1 When I was young I used to pray for a bike, then I A so I stole a bike and prayed for

realized that God doesn't work that way, forgiveness

2 What starts with E, ends with E and only has one
letter?
3 A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says:
"Wow! That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen."
Offended, the woman goes to the back of the bus and
says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted
me!"
4 When I was young I didn't like going to weddings. My
grandmother always told me, "You're next"
B An envelope.
C The man says: "Outrageous! Go and
tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your
monkey for you in the meantime."
D She stopped doing that after I started
telling her the same… at funerals.

5 "Am I the first man you have ever loved?" he said. E "Of course," she answered "Why do
men always ask the same question?"
6 What do you call a hippie's wife? F Mississippi.

7 How can the letter "A" help a deaf lady? G It can make "her" "hear"

8 A cute 5-year-old girl walks into a Pets Shop and asks, H She, in turn, puts her hands on her
in the sweetest voice, between two missing teeth, knees, leans forward and says, in a
"Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?" tiny quiet voice: "I don't think my
The shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his python weally gives a thit!"
knees so that he's on her level and asks, "Do you want
a widdle white wabbit, or a thoft and fuwwy, bwack
wabbit, or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown
wabbit over there?"

9 An Englishman went to Spain on a fishing trip and hired I The Englishman looked at him, then
a Spanish guide. Since the Englishman was learning back at the fly, and then said, "Good
Spanish, he asked the guide to speak to him in Spanish heavens... your eyesight is amazing."
and to correct any mistakes of usage. At some point, a
very large, purple and blue fly crossed their path. The
Englishman pointed at the insect, and said, "Mira el
mosca!" The guide, sensing a teaching opportunity,
replied, "No, señor, 'la mosca'... es femenina."

10 A drunk man, goes into the subway and seats next to a J "I don't have it, Father. I was just
priest. The man's tie is stained, he has red lipstick on reading that the Pope has it."
his face, and a half-empty bottle of gin in his torn coat
pocket. He opens his newspaper and begins reading.
After a few minutes the man turns to the priest and
said, "Say, Father, what causes arthritis?"

"Mister, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap

wicked women, too much alcohol, and a contempt for
your fellow man." --"I see" the drunk muttered,
returning to his paper.

The priest, feeling bad about what he had said,

apologized. "I'm very sorry, I didn't mean to come on
so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"

11 Two Muffins are baking in an oven. One muffin turns to K The other muffin says, "Holy Shit... A
the other and says, "Holy Molly, it's hot in here!" talking muffin!"
1 When I was young I used to pray for a bike, then I A It can make "her" "hear"
realized that God doesn't work that way.

2 What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?
3 A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says:
"Wow! That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen."
Offended, the woman goes to the back of the bus and
says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"
B The Englishman looked at him, then
back at the fly, and then said,
"Damn! Your eyesight is amazing!"
C She, in turn, puts her hands on her
knees, leans forward and says, in a
tiny quiet voice: "I don't think my
python weally gives a thit!"

4 When I was young I didn't like going to weddings. My D The other muffin says, "Holy Shit...
grandmother always told me, "You're next" A talking muffin!"

5 "Am I the first man you have ever loved?" E An envelope

6 What do you call a hippie's wife? F "I don't have it, Father. I was just
reading that the Pope has it."

7 How can the letter "A" help a deaf lady? G Mississippi

8 A cute 5-year-old girl walks into a Pets Shop and asks, in H "Of course! Why do men always ask
the sweetest voice, between two missing teeth, "Excuthe the same question?"
me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?"
The shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his
knees so that he's on her level and asks, "Do you want a
widdle white wabbit, or a thoft and fuwwy, bwack
wabbit, or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown
wabbit over there?"

9 An Englishman went to Spain on a fishing trip and hired I The man says: "Outrageous! Go and
a Spanish guide. Since the Englishman was learning tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold
Spanish, he asked the guide to speak to him in Spanish your monkey for you in the
and to correct any mistakes of usage. At some point, a meantime."
very large, purple and blue fly crossed their path. The
Englishman pointed at the insect, and said, "Mira el
mosca!" The guide, sensing a teaching opportunity,
replied, "No, señor, 'la mosca'... es femenina."

10 A drunk man, goes into the subway and seats next to a J So I stole a bike and prayed for
priest. The man's tie is stained, he has red lipstick on his forgiveness.
face, and a half-empty bottle of gin in his torn coat
pocket. He opens his newspaper and begins reading.
After a few minutes the man turns to the priest and said,
"Say, Father, what causes arthritis?"
"Mister, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap
wicked women, too much alcohol, and a contempt for
your fellow man." --"I see" the drunk muttered,
returning to his paper.

The priest, feeling bad about what he had said,

apologized. "I'm very sorry, I didn't mean to come on so
strong. How long have you had arthritis?"

11 Two Muffins are baking in an oven. One muffin turns to K She stopped doing that after I
the other and says, "Holy Molly, it's hot in here!" began saying the same at funerals.