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Sample Medical School


Personal Statements

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© 2017 Accepted
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Contents

What is Accepted? 3
Why Our Clients Love Us 4
The Story Teller 6
The Ultimate AMCAS Essay [Humorous] 8
The Runner 10
A Dental School Application Essay 12
Emergency 911 14
The Traveler 16
Field of Dreams 18
The Non-Traditional Applicant 20
The Anthropology Student 22
Don’t Write Like This! 24
Epilogue 25

© 2017 !2 Accepted
What is Accepted?

Accepted is the premier admissions consultancy that offers:

• 1-on-1 consulting for medical school admissions

• Expert guidance for all application components (essays, resumes, letters of


recommendation, and waitlist letters)

• Interview prep

• Free resources – admissions guides, articles, and a podcast

• Admissions blog

© 2017 !3 Accepted
Why Our Clients Love Us

No matter where you live and no matter where you're applying, our expert admissions
consultants are ready to listen, mentor, and guide you as you prepare an outstanding med
school application that will get you accepted. You'll love us because you'll see from the
first phone call or email that we care about you and support you as you strive to achieve
your goals and dreams.

But you don't need to take our word for it. See what our clients say about Accepted…

“I've got some great news! I was accepted to Hopkins, Michigan, UChicago,
UPittsburgh, and Wayne State, with Michigan and Chicago giving me full or near-
full tuition scholarships. I really think the essay added flavor to an otherwise solid
application, and I don't doubt that the essay certainly opened some doors. Thank
you so much for working with me last summer, I ended up being real happy with
the end result and I don't think I would be at the same place today without your
help.”

"I ended up with 5 MD and 4 DO interview invitations. I interviewed at 4 of the 5


MD schools and was accepted at a UC Medical School, which I accepted and didn't
proceed with the remaining interviews. Thank you for all of your assistance."

“I have been accepted into five medical schools -- Temple, SUNY-Buffalo, BU,
Penn State, and U of Alabama at Birmingham. I have decided to attend the Medical
Scientist Training Program I have received a full tuition waiver and a stipend. I
can't tell you how pleased I am. Many interviewers commented about the quality of
my essay, which I owe you a great deal of gratitude for.”

“I will be attending the University of Washington School of Medicine! I received an


email from the dean of admission stating that I am awarded [a hefty scholarship].
I'm feeling blessed and excited right now :) I want to thank you for your support
throughout my application. This was such a challenging process for me, but your
patience and editing knowledge allowed me to express my passion for medicine.”

“I would like to thank you for your help. Currently, I have been invited to 14
interviews from schools which include UCLA, UCSD, UCI, Baylor, Vanderbilt,
University of Pittsburgh, University of Texas Southwestern, Tulane, and George
Washington Schools of Medicine. Throughout these interviews, I was
complimented on my personal statement and supplementary essays, which you so

© 2017 !4 Accepted
patiently helped me edit. I have also been accepted to two of the above schools.
Considering it's only Oct 22, I couldn't be happier with my progress.”

Read more feedback on why our clients love Accepted.

© 2017 !5 Accepted
The Story Teller

This essay is one of my favorites. The applicant tells a story and weaves a lot of information
about his background and interests into it. Note how the lead grabs attention and the conclusion
ties everything together.

The AIDS hospice reeked from disease and neglect. On my first day there, after an hour of
"training," I met Paul, a tall, emaciated, forty-year-old AIDS victim who was recovering from a
stroke that had severely affected his speech. I took him to General Hospital for a long-overdue
appointment. It had been weeks since he had been outside. After waiting for two and a half
hours, he was called in and then needed to wait another two hours for his prescription. Hungry, I
suggested we go and get some lunch. At first Paul resisted; he didn’t want to accept the lunch
offer. Estranged from his family and seemingly ignored by his friends, he wasn’t used to anyone
being kind to him — even though I was only talking about a Big Mac. When it arrived, Paul took
his first bite. Suddenly, his face lit up with the biggest, most radiant smile. He was on top of the
world because somebody bought him a hamburger. Amazing. So little bought so much. While
elated that I had literally made Paul’s day, the neglect and emotional isolation from which he
suffered disgusted me. This was a harsh side of medicine I had not seen before. Right then and
there, I wondered, "Do I really want to go into medicine?"

What had so upset me about my day with Paul? Before then nothing in my personal, academic,
or volunteer experiences had shaken my single-minded commitment to medicine. Why was I so
unprepared for what I saw? Was it the proximity of death, knowing Paul was terminal? No it
couldn’t have been. As a young boy in gutted Beirut I had experienced death time and time
again. Was it the financial hardship of the hospice residents, the living from day to day? No, I
dealt with that myself as a new immigrant and had even worked full-time during my first two
years of college.

Financial difficulty was no stranger to me. Neither financial distress nor the sight of death had
deterred me. Before the day in the hospice, I only wanted to be a doctor.

My interest in medicine had started out with an enjoyment of science. From general biology to
advanced cellular/behavioral neuroscience, the study of the biological systems, especially the
most complex of them all, the human body, has been a delightful journey with new discoveries in
each new class. Research with Dr. Smith on neurodegenerative diseases further stimulated my
curiosity. Equally satisfying is my investigation with Dr. Jones of the relevance of endogenous
opiates to drug therapies for schizophrenia, Alzheimer’s dementia, Parkinson’s disease,
Huntington’s chorea, and drug abuse. I love research. Looking at the results of an experiment for
the first time and knowing that my data, this newly found piece of information, is furthering our
knowledge in a small area of science is an indescribable experience. I have so enjoyed it that I
am currently enrolled in two Departmental Honors programs, both requiring an Honors Thesis. I
will graduate next year with two majors — Neuroscience and Biological Sciences. While I want
to incorporate research into my career, after meeting Paul I realized that the lab’s distant

© 2017 !6 Accepted
analytical approach wouldn’t help me show compassion to my patients. Even worse, it could
contribute to the emotional neglect I found so repulsive.

Dr. Nelson, the general practitioner for whom I volunteered for two and a half years, had always
told me that the desire to become a doctor must come from deep within. In his office, I took
patients’ vital signs and helped them feel more comfortable. I also spent a significant amount of
time with Dr. Nelson learning about the physician’s role. He became my mentor. I learned of the
physician’s many responsibilities — personal integrity, an endless love of learning, and the
awareness that throughout his or her career every physician is a student and a teacher. I also
realized that in medicine many decisions are based on clinical approximation, as opposed to the
precision of the lab. Still after two and a half years in his Park Avenue office, I was unprepared
for the AIDS hospice in a blue-collar neighborhood, and my experience with Paul.

Even my work at the Family Clinic, which serves a large poor and homeless population, failed to
prepare me for Paul. In the clinic, I worked a lot with children and interacted with their families.
I recall an episode when the parents of a twelve-year-old girl brought her to the clinic. They were
nervous and frightened. Their daughter had a hard time breathing because of a sore throat and
had not been able to sleep the previous night. I took her vital signs, inquired about her chief
complaint, and put her chart in the priority box. After she was seen by the physician, I assured
her parents that her illness was not serious — she had the flu, and the sore throat was merely a
symptom. The relief in the parents’ faces and the realization that I had made them feel a little bit
more comfortable was most fulfilling. During my stay at the clinic, I thoroughly enjoyed the
interaction with patients and dealing with a different socio-economic group than I found in Dr.
Nelson’s office. But while I was aware of their poverty, I was not aware if they suffered from
emotional isolation and neglect.

The abandonment that caused Paul’s loneliness nauseated me. But after I thought about it, I
understood that meeting Paul and working in the hospice gave me an opportunity, however
painful, for accomplishment and personal growth. And medicine offers a lifetime of such
opportunities. I didn’t turn my back on Paul or medicine. I’m glad I met Paul. He and I were
friends until he died, about eight months after I first started working at the AIDS hospice. I
visited him and others in the hospice at least once a week and frequently more often. My
experience with Paul and other AIDS patients led me to re-commit to a career as a physician —
the only career I want to pursue — but a physician who will always have a minute to comfort.
Yes, my research is exciting and important. Yes, medicine involves problem solving and analysis
of symptoms as I learned at the Family Clinic. And yes, medicine frequently involves clinical
approximation as Dr. Nelson taught me. But more than any of the above, as I learned at the AIDS
hospice, medicine requires compassion and caring — and sometimes a Big Mac.


© 2017 !7 Accepted
The Ultimate AMCAS Essay [Humorous]

Getting into medical school may seem a life-and-death matter until you are caught in a
Himalayan blizzard with your pants down (a fate decidedly worse than a rejection letter).
Barring the latter eventuality, we think you should lighten up and thus are providing you with a
paradigmatic essay (see below) which despite your best efforts, you won't be able to match,
unless you are Siamese Triplets leading separate lives but endeavoring to get into medical school
on a single application. If you think you don't measure up to the following, don't despair-
relax. We can help you climb the mountain while strategically planting oxygen bottles along the
way.

The Ultimate AMCAS Essay by Daniel Guttman

I felt fortunate to awaken from my weeks-long life-threatening coma in the Zimbabwe orphanage
in which I was raised from infancy, until I realized the building was ablaze. After evacuating all
the inhabitants including any stray insects who were drawn to the flames, I doused the fire with a
water pump I had improvised from an old accordion bellows (on which I often played Bach
fugues a la Albert Schweitzer) and a bamboo-like plant I had discovered in the jungle. I named
the plant Medusa Abandona after my now forgiven American born mother, who forsook me in
my cradle, only after it turned out to be an unknown genus and promised to have exciting anti-
cancer medicinal qualities as well. When I was convinced that everyone in the orphanage was
safe, I escaped the holocaust in the solar powered wheel chair I had developed to give myself
more mobility after the unfortunate accident I had as a child, breaking my seventh vertebra while
wrestling a lion that had terrorized the village.

When I was seven, the only doctor within a 300 mile radius took me under his wing. I shadowed
him for ten years, which was quite difficult when you consider the dense jungle foliage and lack
of sunlight at ground level. The fact that he was a witch doctor should in no way denigrate his
skills nor the efficacy of his spells. If you accept me into your next medical class, I intend to
teach my fellow students a series of hexes that will eliminate the need for Viagra, Allegra,
Grecian Formula and Formula 409.

Most of my adolescence I spent draining swamps, eliminating mosquitoes and generally


reducing the malarial plague in three contiguous countries in equatorial Africa. It was only after
saving the lives of tens of thousands of people that I decided to become a doctor in hope that
over the course of my career I might be able to save just a few more. The journey to medicine
was difficult. It was a choice between being a doctor and being a shoemaker, but after I taught
everyone in my village how to make their own shoes there was no need to pursue this noble
profession.

Harvard was reluctant to let me go after I got straight "A"s as the first graduate in their new
correspondence bachelors degree program but with five majors and 12 books to my credit they

© 2017 !8 Accepted
finally acknowledged (see attached letter) that they had nothing left to teach me. My economics
honors thesis was entitled "Grade Inflation at Harvard: The Great Hoax."

Given my academic prowess, imagine then how mortified I was to receive only a 44 aggregate
AMCAS score. Those of you at AMCAS reading this, who may have contributed to writing the
April exam, should be ashamed of yourselves. In the passage on "Halitosis" you referred to the
sufferer as having "bad breadth.” The patient could certainly be circumferentially challenged but
I assumed a typo had been committed and that you meant he had "bad breath" and answered
accordingly. My fellow hapless examinees' incorrect answers to question 39 should be stricken
and the exam be recalibrated accordingly.

In short, becoming a doctor may seem humdrum and a come down compared to my life so far,
but I am willing to unlearn a few things so I won't be so far ahead of my fellow medical
classmates. And don't worry about my disability; I can still perform an angioplasty and thread
several needles while doing 500 one-armed finger pushups.

This essay was written by Daniel Guttman, a long-suffering parent of a medical school
applicant, and is reprinted here with his permission. He is also the proud father and creator of
Cartoonjazz.com which has some of the best medical, educational and other downright hilarious
cartoons this side of the funny papers. They make great gifts for graduates, would be graduates
and slackers as well for anyone who knows or has ever heard of the above. Go
to cartoonjazz.com and enjoy or call 732-283-8700 and kvell.


© 2017 !9 Accepted
The Runner

This applicant sets herself apart by emphasizing a hobby that she loves and accounts for a dip in
her grades caused by illness.

Pounding, rushing footsteps started to close in on me. The roar of the crowd echoed, as I
extended my hand to receive the baton that signaled my turn to run. As I tightly wrapped my
fingers around it, I felt the wind rush around me, and my tired legs started to carry me faster than
I ever dreamed possible. As I rounded the final stretch of track I remember battling fatigue by
contemplating two paths: slow down and give up my chance of winning to gain momentary
comfort, or push myself even harder and give up momentary comfort to receive greater rewards
later. I chose the second path and later held a trophy that represented my perseverance and hard
work. The years of running — consistently choosing the second path — have taught me
discipline and perseverance. These qualities will help me cross a different finish line and achieve
a new goal: becoming a doctor.

I have had to learn to budget my time to meet the demands of school, training programs, and
volunteer activities. Although I trained and ran at least thirty miles a week throughout college, I
also served as a big sister to Kelly, an abused child, and worked in a hospital trauma unit and as a
medical assistant in an OB/GYN clinic. My most satisfying volunteer activity, however, was
participating in mission work in Mexico City.

In Mexico City I continually saw young children whose suffering was overwhelming. These
children had never received vaccinations, were lice-infested, and suffered from malnutrition.
They also frequently had infections that antibiotics can easily treat, but due to poverty were left
untreated. For a week our team worked feverishly to see as many children as possible and treat
them to the best of our abilities. I will never forget the feeling of complete fulfillment after a long
day of using my talents for the betterment of others. The desire to replicate this feeling
strengthens my commitment to becoming a physician.

Isaac Asimov once said, "It has been my philosophy on life that difficulties vanish when faced
boldly." Difficulties have tested my commitment. In September 1992, at the beginning of the
running season I developed a severe case of mono. My doctors advised me to drop out of school
for a semester and not run for at least four months. Though devastated, I refused to give up. I
managed to keep up with all my classes, even when I came down with pneumonia on top of
mono in early November. I resumed training in the beginning of December, two months earlier
than doctors originally thought possible. Today I am preparing for the LA Marathon in May.

This test helped shape my attitude towards the work that I am now doing in Dr. Lee's molecular
biology research lab. In searching for a cure for colon cancer, the work can become tedious, and
the project progresses very slowly. Many just give up, feeling that the answers they seek are
buried too deep and require too much effort to find. But my training and the battles I have fought
with illness have taught me persistence. I realize that many times progress plateaus, or even

© 2017 !10 Accepted


declines before I find the results I seek. Most of all, I know that the more hard work I invest, the
more exciting, overwhelming, and fulfilling are the later rewards.

As a result of my efforts I have been able to experience the joy of breaking through the tape of a
finish line, having my name on a journal article in press, seeing the smile on Kelly's face as I
walk with her, and hearing the sincere expressions of gratitude from homeless children who have
just received a humble roof over their heads and the medical attention they so desperately need. I
hope to cross the finish line in the LA marathon and enter medical school this year.


© 2017 !11 Accepted


A Dental School Application Essay

In response to popular demand we’ve included a sample dental school essay. Note how the
author reveals a lot about herself without overtly saying "I am this and I am that." She is
obviously hard working and disciplined, probably compassionate and kind. Interested in
dentistry for a long time, she has clearly considered other options. And she tells a good story.

I could hardly keep myself from staring at the girl: the right side of her face was misshapen and
bigger than the left. Only later did I notice that Cheryl, about nine at the time, had light brown
hair, lively brown eyes, and a captivating smile. When she walked into the candy shop where I
worked six years ago, Cheryl told me she was a student of my former fourth grade teacher with
whom I had kept in contact. We talked then and spent time talking each time she visited. She
became a very special friend of mine, one whom I admire greatly. At the time we met, I was
taking honors and AP classes, working about twenty hours a week, and feeling sorry for myself.
Cheryl's outgoing confidence and good cheer put my situation in perspective. Cheryl was strong,
kind, and surprisingly hopeful. She never focused on her facial deformities, but always on the
anticipated improvement in her appearance. Her ability to find strength within herself inspired
me to become a stronger person. It motivated me to pursue a career where I could help those like
Cheryl attain the strength that she possesses.

At the time, my initial interest turned toward psychology. Impressed with Cheryl's outlook, I
overlooked the source of her strength: she knew that treatment will improve her
appearance. Focusing on the emotional aspects of her illness, I volunteered at the
Neuropsychiatric Institute. There, I supervised the daily activities of pre-adolescents, played with
them, and assisted them in getting dressed. I worked with crack babies, autistic children, and
children who had severe behavioral problems. I enjoyed interacting with the children, but I often
became frustrated that I was not able to help them. For instance, a young autistic boy frequently
hit himself. No one was permitted to stop this child. We had to turn away and allow him to
continually strike and hurt himself until he tired.

I was increasingly disappointed with the lack of progress I saw in my volunteer work at NPI, but
my job again pushed me in the right direction. During the fall quarter of my junior year in
college, I left the candy shop where I had worked for nearly five and a half years, and I began
working as a senior clerk in the Anesthesiology Residency Program. Ironically work, which
frequently made study difficult, helped me find the right path. There I learned about the oral and
maxillo-facial specialty, which will allow me to help people like Cheryl.

To explore my interest in dentistry, I volunteered as a dental assistant in Dr. Miller's dental office.
Dr. Miller introduced me to various dental techniques. Although I was mainly an observer, I had
the opportunity to interact with the patients. I came in contact with a diverse patient population
with different problems and dental needs. I observed as Dr. Miller dealt with each patient
individually and treated each one to the best of his ability. He familiarized me with strategies for

© 2017 !12 Accepted


oral health promotion and disease prevention. I learned a great deal from him, and as a result, my
interest in dentistry grew.

I choose to pursue a career in dentistry after following a circuitous path. My friendship with
Cheryl motivated me to enter a field where I can help the severely disfigured cope with their
condition. Although I initially turned to psychology, I found my work at the Neuropsychiatric
Institute to be frustrating and was searching for a different way to achieve my goal. Ironically,
Cheryl had told me all along the source of her strength: the knowledge that her condition was
treatable and improving. Through maxillo-facial dentistry I will help others with serious facial
deformities have the same knowledge and source of strength.


© 2017 !13 Accepted


Emergency 911

"Call 911!" I shouted to my friend as I sprinted down the street. The young Caucasian male had
been thrown fifteen yards from the site of impact and surprisingly was still conscious upon my
arrival. "My name is Michael. Can you tell me your name?" In his late twenties, he gasped in
response as his eyes searched desperately in every direction for help, for comfort, for assurance,
for loved ones, for death, until his eyes met mine. "Flail chest", I thought to myself as I
unbuttoned his shirt and placed my backpack upon his right side. "Pulse 98, respiration 28 short
and quick. Help is on the way. Hang in there buddy." I urged. After assessing the patient, the
gravity of the situation struck me with sobriety. The adrenaline was no longer running through
my veins — this was real. His right leg was mangled with a compound fracture, and his left leg
was also obviously broken. The tow-truck that had hit him looked as though it had run into a
telephone pole. Traffic had ceased on the six-lane road, and a large crowd had gathered.
However, no one was by my side to help. "Get me some blankets from that motel!" I yelled to a
bystander and three people immediately fled. I was in charge. The patient was no longer
conscious; his pulse was faint and respiration was low. "Stay with me, man!" I yelled. "15 to 1,
15 to 1", I thought as I rehearsed CPR in my mind. Suddenly he stopped breathing. Without
hesitation, I removed my T-shirt and created a makeshift barrier between his mouth and mine
through which I proceeded to administer two breaths. No response. And furthermore, there was
no pulse. I began CPR. I continued for approximately five minutes until the paramedics arrived,
but it was too late. I had lost my first patient.

Medicine. I had always imagined it as saving lives, curing ailments, alleviating pain, overall
making life better for everyone. However, as I watched the paramedics pull the sheets over the
victim's head, I began to tremble. I had learned my first lesson of medicine: for all its power,
medicine cannot always prevail. I had experienced one of the most disheartening and
demoralizing aspects of medicine and faced it. I also demonstrated then that I know how to cope
with a life and death emergency with confidence, a confidence instilled in me by my certification
as an Emergency Medical Technician, a confidence that I had the ability to take charge of a
desperate situation and help someone in critical need. This pivotal incident confirmed my
decision to pursue medicine as a career.

Of course healing, curing and saving is much more rewarding than trying and failing. As an EMT
I was exposed to these satisfying aspects of medicine in a setting very new to me — urban
medicine. I spent most of a summer doing ride-a-longs with the Ambulance Company in
Houston. Every call we received dealt with Latino patients either speaking only Spanish or very
little broken English. I suddenly realized the importance of understanding a foreign culture and
language in the practice of medicine, particularly when serving an under-served majority. In
transporting patients from the field to the hospitals I saw the community’s reduced access to
medical care due to a lack of physicians able to communicate with and understand their patients.
I decided to minor in Spanish. Having almost completed my minor, I have not only expanded my
academic horizons, I have gained a cultural awareness I feel is indispensable in today's diverse
society.

© 2017 !14 Accepted


Throughout my undergraduate years at Berkeley I have combined my scientific interests with my
passion for the Hispanic culture and language. I have even blended the two with my interests in
medicine. During my sophomore year I volunteered at a medical clinic in the rural town of
Chacala, Mexico. In Mexico for one month I shadowed a doctor in the clinic and was
concurrently enrolled in classes for medical Spanish. It was in Chacala, hundreds of miles away
from home, that I witnessed medicine practiced as I imagined it should be. Seeing the doctor
treat his patients with skill and compassion as fellow human beings rather than simply diseases
to be outsmarted, I realized he was truly helping the people of Chacala in a manner unique to
medicine. Fascinated by this exposure to clinical medicine, I saw medicine’s ability to make a
difference in people’s lives. For me the disciplines of Spanish and science have become
inseparable, and I plan to pursue a career in urban medicine that allows me to integrate them.

Having seen medicine’s different sides, I view medicine as a multi-faceted profession. I have
witnessed its power as a healing agent in rural Chacala, and I have seen its weakness when I met
death face-to-face as an EMT. Inspired by the Latino community of Houston, I realize the
benefits of viewing it from a holistic, culturally aware perspective. And whatever the outcome of
the cry, "Call 911!" I look forward as a physician to experiencing the satisfaction of saving lives,
curing ailments, alleviating pain, and overall making life better for my patients.


© 2017 !15 Accepted


The Traveler

No boring repetition of itinerary from this seasoned traveler. This student ties his travels into his
medical ambitions through the effective use of short anecdotes and vivid images. Can you sense
his youthful disappointment during his early clinical experiences and his mature satisfaction
working in the old age home?

On the first day that I walked into the Church Nursing Home, I was unsure of what to expect. A
jumble of questions ran through my mind simultaneously: Is this the right job for me? Will I be
capable of aiding the elderly residents? Will I enjoy what I do? A couple of hours later, these
questions were largely forgotten as I slowly cut chicken pieces and fed them to Frau Meyer. Soon
afterwards, I was strolling through the garden with Herr Schmidt, listening to him tell of his tour
of duty in World War II. By the end of the day, I realized how much I enjoyed the whole
experience and at the same time smiled at the irony of it all. I needed to travel to Heidelberg,
Germany to confirm my interest in clinical medicine.

Experiences like my volunteer work in the German nursing home illustrate the decisive role
travel has played in my life. For instance, I had volunteered at a local hospital in New York but
was not satisfied. Dreams of watching doctors in the ER or obstetricians in the maternity ward
were soon replaced with the reality of carrying urine and feces samples to the lab. With virtually
no patient contact, my exposure to clinical medicine in this setting was unenlightening and
uninspiring. However, in Heidelberg, despite the fact that I frequently change diapers for the
incontinent and deal with occasionally cantankerous elderly, I love my twice weekly visits to the
nursing home. Here, I feel that I am needed and wanted. That rewarding feeling of fulfillment
attracts me to the practice of medicine.
My year abroad in Germany also enriched and diversified my experience with research.
Although I had a tremendously valuable exposure to research as a summer intern investigating
chemotherapeutic resistance in human carcinomas, I found disconcerting the constant cost-
benefit analysis required in applied biomedical research. In contrast, my work at the University
of Heidelberg gave me a broader view of basic research and demonstrated how it can expand
knowledge -- even without the promise of immediate profit. I am currently attempting to
characterize the role of an enzyme during neural development. Even though the benefit of such
research is not yet apparent, it will ultimately contribute to a vast body of information which will
further medical science.

My different reactions to research and medicine just exemplify the intrinsically broadening
impact of travel. For example, on a recent trip to Egypt I visited a small village on the banks of
the Nile. This impoverished hamlet boasted a large textile factory in its center where many
children worked in clean, bright, and cheerful conditions weaving carpets and rugs. After a
discussion with the foreman of the plant, I discovered that the children of the village learned
trades at a young age to prepare them to enter the job market and to support their families. If I
had just heard about this factory, I would have recoiled in horror with visions of sweat shops
running through my head. However, watching the skill and precision each child displayed, in

© 2017 !16 Accepted


addition to his or her endless creativity, soon made me realize that it is impossible to judge this
country’s attempts to deal with its poverty using American standards and experience.

Travel has not only had a formative and decisive impact on my decision to pursue a career in
medicine; it has also broadened my horizons -- whether in a prosperous city on the Rhine or an
impoverished village on the Nile. In dealing with patients or addressing research puzzles, I
intend to bring the inquiring mind fostered in school, lab, and volunteer experiences. But above
all, I intend to bring the open mind formed through travel.


© 2017 !17 Accepted


Field of Dreams

I heard the familiar sound of the back door closing gently. My father was returning from driving
his dirty, green John Deere tractor in one of our fields. Although he begins his day at 5:00 a.m.
every morning, he usually returns at around 7:00 p.m. I never really questioned his schedule
when I was a child, but as I entered high school I wondered how my dad could work so hard
every day of the week and still enjoy what he does. He works long hours, becomes filthy from
dirt, oil, and mud, and worst of all, can watch all his hard work go to waste if one day of bad
weather wipes out our crop. There have been many years when our raisins were rained on, our
cherries were hailed on and our apples were literally baked by the sun. The uncertainties of
farming are so great and so challenging. It never ceases to amaze me when my father wakes up
every morning to start work, that he does so with gusto. The life of a farmer can be laborious and
stressful, yet my father continues to do his work with passionate enthusiasm. His dedication and
pride mystified me throughout high school. Only after I entered Big U, did I start to understand
how he can persevere and face the challenges of farming.

I entered Big U like a small child wandering through a park. Never in my life had I been exposed
to anything so grandiose and dominating. Born and raised in a rural town of 3000 people, I
wasn't ready for the fast-paced life and crowds of Chicago. I eventually grew into its lifestyle and
learned to adapt to my new environment. I found my bio-ethics class, in which we discussed
major issues in health care, especially interesting. The physician’s dilemma particularly intrigued
me: Doing everything to provide the best health care possible, but constrained by limited
resources when the funds just are not available.

These frustrating situations place a huge strain on physicians, and yet they persevere and
continue to work long hours in hospitals, clinics and HMOs providing the best care they can.*
While thoroughly aware of the long hours a physician must work and the challenges he or she
faces, I am choosing medicine because of the unique satisfaction it provides — the rewards of
helping a sick human being. As I think about a physician’s life, I also think of the many times I
have watched my father sit silently at the dinner table, deep in thought, contemplating his options
when our farm is not earning any income and the bills continue to arrive. We don't hear him
complain; we only hear him leave early in the morning.

I also saw determination and tenacity in another setting while at BIG U: Dr. Steve Jones
neurophysiology laboratory. In collaboration with Dr. Jack Smith Jr. at Big U II, I performed
immunohistochemistry experiments to label metabotropic glutamate receptors. Research is
intrinsically laborious and painstaking, but through my experience with Dr. Smith, I saw the
stress, frustration, and uncertainty involved in obtaining grants. Yet he continues his pursuit of
knowledge. Despite limited resources, he, like my father and the clinical physician, tries
everyday to do his best to achieve his goals. I used similar drive in my research projects and am
co-author of an article resulting from my research. Inspired by Dr. Smith, I will harness that
determination in medicine. He showed me what it means to really enjoy a career. I can have that

© 2017 !18 Accepted


same enjoyment through practicing medicine — the same type of enjoyment my father has from
tending to his fields.

Becoming a physician is a goal aspired to by many. As a farmer’s son, I have wakened early and
returned home late from the fields after long days with my father. I have been able to experience
uncertainties, challenges, and plain old hard work similar to that faced by physicians. But like the
doctors in the hospitals and Dr. Smith in his lab, I can find happiness and satisfaction in helping
people through medicine. Despite all the hardship doctors face, I want to help people every day.
Practicing medicine is something worth stress and long hours. I finally understand my father. I
now know how he can wake up every morning at 5:00 a.m. and drive his dirty, green tractor until
7:00 p.m.

*I would recommend that the writer insert a brief, specific example from his clinical experiences
here.


© 2017 !19 Accepted


The Non-Traditional Applicant

Here an older applicant takes advantage of his experience and maturity. Note how this engineer
demonstrates his sensitivity and addresses possible stereotypes about engineers' lack of
communications skills.

Modest one-room houses lay scattered across the desert landscape. Their rooftops a seemingly
helpless shield against the intense heat generated by the mid-July sun. The steel security bars that
guarded the windows and doors of every house seemed to belie the large welcome sign at the
entrance to the ABC Indian Reservation. As a young civil engineer employed by the U.S. Army
Corps of Engineers, I was far removed from my cubical in downtown Los Angeles. However, I
felt I was well-prepared to conduct my first project proposal. The project involved a $500,000
repair of an earthen levee surrounding an active Native American burial site. A fairly inexpensive
and straightforward job by federal standards, but nonetheless I could hardly contain my
excitement. Strict federal construction guidelines laden with a generous portion of technical
jargon danced through my head as I stepped up to the podium to greet the twelve tribal council
members. My premature confidence quickly disappeared as they confronted me with a troubled
ancient gaze. Their faces revealed centuries of distrust and broken government promises.
Suddenly, from a design based solely upon abstract engineering principles an additional human
dimension emerged — one for which I had not prepared. The calculations I had crunched over
the past several months and the abstract engineering principles simply no longer applied. Their
potential impact on this community was clearly evident in the faces before me. With perspiration
forming on my brow, I decided I would need to take a new approach to salvage this meeting. So I
discarded my rehearsed speech, stepped out from behind the safety of the podium, and began to
solicit the council members' questions and concerns. By the end of the afternoon, our efforts to
establish a cooperative working relationship had resulted in a distinct shift in the mood of the
meeting. Although I am not saying we erased centuries of mistrust in a single day, I feel certain
our steps towards improved relations and trust produced a successful project.

I found this opportunity to humanize my engineering project both personally and professionally
rewarding. Unfortunately, experiences like it were not common. I realized early in my career that
I needed a profession where I can more frequently incorporate human interaction and my
interests in science. After two years of working as a civil engineer, I enrolled in night school to
explore a medical career and test my aptitude for pre-medical classes. I found my classes
fascinating and became a more effective student. Today, I am proud of the 3.7 post-baccalaureate
grade point average I have achieved in such competitive courses as organic chemistry,
biochemistry, and genetics.

Confident of my ability to succeed in the classroom, I proceeded to volunteer in the


Preceptorship Program at the Los Angeles County/University of Southern California Medical
Center. I acquired an understanding of the emotional demands and time commitment required of
physicians by watching them schedule their personal lives around the needs of their patients. I
also soon observed that the rewards of medicine stem from serving the needs of these same

© 2017 !20 Accepted


patients. I too found it personally gratifying to provide individuals with emotional support by
holding an elderly woman's hand as a physician drew a blood sample or befriending frightened
patients with a smile and conversation.

To test my aptitude for a medical career further, I began a research project under the supervision
of Dr. John Doe from the Orthopedic Department at Big University. The focus of my study was
to determine the fate of abstracts presented at the American Society for Surgery of the Hand
annual meeting. As primary author, I reported the results in an article for the Journal of Hand
Surgery, a peer-reviewed publication. My contribution to medicine, albeit small, gave me much
satisfaction. In the future I would like to pursue an active role in scientific research.

My preparation of a career as a medical doctor started, ironically with my work as a professional


engineer. From my experiences at the ABC Indian Reservation I realized I need more direct
personal interaction than engineering offers. The rewarding experiences I have had in my
research, my volunteer work at the Los Angeles County Hospital, and my postbac studies have
focused my energies and prepared me for the new challenges and responsibilities that lie ahead in
medicine.


© 2017 !21 Accepted


The Anthropology Student

Crayfish tails in tarragon butter, galantine of rabbit with foie gras, oxtail in red wine, and apple
tartelettes. The patient had this rich meal and complained of "liver upset" (crise de foie). Why a
liver ache? I always associate indigestion with a stomach ache. In studying French culture in my
Evolutionary Psychology class, I learned that when experiencing discomfort after a rich meal,
the French assume their liver is the culprit. Understanding and dealing with the minor —
sometimes major — cultural differences is a necessity in our shrinking world and diverse
American society. Anthropology has prepared me to effectively communicate with an ethnically
diverse population. My science classes, research, and clinical experience have prepared me to
meet the demands of medical school.

I first became aware of the valuable service that physicians provide when I observed my father, a
surgeon, working in his office. I gained practical experience assisting him and his staff perform
various procedures in his out-patient center. This exposure increased my admiration for the
restorative, technological, and artistic aspects of surgery. I also saw that the application of
medical knowledge was most effective when combined with compassion and empathy from the
health care provider.

While admiring my father's role as a head and neck surgeon helping people after severe
accidents, I also found a way to help those suffering from debilitating ailments. Working as a
certified physical trainer, I became aware of the powerful recuperative effects of exercise. I was
able to apply this knowledge in the case of Sharon, a forty-three-year-old client suffering from
lupus. She reported a 200% increase in her strength tests after I trained her. This meant she could
once again perform simple tasks like carrying groceries into her house. Unfortunately, this
glimpse of improvement was followed by a further deterioration in her condition. On one
occasion, she broke down and cried about her declining health and growing fears. It was then
that I learned no physical prowess or application of kinesiology would alleviate her pain. I
helped reduce her anxiety with a comforting embrace. Compassion and understanding were the
only remedies available, temporary though they were.

To confirm that medicine is the best way for me to help others, I assisted a research team in the
Emergency Room at University Medical Center (UMC). This experience brought me in direct
contact with clinical care and provided me with the opportunity to witness and participate in the
"behind-the-scenes" hospital operations. Specifically, we analyzed the therapeutic effects of two
new drugs — Drug A and Drug B — in patients suffering from acute ischemic stroke. The
purpose of this trial was to determine the efficacy and safety of these agents in improving
functional outcome in patients who had sustained an acute cerebral infarction. My duties
centered around the role of patient-physician liaison, determining patients' eligibility, monitoring
their conditions, and conducting patient histories.

I continued to advance my research experience at the VA Non-Human Primate Center. During the
past year, I have been conducting independent research in endocrinology and biological aspects

© 2017 !22 Accepted


of anthropology. For this project, I am examining the correlation between captive vervet
monkeys' adrenal and androgen levels with age, gender, and various behavioral measures across
different stress-level environments. I enjoy the discipline and responsibility which research
requires, and I hope to incorporate it into my career.

Anthropology is the study of humans; medicine is the science and art dealing with the
maintenance of health and the prevention, alleviation, or cure of disease in humans. From my
work at UMC and my observation of my father’s practice, I know medicine will allow me to
pursue an art and science that is tremendously gratifying and contributes to the welfare of those
around me. My anthropology classes have taught me to appreciate cross-cultural perspectives
and their relationship to pathology and its etiology. First hand experience with exercise therapy
and nutrition has taught me the invaluable role of prevention. Medical school will now provide
me with the technical knowledge to alleviate a crise de foie.

© 2017 !23 Accepted


Don’t Write Like This!

We are not including the whole thing because you will get the idea all too rapidly. Note the
abundant use of generalities that apply to the overwhelming majority of medical school
applicants. Observe how the colorless platitudes and pomposity hide any personality. Can you
imagine reading essays like this all day long? If you can, also imagine your reaction to a good
one.

By the way, this is from the original draft of the anthropology student's AMCAS essay.

As the time approached for me to set my personal and professional goals, I made a conscientious
decision to enter a field which would provide me with a sense of achievement and, at the same
time, produce a positive impact on mankind. It became apparent to me that the practice of
medicine would fulfill these objectives. In retrospect, my ever-growing commitment to medicine
has been crystallizing for years. My intense interest in social issues, education, and athletics
seems particularly appropriate to this field and has prepared me well for such a critical choice...

I’ve been asked many times why I wish to become a physician. Upon considerable reflection, the
thought of possessing the ability to help others provides me with tremendous internal
gratification and offers the feeling that my life’s efforts have been focused in a positive direction.
Becoming a physician is the culmination of a lifelong dream; and I am prepared to dedicate
myself, as I have in the past, to achieving this goal.


© 2017 !24 Accepted


Epilogue

You’ve taken the first step towards creating a successful application by exploring our
sample essays.

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Here’s how it works:

1. Explore our admissions consulting & editing services and find the option that best
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© 2017 !25 Accepted

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