Below is a model answer essay that scored an impressive

Band 5. Look at the feedback on each paragraph.

QUESTION 2

The world today is turning more to electronic

communications such as the e-mail, Facebook and Short
Message System (SMS). What is your opinion of this growing
trend? Discuss. You should write at least 350 words.

As time goes by, the world is changing rapidly; so are its people
and the technology itself. Technology brings about a lot of
amendments in people’s life. It is getting more advanced from day
to day especially when it comes to Information Technology or in
this case; electronic communications. Back then, mailing was
seemingly to be one of the most vital ways of communication
especially for the world communication. In contrast, nowadays
people are more prone to communicate the easier ways; by staring
on their electronic accounts on their computers or through their
iPods and sending short messages from their iPhones or
Blackberries. Why is it so? In my slight opinion, this growing trend
gives a lot of dominances in today’s life, which are helping people
to save their time and money, create borderless communication
and make it easy for people to gain prominent information.

Feedback
The student introduces technology as a whole, looking at its
history, from how it has grown from a simple form of
communication through letters to today’s extensive choice of
communication through electronic gadgets. This is a great
way to start your introduction. Based on the question, explain
what the issue is and give a brief background of its past and
present. State your opinion as to why such situation arises.
First and foremost, the world today is turning more to electronic
communications like e-mail, Facebook and Short Message System
(SMS) and other electronic communications is because they will
prevent people from wasting their time and money. How do these
work? As we all know, sending a letter to someone will take a lot of
processes and will eventually take a long time and waste a lot of
money. On the contrary, electronic communications entail only the
tip of our fingers so as an electronic device to work with. Then, what
is left for us to do is just, typing! Has that not taken a much lesser
time and money? For instance, an e-mail only requires us to turn
on our laptops, open our accounts on the website and then, you
can start write your letter and send them through e-mails. In short,
with the very unstable economy nowadays, having these kinds of
communications will ease everyone’s burden especially on their
daily expenses and also their valuable time will not be wasted.

Feedback
State, Explain and then Illustrate. Remember SEI. First, state
the topic that’s been mentioned. In this case, it’s the rise of
electronic communications. Then explain. Explain what
electronic communications entail. Next, illustrate. This means
give examples based on your explanation. The student
illustrates by giving a scenario of the use of emails.

Secondly, the growing trend of electronic communications is

making it possible for a borderless communication which is vital
these days. Why is it vital? A lot of things require borderless
communication; in education field, businesses and even daily
activities, especially when foreigners involved. For example, when
trading with foreigners, in order to communicate with each other,
they need Skype or Yahoo Messenger as mediums to interact and
be able to do the trade at a faster rate as compared to by using
‘snail mails’ or regular letters. Skype is the perfect example of an
electronic communication which will cut the boundary that has
separated each country and make communication between two
different countries from around the world possible. In conclusion, it
is crucial to have these electronic communications in today’s age
of globalization as they make it easier for people around the world
to connect with each other.

Feedback
Structure your subsequent paragraphs like the first one. Add
a new point in the second paragraph and repeat the SEI
format. It’s important to have a mind map of your points before
you start writing.

Last but not least, the dominance of these electronic

communications is people could gain prominent information more
efficiently than before. As there are lesser borders between
countries, the efficiency of getting much more relevant and
prominent information is higher. People will have the ability to
provide and gain information effectively through Facebook or
Twitter accounts. For example, international artists who have
planned to do a world concert can inform their fans about it through
their Facebook account. Likewise, the fans also can ask just about
anything to their favourite artists regarding the concert. Hence, this
explains why people make these electronic communications as a
huge trend these days and in order to keep the trend ongoing, each
person has the responsibility to adapt with the technology itself.

In a nutshell, the growing trend of using electronic communications

is inevitably vital in people’s lives as it gives out a lot of benefits as
stated in above paragraphs. So, to avoid ourselves from not getting
the chance of keeping up with the changing trends, we have to try
our best to adapt ourselves with the rapid changes. I believe that
the electronic communication trend is a trend which is very
important to be followed as the world is getting more advanced day
to day.

Feedback
To indicate that your essay is coming to an end, use words
like ‘in conclusion, in a nutshell, in short or to wrap up.
Summarise your opinion based on all your previous
paragraphs and emphasise your point through words like ‘I
believe’.