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By Rachel Woods, About.com

Everyone in this life is affected by marriage, either that of their parents, their own, or their children's. Keeping a
marriage strong while surviving life's trials can be a huge struggle, but learning from other's experiences can
help us through these times. Here's a list of twelve ways a couple can develop a happy, healthy marriage.

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A happy marriage will be more easily developed and maintained upon a firm foundation of faith in Jesus Christ.
Elder Marlin K. Jensen of the Seventy said:

"A final gospel truth that will contribute to our understanding of and hence the quality of our marriages relates
to the degree in which we involve the Savior in our relationships as husbands and wives. As designed by our
Heavenly Father, marriage consists of our first entering into a covenant relationship with Christ and then with
each other. He and his teachings must be the focal point of our togetherness. As we become more like him and
grow closer to him, we will naturally become more loving and grow closer to each other" ("A Union of Love
and Understanding2," O
 , Oct 1994, 47).







One of the most common things mentioned in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints when talking
about having a happy, healthy marriage is to pray together. President James E. Faust said:

"Marriage relationships can be enriched by better communication. One important way is to pray together. This
will resolve many of the differences, if there are any, between the couple before going to sleep....

"We communicate in a thousand ways, such as a smile, a brush of the hair, a gentle touch.... Some other
important words for both husband and wife to say, when appropriate, are, 'I'm sorry.' Listening is also an
excellent form of communication." ("Enriching Your Marriage4," O
 , Apr 2007, 4±8).











To really strengthen your marriage study the scriptures6 daily with your spouse! Here's some great counsel to
help you start:

"As husband and wife, sit down together in a comfortable and quiet place in your home. Consult the Topical
Guide found toward the back of the LDS edition of the King James Bible. Scan the scriptural topics for areas
that you feel might help strengthen your relationship with the Lord, with each other, and with your children.
Consult the scriptural references listed with each topic, and then discuss them. Jot down the insights you gain
and the ways you will apply these scriptures in your own lives" (Spencer J. Condie, "And We Did Liken the
Scriptures unto Our Marriage,7" O
 , Apr 1984, 17).

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Selflessly giving of oneself is one of the hardest aspects of marriage. Our natural tendency is to be self-focused:
that we make sure we're happy; that we get our way; that we're right. But happiness in marriage cannot be
achieved when we put our selfish needs first. President Ezra Taft Benson said:

"Today's inordinate emphasis on individualism brings egotism and separation. Two individuals becoming 'one
flesh' is still the Lord's standard. (See Gen. 2:24.)

"The secret of a happy marriage is to serve God and each other. The goal of marriage is unity and oneness, as
well as self-development. Paradoxically, the more we serve one another, the greater is our spiritual and
emotional growth" ("Salvation²A Family Affair9," O
 , Jul 1992, 2).


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It's easy to be kind and say loving words when you're happy with your spouse, but what about when you're
upset, frustrated, annoyed or angry? It's better to walk away and say nothing then to say something hurtful and
mean. Wait until you're calm so you can discuss the situation without negative emotions tempting you to say
something that would be hurtful and damaging.

Saying unkind words in the form of a joke or with sarcasm is an abusive technique10 that people use to avoid
being responsible for their words/actions by forcing the blame on the other person, making it their fault that
their feelings were hurt because they "just couldn't take a joke."

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Showing genuine gratitude, to both God and a spouse, shows love and strengthens marriage. Giving thanks is
easy and should be done for both the little and the big things, especially those things a spouse does on a daily
basis.

"In the enriching of marriage, the big things are the little things. There must be constant appreciation for each
other and thoughtful demonstration of gratitude. A couple must encourage and help each other grow. Marriage
is a joint quest for the good, the beautiful, and the divine" (James E. Faust, "Enriching Your Marriage12, O
 ,
Apr 2007, 4±8).

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An important way to maintain a happy, healthy marriage is to give your spouse a gift now and then. It doesn't
need to cost a lot of money, if any, but it does need to be thoughtful. The thought put into a special gift will tell
your spouse how much you love them- much more than a gift of monetary value ever can. Unless your spouse's
"Love Language13" is gifts, then you don't need to give them often, but it would be highly advisable to still give
an occasional gift.

One of the twenty suggestions by Brother Linford is to give "occasional gifts... such as a note, a needed item-
but mostly gifts of time and self" (Richard W. Linford, "Twenty Ways to Make a Good Marriage Great14,"
O
 , Dec 1983, 64).

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Just like being happy in life, being happy in marriage is a choice. We can choose to say unkind words or we can
choose to hold our tongue. We can choose to be angry or we can choose to forgive. We can choose to work for
a happy, healthy marriage or we can choose not to.

I really like this quote by Sister Gibbons, "Marriage demands work. A happy marriage exacts the very best of
us. Yet above all, maintaining a successful marriage is a choice" (Janette K. Gibbons, "Seven Steps to
Strengthen a Marriage16," O
 , Mar 2002, 24). The attitude we have about our marriage is a choice: we can
be positive or we can be negative.

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It's so much harder to react rationally and kindly when we are stressed. Learning how to lower our level of
stress, especially in regard to finances, is a great way to have a happy, healthier marriage.

"What do airplanes and marriages have in common? Relatively little, except stress points. In airplanes, stress
points are the parts that are vulnerable to a lot of wear and tear....

"Like airplanes, marriages have stress points.... As engineers of our own marriages, therefore, we need to be
aware of the specific stress points in our marriages so that we can strengthen our vulnerabilities" (Richard Tice,
"Making Airplanes and Marriages Fly18," O
 , Feb 1989, 66).

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Continuing to date each other will help keep the spark in your marriage. It takes a little planning and prioritizing
but the results are worth it. You don't have to spend much money to have a fun date, but can easily find
something enjoyable to do together.
"Time spent together sharing interests helps a couple grow closer and gives them a chance to relax and take a
break from daily stresses. Perhaps most important, dates help a couple build a reserve of love. Filled with
memories of good times and strong positive feelings, this reserve can help them through difficult times of stress,
disagreement, and trial" (Emily C. Orgill, "Date Night²at Home21," O
 , Apr 1991, 57).

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"Marriage, like any other worthwhile activity, requires time and energy. It takes at least as much time to keep a
marriage in shape as it does for a weight lifter to keep his body in shape. No one would try to run a business,
build a house, or rear children on two to three hours a week. In fact, the more two people who love each other
interact, the stronger their bond becomes" (Dee W. Hadley, "It Takes Time22," O
 , Dec 1987, 29).

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And finally, "love conquers all." It really does. I strongly believe that love and respect go hand in hand. Without
love you can't respect your spouse and without respect how can you love your spouse? You can't. So build your
love for each other by respecting one another.

"A false notion about marriage is a too-common belief in the fairy tale phrase, 'They married and lived happily
ever after.' To achieve marital happiness, it is necessary that couples work together to overcome difficulties and
temptations, and they must show a willingness to meet the other challenges that will always be a part of their
married life together" (Dale F. Pearson, "'Love Conquers All'... And Other Fanciful Notions23," O
 , Jun
1973, 14)