THREE WAYS TO SPEAK ENGLISH

00:00
Today, a baffled lady observed the shell where my soul dwells

00:06
And announced that I'm "articulate"

00:11
Which means that when it comes to enunciation and diction

00:15
I don't even think of it

00:16
�Cause I�m "articulate"

00:19
So when my professor asks a question

00:21
And my answer is tainted with a connotation of urbanized suggestion

00:25
There�s no misdirected intention

00:27
Pay attention

00:28
�Cause I�m �articulate�

00:31
So when my father asks, �Wha� kinda ting is dis?�

00:34
My �articulate� answer never goes amiss

00:37
I say �father, this is the impending problem at hand�

00:41
And when I�m on the block I switch it up just because I can

00:44
So when my boy says, �What�s good with you son?�

00:47
I just say, �I jus� fall out wit dem people but I done!�

00:52
And sometimes in class

00:54
I might pause the intellectual sounding flow to ask

00:57
�Yo! Why dese books neva be about my peoples�

01:00
Yes, I have decided to treat all three of my languages as equals

01:04
Because I�m �articulate�

01:08
But who controls articulation?

01:11
Because the English language is a multifaceted oration

01:14
Subject to indefinite transformation

01:16
Now you may think that it is ignorant to speak broken English

01:19
But I�m here to tell you that even �articulate� Americans sound foolish to the
British

01:25
So when my Professor comes on the block and says, �Hello�

01:28
I stop him and say �Noooo �

01:31
You�re being inarticulate � the proper way is to say �what�s good��
01:35
Now you may think that�s too hood, that�s not cool

01:38
But I�m here to tell you that even our language has rules

01:41
So when Mommy mocks me and says �ya�ll-be-madd-going-to-the-store�

01:46
I say �Mommy, no, that sentence is not following the law

01:51
Never does the word "madd" go before a present participle

01:55
That�s simply the principle of this English�

01:57
If I had the vocal capacity I would sing this from every mountaintop,

02:01
From every suburbia, and every hood

02:03
�Cause the only God of language is the one recorded in the Genesis

02:07
Of this world saying �it is good"

02:09
So I may not always come before you with excellency of speech

02:13
But do not judge me by my language and assume

02:15
That I�m too ignorant to teach

02:17
�Cause I speak three tongues

02:18
One for each:
02:19
Home, school and friends

02:21
I�m a tri-lingual orator

02:23
Sometimes I�m consistent with my language now

02:25
Then switch it up so I don�t bore later

02:27
Sometimes I fight back two tongues

02:29
While I use the other one in the classroom

02:31
And when I mistakenly mix them up

02:33
I feel crazy like � I�m cooking in the bathroom

02:37
I know that I had to borrow your language because mines was stolen

02:44
But you can�t expect me to speak your history wholly while mines is broken

02:49
These words are spoken

02:51
By someone who is simply fed up with the Eurocentric ideals of this season

02:56
And the reason I speak a composite version of your language

02:59
Is because mines was raped away along with my history

03:03
I speak broken English so the profusing gashes can remind us

03:07
That our current state is not a mystery

03:10
I�m so tired of the negative images that are driving my people mad

03:15
So unless you�ve seen it rob a bank stop calling my hair bad

03:19
I�m so sick of this nonsensical racial disparity

03:23
So don�t call it good unless your hair is known for donating to charity

03:27
As much as has been raped away from our people

03:32
How can you expect me to treat their imprint on your language

03:36
As anything less than equal

03:38
Let there be no confusion

03:40
Let there be no hesitation

03:42
This is not a promotion of ignorance

03:44
This is a linguistic celebration

03:47
That�s why I put "tri-lingual" on my last job application

03:53
I can help to diversify your consumer market is all I wanted them to know
03:57
And when they call me for the interview I�ll be more than happy to show that

04:00
I can say:

04:01
�What�s good�

04:02
�Whatagwan�

04:03
And of course ��Hello�

04:06
Because I�m �articulate�

04:09
Thank you.

04:10
(Applause)