Will I be able to take Odysseus
back with me?” I didn’t think I could do without either of them, and I had to ask to
make absolutely sure.
“No,” he said flatly. I blinked twice and my mouth opened to say something.
“There is no need, child”, he continued, “Odysseus is already asleep in his cage and
waiting for your return.”
I smiled and helped him to his feet. “How do I return, Uncle?”
“Through the flaming water. That is the portal back to your home. I will
walk with you there until we say goodbye.
We slowly walked and continued to share small stories until making our way
to the Meditation Room. We sat on the stone bench for many hours, and when it
was time to leave I kissed Uncle Walter goodbye, walked to the edge, and stepping
into the water I was instantly immersed and back in the library once more,
completely dry, and so happy to be home again.
 I entered the den and saw Odysseus asleep in his hut, Farnsworth asleep on
the hearth and my cup on its side and the contents still spilled upon the table and
floor. I cleaned up the spill and carefully returned the cup and saucer to the family
hutch.
I checked the fire and its low orange coals told me it was safe to leave them
unattended for the night. I closed the screen and left Farnsworth and Odysseus to
sleep undisturbed for the night.
Before retiring for the evening, I went into the library once more, and stared
at the mirror standing in the corner. I grabbed a sheet from the closet and tossed
it over the mirror for the time being. I would decide what to do with it tomorrow.

The morning broke bright and early with birds singing joyfully outside my
bedroom window and the sunlight streaming in. I awoke earlier than usual, even
though it had been difficult to even fall asleep in the first place, and grabbing my
bathrobe and slipping on my slippers, I went downstairs to look at the mirror,
looking for something to tell me if everything that had happened was real or just a
dream.
I entered the library and flipped on the light switch. But to my horror, the
mirror and sheet were gone! I ran to the corner and search frantically. Then I
looked down and noticed the corner of a sheet of paper exposed under the edge of
the floor rug. I picked it up and was puzzled by a penciled sketch of a floor plan.
Then I recognized it as the third floor attic in the west wing. I didn’t know if this
paper had always been under the rug, but since I had nowhere else to look for the
mirror, and it was obviously gone, I made my way up the three flights of stairs to
stand before the attic door which had remained locked for decades as it was always
said that it would be made into a bedroom if we ever needed another. But with
eight bedrooms already, it was just forgotten in time.
I pulled out an old string with old keys that I had grabbed from the library
desk, and methodically went through each one to find the one that would unlock
the door. Slipping the correct key into the rusty lock, I found that turning it was
difficult as the tumblers had begun to rust together, but with determination I was
able to get it unlocked.
As I pushed the door open I was surprised at the blackness. I couldn’t find a
light switch, so I made my way to a small window with an old ratty cloth hung over
it which was barely visible, and pulled it down as a cloud of decades old dust
obscured my vision for many moments.
When at last I could see, there were no pictures on the walls, no chairs, no
bed, no couch, no furniture at all, not even a mirror. But, in the center of the room
on the floor was a mound of something covered with the same sheet I had covered
the mirror with the night before.
I walked over to it and picked up the corner of the sheet, and lifted it up to
look underneath.
And to my astonishment, there was a cache of jewels so brilliant and perfect
that it took my breath away! Emeralds the color of fresh grown grass, sapphires a
brilliant ocean blue, rubies as red as the late setting sun on the horizon, diamonds
so pure that the sunlight refracting through the facets cast rainbows on the walls,
pearls in white and black, long gold chains and many other pieces of fine jewelry of
gems I had never seen before.
After my initial shock wore off, I noticed the corner of another piece of paper
on the edge under the mound of jewels, and I pulled it out and read:
“To Katherine. With all my love, Master Walter”. I opened my hand, and
closed it in a fist and opened it again, and I smiled.