THE TRUMPED UP 747

The 747 was sitting on the tarmac

As its pilots inspected it from front to back
They weren’t noticing any failings or stains
Until one of the pilots said, with disdain:

“Bill, check out that leak by that fuel drain!”

The pilot saw the leak and sighed

He had searched for 747 parts far and wide
But he had come up empty handed
He responded that they would have to wait until after they took off and landed.

But as their destination was only 500 miles away

And because they were trying to get Trump to end his New Jersey stay
The co-pilot saw that it would be better to wait and fix the engine and Trump problems
After all, they were in a part of New Jersey that was not infested with Dems.

In the terminal Trump made forth his way

To the Trump Airlines (aka Trump Force One) section and went to the gate
He thought he was late but was just in time
To board his 747, which happened to be the one with the engine on the line.

In the cockpit the pilots checked all the systems

But they didn’t have time to list them
Because they were on a tight schedule they couldn’t afford to wait
For the engine or Trump to behave, as they hated waiting at the gate.

The engines revved up to life

But a loud banging noise and an oil leak caught Trump’s eye
He sent up his press secretary (yes, Sarah Huckabee Sanders) up to see the pilots
And tell them “WHY ARE YOU TAKING OFF UNDER THESE CONDITIONS? WE COULD BE
BLOWN TO BITS!”

But the pilots assured her everything was just fine

Because they were after all, down from the rind:
“TRUMP’S FAITHFUL PILOTS FROM NY
WHO COULD NEVER, EVER FUCK UP AT ANY TIME!!!!”

So they taxied the plane out to the runway for takeoff

And waited for the signal from the control tower boss
Little did they know that the fuel tanks
Had been filled to the top before they went to the 747 as it was standing in place!

So the jet was almost too heavy to fly

It rolled down the runway, trying to climb
But its ass just was too damn heavy
And it was about to run off the end of the runway and hit a Chevy!

With all his strength the pilot pulled back on the stick
And the 747 reared back, the runway giving its ass a kick
It just barely got off the ground
And was finally in the air, homeward bound!

(The jet missed the Chevy by 21.5 feet)

With great speed the jet climbed into the air

It seemed unstoppable by now, just like a bear
But all of a sudden the pilot screamed
When he saw flames pouring out of the engine like yellow cream!

A circuit had run into the leaky engine through a faulty wire and switch
Because the pilot had skipped some checks and was a fucking bitch
As he forgot about checking the circuit board
The circuit electricity ran into the fuel tank like a bull goring a matador!

The pilots recognized that they needed to land

As the engine was slowing down, as was the fan
But they needed to turn around again
And the airplane was one they didn’t know how to tend!

The co-pilot said “Shit, Bill, we gotta get this baby on the ground
Before the plane rips apart and plummets down!”
He radioed the tower about an emergency landing
Just then, the engine on fire stopped fanning!

As the 747 approached the ground

The pilot proclaimed, “Wheels down!”
But the light only showed the back wheels as working
The front wheel was being illuminated on and off, like it was somehow burping!

The pilot said, “I’m gonna ask Trump to go down and fix that baby.”
The cowpilot said, “Why Trump? Why can’t one of us fix the landing gear of Sadie?”
The pilot said “Because Trump trumps everything. See what he can do!”
And the copilot was like, “The only good thing I ever saw him do was poo.”
Trump was eating his bucket of KFC when the pilot came in
And said to him that he would have to go down into the bin
But Trump responded, “I’m too fat to go down there.
Why, my belly is more fat than even a bear.”

But after poking and prodding from the pilot

And despite the fact that being forced to get up during a meal made his face violet
Trump went from his dining room to the landing gear bay
And he vowed to make the lazy-ass gear pay!

With a huge, bellowing voice he commanded to that wheel,

“GO DOWN AT THIS INSTANT! TO GORSUCH YOU CANNOT APPEAL!”
But the gear would not go down
So Trump grabbed the gear and began to pound!

To the pilots’ astonishment

The wheel went down a bit
Then the whole thing went down
And Trump the president fell out!

Through the landing gear hole he fell

Down to the airport terminal like a bell
He smashed through the window in the terminal, just missing the side wall made of bricks
And in the process he injured his dick.

As the 747 touched down the pilots breathed a sigh of relief

“We are now safe from pain and destruction”, was their belief
But at that moment the front wheel collapsed like it too was a bitch
Because Trump had failed to slam it down low enough for it to click.

With its nose scraping the ground the 747 rolled along
Producing a noise so earsplitting it could have been used in the worst ever song
The pilots tried to steer it towards the Trump Force One Airlines gate
But as they turned they saw they were about to crash into a plane whose departure was late!

The pilots slammed on the rudder and the jet screeched right
Which, as fate would have it, was where Trump was lying like a broken kite
Inside the terminal Trump watched in horror as the jet came towards him
And it started to slow down but then sped up again on a whim!

The jet slowed down just as it came to Trump

But its nose still gave him a slight bump
And catapulted him right out of the terminal as he screamed in ire,
“BILL WHEATLEY, YOU’RE FIRED!”

Trump flew through the air and landed

Almost by coincidence, in a hospital parking lot - in an area that was sanded!
He was quickly admitted to the emergency room on a top-floor level
Where he looked out of the window like a devil

In bandages he read Fake News Media magazines

That predicted his demise along with that of Montana Senator Steve Daines
But he dismissed these beliefs as rubbish and said aloud,
“THE FAKE NEWS MEDIA CANNOT STOP ME! AFTER ALL, I HAVE MY PLANS TO BUILD
AN IMPERIAL PRESIDENCY HIDDEN ON MY CLOUD!!!!”

Back at the airport the pilots breathed a sigh of relief

After all, they had stopped a 747 that was uncontrollable beyond belief
But what they forgot as they got off the jet was
The engine was still burning and now right next to a fuel truck!

As the pilots got off they began to notice a burning smell

That was emitting from the jet’s wing, they could tell
As the pilot began to wonder, “Was there some problem I forgot to address?”
The co-pilot responded, “Look at the engine! It’s about to create a mess!”

With a loud BOOM the burning engine ignited the fuel truck
Causing a huge explosion that reduced the area to total muck
The retarded pilot died instantly in the fiery hell
But the co-pilot lasted hardly any longer, only a few tolls of a bell

From his hospital window Trump watched the airport go up in flames

He knew immediately to place on his deceased dipshit pilot the blame
But what he forgot was that dead people can’t be blamed no matter what the loss
And he was the only person who was fucking rich enough to cover the cost!

As he was shown the cost shortly afterward by the hotel nurse

Which already read $12,000,000, not including the part of the check still hidden in her purse
Trump’s battered body ached and his dick felt an even further dent
As he conceded to himself and his millions of Deplorables supporters in a message sent,

“Well, I guess this is the end of my term as president.”