HER VISION,Tuesday, May 28, 2019 31

sorted EXPERT OPINION

Assess your relationship for a problem
Dear Jayne,
The way you have described
would also have observed this
behaviour to help you make

HE FLIRTS EVEN IN MY PRESENCE your husband’s behaviour

indicates something
deeper than you may
imagine.
Dear Counsellor, It is not possible that
My husband is all these women that
so flirtatious. he touches and flirts
Even when I am there, with necessarily welcome
he is always touching or enjoy his behaviour.
other women and Legally, this could in some
telling them jokes with instances tantamount to sexual
harassment and may lead him into
love innuendos. I have trouble. For his sake and for the sake
complained several times, of your family, you need to bring to his
but in vain. What should attention the likely legal implications of
I do? his actions.
One should find out whether flirting is part of their spouse’s Any society is governed by prescribed
Jayne character and then find a solution norms and the description of your
husband seems to negate normative
him realise the seriousness
of his actions. Is this a
recent development
or has he had it for a
long time? This could
also be a symptom of
an underlying problem
that arises out of the
relationship between the two
of you.
You may need to have a candid
and objective assessment of your
relationship with him, with a view of
determining whether this is the source
of the problem. This is such a serious
concern that you may need one on one
support from a counselling psychologist
to make proper assessment of the
problem. You may contact Her Vision to

YOUR ADVICE
behaviour.
Surely, it may not be only you noticing
this behaviour. It would be helpful for
you to request significant others who
refer you for further support.
CLEMENCE BYOMUHANGI
COUNSELLING PSYCHOLOGIST

Stop being insecure Your husband is

Flirting can be fun, but it can also
be hurtful. However, it varies from
individual to individual and more
often than not, it is completely
harmless.
However, when in a relationship,
flirting can become offensive and
disrespectful, as well as creating
chance for jealousy and other
such negative emotions, from your
partner who is often left to feel
insignificant.
You may not bring an end to
his flirting, but you can at least
alter the situation in which it takes
place. When in a relationship,
know and understand their
character. If flirting is one of your
husband’s personality traits, you
need to accept it as being part of
him, just like any other habit of his
that you find distasteful.
Focus on what is important to
you and do not look at the flirting
as a problem. Instead, look at the
reasons behind his flirting.
It is up to you to look at your
confidence and get to grips with
why it makes you feel insecure.
If you cannot tolerate his flirting
anymore, then express your
feelings, which will ease the tension
than bottling up all of the negative
feelings. Otherwise, you both need
to learn to accept each other for
who you really are.
Robert Mugenyi, marriage counsellor
disrespectful
I am sorry, but not only is your husband
immoral, he is also so disrespectful. He
does not respect you nor the marriage
institution. He has no love for you
whatsoever. I even wonder how you
hang in there when it is obvious he
wants you to walk out. Ultimately, it is
you to decide where to draw the line.
Familiarity breeds contempt and for your
case, push has already come to shove.
Put your foot down and scram before
you are officially pushed out.
Phoebe Miriam
Pray for your husband
Your husband has lost respect for you and
the marriage. You need to see a religious
leader and ask them to talk and pray with
you as a couple. Above all, commune with
God, pray and fast about your marriage.
He is under some sort of demonic frenzy.
Ayikoru Estelle Alio
Confront him about his behaviour
It is good that you have seen this happening. Does your husband consider
his behaviour flirtatious as you do, or does he look at it differently? Why do
you think he is not responding to your complaints? Would it be helpful for
you to understand what he thinks of his behaviour? Perhaps by inquiring
from him the motivations and purpose for his actions? Since complaining
has not worked for you, talk to him about how that behaviour makes you
feel, as his wife, what it could mean to those he flirts with and what possible
consequences it could have for him.
Humphery Rwabugahya
NEXT WEEK’S PROBLEM
Dear Counsellor,
At first, I called my husband’s behaviour SEND YOUR
ADVICE TO
love, but now I realise that he is controlling hervision@
me. He does not want me to wear any newvision.co.ug
makeup, he told me to keep my hair short
and only wants me to wear long clothes.
Whenever I do something different, he gets angry and
aggressive. What should I do? Worried Wife