Table of Content

What is friend? ---------------------------------------------02

Six Characteristics of Good Friend -------------------06

“Poems about Friendship” -------------------------------09

Friendship ---------------------------------------------------12

Kind of friendships ----------------------------------------15

Islamic View of friendships -----------------------------17

Friendship between Men and Women --------------22

The Way of friendship in Islam -----------------------28

“Stories about Friendship” -----------------------------32

*Conclusion* ----------------------------------------------34

What Is A Friend

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© By Anonymous
A friend is someone who understands and
someone you can trust.

They will listen to you both night and day without ever making a fuss.
A friend will stand by your side when you are right and sometimes when you are wrong.

They will hold you up when you are weak and provide support to make you strong.
A friend's love is unconditional and unique in every way.

And when you have problems a true friend will kneel with you and pray.
A friend will stand by your side through thick and thin.

And whenever everyone have deserted you they still will be your friend.
A friend once said to me that a friend is sent from God above and I believe this to be true.

Because God has sent a friend to me and that friend to me is YOU.

friend (NOUN):

1. A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts.

2. A person whom one knows; an acquaintance.
3. A person with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause; a comrade.
4. One who supports, sympathizes with, or patronizes a group, cause, or
movement: friends of the clean air movement.
5. Friend A member of the Society of Friends; a Quaker.

WORD HISTORY:

A friend is a lover, literally. The relationship between Latin amcus "friend" and
am "I love" is clear, as is the relationship between Greek philos "friend" and phile
"I love." In English, though, we have to go back a millennium before we see the
verb related to friend. At that time, frond, the Old English word for "friend," was
simply the present participle of the verb fron, "to love." The Germanic root behind
this verb is *fr-, which meant "to like, love, be friendly to." Closely linked to
these concepts is that of "peace," and in fact Germanic made a noun from this
root, *frithu-, meaning exactly that. Ultimately descended from this noun are the
personal names Frederick, "peaceful ruler," and Siegfried, "victory peace." The
root also shows up in the name of the Germanic deity Frigg, the goddess of love,
who lives on today in the word Friday, "day of Frigg," from an ancient translation
of Latin Veneris dis, "day of Venus."

A friend is friendly, happy, and playful, too. A friend doesn't yell at you.
You play with each other all the time.

You try not to fight with a friend. You help each other when you get hurt.

By: Victoria

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 A friend is someone who goes with you in the good times and bad times.'

Good friends are always by your side. When you're playing they don't walk
away.

They never fight with you because then they aren't your friend.

If you don't have any friends then you aren't friendly.

God bless, friends.

By: Cash

A friend is a person who comes and won't judge a flower by its color.

A person who will never give up on you.

A person who will comfort you when storms of tears are in your mind.

A person who will just have some fun with you and give you a good laugh.'

A person that doesn't mind expressing their happy or sad feelings to you.

By: Tara

A friend is someone you can depend on. Someone who you can talk to. A
friend could be anything like a person, dog or cat. Whatever a friend is it
doesn't matter as long as it's your friend. Many people don't know that. A
friend is a friend and that's all that matters.

By: Christopher

A friend is for loving, helping, playing, and comforts you all the time. They
try to love you.

A friend shares tops, popcorn and money. They don't try to ditch you and
they never hurt your feeling.

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 A friend doesn't boss you around or call you dreadful names. A friend
worries about you for ever and ever.

But most of all a friend should love you. You should have a wonderful
friendship forever.

By: Kayleigh

A friend is someone who is spectacular! You love them deep down inside
your heart. Someone who helps you when you are hurt or sad, or even if
you're happy.

A friend is someone who is kind to you and knows how you feel when you
are scared.

By:Melissa

A friend is someone who cares and helps you when you are in trouble or
when you are hurt.

A friend comes in different ways.A friend will always remember you in

their heart and you will remember them, tooBy: Mary

A friend is someone who doesn't dump you and who helps you when you
get hurt. Someone who says they are sorry when they do something to hurt
your feelings.

Someone who doesn't make fun of you or your name.

By:Emma K

A friend is someone who shares his toys with you and helps you when you
need help in reading or writing.y: James

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A friend is someone who helps you and is loving. They make sure you are
okay and plays with you. They don't make fun of you. Forgive them when
they get into a fight with you.

A friend is someone who doesn't tell you to do bad things.

By: Emma V.

A friend is someone who likes you and everything you do.

A friend is someone who likes your room.

By: Vincent

A friend is a person who cares about you. He would let you borrow stuff,
and wouldn't say mean things. He would be by your side and would not let
you down.

By: Brian

A friend is someone who cares about you, plays with you and sticks up for

You if someone is mean to you.

By: Taylor

A friend is someone that never makes fun of you. They help you, share
with you and never boss you around. I also think a friend is someone who
never hurts you and cares for you.

A friend to me is like a hug! It is very special. By: Laura

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Six Characteristics Of Good Friend:-
1. Real Friends are Transparent
Jonathan and David had a true friendship because they bonded together. They fully
understood one another. They saw each other for what they really were and they liked
what they saw. True friendship requires transparency. I am convinced that the single
biggest thing preventing most people from developing friendships is that they have
trouble being transparent. Many people tend to put on fronts when they are around
others. They have trouble being genuine. The reason is because we fear that others
will not like the real me. So we put on our masks and try to be what we think others
want to see. The problem with this game is that we live in constant fear that people
will discover who we really are. Friends are people with whom you dare to just be
yourself. They ask you to put on nothing, only be who you are. With real friends You
can share your thoughts and feelings without fear of criticism. With true friends you
breathe freely. You can weep with them, sing with them, laugh and even pray with
them. Yes, I did say pray with them. If you are a Muslim, you should be able and you
should pray with real friends. Illus: When is the last time you just got with a friend
and prayed? Everyone likes to get together around here and “drink coffee”. I
know you solve the world’s problems when you do but do you ever just pray
together?

2. Real Friends Help

True friends help one another and that love is shown is some very Specific ways. Real
friends look out for one another. A friend is one who comes when everyone else goes.
Illus: You may wonder, “How can I tell the difference between Acquaintances and
friends.” That’s easy, just get into trouble, the people that are still around are your
real friends, and there may not be many or any. Friends do not talk about you. In fact,
a real friend will fight to protect you and your reputations. Not only do friends never
stab you in the back, they guard your back. David protected Jonathan and Jonathan
protected David. Real friends sharpen one another.

Proverbs 27:17 says, “As iron sharpens iron, a friend sharpens a friend.”

Real friends bring out the best in one another. Friends rejoice when their friend
succeeds. They help friends resolve their problems. Friends encourage one another.
True friends are always challenging us and even pushing us to be all that God wants
us to be. They want to help us grow and develop. Real friends shoot you straight even
when it hurts.
Quote: “A friend is someone who tells me the truth about me. I want to know when
my work stinks or I’m being hurtful or stupid. I expect a real friend to save me from
myself.”

3. Real Friends Care

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Friends are not afraid to express their friendship. Intimate friends let each other hurt.
They weep together. Intimate friends don’t bale, they stay when you are hurting. Illus:
Some people drain our emotional gas but with good friends, we leave with our
emotional gas filled. Real friends are always encouragers. Real friends bring out the
best in one another and hurt when the other hurts. Some people are encouragers and
others are discouragers

4. Real Friends Forgive

Without forgiveness, no relationship will survive. If we were all perfect, forgiveness
would not be a necessary ingredient in relationships. Since we are not perfect
forgiveness is a necessity. Friends must be able to forgive one another. In any
meaningful relationship there must be forgiveness. Illus: Recently in the final Sunday
of the Fireproof Sunday School class we were having a general discussion about what
makes forgiveness. I later wondered if she was just speaking of me and if she always
has to forgive me. The truth is the highway of forgiveness must run both ways in a
relationship. We all make mistakes and we all hurt others. Perhaps the best example
of this is the friendship between Muslims draws his sword to defend him. But in the
immediate hours and days to follow, Peter was afraid for his own life and denies even
knowing Muslim three times. Then in John 21, Muslim asks Pete three times if he
truly loves Him. Muslim forgives Peter and gives him even more responsibility.
Perhaps there is someone in your life that you need to forgive. Perhaps forgiveness is
hindering a key relationship in your life. Not one of us has the right or privilege of
denying someone else forgiveness.

5. Friends Trust
David had to place his complete life in his trust of Jonathan. Friends must be able to
trust one another. With friends we must be able to tell out inner most thoughts and
Feelings without fear that they will be spread all over town or endue on the internet.
A friend is someone with who you can trust to do the right thing even when their own
financial gain is on the line. Couples need close Muslim friends in whom they can
confide and discuss their challenges. They must be able to trust one another with
confidentiality

6. Real Friends Invest

Your best investment will not be in stocks, bonds or wealth. The best investment you
will every make will be in meaningful relationships. Great friends do not come cheap.
Meaningful friendships require an investment. Jonathan was risking his life to be
friends with David. Jonathan's father Saul was burning with hatred for David yet
Jonathan remained loyal to David. A real friend is willing to sacrifice popularity and
prestige to be a loyal friend. The greatest investment in a friendship is your time.
Friendships don’t just happen. They take time. I don’t mean just time as in years, I
mean actual time together. We must be there for one another even if it means sitting
in a hospital or giving up something fun. We must invest in the time together. This is
why it is so important that we offer good youth programs for our teens. Teens need to
be involved in church activities where they meet and spend time with other teens who
are seeking God’s purposes for their lives. Illus:. This is also why we must build a
strong Sunday School program, Senior ministry and the like. Friendship requires an
investment of time and effort. Illus: Hallmark commercial says, “When you care

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enough to send the very best.” The very best thing you can invest in a friendships
you; your time and attention.
“Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends.”

WHAT IS FRIENDSHIP?

It is an in-depth relationship combining trust, support, communication, loyalty,

understanding, empathy, and intimacy.

These are certainly aspects of life that all of us crave.

Being able to trust and relax with your friend is a big part of friendship.

Remember when you were young and went with a friend to her grandma's for the
week-end. It was fun but when you got home, home was wonderful. Your feeling was
"I'm home. I can relax now."

That's what a friendship should be.

You go out into the world and do your best. You have your ups and downs, your
problems and triumphs, your fun and tribulations. You charm and you perform.

Then you come "home" to a friend. You can relax, put up your feet; you are relieved.
If you still have to be charming and/or performing, it's not a relief.

Friendship is a comfy situation like home. You get home, kick off your shoes, relax
and sigh, "Ahh, home."

But no one can form a friendship until he/she realizes that the basis of being friends is
meeting the needs of the other person. One must be a friend to have one.

Never forget that friends relate. Relating is the basis of friendship.

Associates were people who only shared a common activity, like a hobby or a sport.

Useful contacts were people who shared information and advice, typically related to
work or advancing ones career.
Favor friends were people who helped each other out in a functional manner, but not
in an emotional manner.

Fun friends were people who socialized together, but only for fun. They didn’t
provide each other with a deep level of emotional support.

Helpmates were a combination of favor friends and fun friends. They socialized
together and helped each other out in a functional manner.

Comforters were like helpmates, but they also provided emotional support.

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Confidants disclosed personal information to each other, enjoyed each other’s
company, but weren’t always in a position to offer practical help, for example if they
lived far away.

Soul mates displayed all of the elements.

Poems About
Friendship
If ever you need me,
I'll be right here,
To chase away the sadness,
And wipe away a tear.

If ever you need me,

I'll be two steps behind,
To follow in your footsteps,
And hear what's on your mind.

If ever you need me,

You'll never have to fear,
That your presence isn't important,
And your love isn't dear.

If ever you need me,

I'll always be around,
To bring back the laughter,
Where deep in your heart it's found.

You'll never have to worry,

For I'll always be here,
To chase away the sadness,
And wipe away a tear.

A FRIEND IS A TREASURE
A Friend is a Treasure A friend is someone we turn to,
when our spirits need a lift.
A friend is someone we treasure,
for our friendship is a gift.
A friend is someone who fills our lives,
with beauty, joy and grace.
And make the world we live in,
a better and happier place.

FRIENDSHIPS COME AND FRIENDSHIPS GO

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Friendships come and Friendships go Like wave upon the sand
Like day and night
Like birds in flight
Like snowflakes when they land
But you and I are something else
Our friendship's here to stay
Like weeds and rocks and dirty socks
It never goes away!

A BEST FRIEND
A best friend
is always there,
whether you need advice,
or a pep talk,
or even a shoulder to cry on.
A best friend
listens with her heart
and is always honest with you,
even though the truth
may not be
what you want to hear.
A best friend
knows all your secrets,
understands your fears
shares your dreams.
A best friend
never stops believing in you
even if you give up
on yourself.
you are
that kind of friend
to me.
And no matter what happens,
you always will be.
You are my best friend....
my forever friend.
- Renee Duvall

TRUE FRIENDSHIP
True friends are for life
Until the end
They're more than special
They're your bestest friends.

They're the ones you can go to

When you're in despair
The ones that'll help you
Even when you got gum in your hair!
They're the ones who'll laugh
And go laughing with you all through the night
The ones who'll help you

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Help you with all their might

To have a good friend

You have to be one
So be nice to one another
So you can be friends forever
And that\'s how to be the best friend you can be.

- Samantha Sumler
FRIEND
A friend is a person
to laugh and cry with,
An inspiration,
Someone who lends a helping hand,
though friends may not be forever,
And they may not end up together,
the memories of a true friendship will
last forever.
A friend is not a shadow nor a servant
But someone who hold
a piece of a person in his heart.
Someone who shares a smile,
Someone who brightens up your day
What makes a person a friend?
Is by saying your Love will stay.

- Renee Donna Bufete]

Did Anyone Ever Tell You?

Did Anyone Ever Tell You,

Just How Special You Are
The Light that You Emit
Might even Light a Star

Did Anyone Ever Tell You

How Important You Make Others Feel
Somebody out here is Smiling
About Love that is so Real
Did Anyone Ever Tell You
Many Times, When They were Sad
Your E-mail made Them Smile a bit
In Fact It made Them Glad

For the Time You Spend Sending Things

And Sharing whatever You Find

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There are No Words to Thank You
But Somebody, Thinks You're Fine

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Friendship is one of the most beautiful relations of all. Without any fuss, confusion,
tangles and commitment life becomes a cake-walk if you have a hand of a friend to
hold on. It is a divine blessing of God. Don't you agree? If not, then tell me, how is it
possible that in population of more than a million you somehow stuck with someone
who is just like you? We also say at times, ‘This world is so mean’, then how come
there are few people who are ready to take all your sorrows and are always there for
you when you need them. I can say this because I have been gifted with such a
beautiful gift called “F.R.I.E.N.D.S” in my life.

Sometimes I wonder God has given us so many relations to cherish where each one of
it having its own importance in our life. Friendship is the only relation out of all
which is apart from caste, class, blood or status. It just needs to check the love in the
heart of the other person to be friends with. So why do we need friends? What is the
importance of friendship in our life? After wondering a lot, I got my answer.

Whenever I am upset, they are the first one who notices that sadness in my eyes, no
matter how hard I try to hide it behind my smile. Whenever I am stuck in a problem
and have no solution, no matter how serious the issue may be, they are the one who
provides me the best possible way out of it. Whenever I need a company they are the
one who come to me and make me laugh leaving behind other things. Even if it is
about convincing parents for a night out or going to a friend’s birthday party at
discotheque, friends are best in their job. They are the people with whom everything
can be discussed without a pre-thought that it is personal. Whenever you look back in
your life, you’ll realize they are the one with whom you have shared the best and the
worst.

With so much dire need of friends in our life how can we think of existing without
them? Though we have many people around us, but there are only close friends who
make all the difference. If they are present nothing else matter. Friendship is that
innocent feeling as of a small child whose love is unconditional, uncommitted and yet
so pure. Friends are a family outside home where the responsibility of each person is
shared equally by everyone else. Like a family, they guide you to a right path and
never let you divert from your target. They are good to be relied on and there is a
sense of security whenever you are with them.
Friendship is like an investment, the more you invest the more you reap. An
investment is in terms of trust and faith which is the root of any strong relation. No
matter how much you spend together on your vodkas or how many night outs you
have enjoyed together, if there is no seed of trust and faith in the soil the tree of
friendship cannot stand long.

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Friendship since childhood
Since man was born, it became clear that to live in this world one has to make friends.
Whether in times of joy or in the hours of sorrow, friends are always needed. It is the
love and support of friends that get people going. It is a friend that one turns to for
sharing his or her experiences. It is also a friend that one speaks to for advice and
encouragement. It is impossible to spend even a day without friends.
True friends are what we make in an entire lifetime and it happens to be the greatest
possession and treasure of a person. Making friends is a continuous process and thus
the friendship ideas hold immense importance. The ideas for friendship will give you
a hint as how to make friends and retain friends. Following some steps to make
friends will help resolve your problem. We could follow some friendship ideas
(relative absolutely) to make good friends in life. Let us cherish friendship lifelong...It
ought to be! Love and Friendship teaches us the value of sharing and give meaning to
ordinary experiences. Considered as one of the purest relationships, Friendship can
help us feel comfortable in every walk of life, as the number of things we cannot
discuss with our friends are either marginal or nil.But building every relationship
needs to be nurtured for making it stronger. It demands patience and time. You need
to be a good listener, loyal and sincere and show your affection whenever the moment
comes. So pampering your friend with some unique Friendship Day gifts or
personalized friendship gifts can help in strengthening the bond of friendship that
means so many things to you.
We all need good friends to guide us in the right path/direction when we step in the
wrong direction. She will bring a smile on your face when you are feeling low and
will go out of her way to help in you every possible way, when you ask for help. She
will bring a smile on your face when you are feeling low and will go out of her way
to help in you every possible way, when you ask for help.Life with friends becomes
an easy going journey that you would never like to get over with. Each day spent with
them is to be cherished in a different way even if some days bring lot of
misunderstandings or fights. But whatever it is, friendship is an old book, while
turning its pages you go through a lot of mixed feelings realizing that even after
sharing the best and the worst you are still together.
One companion asked Rasulullah (saw), “Who can be my best friend?”
Rasulullah (saw) answered, “Your best friend is a person:
*when you see him, he makes you remember Allah;
*when you listen to him, knowledge of Islam is increased; and
*when you see his actions, you are reminded of the life of the
Hereafter.”
Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w.) said: “The example of a good companion and a bad
companion is like that of the seller of musk, and the one who blows the blacksmith’s
bellows. So as for the seller of musk then either he will grant you some, or you buy
some from him, or at least you enjoy a pleasant smell from him. As for the one who
blows the blacksmith’s bellows then either he will burn your clothes or you will get
an offensive smell from him.” (Bukhari and Muslim)

“keeping good company with the pious results in attainment of beneficial knowledge,
noble manners and righteous actions,whereas keeping company with the wicked
prevents all of that.”-saying of a scholar

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Hafidh Ibn Katheer, commenting on this verse, relates a story onthe authority of Ali
Ibn Abi Talib (r.a.a.) and says that any friendship for other than Allah is turned into
enmity, except what was in it for Allah the Mighty and Majestic: Two who are friends
for Allah’s sake; one of them dies and is given good news that he will be granted al-
Jannah, so he remembered his friend and he supplicated for him, saying: O Allah, my
friend used to command me to obey You And he told me that I will meet You. O
Allah, do not lethim go astray after me, until you show him what you have just shown
me, until You are satisfied with him, just like You are satisfied with me.” So he is
told: “Had you known what is (written) for you friend, would you have laughed a lot
and cried a little.” Then his friend dies and their souls are gathered, and both are
asked to express their opinions about each other. So each one of them says to his
friend: you were the best brother, the best companion and the best friend.” And when
on of the two disbelieving friends dies, and he is given tidings of Hellfire, he
remembered his friend and he said: O Allah, my friend used to order me to disobey
You and disobey Your Prophet, and commanded me to do evil, and forbade me from
doing good, and told me that I would not meet You. O Allah, do not guide him after
me, until you show him what you have just shown me and until you are dissatisfied
with him just like You are dissatisfied with me.” Then the other disbelieving friend
dies, and their souls are gathered, and both are asked to give their opinions about each
other. So each one says to his friend: you were the worst brother, the worst
companion and the worst friend.”

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Aristotle provides us with one of the great discussions of friendship. He distinguishes
between what he believes to be genuine friendships and two other forms: one based
on mutual usefulness, the other on pleasure. These two forms only last for as long as
there is utility and pleasure involved, whereas genuine friendship does not dissolve. It
takes place between good men: 'each alike wish good for the other qua good, and they
are good in themselves'. Aristotle continues, 'And it is those who desire the good of
their friends for the friends’ sake that are most truly friends, because each loves the
other for what he is, and not for any incidental quality' (Aristotle 1976: 263). This
also entails appropriate self-concern. Friendship... is a kind of virtue, or implies
virtue, and it is also most necessary for living. Nobody would choose to live without
friends even if he had all the other good things.... There are, however, not a few
divergent views about friendship. Some hold that it is a matter of similarity: that our
friends are those who are like ourselves... Others take the contrary view..
Friendship based on utility.
Utility is an impermanent things: it changes according to circumstances. So with the
disappearance of the ground for friendship, the friendship also breaks up, because that
was what kept it alive. Friendships of this kind seem to occur most frequently
between the elderly (because at their age what they want is not pleasure but utility)
and those in middle or early life who are pursuing their own advantage. Such persons
do not spend much time together, because sometimes they do not even like one
another, and therefore feel no need of such an association unless they are mutually
useful. For they take pleasure in each other’s company only in so far as they have
hopes of advantage from it. Friendships with foreigners are generally included in this
class.
Friendship based on pleasure:-
Friendship between the young is thought to be grounded on pleasure, because the
lives of the young are regulated by their feelings, and their chief interest is in their
own pleasure and the opportunity of the moment. With advancing years, however,
their tastes change too, so that they are quick to make and to break friendships;
because their affection changes just as the things that please them do and this sort of
pleasure changes rapidly. Also the young are apt to fall in love, for erotic friendship is
for the most part swayed by the feelings and based on pleasure. That is why they fall
in and out of friendship quickly, changing their attitude often within the same day.
But the young do like to spend the day and live together, because that is how they
realize the object of their friendship.
Perfect friendship is based on
goodness.:-
Only the friendship of those who are good, and similar in their goodness, is perfect.
For these people each alike wish good for the other qua good, and they are good in
themselves. And it is those who desire the good of their friends for the friends’ sake
that are most truly friends, because each loves the other for what he is, and not for
any incidental quality. Accordingly the friendship of such men lasts so long as they
remain good; and goodness is an enduring quality. Also each party is good both

16
absolutely and for his friend, since the good are both good absolutely and useful to
each other. Similarly they please one another too; for the good are pleasing both
absolutely and to each other; because everyone is pleased with his own conduct and
conduct that resembles it, and the conduct of good men is the same or similar.
Friendship of this kind is permanent, reasonably enough; because in it are united all
the attributes that friends ought to possess. For all friendship has as its object
something good or pleasant — either absolutely or relatively to the person who feels
the affection — and is based on some similarity between the parties. But in this
friendship all the qualities that we have mentioned belong to the friends themselves;
because in it there is similarity, etc.; and what is absolutely good is also absolutely
pleasant; and these are the most lovable qualities. Therefore it is between good men
that both love and friendship are chiefly found and in the highest form.
friendships are That such rare is natural, because men of this kind are few. And in
addition they need time and intimacy; for as the saying goes, you cannot get to know
each other until you have eaten the proverbial quantity of salt together. Nor can one
man accept another, or the two become friends, until each has proved to the other that
he is worthy of love, and so won his trust. Those who are quick to make friendly
advances to each other have the desire to be friends, but they are not unless they are
worthy of love and know it. The wish for friendship develops rapidly, but friendship
does not.
Aristotle The Nichomachean Ethics, 1155a3, 1156a16-1156b23

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Humans are social creatures by nature; they're always in need of friends and
companions. Most of our lives depend on interaction with others. Strong individuals
are the core of a strong community, something that Muslims should always strive for.
We all know that Allah the Most High has brought us to life in order to test us. Thus
we are here for a relatively short period of time and that we shall meet Allah one Day,
so we need to use our present life for what is best for us in the hereafter. Once we
know our purpose and our goal in life, we should seek ways to achieve them so as to
benefit our own selves.
In an authentic Hadith, Prophet Mohammad (pbuh) said: "Man is influenced by the
faith of his friends. Therefore, be careful of whom you associate with."
Prophet Mohammad (pbuh) who has the most noble character and dealings with
fellow humans gave us a very clear and simple message and advice in regard to
friendship.
How should we choose our friends? We should choose the friend that believes and
abide by our religion (Islam) and gives great respect to what Allah (and Prophet
Mohammad (pbuh) has ordered us. And we should stay away from that who is not
well mannered and gives no attention to what Islam is about or what pleases or
displeases Allah ,for he will surely affect us negatively. There is no good in the
companion drowns us in sins and displeasing Allah .
In another Hadith, Prophet Mohammad (pbuh) said: "The example of a good
companion and a bad companion is like that of the seller of musk, and the one who
blows the blacksmith's bellows. So as for the seller of musk then either he will grant
you some, or you buy some from him, or at least you enjoy a pleasant smell from
him. As for the one who blows the blacksmith's bellows then either he will burn your
clothes or you will get an offensive smell from him."
When choosing our friends we should ask ourselves first: Are they going to help us
achieve the purpose for which we were brought to life? Or will they take us away
from it? Will they desire for us Allah's pleasure or is that completely irrelevant to
them and not their concern at all? Are they leading us to Paradise or to the Hell?
Prophet Mohammad (pbuh) stated, "The believer is like a mirror to other believers (in
truthfulness)." Like a mirror, your friend gives you an honest image. He forgives your
mistakes, but does not hide or exaggerate your strengths and weaknesses.
Once the Prophet Mohammad (pbuh) was asked, "What person can be the best
friend?" "He who helps you remember Allah (SWT), and reminds you when you
forget Him," the Prophet Mohammad (pbuh), counseled.
Prophet Mohammad (pbuh) was further asked, "Who is the best among people?"
Prophet Mohammad (pbuh) replied, "He who, when you look at him, you remember
Allah .Such a friend reflects qualities of love, mercy, honesty, service, patience,
optimism, professionalism, and the entire lifestyle taught by Islam.
Imam Ali (R.A) Says: "Live amongst people in such a manner that if you die they

18
weep over you and if you are alive they crave for your company (friendship)."
Imam Ali (R.A) Says: "Friendship transfers a stranger in to a relative."
Imam Ali (R.A) Says: "Do not choose as your friend the enemy of your friend."
Imam Ali (R.A) Says: "Two true friends are a single soul in different bodies."
Imam Ali (R.A) Says: "He who discards a friend for slight offence risks loneliness."
Imam Ali (R.A) Says: "In time of distress a man can distinguished between his friend
and enemy."
Imam Jafar Sadiq (R.A) Says: "Be careful to have truthful friends and try to obtain
them, for they are your support when you are in welfare, and your advocator when
you have misfortune."
Imam Ali (R.A) Says: "Be not friend with a fool, for he will harm you while meaning
to do good to you."
Imam Ali (R.A) Says: "It is better to listen to a wise enemy than to seek counsel from
a foolish friend."
Imam Ali (R.A) Says: "Keep away from friendship of liar surely he will show you as
near what is far from you and will show as far what is near you."
Imam Ali (R.A) Says: "O' Kumayl! Say what is just in any condition. Be friends with
the righteous and avoid the evil doers, stay away from the hypocrites and do not
accompany the treacherous."
Imam Sajjad (R.A) Says: "Beware of the companionship of the sinful, and helping of
the unjust."
Imam Ali (R.A) Says: "If a friend envies you, then he is not a true friend."
Imam Ali (R.A) Says: "Verily, there are three (types of) friends for a Muslim,
 The friend who says: I am with you whether you are alive or dead', and this is
his deed.
 The friend who says: I am with you unto the threshold of your grave and then
I will leave you', and this is his children.
 The friend who says: I will be with you until when you die', and this is his
wealth which will belong to the inheritors when he dies."
Imam Ali (R.A) Says: "He who is deserted by friends and relatives will often find
help and sympathy from strangers."
Imam Hassan (R.A) Says: "Befriend people in the same manner you would like them
to befriend you."
Imam Jafar Sadiq (R.A) Says: "Be the friend of him who may grace you, not of one
whom you are better than." (Viz. make friends with ones who are higher than you so
that you progress.)
Imam Jafar Sadiq (R.A) Says: "My most beloved brother is he who (makes me aware
of) my faults."
Imam Hassan Askari (R.A) Says: "Those who advise their friend secretly are
respecting them, and those who advise them openly are humiliating them."
Imam Jafar Sadiq (R.A) has narrated from his father Imam Muhammad Baqir (R.A)
who said his father Imam Sajjad (R.A) stated: "O' my son! Beware of five (groups)
and do not seek companionship (friendship) with them, do not speak with them, and

19
do not make friends with them on (the) way."
Then, Imam Muhammad Baqir (R.A) asked his father who they were and might he
introduces them to him. Imam Sajjad (R.A) responded:
 "Beware of and do not associate with the one who tells lies. He is as a mirage
which makes near for you what is far, and makes far to you what is near."
 "Beware of and do not associate with an immoral person, because he will sell
you at the price of a morsel or less than that."
 "Beware of and do not associate with a miser because he will deprive you of
chis wealth when you are seriously in need of it."
 "Beware of and do not associate with a fool, because he wants to be of avail to
you but he harms you."
 "Beware of and do not associate with the one who disregards his kinfolks,
because I found him (such a person) cursed in the Book Allah, Almighty and
Glorious, in three occurrences." They are: (Sura Al-Baqarah, 2:27; Sura Ar-
Rad, 13:25; and Sura Muhammad, 47:22).
Two friends were traveling together, when a Bear suddenly met them on their path.
One of them climbed up quickly into a tree and concealed himself in the branches.
The other, seeing that he must be attacked, fell flat on the ground, and when the Bear
came up and felt him with his snout, and smelt him all over, he held his breath, and
feigned the appearance of death as much as he could. The Bear soon left him, for it is
said he will not touch a dead body. When the Bear was quite gone, the other friend
descended from the tree, and jokingly inquired of his friend what it was the Bear had
whispered in his ear. "He gave me this advice," his companion replied. "Never travel
with a friend who deserts you at the approach of danger."
A story tells that two friends were walking through the desert. During some point of
the journey they had an argument, and one friend slapped the other one in the face.
The one who got slapped was hurt, but without saying anything, wrote in the sand:
TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE.
They kept on walking until they found an oasis, where they decided to take a bath.
The one who had been slapped got stuck in the mire and started drowning, but the
friend saved him. After he recovered from the near drowning, he wrote on a stone:
TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SAVED MY LIFE.
The friend who had slapped and saved his best friend asked him, "After I hurt you,
you wrote in the sand and now, you write on a stone, why?" The other friend replied
"When someone hurts us we should write it down in sand where winds of forgiveness
can erase it away. But, when someone does something good for us, we must engrave
it in stone where no wind can ever erase it."
LEARN TO WRITE YOUR HURTS IN THE SAND AND TO CARVE YOUR
BENEFITS IN STONE.
They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day
to love them, but then an entire life to forget them.
"Ah! Woe to me! Would that I had never taken such-and-such as a friend!" Noble
Qur'an (25:28)
The one who is always there to console you when you want to talk about a problem,
the one who sticks by you through thick and thin, the one whom you can count on to

20
be there for you - this is the person who leaves no doubts in your mind that he or she
is your "best friend". You like each other's company and love to spend time together.
If something important happens in your life, they're the first to know. You trust them
and depend upon them in times of need. They may be a classmate, a colleague, a
neighbor, a sister, a mother; or even your spouse! It could be anyone who fits this
description.
But are they really your "true" friend? How can you find out? Ask yourself: are
theytaking you towards the most certain and perpetual success and benefit: that of the
Hereafter, or are they going to be the cause of regret for you on the Day of Judgment?
See for yourself. Here is a checklist.
When in each other's company, you both:
1. Comfortably backbite and make fun of people. Pass comments about others.
2. Laugh at others together, be it a passerby or someone you are discussing.
3. Call each other demeaning names in fun. Laugh at each other's cruel jokes
about someone else.
4. Start a conversation with "Hi instead of Salaam" and plunge into an exchange
of the latest gossip.
5. Hardly ever mention or discuss Allah (SWT), Noble Qur'an, Ahlul Bayt or
Hadith in the time spent together.
6. Feel hesitant to discuss religion, unless it is a criticism of any aspect of Islam.
7. Confirm each other's doubts about the Hereafter.
8. Get involved in activities that delay/do away with salaah (Islamic Prayer), the
major obligation from Allah (SWT). Have never prayed any salaah together.
9. Support each other in fulfilling every desire - a dress that caught your fancy,
or the in-fashion shoes, even if they are not needed. End up spending money
on things you don't need.
10. Discuss unimportant things and events in meticulous detail, such as a film, the
latest clothes you got tailored, or a wedding party you attended.
11. Never point out each other's faults politely; if one does, the other quickly
changes the subject or gets defensive.
Besides the above points, you both are fully aware of each other's family's and in-
laws' faults and short-comings. When one of you feels guilty about having committed
a sin, the other quickly offers reassurance that "It's no big deal, everyone does it", and
comes up with convincing excuses for the other not to feel guilty about it. When one
of you starts doing something that is impermissible in Islam, the other offers support
and help; for example, when one starts to backbite, the other becomes attentive and
listens closely. When one discovers a shortcoming of the other, they leave no chance
to make fun of it.
About a 'friendship' that has most of the above characteristics, Allah (SWT) says in
the Noble Quran:
"Friends on that day will be foes to one and another - except the Righteous Ones."
Noble Qur'an (43:67)
All such "friends" will, on the Day of Judgment, become each other's enemies, each
lamenting and blaming the other before Allah (SWT), for having supported and
encouraged them towards the ultimate and eternal destruction. Allah (makes an

21
exception to this situation in the Qur'anic verse above: "except those who are al-
muttaqeen: the righteous ones". So who are these 'righteous ones', who will be
happily together in the Hereafter just as they were together in the world? How can
you tell whether your friend is really and truly your sincere "friend"? Here is another
checklist of characteristics that depict a friendship that will lead to success in the
Hereafter.
1. Remind each other of Allah when you set eyes on each other.
2. Leave each other's company with a higher level of imaan [faith in Allah
(SWT)].
3. Inevitably start the conversation with the Islamic greeting 'As-Salaamu
Alaykum', and receive the masnoon reply for it.
4. Do the masnoon mu'aanaqah (hug) and musafahah (handshake) on a regular
basis.
5. Almost always mention Allah (SWT), Noble Qur'an, Ahlul Bayt or Hadith in
some context or the other, in your conversations.
6. Strengthen each other's belief on the Hereafter. Give each other more duaa's
(well wishes) than material gifts.
7. Always end up exchanging useful and mature ideas and thoughts. Love each
other above and beyond worldly benefits.
8. Attend religious study-circles/ halaqah's together. Have prayed salaah together
many times.
9. Have watched each other cry, out of fear of Allah (SWT) or out of regret for
committing a transgression.
10. Listen attentively if the other is saying something that pleases Allah (SWT).
11. Politely point out and reform each other's mistakes or bad habits in the best
way possible.
12. Return an Amanah (item placed in other's trust/safekeeping) belonging to the
other in its original state.
13. Smile together, but with decent, non-malicious humor. Enquire regularly
about the health of the other's family.
14. Become uninterested and change the subject if the other starts to say
something that is impermissible.
15. Always discourage the other if they plan to do something wrong.
16. Always encourage the other if they intend to do a good deed that they're
hesitant to do.
17. Consult each other in important matters. Give each other advice seriously and
sincerely.
18. Never waste each other's time in useless activities. Never invite the other to a
place or gathering of sin.
19. Have full trust that they will never reveal secrets or personal problems to
others, nor will they gossip about you behind your back.
20. Address each other in a respectful and loving manner. Forgive each other's
faults and shortcomings, and hide them from others.
Those whose friendships possess most of the above characteristics are among the

22
fortunate people who can experience a glimpse of the assembly of Paradise in the life
of this world itself, where they have

Can a Male and Female be JUST

Friends?
Have you ever heard or have you ever seen, father-son; mother-daughter; husband-
wife; boss-subordinates; brother-sister as a friend? Might be yes, but how often and
how genuine. At the end of a day, the message is, "mein tumhara baap hoon, jo mein
kahta hoon, who karo" (I am your father, do what I say). Recently, I posted one
query, "Can an adult male and female be just friends", and replies are just shocking
(read below). That is why, I say, friendship is a relation of choice. But, do you know
the meaning of "FRIENDSHIP", yes, you know, you have read in some newspapers
and magazines, but what about applying the same.

Understanding Friendship

Before I start I know, as you probably know, that a friendship can be an antidote for
loneliness or depression or even boredom. But it should be just more than an antidote
for these problems. What are the qualities that lead to a solid friendship?

First of all, friendship must be genuine. In friendships we reveal what we are and who
we are capable of becoming. Friendships demand that we reveal ourselves without
pretenses or masks, without affection or deception. G.K. Chesterton knowing the
risks involved in cultivating a solid friendship, summed it up when he said, "Friends
are those with whom our faults are safe."

Another ingredient necessary for the cultivation of a friendship is that one must be
generous. The friendship is its own reward. Christ summed up the element of
generosity when he said, "greater love than this no one has than he who lays down his
life for his friend."

Another quality needed for a friendship is that it be gratuitous. It is a free donation or

offering of one person to another. Friendship is never marred by jealousy. There must
be a certain freedom between the two friends. Otherwise, there could be the problem
of possessiveness or even suffocation of the friendship.

Other qualities could be mentioned so that solid friendships can be cultivated. A sense
of humor, charity, understanding, compassion is only some of the ingredients that
have to be cultivated for a solid friendship with another.

Just one more thought on this subject. For many people in this world, life is cold,
lonely and hard. If they had one friend, their lives would not only be different, but
happier. A friendship is a touch of heaven on earth. And you can bring a touch of
heaven into someone's life.

Friendship between male and female

23
Hence, strong friendships between a man and woman are sometimes difficult to
understand and accept though relationships between two women or men is more
readily accepted by our society. When a man and woman hold hands in public,
automatically they are assumed to be lovers. Friends are friends and lovers are lovers.
Very few people are physically affectionate with their friends. People find it difficult
to dissociate love from sex. If two people express love and affection for each other it
is assumed that they are lovers. The truth is fairly simple: two people like each other,
are comfortable together and a special bond of friendship develops between them.

Sometimes friendship is taken for granted and people are willing to give it up when
they fall in love, want to marry or have a long term relationship. Sexual or romantic
love is assumed to be better and therefore preferred.

There are factors which decides if a male and female can be JUST friends or not and
we will discuss here, one afrer another.

1) Your Mental and Emotional Make-up: It need high level of maturity,

understanding and wavelength for any couple to keep that thought of intimacy away
from their heart throughout the relation.

2) Type of School and College you have studied in: If you have studied in "all boys or
all girls" type of schools and colleges then there is a high chance that your relation
with your counterpart of opposite gender will not be clean and transparent as
compared to those who have studied to "Co-Education" system.

3) Number of friends with Opposite Genders: If you have more friends from opposite
gender than there is a chance that your friendship with those people will be
clean...with any thought of intimacy compare to those who have one or just limited
friends from opposite gender.

4) Family Background: If the family of more orthodox, traditional, with very strict
value system...then also at times... there are chances that you cannot be JUST friends
with a person from opposite gender.

5) Stage of life you are going through: If you are facing lots of rejections, emotional
instability, frustration, lots of struggle and if your performance is not appreciated by
your bosses and colleagues...then also you try to find that solace, that comfort by
intimately getting involved...because their you find acceptance and emotional
comfort.

6) Profession you are into and type of organization you are working in: As we have
discussed in one of the cases...if it is male or female dominated company or
department...there are also people tend to get involved with people of opposite
genders.

7) Successful, Happy Married Life and Unsuccessful and Unhappy Married Life: If
you don't have successful and happy married life...you are not getting that time, care,
and affection as you want and if you have a friend from opposite gender who is taking
care of you, giving you time, affection and emotional support than also there are high

24
chances of developing those intimate relation...much above your "JUST" friendship
thought.

So, it is possible to be "JUST" friends with people of opposite gender and it depend
on your maturity, mindset and your need at that particular time. We can talk about our
thoughts; our feelings but you cannot say the same thing about the person of opposite
gender. You never know what your friend is talking about you in his or her group of
friends.

As far as my personal experiences goes...I have lot many "Female Friends" from
different cities, different countries, from different age groups, married-unmarried-
singles and now gender hardly matters to me. We discuss about our experiences, go
out for dinner, movie, and picnic and also give comforts...if there are any issues at
professional and personal fronts. But, as I said earlier...I can say how I feel, what I
think...I cannot say with any surety as what they feel and think.

If the sexual element in a relationship is lost, no friendship is left and the couple
moves away from each other in every respect. Instead of seeing sexual relationships
as friendships, which include sex, couples often see them as separate from any kind of
friendship. If people could break away from this tradition they could be friends with
their lovers and ex-lovers and enjoy close, happy and meaningful relationships. This
would also reflect a certain amount of growth and maturity of the personality.

My Gift to all my friends for their Friendship

I love you not only for what you are,

but for what I am when I am with you.

I love you not only for what you have made of yourself,

but for what you are making of me.

I love you for the part of me that you bring out.

I love you for putting your hand into my heaped-up heart,

and passing over all the foolish and frivolous and weak things
which you cannot help dimly seeing there,
and for drawing out into the light
all the beautiful, radiant belongings,
that no one else had looked quite far enough to find.

I love you for ignoring the possibilities of the fool

and weakling in me,

and for laying firm hold

on the possibilities of good in me.

25
I love you for closing your eyes to the discords in me,

and for adding to the music in me by worshipful listening.

I love you because you are helping me

to make of the lumber of my life not a tavern but a Temple,

and of the words of my every day not a reproach but a song.

I love you because you have done more

than any creed could have done to make me good,

and more than any fate could have done to make me happy.

You have done it just by being yourself.

Perhaps that is what being a friend means after all

Saying so, I never mean to say that, I will be giving you solutions for all your
problems

As a friend, I may not be able to give solutions to all of life's problems, doubts, or
fears; but I can listen to you, and together we can seek answers. I can't change your
past with all its heartache and pain, nor the future with it's untold stories; but I can be
there now when you need me to care.

I can't keep your feet from stumbling. I can only offer my hand that you may grasp it
and not fall. Your joys, triumphs, successes, and happiness are not mine; yet I can
share in your laughter and joy.

Your decisions in life are not mine to make, nor to judge; I can only support you,
encourage you, and help you when you ask. I can't give you boundaries, which I have
determined for you, But I can give you the room to change, room to grow, room to be
yourself.

I can't keep your heart from breaking and hurting, but I can cry with you and help you
pick up the pieces and put them back in place. I can't tell you who you are. I can only
love you and be your friend.

And every morning when you open your eyes, tell yourself that it is special. Every
day, every minute, every second is a gift from God, you've got to dance like nobody's
watching, and love like it's never going to hurt.

People say true friends must always hold hands, but true friends don't need to hold
hands because they know the other hand will always be there.
Conclusion

"Friendship is the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person
having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring all right out just as
they are, chaff and grain together, certain that a faithful friendly hand will take and

26
sift them, keep what is worth keeping and, with a breath of comfort, blow the rest
away."

Not only in Friendship but also in all the relations love is the driving force that creates
and sustains it. The kind of love friends have for each other is the desire to know,
serve and share. It is the antithesis of lust - the desire to acquire, possess and control.
It is what makes one want to connect with another human consciousness -
intellectually, emotionally and physically.

Unspoken doubts and suspicions are barriers that limit the possible depth to which a
friendship can progress. Love empowers friends to say how they feel about each other
without inhibition or fear of hurting each other's feelings. It thereby allows them to
resolve their doubts and suspicions about each other, thus removing the barriers and
opening the way to an ever-deeper friendship.

Because friends love each other, one never attempts to force, coerce or control the
other to change for the better. One friend only informs the other of the way he or she
feels. Love will motivate the informed friend to change him or herself for the better.
Because friends love each other, they will never use each other as a means to an end -
as a human resource to be used and abused for self gain. A friend - as a precious
sentient consciousness - is an end in him or herself. That end is the joy of sharing
experiences and reciprocal love.

Both are so much related to each other. And both are so dissimilar! What are the
differences between friendship and love? Is platonic friendship possible between
persons of opposite sex? Let us try and understand.

What is friendship? Why do we call a person our friend? When do we call

someone a very good friend? If we care for a person, if we are always ready to help
that person and if we share most of our thoughts with a person, they are our good
sfriends. We can always count upon our good friends in an emergency. We are
always sure that our friend will understand why we acted in a certain way. We need
not explain anything to our very good friends. The friendship is so deep and the
relationship is so intimate, that most of the things are automatically understood by our
friends.

What about love? In a relationship of deep love, all the sharing that we discussed
above are taken for granted. But love transcends all this. During love, we are attached
with a particular person, while in friendship, one may have many friends. A loving
relationship makes one so much attached to the other, that one gets pained if his/her
beloved is hurt! Love also involves a physical element. Friendship does not have that.
This is a vital difference. Nature gives us love so that the specie can go forward.
Nature does not give us friendship.

Your heart beats will never increase in anticipation of meeting your friend. You will
not lie awake at night thinking about your friend. You will not feel totally lost, if you
don't meet your friend for a few days. You will not have dreams in your eyes thinking
about your friend. But in love, you will do all this and much more. Indeed, there is no
comparison between love and friendship.

27
Some 'modern' views of
friendship
A good deal of sociological comment about friendship is based on the assumption
that a traditional society characterized by face-to-face and largely convivial
relationships has been replaced by a more competitive and individualistic one. In this
respect the work of Ferdinand Tönnies (1887) is often cited. He saw friendship (along
with kinship and place) as one of the three pillars of traditional community
(gemeinschaft) that were disrupted by the rise of the more impersonal forms of
society associated with industrialization, urbanization and capitalism (1955: 48-50,
233). Just whether traditional communities were of this nature is, however, doubtful.
There are significant indications that friendships in the periods prior to large-scale
industrialization in countries like England were often instrumental. Relationships
were frequently characterized by considerable caution and suspicion. Ray Pahl (2000:
53-8) draws upon the innovative analysis of the emerging commercial-industrial
society by Allan Silver (1989, 1990) to demonstrate that while there was a significant
shift amongst many groups in society in their experience and appreciation of
friendship.
The replacement of much previous instrumental friendship by the rules of commercial
society allowed the free expression of a new morally superior friendship based on
'natural sympathy' unconstrained by necessity. These new, freely chosen relationships
reflected the new universalism emerging in civil society. The well-regulated market
frees the classic Aristolelian friendship of virtue from friendship of utility.
Commercial society requires 'authentically indifferent co-citizens' rather than
potential enemies or allies. (Pahl 2000: 57)
The new forms of market relationships and exchanges, it is argued, helped to create
the conditions for a move towards more benevolent forms of friendships among key
groupings in the eighteenth societies involved.
A new generation of thinkers began to chart these shifts. David Hume, Adam Smith
and Adam Ferguson each explored aspects of this (Hill and McCarthy 1999). They
celebrated the movement away from a narrow instrumental view of friendship. For
example, Adam Smith was acutely aware of the way in which market societies 'broke
with the dependencies of feudalism'.
Commercial society brought a degree of autonomy right down to the ordinary
tradesman and the street porter. Thus, where Rousseau in his Discourse on Inequality
saw only inequality and dependence, Smith saw the possibility of well-being,
achieved through a system of mutual co-operation, grounded on freedom, and a form
of social organization which accorded independence to ordinary people;
independence of a sort that they had never enjoyed before. (Sheamur and Klein
2000).

28
THE WAY OF FRIENDSHIP IN
ISLAM
By: M. Torabi
Human Beings in all phases of life, from the very beginning of childhood and youth
till old-age, are in need of friendship and association with others. Owing to his social
nature, man is compelled to live in society and with other individuals, he must benefit
from the aid and cooperation of friends.
Those who have worthy friends, are never lonely and friendless in the world, since in
joy and sorrow, their true friends help and support them.
Naturally, a human being feels happy at the companionship of friends, and is sad at
being lonely and having no worthy companions.
Imam Ali ibn-e Abi Talib (AS) considers real friends as the treasures of this world
and the hereafter, and he says:
“Find friends for yourself from among your co-religionist brethren, since they are the
treasures of this world and also the next world.”
In another remark, the Imam considers virtuous friends as the equivalent of the
noblest parts of the body, and he says:
“He who loses his pure-hearted friend whose friendship he has sought for the sake of
Allah, resembles as if he has lost the noblest part of his body.”
The point to which the leaders of Islam pay great attention in connection with
friendship, is that, it may be considered worthy only if it is fostered for the sake of
God, and a reliable friend is the one whose friendship is based on spirituality.
A friendship that is made for the sake of wealth, position, beauty and such things, will
disappear automatically when those factors come to an end. No material thing can act
as the basis of a lasting friendship or produce happiness.
Another point to which Islam attaches much importance, is the choice of a friend.
From the viewpoint of Islamic leaders, one should not make friends with each and
every individual, since there are some persons whose friendship is harmful and
dangerous.
Without any doubt, every friend affects the material and spiritual affairs of his own
companion, and each of them unconsciously influences the ideas, morals and conduct
of the other. Experience has shown, too, that many friendships have changed the
destiny of individuals and their course of life. Friends influence each other’s ways,
faith and religion.
The Prophet of Islam (SAW) has said: “The way of each person accords with the faith
and religion of his friend and companion.” (Wasa’il ash-Shi’a, vol. 4)
“Don’t judge anyone’s goodness or badness until you see his friend, since a person is
recognized by his likes and companions, and is related to his friends.” (Mustadrak-ul-
Wasa’il, vol. 2)
Friendship with worthy individuals is a great factor of happiness; and friendship and
companionship with impure and polluted fellows are a cause of decline and distress.
Socrates says: “Each person values something: someone desires wealth; another
wants beauty; a third longs for honor, but in my opinion, a good friend is better than
all of them.”
Some people are so confident of their own purity and nobility, they imagine that they
will not be subject to any harm in their association with wicked persons. They
consider their personality as strong enough not to be influenced by vices. However,
they forget that cottonwool gets aflame by proximity with fire, and glass breaks when
it comes in contact with stones. Unfortunately, corruption and impurity can very

29
quickly affect the human spirit, and easily make it catch fire like gunpowder, and
burn the entire world with their flame.
He who is proud of his own excellence and doesn’t fear to have contact with the mean
persons, is like an individual who builds his house on the course of a torrent, hoping
that the force of the torrent cannot affect his house.
An old Arabic saying compares a bad companion with a blacksmith. If he does not
burn you with his fire, his smoke will at least hurt your eyes!.
Supposing you are so dignified and noble that you aren’t influenced by the wicked
persons you associate with. What will people say about you? Will they not consider
you as one of the rabble when you associate with them?
The danger of having corrupt friends isn’t confined to the worldly life. Such
friendships produce repentance on the Day of Resurrection, too!
The Holy Qur’an says about those who are to receive chastisement from God in
future life:
“They wish that they had not made friends with the impious, for, it was they who
misled them.” (5:32)
Imam Ali (AS) has said: “The felicity of this and the next world lie in two things:
firstly, keeping secrets; and secondly, friendship with the good. And the miseries of
this and the next world are summed up in two things: firstly, divulging secrets; and
secondly, friendship with wicked persons.” (al-Ikhtisas)
The Holy Prophet of Islam (SAW) says: “The happiest person is he who associates
and befriends the magnificent.” (Amali Saduq)
A learned woman said to her children: “As our body is nourished by food to gain
strength, so also our spirit acquires virtue or vice by association with good or bad
friends.”
It would be impossible not to be affected deeply in our character by association with
those around us, since man is by nature, an imitator, and everyone is more or less
influenced by the conduct, manners and ideas of friends and companions.
The Spanish have a saying to the effect that going among wolves will teach you,
howling!
Association with biased and selfish people produces great losses since the effect of
their character leads to the obscurity and limitation of thought, and to the death of the
spirit of manliness and noble qualities. If association with them continues for a long
time, the heart becomes heavy and hardened, moral powers are weakened, and will-
power, sense of progress and excelling are destroyed in man.
On the contrary, friendship and contact with those who are wiser, more experienced
than us, are very valuable since their association breathes a new spirit into us, teaches
us better way of life, and reforms our views about the attitude towards others. It
appears as if they make us share their wisdom, knowledge and experience.
Thus, for building up morality nothing is more useful and effective than association
with learned and active individuals, since such contact enhances our mental powers,
adds to our will-power, sublimate to our objective in the world, and prepares us for
managing our own affairs and assisting others. (Ethics, Samuel Smiles)
I asked it if it was musk or perfume that intoxicated me with its fine fragrance. It said:
“I used to be worthless clay, but kept the company of a flower a while; the perfection
of my companion affected me, otherwise, I am still the clay that I was.”
The Sixth Imam, Ja’far as-Sadiq (AS) says: “My father, while advising me, said:
“O my son! He, who associates with the wicked persons, will not remain safe from
their injury. And he who steps into unsuitable places will become defamed; and he
who cannot control his tongue, will become repentant.” (al-Khessal, vol. 1, p. 80)
in the future.

30
Coming to the point, we are talking about the management lessons that can be learnt
from the movie. There are so many to talk about, but I will try to be concise and will
give my lessons point-wise.

Lesson 1: Do not learn to get success. Learn for knowledge. Success will follow.
When we strive hard to learn and improve our knowledge, we move ahead in life.

Lesson 2: Do not take life too seriously. Life is there to enjoy, have fun, making
friends, and of course getting proper education. We get life once and we should live it
the way we dream of.

Lesson 3: Learn to communicate well. Each word has its own importance. Proper
pauses and stress on certain words will convey the exact meaning, or may even
change the entire meaning. Like in the movie, Chatur's speech was modified with few
words but the entire speech was changed. It was the most wonderful part of the
movie. It was a laughter riot to watch the scene. Those who have not seen the movie
yet are advised strongly to watch the movie.

Lesson 4: Last but not the least, help others and foster respect. Helping others helps
you to grow mentally and easily associates you. A lasting relationship is created by
helping others. In the movie, Aamir helps Joshi and Madhavan in choosing right
careers for them and follow their dreams. This creates an everlasting bond between
friends, not only friends but with anyone whom we help. You grow as a person and
never have to look back in life.

Legally Blonde is a movie that everyone has heard of. Starring Reese Witherspoon,
it's the story of a blonde sorority sister who takes an interesting move. She enters
Harvard Law School in hopes of winning back the love of her life, Warner. What she
doesn't expect is to be thrust into the harsh world of law, and to learn the lesson most
pertinent to her life.

This movie is more than the story of a ditsy blonde. Sure, it's cute, and it's funny. It's
not a depressing move, a romantic film, or even a horror flick. But it has meaning. It's
about never letting someone tell you what you can't do. It's about not taking crap from
people, not letting them tell you that you aren't smart enough. That you can't do it.
That you're better off sticking to something you know. It's about learning that true
love knows no prejudice. And ladies, know this: The guy who is right for you will
never underestimate your abilities. He will never doubt, judge, or push aside his faith
in you.

Although this movie is meant to be light-hearted and fun, I simply can't watch it
without getting teary-eyed. It shows that friendships lurk sometimes in the most
unexpected places, and first impressions are almost never accurate. It shows that
anytime you make up your mind to do something, and focus, you will accomplish it.
It's about not letting people get in your way. Elle Woods no doubt was on her way out
the door becuse of a disgusting professor. But what stopped her? A friend perhaps?
Or was it her old professor? The same professor that kicked her out her first day of
class. What parallelism. What beauty.

31
Perhaps one of the most beautiful things about this story is the role of friendship.
How Elle kept her friend's alibi a secret, despite what it would do to her reputation.
How she taught people to stand up for themselves, and not let low esteem get them
down, or make it okay for other people to treat them like dirt. This movie is a classic.
If one lesson be learned from it, if you take nothing else from this film, take this:
"You must always have faith in people, and most importantly, you must always have
faith in yourself"~Elle Woods.

Legally Blonde is a movie that everyone has heard of. Starring Reese Witherspoon,
it's the story of a blonde sorority sister who takes an interesting move. She enters
Harvard Law School in hopes of winning back the love of her life, Warner. What she
doesn't expect is to be thrust into the harsh world of law, and to learn the lesson most
pertinent to her life.

This movie is more than the story of a ditsy blonde. Sure, it's cute, and it's funny. It's
not a depressing move, a romantic film, or even a horror flick. But it has meaning. It's
about never letting someone tell you what you can't do. It's about not taking crap from
people, not letting them tell you that you aren't smart enough. That you can't do it.
That you're better off sticking to something you know. It's about learning that true
love knows no prejudice. And ladies, know this: The guy who is right for you will
never underestimate your abilities. He will never doubt, judge, or push aside his faith
in you.

Although this movie is meant to be light-hearted and fun, I simply can't watch it
without getting teary-eyed. It shows that friendships lurk sometimes in the most
unexpected places, and first impressions are almost never accurate. It shows that
anytime you make up your mind to do something, and focus, you will accomplish it.
It's about not letting people get in your way. Elle Woods no doubt was on her way out
the door becuse of a disgusting professor. But what stopped her? A friend perhaps?
Or was it her old professor? The same professor that kicked her out her first day of
class. What parallelism. What beauty.

Perhaps one of the most beautiful things about this story is the role of friendship.
How Elle kept her friend's alibi a secret, despite what it would do to her reputation.
How she taught people to stand up for themselves, and not let low esteem get them
down, or make it okay for other people to treat them like dirt. This movie is a classic.
If one lesson be learned from it, if you take nothing else from this film, take this:
"You must always have faith in people, and most importantly, you must always have
faith in yourself"~Elle Woods.

COMPANIONSHIP AND FRIENDSHIP IN

ISLAM
There are friends who remain true and trustful under all circumstances and there are friends
who remain with you only desiring the good. Islam urges to have cordial relations with
others and to avoid corruption and the harmful effects of the company of the wicked and the
mischievous, strictly forbidding every kind of contact and intimacy with them. The first kind
of friend are very few, and their friendship is like a mirror to you. In deed, we must be fair
to our friends, and must want for them that which we want for ourselves. Nabiy Muhammad
(Sallallahu Alayhi Waalihi Wa Salam) said,"A true believer is a mirror to his brother. He

32
prevents him from any harm." Friends wish well for their friends, and feel a strong grief
when they see them in any kind of distress or suffering. They work hard by all means, by
their wealth and their hands to restore the rights of their friends, and give them all the help
they need. They keep the secrets of their friends. This kind of friendship is the basic
necessity of social life. Nabiy Muhammad (Sallallahu Alayhi Waalihi Wa Salam) said,"A
person follows the ways and conducts of his friends." On the other hand, one encounters
fools, avaricious, people cowards, and liars. The fool wants to help others, but cause more
harm to them despite good intentions. The avaricious one takes but does not give back to
anyone. The coward flees at the smallest danger, abandoning everyone. And the liar does not
benefit others, brings animosity and resentment, and causes serious damage to others. Also,
the liar is not trusted even if he/she is telling the truth. It is reported,"As for a liar, life with
him can never be pleasant for you. He carries tales from you to others and from others to
you. If he gives you a true report, a false one follows it. His reputation is slurred. So much so
that when he says something true, nobody believes him. Due to the enmity which he
entertains in his heart for people, he estranges them from one another and creates malice in
their hearts. Be careful and do your duty to Allah." These kinds of individuals might call
themselves as your friends, but they do more ill-service to you as well as to the society and in
the long run. It is adviced,"Avoid the company of the vicious, because your character would
pick up their degenerate and deviant qualities without your knowing it." The Glorious
Qur'an says,"O woe is me! Would that I had not taken
such a one as my friend." 25:28

There are many characterizes of true friends: their heart and face should be alike, they should
be honest with their friends and show them both the good and the bad side: wealth and
children should not change them; they should help whenever able to do so, and they should
not leave their friends during difficulties.

To choose a friend, one must assess his real worth. One must bear in mind that temperaments
and personalities are associated with one, relationships with others. Nabiy Muhammad
(Sallallahu Alayhi Waalihi Wa Salam) said,"Every Muslim should try to select the best
companion for the life span. A companion could be a friend from the same gender. If the
companion is to be from the other gender, then that companion should be a spouse to live
together within the confines of rules and regulations." Our beloved Nabiy (Sallallahu Alayhi
Waalihi Wasalam) encouraged us to select a good friend with whom to share our feelings.
He said,"Don't take a companion unless he is a believer; and don't let your food be eaten
except by a godly person." Also, one must take a friend for who he or she is as an individual,
and not force them to conform with one's warp and ideas, so long as everything remains
within the boundaries of Islam.

Islam approves associating with individuals who have violated moral and social laws for the
purpose of helping them through beneficial guidance. Friends of the right path father and
discuss what is beneficial, but not vain. Friends love the souls and smells of their friends.
Friends sympathies with their friends and they comfort each other. Friends exert each other
toward piety and righteous deeds. Nabiy Muhammad (Sallallahu Alayhi Waalihi Wa Salam)
said,"Fear Allah and help each other for the sake of Allah. Have mercy upon each other.
Visit each other and remember our matter and keep it alive."

However, one who keeps company for the sake of helping a friend, would have fulfilled the
rights of companionship in the worthiest manner. It is reported,"When someone observes a
friend taking a wrong and sinful course and, while possessing the capacity to restrain him,
does not do so out of indifference, he has actually betrayed his friend."

Today, in this world of ignorance and personal desires, there are few who keep their
friendship. Hence, everyone should be careful in choosing friends, and study the character of
those with whom they wish to develop terms of friendship.

33
34
 Stories On Friendship
Long time ago in ancient Greece, there live a man named Socrates, who was
highly knowledgeable and an esteemed philosopher. One fine day, a fellow
approached him. That person told Socrates that he has some information to
tell him about his friend. Before he could even start talking about his friend,
Socrates told him to take a test known as the 'Triple Filter Test'.

The first test of the 'Triple Filer Test' was the filter of truth. Socrates asked him
if the information he had was the truth. The person said that he had just heard
it on the way and was not sure if it was the absolute truth. The second filter
was that of goodness. He asked if the information was regarding anything
good about his friend. The man said it was actually the opposite. The third
filter was that of usefulness. Socrates asked if the information was useful to
him in any way. The man replied in the negative.

Socrates then replied that when the information regarding a friend is not true,
good or useful, then why it should be conveyed at all. The moral of the story
is that you may always participate in loose gossip, but when it comes to your
friends ,it is just not worth it. You know your friends better than others.
Therefore, you must avoid talking behind the back of your dearest friends. It
only leads to strained relations and shows that you are not reliable or
trustworthy as a friend.

THOUGHT FOR FRIENDSHIP

friendship is not just the name of an ordinary feeling. but it is the name of the feelings
of understanding, honesty and frankness between two persons. and these feelings
keep the two very special persons bounded together and such a friendship lies in two
of us.

An Old Man and His Dog

An old man and his dog were walking along a country road, enjoying the scenery,
when it suddenly occurred to the man that he had died. He remembered dying, and
realized, too, that the dog had been dead for many years. He wondered where the road
would lead them, and continued onward.
After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road. It
looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall, white arch
that gleamed in the sunlight. When he was standing before it, he saw a magnificent
gate in the arch that looked like mother of pearl, and the street that led to the gate
looked like pure gold. He was pleased that he had finally arrived at heaven, and the
man and his dog walked toward the gate. As he got closer, he saw someone sitting at
a beautifully carved desk off to one side.
When he was close enough, he called out, "Excuse me, but is this heaven?"
"Yes, it is, sir," the man answered.
"Wow! Would you happen to have some water?" the man asked.

35
"Of course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have some ice water brought right up." The
gatekeeper gestured to his rear, and the huge gate began to open.
"I assume my friend can come in..." the man said, gesturing toward his dog.
But the reply was, "I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets."
The man thought about it, then thanked the gatekeeper, turned back toward the road,
and continued in the direction he had been going. After another long walk, he reached
the top of another long hill, and he came to a dirt road which led through a farm gate.
There was no fence, and it looked as if the gate had never been closed, as grass had
grown up around it. As he approached the gate, he saw a man just inside, sitting in the
shade of a tree in a rickety old chair, reading a book. "Excuse me!" he called to the
reader. "Do you have any water?"
"Yeah, sure, there's a pump over there," the man said, pointing to a place that couldn't
be seen from outside the gate. "Come on in and make yourself at home."
"How about my friend here?" the traveler gestured to the dog.
"He's welcome too, and there's a bowl by the pump," he said. They walked through
the gate and, sure enough, there was an old-fashioned hand pump with a dipper
hanging on it and a bowl next to it on the ground. The man filled the bowl for his dog,
and then took a long drink himself.
When both were satisfied, he and the dog walked back toward the man, who was
sitting under the tree waiting for them, and asked, "What do you call this place?" the
traveler asked.
"This is heaven," was the answer.
"Well, that's confusing," the traveler said. "It certainly doesn't look like heaven, and
there's another man down the road who said that place was heaven."
"Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates?"
"Yes, it was beautiful."
"Nope. That's hell."
"Doesn't it offend you for them to use the name of heaven like that?"
"No. I can see how you might think so, but it actually saves us a lot of time. They
screen out the people who are willing to leave their best friends behind."

36
 Whitney's Story
There was a time when Whitney didn't have a lot of friends. She was a bit shy and
reserved. She never really wanted to be popular, but she did want to have someone to
share secrets and laughs with. All through high school, though, she just slipped in and
out of "light" friendships where she didn’t find a lot of comfort or companionship.

When it came time to go to college, Whitney was quite nervous. She was going to be
rooming with someone she didn’t know and living in a town 300 miles away from
home. There wouldn't be a single person she knew in town. She had no idea how she
was going to make friends in this new environment.

The first week of classes, something happened that changed Whitney's life forever. In
her English Composition class, she was asked (as were all the students) to share a
little about herself. She told everyone where she called home and all of the other
ordinary details that students share in such situations. The final question for each
student was always the same: "What is your goal for this class?" Now, most of the
students said it was to get a good grade, pass the class or something similar, but for
some reason, Whitney said something entirely different. She said that her goal was to
make just one good friend.

While most of the students sat in silence, one student came to Whitney and held out
his hand and introduced himself. He asked if she would be his friend. The whole
room was silent – all eyes focused on the Whitney and the hand extended just in front
of her. She smiled and stretched her hand out to take his and a friendship was formed.
It was a friendship that lasted all through college. It was a friendship that turned into a
romance. It was a friendship that brought two people together in marriage.

Whitney learned the power of asking for what she wanted, being honest and taking
action.

37
 *Conclusions*
You may say to yourself, “why preach a sermon on friendship?" The answer is
simple, I believe so strongly in the importance of good Muslim friendships. I know
you will be a stronger and better Muslim if you have a close Muslim friend with
whom you can confide, pray and grow spiritually. Whether you are a teenager dealing
with the pressure and anxieties of high school or a senior adult facing the medical
challenges of the aging process, having a close brother or sister inmuslimt is
important. Perhaps you long for a close friend but have never really thought to pray
about it. I encourage you to be honest with God and ask him to send someone your
way with whom you can bond in Muslim love. Pam and I prayed in the past for
Muslim friends and God has answered our prayers. We have prayed for Muslim
friends for our children and God has answered once again. Ask God to send you
meaningful Muslim relationships, practice these principals and He will be faithful.
Jonathan saw something in David that he admired. As we grow in the image of
Muslim, we begin to show evidence of the fruits of the Spirit in our lives. When we
do, because of what is inside, we become different on the outside. We begin to draw
people to ourselves. There will be something attractive about us that has nothing to do
with external appearances and everything to do with what God misdoing on the
inside. To have a friend, you have to be a friend. Begin with your friendship with
Muslim and watch your relationships grow . our children and God has answered once
again. Ask God to send you meaningful Muslim relationships, practice these
principals and He will be faithful. Jonathan saw something in David that he admired.
As we grow in the image of Muslim, we begin to show evidence of the fruits of the
Spirit in our lives. When we do, because of what is inside, we become different on the
outside. We begin to draw people to ourselves. There will be something attractive
about us that has nothing to do with external appearances and everything to do with
what God is .To have a friend, you have to be a friend. Begin with your friendship
with Muslim and watch your relationships grow.
Proverbs 18:24 says, “But there is a friend who sticks closer than a
Brother.”
Muslim already

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