LOVE, COURTSHIP, AND MARRIAGE

TITLE: LOVE, COURTSHIP, AND MARRIAGE

TEXT GENESIS 29:15-30

PURPOSE: TO EXPLAIN CHRISTIAN PRINCIPLES IN LOVE, COURTSHIP, AND MARRIAGE

INTRODUCTION: what a love story! Next to one’s relationship to God, this is the most important relationship in the life of every
boy, girl, man and woman. I think the church has not always provided the guidance so desperately needed by young people in these
matters. So today I hope to speak to the Christian principles in love, courtship and marriage

 GENERAL OBSERVATIONS
1. THE BIBLE ABOUND IN REVEALING GREAT LOVE STORIES
1. Abraham and Sarah
2. Isaac and Rebekah
3. Jacob and Rachel
4. Ruth and Boaz
5. Joseph and Mary
2. LOVE, COURTSHIP, AND MARRIAGE IS SACRED, HOLY, AND HONORABLE
3. TAKE THIS OUT OF HUMAN RELATIONSHIP AND THE WORLD WOULD BE A DESOLATED PLACE INDEED
4. ONE WHO TRIFLES IN THESE MATTERS HAS SORROW WAITING
5. GOD HAS PLANS IN THESE MATTERS FOP HIS PEOPLE

 HONORABLE PRINCIPLES TO FOLLOW IN COURTSHIP

1. FOR BOYS (AND THIS ALSO APPLIES TO MARRIED MEN)
1. Always treat the girl as you will want a boy one day to treat your own daughter
2. Never try to persuade a girl to do that which violates her moral standards and ideals
3. Always conduct yourself as a gentleman with a lady
4. Shun the girl who compromises her womanhood. A boy is foolish to court a girl who “doesn’t care.”
2. FOR GIRLS
1. Always behave with a boy as you will want a girl to behave with your son one day
2. Drop the boy who insists on compromising your womanhood and dignity in secret or in public. A girl is foolish to date a boy
who does not respect her
3. Remember that the moral standards and social behavior of a boy usually find the level of the girl he dates
4. Always conduct yourself as a lady
3. FOR BOTH
1. Make certain places “off limits” in dating plans
2. Decide what practices and activities in dating are acceptable and hold the line
3. Remember that there are certain relationships and liberties between men and women which God has reserved for the married
state. He who violates this, sins against God, himself, and the other person
4. Date only Christians

 SAFETY GUIDEPOSTS IN LOVE AND MARRIAGE

1. KNOW GOD’S PLAN FOR MARRIAGE AND FAMILY LIFE
2. BE SURE IT IS REAL LOVE BEFORE YOU PROMISE TO MARRY
3. REMEMBER THAT YOU ARE NO LONGER YOUR OWN WHEN YOU MARRY. YOU BELONG TO ANOTHER
THEN.
4. DON NOT MARRY UNTIL YOU ARE READY TO KEEP THOSE VOWS, AND READY TO BE HAPPY KEEPING
THEM
5. MARRY ONLY ANOTHER CHRISTIAN
6. KEEP THE HOME IN THE CHURCH

 GUIDELINES IN MARRIAGE
1. GOD MADE THE MAN TO BE THE HEAD OF THE FAMILY, AS CHRIST IS HEAD OF THE CHURCH
1. Make the living
2. Lead the family in worship
3. To love and die for the family
2. GOD MADE THE WOMAN TO BE A HELP MEET
 1. To honor and cherish her husband
2. To rear and raise children
3. GOD MADE BOTH MAN AND WOMAN TO BE ONE
1. One in mind
1. Decisions
2. Wants and dreams
2. One in body
3. One with the Lord
4. CONCLUSION: listen, young people, love, courtship and marriage is a gift from God to you that you may rejoice more in
life. You must find his individual plan for you; many are misusing and abusing this blessing. Stolen pleasures can turn into
public shame in these matters. Are you willing to commit your love, courtship and marriage into God’s hand now?

What is Love as Defined by the Bible?

by Rich Deem

What is love?

Everybody seems to believe that love is a good thing. However, not all agree what is love. Is love that warm touchy-feely
feeling a person has when he is with a familiar person? According to the Bible, love is caring in action. Love isn't what
we feel, but what we do.

Rich Deem
INTRODUCTION

The true meaning of love, as defined in the Bible, has been corrupted in the common usage of our English language and
society. Most often, love is confused with infatuation - that elated, "high" feeling we get when we "fall in love." This kind
of "love" is something that lasts typically less than a year, and unless replaced by true love, results in broken relationships.

Origin of Love

The Bible indicates that love is from God. In fact, the Bible says "God is love."1 Love is one of the primary characteristics
of God. Likewise, God has endowed us with the capacity for love, since we are created in His image. This capacity for
love is one of the ways in which we are "created in the image of God."2

Different Kinds of Love

The Greek language (the language of the New Testament) uses two different words to describe and define love. The most
commonly used Greek word translated "love" in the New Testament is "agape." This love is represented by God's love for
us. It is a non-partial, sacrificial love probably best exemplified by God's provision for our rebellion:

"For God so loved (agape) the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish,
but have eternal life." (John 3:16)

The gift3 of God's son as a provision for sin4 was given to all humans,5 regardless of who we are.6 God's love is
unconditional.7

In contrast, our love is usually conditional and based upon how other people behave toward us. This kind of love is based
upon familiarity and direct interaction. The Greek word "phileo" defines this kind of love, often translated "brotherly
love." Phileo is a soulish (connected through our emotions) kind of love - something that can be experienced by both
believers and non-believers. This is in contrast to agape, which is love extended through the spirit. Agape love requires a
relationship with God through Jesus Christ, since the non-regenerated soul is unable to love unconditionally. Agape love
gives and sacrifices expecting nothing back in return.8
Those who have studied the Bible and know about Peter's character know that Peter was ruled by his emotions and often
responded to situations emotionally, rather than thinking before acting. Sometimes this kind of response led to good things
(e.g., Peter walking on the water to meet Jesus - Matthew 14:25-33), whereas at other times, Peter's response was
inappropriate (he was interrupted by God while suggesting that he build three tabernacles, one for Jesus, one for Moses,
and one for Elijah on the Mount of Transfiguration - Matthew 17:4). Peter was quite proficient at expressing phileo love,
and was probably very popular because of his dynamic character. However, God wants us to express both phileo
love and agape love. Peter expressed this idea in his first epistle:

Since you have in obedience to the truth purified your souls for a sincere love [phileo] of the brethren, fervently love
[agape] one another from the heart, (1 Peter 1:22)

Believers in the churches of Asia Minor had already expressed phileo love, but Peter was encouraging them to fervently
express agape love as well. If you are a Christian, you are encouraged to express both soulish, familiar love and spirit-led
unconditional love. The goal of the Christian is to become "partakers of the divine nature." 9 In Peter's second epistle, he
says that we are to behave with moral excellence. However, this is not enough. Christians tend to be characterized by non-
believers as telling other people how they ought to behave. However, the Christian life should not be restricted to just
moral excellence, but, above all else, should include both phileo and agape love:

Now for this very reason also, applying all diligence, in your faith supply moral excellence, and in your moral excellence,
knowledge, and in your knowledge, self-control, and in your self-control, perseverance, and in your perseverance,
godliness, and in your godliness, brotherly kindness [phileo], and in your brotherly kindness, love [agape]. (2 Peter 1:5-7)

The most famous biblical chapter on love is from 1 Corinthians:

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I
have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains,
but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I
gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-
seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It
always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they
will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part
and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I
thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor
reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully
known. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. (1 Corinthians 13:1-13)

This is a description of agape love. It is described as being patient, kind, truthful, unselfish, trusting, believing,
hopeful, and enduring. It is not jealous, boastful, arrogant, rude, selfish, or angry. True love never fails. The
description perfectly fits God's love toward us, and should be the way we love each other and God. However, I
have never met any person who perfectly fulfills this biblical definition of love. The Bible says that this
unconditional love is more important than everything else (a partial list includes oratory ability, prophecy,
knowledge, faith, philanthropy and hope). All of these things, which are "good" things, will pass away. Only love
is eternal, since love will be the basis of eternal life. In fact, when Jesus was asked what the greatest
commandment was, He said, "YOU SHALL LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, AND
WITH ALL YOUR SOUL, AND WITH ALL YOUR MIND." (Matthew 22:37)10 He then added that the second
most important law was "YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF." Jesus said that the entire
law was dependent upon these two commandments.10

CONCLUSION

If you are not a Christian, I hope you desire to express love as defined in the Bible. However, wanting to do so and
attempting to do so in the power of your own will is guaranteed to fail. This kind of love is only possible through relying
on the power of God, through faith in Jesus Christ. Even if you are a Christian, you will not succeed if you do not abide in
Christ. May the Lord direct your hearts into the love of God and into the steadfastness of Christ.11
 WHAT IS COURTSHIP?
Courtship -is a relationship between a man and a woman in which they seek to determine if it is the will of God for
them to marry each other. Courting allows for the two people to truly get to know each other in a more platonic setting
without the pressure of physical intimacy or emotions clouding their views.

A Christ-centered courtship is when a man and woman prayerfully and purposefully seek to determine if marriage
is in God’s plan for them. They are rooted in purpose, spiritual growth and a desire to be with whom God has
chosen for you. The couple is not “trying each other out” but rather courting their brother/sister in Christ to lead to
a godly marriage. If the courtship does not lead to marriage, the couple is able to walk away from the relationship
without any emotional baggage, having been spiritually edified and respectful of one another as followers of Christ.

Why did you decide that a Christ-centered courtship was your best option?
We believe that God is the author of romance and deeply cares about the matters of the heart. We learned to trust in
His desires before our own and understand He knows us best. We have had our share of painful relationship
experiences in the past where Christ was not at the center and we were led by selfish desires. It took time, patience
and surrender, but God showed us the hole in our hearts could only be filled by Him alone.

What boundaries did you bring into your relationship to help keep it focused on Christ?
From the beginning, we were both committed to saving all sexual activities for marriage. (Including kissing.) In
addition, we made a commitment to avoid entertaining certain subjects that may cause us to struggle with sexual
thoughts. We made our spirituality our lifeline. We committed to sharing our individual walks with each other. This
includes having weekly devotions together and daily prayer amongst other things. Also, we learned how to vocalize
our emotions rather than physically expressing them. As our spiritual lives grow the intimacy in our relationship
heightens.

How would those interested in learning more about a Christ-based relationship get started?
The first step we recommend is surrendering your love life to Christ. Pray and ask God to take hold of your
romantic desires and lead you where He wants you to go. Next, we encourage you to study what the Bible has to
say about relationships, marriage, marital roles and intimacy to understand what godly love looks like. This is the
blueprint of what a Christ-centered relationship should look like.

WHAT IS MARRIAGE?
 An intimate and complementing union between a man and a woman in which the two become one physically, in the
whole of life. The purpose of marriage is to reflect the relationship of the Godhead and to serve him. Although the fall
has marred the divine purpose and function of marriage, this definition reflects the God-ordained ideal for marriage
from the beginning.

Most women, whether they will readily admit it or not, desire to be married. Many young girls have dreamed about
the white dress and handsome groom since their earliest childhood. Even those with career or educational goals
usually say that someday they would like to be married.

As women mature, those childhood dreams may grow into the desire for genuine affection, companionship, security,
and the desire to bear children and to nurture a family. Marriage becomes the primary means for accomplishing her
heart’s desires.

The primary reason marriage is significant to God is because it is part of His ordained plan to provide the world with a
picture of His love for men and women. Marriage becomes the means for married couples to demonstrate their love
for God. Wilson states: “The wedding ceremony is not an end in itself. In fact, marriage is not an end in itself.
Marriage is a means of serving and glorifying God. Young women who view marriage as their chief goal are turning
 the wedding and the married state into an idol. God planned for marriage to be a blessed state of mutual service to
Him.”

God established marriage as a covenant, not a contract (Malachi 2:14; Proverbs 2:16-17). It is important to
understand the difference between these two. Three important differences exist:
1. A covenant is based on trust between parties. A contract is based on distrust.
1. A covenant is based on unlimited responsibility. A contract is based on limited liability.
1. A covenant cannot be broken if new circumstances occur. A contract can be voided by mutual consent.

Therefore, the marriage covenant between a man and a woman is a comprehensive and permanent commitment. This
type of marriage covenant was ordained by God to provide believers with a picture of Christ’s love and relationship to His
church (Ephesians 5:22-33; Revelation 21:2, 9).

These tendencies are superimposed on the marriage relationship, thus testing Christian character in the areas of sacrificial
love, respect, submission, forgiveness, and perseverance. Living together in unity with her husband requires a woman of
wisdom to embrace biblical means of resolving conflict and demonstrating Christian love.
The wise woman understands that as she strives to model Christ’s relationship to His church she will be required to
mature her Christian character. She will subsequently encounter opportunities to demonstrate that character in her
marriage relationship, which ultimately allows her to fulfill God’s intended purpose for her marriage—the modeling of
Christ and His relationship with His bride, the church. Both husbands and wives must pursue love as defined in Ephesians
5:25-30 … a sacrificial, purifying, and steadfast love.

Secondary purposes of marriage

Once the wise woman embraces God’s primary purpose for marriage, she will encounter numerous secondary purposes or
blessings of a Christ-honoring relationship. Many women have the tendency to pursue these secondary purposes over
God’s primary purpose. While secondary purposes are good and worthy of pursuit, they should be viewed as blessings
resulting from God’s primary purpose for marriage—that of modeling Christ’s love for His church through the
development of Christian character. Secondary purposes for marriage could include:
1. Companionship. The affection, love, and true companionship which grow out of a oneness of spirit as each partner
models Christ’s unconditional love (Amos 3:3).
1. Enjoyment. The physical relationship is a reflection of the loyalty and affection shared among marriage partners who
have become “one flesh” (Hebrews 13:4).
2. Fruitfulness. The blessing of children in a marriage relationship allows that relationship to reproduce itself physically.
It is an example of the “oneness” that results in a marriage (Genesis 1:28; 1 Peter 3:7).
1. Protection. The husband protects the wife by laying down his life for her (Ephesians 5:25). The wife is to protect the
home (Titus 2:4-5) and the parents together protect their children to raise up a godly seed (Malachi 2:15; Psalm 112:1-
2).

When secondary purposes for marriage are placed above the primary purpose, discontentment, fearfulness, and
disillusionment often result. For example, the woman who has made the primary purpose of marriage fruitfulness will be
devastated and unfulfilled if she is unable to bear children of her own.
A woman who has made companionship or enjoyment her primary purpose of marriage will desire fulfillment through
other relationships or outlets if her husband does not fully meet her every need.
The woman who desires security and protection may feel fearful or insecure when finances are constrained and resources
limited.

Maintaining a Godly perspective of marriage

Maintaining a godly perspective of the purpose of marriage provides the foundation for a successful marriage relationship.
Marriage becomes a spiritual endeavor rather than being dependent on financial status, bearing children, or securing a
specific employment. Being able to fulfill God’s intended pattern and purpose for marriage should motivate wise women
to develop Christlike character.
My husband made a good point: “God intended for the marriage relationship to be the hallmark of the Christian home.
The love relationship between husband and wife should provide the clearest picture of Christ’s love. The model it
provides to children, the church, and the world would effectively draw others to the love of Christ.”.