Th e M illion-D ollar Tattoo
ve ne rate d as th e m e dium on w h ich is proje cte d a
LAURA'S SK IN
By J.F. Fe de rs pie l
Trans late d by Bre on M itch e ll
211 pp. Ne w York ;
From m Inte rnational, $18.9 5
S
By D .F. W allace
ardonic cultural parody is s o h ot th at
w e 're now im porting m ore of it it from
abroad. If you lik e ultra-ironic conte m po-
rary fiction - m ordant s e ndups of cons um -
e ris m , ce lebrity, pre te ns ion and vanity, lace d w ith
arty s w irls of s urre alis m and m yth -- th e n th e
Sw is s auth or J. F. Fe de rs pie l's "Laura's Sk in" is a
nove lyou'llw antto re ad.
Th e firs t h alf is s e t in M ilan. Prim o Antonio
R obtus ti Is a rich old s ugar daddy and art collector
w h o collects w om e n and k e e ps h is paintings line d
up s ide w ays lik e book s on s h e lve s ;h e 's a h ard-rage
capitalis t s o lade n w ith ne uros e s th at h e doe s
th ings lik e m ak e "th e s ign of th e cros s th re e tim e s
ove r th e s afe w h ich w as h idde n be h ind a toilet
bow l." H e cove ts one Laura Granati, a gorge ous
barracuda-naïf from th e province s w h o is cruis ing
M ilan's fas t lane . Laura's m os t flaw les s fe ature is
h e r bottom , and R obus ti de cide s to m ak e th at
bottom h is fine s t art acq uis ition. H e offe rs h e r all
h is de ad m om 's je w e lry if s h e 'lllet h im h ave th e
w orld's pre -e m ine nt tattoo artis t, th e Ne w Age
Am e rican O m alO 'H ara, pl ace h is m agnum opus on
h e r buttock s . Th e tattoo is a ve ry pre tty m ap of th e
w orld from w h ich Vivaldi's "Four Se as ons " e m a-
nate s -- appare ntly be caus e of m agically m us ical
ink .
Afte r s om e inte rm inable ne e dle s e s s ions , both
R obus ti and O 'H ara fall in love w ith Laura-as -
m as te rpie ce , and both prom ptly e xit th e nove lafte r
gris ly coitalm is h aps . Laura flee s w ith h e r loot and
R obus ti's m aid, Lucia, to th e Unite d State s , w h e re ,
be caus e O 'H ara is appare ntly s uch an im portant
artis t th at Ne w s w e e k de vote s its cove r s tory to h is
obituary, Laura's re ar e nd is apprais e d in th e
m inions , and s h e tours th e nation lik e a m us e um
s h ow , dis playing h e r pos te rior to various profe s -
s ional and civic organizations , cos m ologis ts and
Japane s e gangs te rs for m e aty fe e s , all th e w h ile
fe e ling appropriate rations of s e xualde gradation,
e xis te ntialconfus ion and fis calglee .
M r. Fe de rs pie l, th e auth or of th e nove l "Th e
Ballad of Typh oid M ary," is . im m une to th e criti-
cis m th at h is ch aracte rs in no w ay re s e m ble re al
pe ople. Th is is be caus e h is nove lpre s e nts its e lf as
a s atiric fable. Its diction (as s um ing Bre on M itch -
e ll's trans lation from th e Ge rm an is faith ful) is
s im ple and ge ntle. Its plot s e e m s purpos e ly s tagy,
its s ce ne s brie f and e pis odic, w ith dis otie nting
trans itions and abrupt auth orial as ide s . And th e
ch aracte rs h ave to be s e e n as inte ntional s te re o-
type s .
R obus ti, th e arch e typalart patron, is "lone ly in
th e m ids t of h is rich e s ," as h am e d of h is pe as ant
h e ritage and as re lentles s in h is e xploitation of
w om e n as h e is h aunte d by h is de ad m oth e r. Lucia,
th e e arth y clubfoote d m aid w h o be com e s Laura's
bus ine s s age nt, is a baw dy s ide k ick righ t out of
Ch auce r. O 'H ara, a caricature of th e m ode rn artis t
as narcis s is tic m ys tic, s ports s ilve r m ak e up and
dis pos able e ye brow s , com m une s w ith "th e ange ls
of th e -m oon" (ange ls re pe ate dly inte rve ne in th e
book 's action) and ge ts e re ctions from flexing h is
m us cles in th e bath room m irror. Laura is th e m os t
com plex ch aracte r be caus e s h e is th e leas t cons is -
te nt. Sh e m ove s w ith out m uch traum a from be ing
cove te d as an e rotic obje ct to be ing fam ous and
D .F. W allace 's m os t re ce nt book s are "Girl
W ith Curious H air" and "Signifying R appe rs "
(w ritte n w ith M ark Cos te llo).
gre at m ale artis t's vis ion of th e w orld. H e r occa-
s ional angs t is rom antically re s olve d by a blind
Ne w York s tre e t pe rs on nam e d D avid, a parody of
a w ounde d h e aler w h o can re ally love th e s poiled
h e roine be caus e h e can't s e e O 'H ara's trans ce nde nt
w ork .
If th e s e ch aracte rs s e e m s h allow and une ngag-
ing, it's be caus e th e y are . But w e 're not as k e d to
fe e lanyth ing for th e m , jus t to s m ile k now ingly at
th e ir allegoricals ignificance and adm ire M r. Fe -
de rs pie l's ironic com m e ntarie s on th e rotations
be tw e e n prope rty/pow e r/dis play and ph allus /le-
ce s /firm am e nt, re s pe ctive ly.
M ore com pe lling are th e ange ls from various
rel igions w h o pop dow n e x m ach ina in th e m iddl e of
s ce ne s , dis ch arge s om e intricate duty according to
e xh aus tive ly de s cribe d ce les tial re gulations and
th e n vanis h . It's com plete ly unclear w h e th e r th e
h um an ch aracte rs k now th e y are th e re . A lot of th e
ange ls' m is s ions s e rve no dis ce rnible purpos e --as
w h e n O e rth a, "ange lof th e North and of glacie rs ,"
Fre e ze -drie s and th e n th aw s M anh attan--but s om e
w ork ye om anlik e to advance th e plot. Anoth e r re a-
s on th e book 's h um an ch aracte rs s e e m s o flat is
th at w h ate ve r de ve lopm e nt th e y unde rgo is n't
caus e d by w h at th e y learn or de cide , it's s im ply
zappe d into th e m by ange l ic de cre e : it's w h e n a nice
ange lbles s e s Laura "w ith th e gift of be ing able to
love " th at s h e falls for th e blind D avid, and th is
An ob s e s s ive art colle ctor,
a b e vy of an ge ls an d a
tattoo artis t tran s form
Lau ra from n aïf in to a
ve n e rate d w ork of art.
al low s th e re s t of h e r e m otionals tory to be re s olve d
along de s pe rate ly conve ntionalline s .
M r. Fe de rs pie l's s urre al flouris h e s and com -
m e ntarie s s traddle th e line be tw e e n inte re s ting
and otios e . M os t of th e s urre alis m is pre tty but
pointles s . And th e auth orialas ide s --us ually in th e
s e rvice of s om e fuzzy th e m e about s patiote m poral
re lativity--s tart out s om e h ow incongruous and
appos ite at th e s am e tim e but q uick ly be com e
annoying. Th e narrator is s uch a bre ath y pre s e nce
th at h e finally e m e rge s as a k ind of arch ange lic
m as te r of ce re m onie s , orch e s trating th e w h ole s illy
plot and inviting us to laugh at e ve ry pratfall. Ye t
M r. Fe de rs pie l h as a ne ar-m ate rnal com pas s ion
for h is path e tic s tick figure s , and th e ge ntle ch arity
h e e xte nds th e m offe rs a w e lcom e contras t to th e
cynicalm anipulations th e y s uffe r at th e h ands of
one anoth e r, of th e ange lic puppe te e rs and of th e
nove lis ts uns ubtle th e m atics .
"Laura's Sk in" is leas t inte re s ting in its tire d,
de rivative re h as h ing of th e conte m porary corre -
s ponde nce be tw e e n art and prope rty, love and
cons um ption. But th e nove ldoe s a s e rvice in s ug-
ge s ting th at our m ode rn h abit of re ducing one
anoth e r to com m oditie s h as its origins nor in gre e d
or lus tbutin plain old fe ar.