Kevin Moreno ESSAY FINAL

PRO.docx
by Kevin Moreno

Submission date: 20-Feb-2019 02:20PM (UT C-0800)

Submission ID: 1081067944
File name: Kevin_Moreno_ESSAY_FINAL_PRO.docx (116.83K)
Word count: 1401
Character count: 7895
Kevin Moreno Jaime Brody English 301 February 18, 2019

New Paragraph
Mega Paragraph

Concluding Evidence
As parents,
Mega Paragraph

Signif icance

New Paragraph
Weak T ransit ion you

Good

Weak T ransit ion

What is your source?

What is your source?
Good
Kevin Moreno ESSAY FINAL PRO.docx
ORIGINALITY REPORT

21 %
SIMILARIT Y INDEX
15%
INT ERNET SOURCES
4%
PUBLICAT IONS
17%
ST UDENT PAPERS

PRIMARY SOURCES

1
Submitted to Oral Roberts University
St udent Paper 3%
2
Submitted to University of Portsmouth
St udent Paper 3%
3
Submitted to Monash University
St udent Paper 2%
4
www.drbeurkens.com
Int ernet Source 2%
5
Submitted to Laureate Higher Education Group
St udent Paper 2%
6
www.childrenandnature.org
Int ernet Source 2%
7
Submitted to Grand Canyon University
St udent Paper 1%
8
eric.ed.gov
Int ernet Source 1%
9
www.getkidsinaction.org
Int ernet Source 1%
10
scholars.wlu.ca
Int ernet Source 1%
11
www.setravi.df.gob.mx
Int ernet Source 1%
12
library.wur.nl
Int ernet Source 1%
13
uncommondescent.com
Int ernet Source 1%
14
Submitted to University of Wolverhampton
St udent Paper 1%
15
Gabriele Spina Alì. "The 13th Round: Article
39(3) TRIPS and the struggle over “Unfair
<1%
Commercial Use”", The Journal of World
Intellectual Property, 2018
Publicat ion

Exclude quotes Of f Exclude matches Of f

Exclude bibliography Of f
Kevin Moreno ESSAY FINAL PRO.docx
GRADEMARK REPORT

FINAL GRADE GENERAL COMMENTS

Instructor

83
Kevin,

T his is a very good start. I think that you have

def initely done your research and that you clearly
care about your topic. I think that your paragraph

/100
about blue light was particularly ef f ective. T hat said,
there are several issues of organization here. You
have several paragraphs that I have noted that need
to be split up and developed separately. For
example, you have a paragraph in which you discuss

how exercise benef its children into adulthood,

children's mental health and exercise, nutrition. then
def inition of physical activity. Each time you shif t
your f ocus, you need a new paragraph. Furthermore,
you need to make sure to transition f rom paragraph
to paragraph in a way that makes the connection
between ideas clear. When you revise, you will want
to do so with this in mind. I look f orward to your next
paper.

PAGE 1

Text Comment. Kevin Moreno Jaime Brody English 301 February 18, 2019

Strikethrough.

Strikethrough.

Strikethrough.

Missing "," Review the rules f or using punctuation marks.

QM New Paragraph | Organizat ion

Start a New Paragraph Here

PAGE 2

Strikethrough.

QM Mega Paragraph | Organizat ion

T his paragraph has a lot going on. You need to split it up.

Additional Comment

You have several ideas here: How exercise benef its children into adulthood, children's mental
health and exercise, nutrition. then def inition of physical activity. Make sure that you take the
time to split this up.

Sp. T his word is misspelled. Use a dictionary or spellchecker when you proof read your work.

QM Concluding Evidence | Dev/Sup

Don't conclude with evidence. Make sure that you take the time to explain why this evidence IS
evidence. Furthermore, af ter you explain the evidence, make sure that you take the time to
connect this to your argument.

Sp. T his word is misspelled. Use a dictionary or spellchecker when you proof read your work.

Text Comment. As parents,

QM Mega Paragraph | Organizat ion

T his paragraph has a lot going on. You need to split it up.

Comment 5 | Unit y

You need to have some sort of connection between these two ideas.

QM Signif icance | Dev/Sup

Good, but why does this matter? Connect to your overall thesis.

QM New Paragraph | Organizat ion

Start a New Paragraph Here

PAGE 3

QM you | St yle

Don't use "you" in f ormal college writing.

 QM Weak Transition | Organizat ion
Weak paragraph transition:
Although paragraphs are separate, individual steps of your paper, it is important to clearly
demonstrate a logical connection between them. Generally speaking, the way your paragraphs
relate to one another displays how sound your argument really is. A paragraph that begins with
"also" or "in addition" of f ers a weak transition f rom the previous point, even though it may
develop a highly interesting and related point.

QM Good | Dev/Sup

Good

QM Weak Transition | Organizat ion

Weak paragraph transition:
Although paragraphs are separate, individual steps of your paper, it is important to clearly
demonstrate a logical connection between them. Generally speaking, the way your paragraphs
relate to one another displays how sound your argument really is. A paragraph that begins with
"also" or "in addition" of f ers a weak transition f rom the previous point, even though it may
develop a highly interesting and related point.

QM What is your source? | Dev/Sup

What is your source?

PAGE 4

QM What is your source? | Dev/Sup

What is your source?

P/V You have used the passive voice in this sentence. You may want to revise it using the active
voice.

PAGE 5

QM Good | Format

Good

PAGE 6
RUBRIC: WRITING ASSIGNMENT RUBRIC

UNIT Y Scale 5

SCALE 6 presents a cogent, thesis-driven analysis of or response to the text

SCALE 5 presents a thoughtf ul, thesis-centered analysis of or response to the text

SCALE 4 presents an appropriate, thesis-based analysis of or response to the text

SCALE 3 presents an inconsistent or illogical thesis-related analysis of or response to the text

which ref lects an incomplete understanding of the text or topic

SCALE 2 presents a simplistic, inappropriate, or incoherent thesis-tangential analysis of or

response to the text, one that may suggest some signif icant misunderstanding of the
text or the topic;

SCALE 1 presents an inadequate, thesis-irrelevant analysis of or response to the text,

ignoring the topic’s demands, unacceptable

DEV/SUP Scale 4

SCALE 6 elaborates that response with well-chosen examples and persuasive reasoning,
excellent

SCALE 5 elaborates that response with appropriate examples and logical reasoning

SCALE 4 elaborates that response with acceptable examples and sensible reasoning

SCALE 3 lacks elaboration with appropriate examples , lacking

SCALE 2 lacks elaboration with appropriate examples or elaborates with inappropriate

examples

SCALE 1 lacks any appropriate pattern of development; may be inappropriately brief ,

unacceptable

ORGANIZ AT ION Scale 4

SCALE 6 conf orms to an organizational pattern that f acilitates reader understanding, using
organizational patterns to demonstrate the relatedness of ideas and enhances the
power of the argument

SCALE 5 conf orms to an organizational pattern that f acilitates reader understanding, using
organizational patterns to convey the argument

SCALE 4 conf orms to an organizational pattern that f acilitates reader understanding, using
organizational patterns to illustrate the argument, f its

SCALE 3 deviates f rom an organizational pattern that f acilitates reader understanding, so that
organizational structures may detract f rom the argument
SCALE 2 lacks an organizational pattern which f acilitates reader understanding, lacking

SCALE 1 lacks any appropriate organizational pattern, unacceptable

ST YLE Scale 5

SCALE 6 displays a sophisticated style that ref lects aptly chosen words and rhetorically
ef f ective sentence variety

SCALE 5 displays a readable style that ref lects well-chosen words and ef f ective sentences

SCALE 4 displays a style that ref lects appropriate words and sentence variety

SCALE 3 displays a style that ref lects imprecise word choice and little sentence variety

SCALE 2 displays a style that ref lects at least one of the f ollowing: simplistic or inaccurate
word choice; monotonous or f ragmented sentence structure, inappropriate

SCALE 1 displays a style which creates a disconnect between sound and sense, one in which
language word choice and syntax obscure meaning, unacceptable

SWE CONV Scale 5

SCALE 6 exhibits mastery of the conventions of Standard Written English, masterf ul

SCALE 5 demonstrates competence in the conventions of Standard Written English,

competent

SCALE 4 observes conventions of Standard Written English, acceptable

SCALE 3 may deviate f rom the conventions of Standard Written English by displaying
occasional major errors in grammar and usage or f requent minor errors

SCALE 2 repeatedly deviates f rom the conventions of Standard Written English by displaying
many repeated errors in grammar and usage

SCALE 1 consistently deviates f rom the conventions of Standard Written English., displaying a
pervasive pattern of errors in word choice, sentence structure, grammar and usage,
unacceptable

FORMAT Scale 6

SCALE 6 exhibits mastery of the conventions of manuscript citation and f ormat. masterf ul

SCALE 5 demonstrates competence in the conventions of manuscript citation and f ormat.

competent

SCALE 4 observes conventions of manuscript citation and f ormat. acceptable

SCALE 3 may deviate f rom the conventions of manuscript citation manuscript citation and
f ormat.
SCALE 2 repeatedly deviates f rom the conventions of manuscript citation and f ormat.

SCALE 1 consistently deviates f rom the conventions of manuscript citation and f ormat.
unacceptable