FCHD 2400 C. Beckert, PhD.

KEYS TO EFFECTIVE PARENTING

1 A parent is always a teacher

2 A parent needs a thick shin, a short memory, and a forgiving heart
3 Allow the relationship between you and your child to grow and change
4 Allow the child his or her space
5 Allow the child to experience earned consequences when possible
6 Allow time – learn patience
7 Allow time for change to occur
8 Any reward provided should be viewed as rewarding to the child
9 As open-ended, rather than yes-no questions
10 As parents, present a united front. We is the key word.
11 As parents, provide a unified philosophy of discipline
12 Be a parent rather than just another friend to your child
13 Be alert to teaching moments and use them
14 Be as consistent as possible
15 Be available
16 Be of good cheer
17 Be open to counsel from others
18 Be trustworthy; i.e. predictable
19 Change parenting roles as the child matures
20 Children are born through us rather than to us
21 Children should have voice and choice whenever possible
22 Control your emotions (temper) around the child
23 Cooperation is more effective than competition
24 Cue he child ahead of time rather than surprising him or her
25 Demonstrate faith in God in the child’s presence
26 Demonstrate interest in the activities of the child
27 Demonstrate unconditional love toward the child
28 Develop common interests with the child
29 Diagnosis must precede prescription
30 Discipline with the welfare of the child, rather than the parent, in mind
31 Discipline without undue emotional
32 Do more of what works and less of what doesn’t
33 Do not compare children
34 Do not confuse “urgent” and “important” relative to children
35 Do not confuse discipline with punishment
36 Do not intrude in the relationship between family members unless absolutely necessary
37 Do not lie
38 Do not speak for the child unless the child is unable or you have permission
39 Do think together as a family – what each likes to do
40 Don’t threaten what you cannot bring to pass
41 Don’t view or treat the child as a “miniature adult”
42 Eat meals together whenever possible
43 Empower rather than over power the child
44 Encourage the child to assist in establishing rules and consequences

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 FCHD 2400 C. Beckert, PhD.

45 Establish and maintain positive family traditions

46 Establish consequences in advance whenever possible
47 Everyone deserves daily validation
48 Everyone, even a child, as the right to privacy
49 Expose the child to a variety of foods
50 Expose the child to a variety of reading
51 Expose; the child to a variety of positive experiences
52 Family rules should be reasonable and enforceable
53 Focus on “internals” rather than” externals”
54 Focus on the successes of the child
55 Gain an understanding to your child’s personality
56 Have a reason for what you decide and be willing to share it with the child
57 Have the courage to make a mistake
58 Hold a regular family council, not just when there are problems
59 Hold the child responsible for his or her choices
60 Horizontal relationships are generally more effective than vertical ones in a family
61 It’s their room, not ours
62 Keep confidences
63 Keep expectations reasonable and realistic
64 Legitimize the child’s feelings
65 Listen before talking
66 Listen more than talk
67 Listen with your ears, eyes, heart, and spirit
68 Make decisions with the child rather than for the child
69 Make rules flexible but not elastic
70 Never belittle nor demean a child
71 Never do for the child what the child can do for him or her self
72 Never give up
73 Never reward a child upon demand from the child
74 No two children are exactly alike
75 Our commitments must be stronger than our moods
76 Parent with long term objectives
77 Parenting suggests stewardship rather than ownership
78 Pay attention to your language and use words they understand
79 People and relationships are more important than rules
80 Playing dumb often motivates a child to think for him or her self
81 Praise in public, reprimand in private
82 Pray for ourselves and our children
83 Provide a positive example for the child
84 Provide alternative choices for the child
85 Provide “one on one” time for the child
86 Reason must rule emotion
87 Reinforce positive behavior
88 Relationships cannot be forced but they can be fostered
89 Remember the “good” things
90 Respect the child as an individual. Children are people, too.

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 FCHD 2400 C. Beckert, PhD.

91 See the world from the child’s perspective

92 Seek to become acquainted with and like your child’s friends
93 Self discipline is the best discipline
94 Separate the behavior from the child
95 Teach children about priorities and help them use the knowledge
96 The burden of trust is on the trustee
97 The marriage relationship is the primary relationship in the family unit
98 There is power in a “second chance”
99 There should be no double standards in the home
100 Treat your children fairly rather than trying to treat them equally
101 Understand the difference between “obedience” and “compliance”
102 Understand the differences between consequences and punishments
103 Use consequences which are related to the behavior
104 Use edifying communication; i.e. talk a child up rather than down
105 Values are caught more than they are taught
106 View child as a Child of God
107 View each child as a human “becoming”; i.e. work in progress
108 Work with your child