5022449

Not Your Average High School Drama

High school may seem immensely daunting to any teenager who is entering it. The long

halls of the seemingly limitless building are crammed with students who are full of the pressures

of fitting into a certain group and intimidating teachers. The transition into adulthood happens

not only within the confines of high school, but in students’ home lives too. Teenagers are

shaped by their peers, teachers, families, who all combine to create the person who walks onto

the stage at graduation directly into adulthood. My high school experience presented more

challenges than your average student, which caused a struggle in juggling my home life with

school. Although everyone encounters loss at a certain point in their lives, some types damage a

person more than others. Loss is defined as the process of losing something or someone.

Whether it’s a loss of a cherished childhood toy, or the loss of a beloved pet; it all affects the

person in a certain way that contributes to how an individual deals with the idea of loss.

Two years ago, I lost my mom to stage four breast cancer. That day was not filled with

picnics, twinkling laughter, and helium filled balloons. It was caskets, red brimmed eyes

overflowing with water, and death. The truth was that this was the end. I had no background, no

way of knowing how to handle it. Instead of worrying about upcoming chemistry tests and that

party on Saturday, I was faced with a life altering situation that wasn’t one of the problems an

ordinary high schooler experiences. Suddenly, someone so important to me, was gone from my

life. There were no second chances and no turning back time. My world was no longer how I had

envisioned it, with my future having dissolved right in front of my glassy eyes. Like the flick of a

switch, I had to go from being a kid trying to figure out life to someone that had to care for their

family. At the time, my older siblings were in their twenties and thirties who no longer lived at

1
 5022449

home, yet I was fifteen years old and my younger brother was just twelve. It was an earthquake

that broke down our entire family, but did it destroy some while simply damaging others? This

experience of a different type of loss that I was not prepared for ultimately led me to conjugate

the following question: ​How does the loss of a parent affect young children and adolescents’

developmental growth?

In order to fully understand the psychological effects of the loss of a parent on a child, we

must first delve into the general effect that parental figures have on young children and

adolescents. Those under the age of 18 are constantly being influenced by everything that

surrounds them in their daily lives. Parents are an essential factor in children’s developmental

growth considering they are constantly around them since birth; they teach them how to walk,

talk, and right from wrong. According to a study at Vanderbilt, “parents have a significant

influence on how children turn out, including their personality, emotional development, and

behavioral habits, as well as a host of other factors”(​Parental Influence on)​. Parents are the most

important and sometimes the only model a child has when growing up on how to react to

situations, express emotions, and have healthy behavior. When the parental figure whose role is

to promote self-reliance and confidence in their child is no longer there, it leads to damaging

effects on the child not only at the moment, but also in their future. Psychologist Erik Erikson

developed the emotional theories of development which states that if children are not raised

correctly they will have dissatisfactory mental and behavioral issues later in life. For example,

infancy is characterized by Trust, which is the beneficial characteristic, versus Mistrust, an

unfavorable one (Clay Center). Therefore if an infant was not properly taken care of (fed,

changed, kept safe, etc), they would have a mistrust of the world that spills into adulthood which

2
 5022449

may cause issues in personal relationships. Parental figures play a major part in the way children

age and develop into adults, yet when they are absent it dissaranges the entire developmental

process and creates problems later in life.

The loss of a parent to an individual under the age of 18 can generally be divided into two

forms, which are the death of a parent or a parent-child separation due to divorce or

incarceration. Both have similar effects on the child’s psyche, yet the levels of severity depend

on certain situational factors. It is more common in today’s world for a child to experience a loss

of a parent due to the fact that, “about 40 to 50 percent of married couples in the United States

divorce”(American Psychological Association). With such high percentages of divorces, it

increases the chances of those separations being non-communicative within the parent-child

relationship. When a couple gets a divorce, it can be similar to a death of parent in retrospect to

the psychological effects it has on a child as a result of the connection being cut off ceaselessly.

Incarceration of a parent also presents negative effects onto the child because the communication

becomes limited straining the relationship. According to Rutger’s University, “More than 2.7

million children in the U.S. have an incarcerated parent. That is 1 in 28 children”(​CHILDREN

AND FAMILIES)​. The immediate separation between parent and child makes it increasingly

difficult for parents to keep a close relationship with their child. Depending on the length of the

sentence, the time and distance between the two parties creates an emotional and physical barrier

that is difficult to break through after the return of the parent. Although it may not seem so, the

early death of a parent is quite common when, “One out of every 20 children aged fifteen and

younger will suffer the loss of one or both parents”(Owens). This statistic, large within itself,

does not account for other close “parental figures” like caregivers or family members. To put this

3
 5022449

number in perspective, it is comparable to one student in every classroom having lost a parent.

Assuming that there was previously a two parent household to begin with, this would leave a

single parent household for around 1.5 million children (Owens). The drastic shift from a two

adult household to a single one can have damaging effects to the children’s mental state, not only

by the cause of trauma, but also because of the shift in the socioeconomic aspect. Whether this

happens by death, divorce, or incarceration, it alters each person within that family. However, it

is the youngest members of the home that are affected the most due to their impressionable age

and growing minds.

Death is a traumatic event for someone of any age, but it can be especially

psychologically damaging to those whose brains are still developing. A child dealing with the

grief of a recently deceased parent has a significant amount of trouble with school. They may be

distracted, depressed, and have anxiety due to such a crucial event. According to the American

Academy of Pediatrics, ​“​Parental death during childhood was associated with lower grades and

school failure”(​American Psychological Association).​ This loss is a massive life changing event

that deducts from the learning processes of a child. They may begin to isolate themselves and

school becomes the last place they would want to be during their grieving process. Young

children are extremely impressionable and if they develop bad habits during school which may

lead to lower grades. This eventually may lead to dropping out of school completely and no

motivation to pursue any type of higher education. ​When children have to go through the

experience of a death of a parent they not only have effects in their childhood years, but they also

are seen to have complications as they age into their adulthood. The poor performance in school

due to the passing of a parent affects individuals as they age and begin lives of their own. A

4
 5022449

study done on the longitudinal effects on children has shown that, “​bereaved children have been

shown to have lower educational aspirations, more difficulties at work, and fewer plans for

career development”(AAP). The low school performance that developed during childhood has

manifested into poor lives of the individual as an adult. It may be increasingly difficult for the

individual to hold a job and then further that career into something with greater benefits and

self-satisfaction. This characteristic accompanies the low self confidence and self esteem that

arises from losing a parent during a significant part of the developmental process. ​Studies that

take men and women who have had a parent pass away during childhood have also shown that,

“For men, parental death predicted higher levels of autonomy… Women who reported losing a

parent through death were more likely to be depressed”(Brandeis University). This reveals that

men are more likely to be inclined to make independent decisions considering that they had to

grow up faster than usual. In the novel, ​The Loss that is Forever: The Lifelong Impact of the

Early Death of a Mother Or Father ​by Maxine Harris it is said that, “There was no longer

someone to guide him in living his own life”(33). This loss of a key figure in a child’s life can

leave them at a loss of what to do with their lives. ​If they had younger siblings, they would have

to learn to raise them and be more independent even if they were of a young age at the time. The

human brain has a natural instinct that we must take care of those who are younger than us. This

means that in a family dynamic if a father passes away, the oldest son will go through the

developmental process faster in other to become a sort of “father figure” to the women in the

family. Women are more likely to be depressed because they are normally more emotional and

feel a deeper sense of defeat when a parent passes away. This may lead to a major depressive

disorder if not treated at the time of the incident using therapy and various types of counseling.

5
 5022449

The death of a parent is a natural way of life, yet when it occurs when a child is still developing

it can disrupt the process and progress into lifelong issues.

Death is permanent, yet there are other ways that children can experience the loss of a

parent without the permanence. This occurs most often by divorces within the family. The

effects are seen in the child not only through their behavior and actions, but in their mental

function too. The ​hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal axis, or HPA axis for short, is a collection of

structures that control the behavioral and psychological responses that activate due to stress

(NCBI). Stress is certainly one of the side effects that a child experiences when their parents are

going through a divorce due to feeling a sense of hopelessness, fear, and uncertainty towards the

future. Jana Bachman, a Vascular Access nurse at a local hospital shed some light on this topic,

“Divorce is definitely stressful to the entire family as it is splitting everyone up. Depending on

the situation and if it is civil, it can be traumatizing to the children’s psyche on how they

perceive the world and develop personal relationships”. Parents are model figures to their

children and the way they interact are examples to how the children should act. They may have

trouble with trust and developing close emotional relationships with others due to how their

parents interrelate. According to a study done on young adults who have experienced the early

separation of parents states that, ​“a history of childhood separation from one parent due to

divorce may lead to detectable, albeit mild, long-term alterations in HPA axis

activity”(Hormones and Behavior). This evidence shows that the process of divorce on a child

can alter their mental behavior that leads into adulthood. If the HPA axis is modified in any way,

then a person’s stress response is no longer functioning the way it was meant to and can cause

stress related health issues later in life. In order to maintain homeostasis, the responses from the

6
 5022449

body’s endocrine, nervous, and immune system all have to be in balance with each other in order

to maintain the stress response. In an article written by Elaine A. Blechman, she presents the idea

that children who lose a parent due to separation and not death are increasingly vulnerable to

acute psychiatric disturbances in their child and adulthood lives(Blechman). This is most likely

the causation of not receiving proper counselling and help during the healing process. It is clear

that parent child separation can cause harmful effects not because of the fact that a parent passes

away, but simply because of the loss of communication between parent-child relationships and

the stress it places upon the child.

Incarceration is another circumstance where the parent-child relationship becomes

strained and the lack of contact leads to future outcomes that are unfavorable. When a parent

becomes incarcerated, it is a painful experience for a child to witness and live through. Children

are suddenly left with little to no communication to their parental figure and are forced to grow

up without them. Studies that have been done on children who have gone through the experience

of having a parent get arrested have shown that:

70% of young children with incarcerated mothers had emotional or psychological

problems. Children exhibit internalizing problems, such as anxiety, withdrawal,

hypervigilance, depression, shame and guilt… They exhibit somatic problems

such as eating disorders. And, perhaps most clearly, young children exhibit

externalizing behaviors such as anger, aggression, and hostility toward caregivers

and siblings. (ASPE)

This displays how the action of having a parent incarcerated not only pays a toll on a child

mentally, but physically too. Their problems vary and depend on certain situational factors like

7
 5022449

the relationship type, the age of the child, and the circumstance. It is not stated that these are

certainly going to happen, however it is always a possibility because a growing child is greatly

impressionable. The stress of being torn away from a parent can cause any of these problems and

the only difference is how these children exhibit it. This stress also spills into the children’s

school and social lives. An article on the tolls of parent incarceration states, “Only 1 percent to 2

percent of students with incarcerated mothers and 13 percent to 25 percent of students with

imprisoned fathers graduate from college”(Sparks). This report demonstrates how losing a parent

damages a child not only mentally, but socially too. They may feel ashamed that their parents

were incarcerated and forced to keep it a secret. By bottling up their emotions, they are just

manifesting normal human responses into psychological and emotional problems that impacts

their daily lives. Education is essential to the growth and development of a child, yet when they

are experiencing problems at home it prevents them from getting the most of their schooling.

It is normal for a developing child to experience emotional and psychological effects

after the loss of a parent, however if they are left untreated, they may transform into greater

issues that prevent individuals from fully living. Anxiety, depression, and aggression are all

normal responses to either the death of a parent, or parent-child separations. There are many

resources available to children and adolescents who have lived through these situations that

assist in a healthy management of all these feelings. In order to gather more information on the

prevention of long term developmental problems due to this unchannelled grief, I spoke to

someone who regularly counsels those seeking help with this and various other problems. Tristan

Bour is a clinical psychologist who examines and diagnoses patients with new or preexisting

disorders. I sat down with her at her home surrounded by toys, art, and various elements of the

8
 5022449

presence of young children. A point stated that was a significant factor in this subject was

that,“The most important thing to consider in these situations is who they have in their life to

process it with: any other parents in the household… supporting siblings”(Bour). Children are

greatly impressionable and without guidance in the right direction, they are bound to end up with

a whole crate of emotional disorders. There are plenty of ways a child or adolescent can receive

assistance following such a life altering event. It is important that they receive help because,

“Any problems that a child may first experience when they are separated from their parent are

mostly not stagnant and go away depending on the way it’s processed. It all depends on the how

the loss was processed, grieved, and the amount of social support available”(Bour). There are

online resources, grief counselors, and various psychologists and therapists. As Bour very well

stated, it all stems from the inclination of the remaining family to seek help throughout this

process. It also is affected by who surrounds the child and their attitude towards the situation.

Siblings, in this place, can either be extremely helpful or worsen it. The impact of others is

especially key during this time since the child is down one parental figure and they are most

likely feeling lost and alone. The support of others is unmatched in how it affects humans and

helps them process through traumatic situations.

With the endless factors that all combine to help a child age and develop into a

functioning member of society, it can only be presumed that something will go wrong along the

way. Parents are key in this essential growth and influence that a child receives the first eighteen

years of their life. They provide not only food, shelter, and education, but they also discipline

and prepare the adolescent for adulthood. When there has been a family dynamic established for

years and it’s torn apart, it wreaks havoc upon the entire family. It mostly affects children,

9
 5022449

tearing apart their foundation for progress with seeds of lifelong problems. This develops into

deep emotional and mental issues that prevents someone from living their lives to their full

potential if they are not receiving assistance in any way. The lack of communication and loss of a

key figure that shifts a child’s entire world is more common than believed to be. Whether a

child’s parents divorce, pass away, or are incarcerated, these circumstances all have effects upon

the child’s growth. All the studies, articles, and research have shown that the damage is there, yet

with proper processing and support the individual can recover to become a stronger person than

they ever thought they could be. These disorders that children develop are not just caused by the

loss of a parent; there are endless factors that combine in their lives that create adverse effects.

There have been numerous studies done on the different effects that children have, yet they do

not have any definite results. Every child, every parent child relationship, and circumstance is

different and alters how the event changes the child. Kids are resilient. They are put into terrible

conditions and are able to grow from them. The loss of my mother certainly had played its

effects on me and it was the most difficult time in my life. However, children are resilient, but so

am I.

10
 5022449

Works Cited

American Psychological Association​, American Psychological Association,

www.apa.org/topics/divorce/.

Bachman, Jana. Personal Interview. 5 March 2019.

Berg, Lisa, et al. “Parental Death During Childhood and Subsequent School Performance.”

Pediatrics​, American Academy of Pediatrics, 1 Apr. 2014,

pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/133/4/682.

Blechman, Elaine A. “Are Children with One Parent at Psychological Risk? A Methodological

Review.” ​Journal of Marriage and the Family​, vol. 44, no. 1, 1982, p. 179.,

doi:10.2307/351272.

Bour, Tristan. Personal Interview. 5 March 2019.

CHILDREN AND FAMILIES OF THE INCARCERATED FACT SHEET.​ Rutgers University,

nrccfi.camden.rutgers.edu/files/nrccfi-fact-sheet-2014.pdf.

“Effects of Parental Incarceration on Young Children.” ​ASPE​, 23 Mar. 2017,

aspe.hhs.gov/basic-report/effects-parental-incarceration-young-children.

Harris, Maxine. ​Loss That Is Forever: The Lifelong Impact of the Early Death of a Mother Or

Father.​ Plume, 1996.

11
 5022449

“Long-Term Effects of Early Parental Loss Due to Divorce on the HPA Axis.” ​NeuroImage,​

Academic Press, 12 Feb. 2007,

www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0018506X07000104.

Maier, E. Hailey, and Margie E. Lachman. “Consequences of Early Parental Loss and Separation

for Health and Well-Being in Midlife.” 2000.

Owens, D. “‘Recognizing the Needs of Bereaved Children in Palliative Care.’” ​Journal of

Hospice & Palliative Nursing​, 2008.

“Parental Influence on the Emotional Development of Children.” ​Developmental Psychology at

Vanderbilt​, Vanderbilt University,

my.vanderbilt.edu/developmentalpsychologyblog/2014/05/parental-influence-on-the-emo

tional-development-of-children/.

Schlozman, Steven. “What Are Some Of The Major Theories Of Development?” ​The Clay

Center For Young Healthy Minds,​ 3 Mar. 2016,

www.mghclaycenter.org/parenting-concerns/infants-toddlers/what-are-some-of-the-major

-theories-of-development/.

Smith, Sean M, and Wylie W Yale. “The Role of the Hypothalamic-Pituitary-Adrenal Axis in

Neuroendocrine Responses to Stress.” ​NCBI​, Dec. 2006,

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3181830/.

Sparks, Sarah D. “Parents' Incarceration Takes Toll on Children, Studies Say.” ​Education Week,​

Editorial Project in Education, 21 Feb. 2019,

12
 5022449

www.edweek.org/ew/articles/2015/02/25/parents-incarceration-takes-toll-on-children-stu

dies.html.

13
 5022449

Works Consulted

“Children of Incarcerated Parents.” ​Children of Incarcerated Parents | Youth.gov​,

www.youth.gov/youth-topics/​children-of-incarcerated-parents​.

“Children of Incarcerated Parents.” ​Cornell Research​, 5 Mar. 2019,

research.cornell.edu/news-features/children-incarcerated-parents.

“Impact of Having an Incarcerated Parent Lasts a Lifetime-and May...” ​Vera​, 25 Jan. 2018,

www.vera.org/blog/impact-of-having-an-incarcerated-parent-lasts-a-lifetime-and-may-sh

orten-it-study-says.

“Supporting Children and Families Affected by Parental Incarceration.” ​Supporting Children

and Families Affected by Parental Incarceration - Child Welfare Information Gateway​,

www.childwelfare.gov/topics/supporting/support-services/incarceration/.

14