Walimbe 1

Sanika Walimbe

Mrs. Mann

AP English Literature and Composition

10 February 2019

Best of Three Essay

An elevator transports people from one level of a building to another, essentially

transitioning them from one environment to another. By the main character in the excerpt using

an elevator to be exposed to her new environment, it symbolizes that the elevator is transitioning

her to different “levels” - or different places- in her life, creating unfamiliar changes in her

environment. In the excerpt by Jamaica Kincaid, a girl details her struggles adjusting to life in

her new home. Though the girl is learning more about the world and gaining knowledge in her

new home, she is nostalgic for her past life, longing to be surrounded by familiarity.

The main character vividly describes the awe she experiences in her new but unfamiliar

home. When describing her first experiences in her new environment she states, “I got into an

elevator, something I had never done before, and then was in an apartment and seated at a table,

eating food just taken from the refrigerator.” In this description of her sequence of events,

Kincaid purposely makes the syntax in the sentence run on, lengthening it by the use of commas,

to show how overwhelmed she felt by taking in new information about the world around her.

Furthermore, she states she slept soundly because she “didn’t want to take in anything else”,

proving how she was learning so much in such a short period of time about different customs

that she felt overwhelmed and needed sleep as a break from learning. In addition, the narrator

explains her fascination with how “the sun was shining but the air was cold” by exclaiming
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“What a feeling that was! How can I explain?” . Through her excitement and wonder of this

phenomena, Kincaid demonstrates that the narrator is in awe of the new sensory experiences.

The narrator's new encounters result in her processing her new environment to learn more than

what she previously knew in her old home.

The narrator also craves to relive her old life. Through Kincaid’s use of juxtaposition of

colors, by describing her old life with happy colors such as “pink”, “green” and “bright

sun-yellow” while describing her new life with dark colors such as “pale yellow” and “black”,

showing the narrator’s preference for her old life and the happiness associated with it. In

addition, the main character utilizes a metaphor of describing her life as a river with two paths.

She illustrates her old life as “the path that was so predictable and familiar that even my

unhappiness made me happy” and her new life as being “a gray blank overcast seascape… no

boats were in sight”. Through contrasting the beneficial qualities of the first path and the

negative qualities of the second, Kincaid demonstrates the narrator’s realization that she

cherishes her past life, and is nostalgic for it’s simplicity and familiarity whereas she is cold

towards the emptiness and loneliness she feels in her new environment. Furthermore, by the

narrator saying that her “unhappiness” in her old home made her happy, it illustrates her

understanding that her old home was better than previously thought even though she was

dissatisfied there, demonstrating her underappreciation for the life she now cherishes. The main

character’s overall negative disposition towards her current surroundings and longing for her old

one shows her realization that there truly is no place like home.

Kincaid shows that the narrator is challenging her sense of self through encountering new

experiences and learning new information while also longing for the simplicity and predictability
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of her past life. Through the narrator’s internal struggle while transitioning from familiarity to a

foreign land, Kincaid wants the audience to realize that the process of adjustment is difficult, and

it is normal to feel conflicted while trying to adapt to a new environment.


Account of Revisions
REVISIONS I MADE:
Explain, in detail, the changes you made. Include
quotations/examples to make the revisions
apparent to the reader. ​Make sure your revisions
are both small and large scale.
1. I added a clearer transition between
my introduction metaphor and the
brief summary of my text in the
introduction paragraph. Before, the
sentence connecting the metaphor and
text was just the sentence “By the
main character going on an elevator, it
symbolizes the transition she is
making from past to present life .” My
new sentence is now explaining the
metaphor more fully; “ By the main
character in the excerpt using an
elevator to be exposed to her new
environment, it symbolizes that the
elevator is transitioning her to
different ‘levels’ - or different places-
in her life, creating unfamiliar changes
in her environment”
2. I added the quote “I got into an
elevator, something I had never done
before, and then was in an apartment
and seated at a table, eating food just
taken from the refrigerator.” directly
from the text as specific textual
evidence in my first body paragraph.
3. I got rid my previous chunks of
evidence and analysis about the word
“surprise” and her hyperbole diction in
the second body paragraph. Instead, I
decided to just have two pieces of
evidence and go into more depth when
describing those two pieces. I added
this portion: “Through contrasting the
beneficial qualities of the first path
and the negative qualities of the
second, Kincaid demonstrates the
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RATIONALE:
Why did this change need to take place?
(How did it improve the clarity, coherence,
style, effect, focus, etc. of your words?)
1. I realized that my previous transition
was abrupt and didn’t fully connect
the metaphor and the text. By
including more explanation to the
connection, I was able to synthesize
the metaphor with the author’s
purpose of the character going through
a transition period in her life. Overall,
I improved the clarity of my writing.
2. Previously, I did not include the direct
quote and instead merely summarized
it, making it unspecific and unclear
enough what points I was trying to
make exactly. By including the
specific quote I was analyzing, I was
able to provide coherent and clear
evidence as basis of my analysis of
that quote.
3. In my original draft I had a lot of
pieces but didn’t go as in depth on
them as I liked, and therefore the essay
was less concise and coherent. By
removing pieces of evidence, I was
able to develop my ideas more fully
while also improving the coherency of
my writing by making it more concise.
4. I wanted to add an extra line that could
answer the “so what” question- why
Kincaid wrote this piece and how it
relates to our everyday lives. By
relating the piece back to the audience
I believe I was able to more
effectively convey my analysis of
Kincaid’s opinion on transitioning.
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narrator’s realization that she

cherishes her past life, and is nostalgic
for it’s simplicity and familiarity
whereas she is cold towards the
emptiness and loneliness she feels in
her new environment. Furthermore, by
the narrator saying that her
“unhappiness” in her old home made
her happy, it illustrates her
understanding that her old home was
better than previously thought even
though she was dissatisfied there,
demonstrating her underappreciation
for the life she now cherishes. The
main character’s overall negative
disposition towards her current
surroundings and longing for her old
one shows her realization that there
truly is no place like home.”
4. I added the line “through the narrator’s
internal struggle while transitioning
from familiarity to a foreign land,
Kincaid wants the audience to realize
that the process of adjustment is
difficult, and it is normal to feel
conflicted while trying to adapt to a
new environment” to the conclusion.

Writer’s Workshop Effect

The Writer’s Workshop experience really helped me improve as a writer. I got lots of great
feedback on all of my essays on how to more effectively illustrate my arguments. Overall, I
learned that I need to be more concise and use fewer pieces of textual evidence and develop
my ideas more fully. Gina gave me great advice when she told me I needed to provide more
context before citing a quote, which I agreed with since I thought I was just stating the
evidence without describing what it was. Gina also recommended that I be more concise with
my evidence and not use as much of it because quality trumps quantity which I also agreed
with because I could sense my second body paragraph loosing it’s message underneath all the
evidence. Esther recommended that I provide a better transition between my introduction
metaphor and summary of the text in my introduction paragraph which I agreed with since I
thought it was too abrupt and lacked explanation. Overall, through these sessions I have
improved as a writer through the constructive criticism given to me.
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