Smith 1

The Devil’s Brew

A one act play by
Alexander Smith

Setting: An old, rundown bar in Louisiana.

At Rise: The bar is empty save for a

man sitting alone at the bar with a
drink in his hand and a bartender who
is cleaning glasses. Between the bar
and the Exit is a lone table with two
chairs.

THE BARTENDER
(To THE DRUNK) You know it’s almost closing time, don’t
you?

THE DRUNK
(groggy, confused)
What time is it?

THE BARTENDER
It’s time for you to get your ass on home.

(THE DRUNK downs the rest of his drink, then

stands up, and nearly falls over barely catching
himself on the bar. THE DRUNK steadies himself
and reaches in his pocket. He pulls out his car
keys and goes to exit. THE BARTENDER quickly runs
around the bar to stop him)

Woah, woah, woah. You’re not driving yourself home. You’re

outta your goddamn mind.

THE DRUNK
(groggily)
Don’t take the lords name in vain—

THE BARTENDER
--So long as you don’ drive, we gotta deal.
(THE BARTENDER helps THE DRUNK back to a bar
stool. Once THE DRUNK is secured THE BARTENDER
takes a seat next to him.)
Now, how we gonna get you home…
(Gesturing for a THE DRUNK’s name)
 Smith 2

THE DRUNK
(Almost belched out)
Bret.

THE BARTENDER
Bret, how we getting you home? Who do I need to call?

THE DRUNK
(Pondering for a moment)
No.

THE BARTENDER
What?

THE DRUNK
No.

THE BARTENDER
No isn’t anyone I’ve ever heard of. Do have anyone I can
call Bret?

THE DRUNK
NO!

THE BARTENDER
No one?

THE DRUNK
(agitated)
No one!

THE BARTENDER
Alright, alright. Well, I’m not letting you drive home,
that’s for damn sure. You live close to here?

THE DRUNK
No, I live towards Shreveport

THE BARTENDER
Then why the hell you down here?

THE DRUNK
(shrugs)
I was in town.

THE BARTENDER
You were in town, hmpf.
 Smith 3

THE BARTENDER
(THE DRUNK grunts)
Well I guess I’m staying here with you then.

THE DRUNK
You don’t have to.

THE BARTENDER
And leave you with the drinks? Yeah, that’ll be a no from
me chief.
(THE BARTENDER waits for a response but doesn’t
get one)
Since we gonna be here a while, I figure we should get
acquainted.

THE DRUNK
Why?

THE BARTENDER
Cause nothing makes me more sociable than babysitting drunk
assholes.
THE DRUNK
I already told you my name.

THE BARTENDER
Yeah, your name and face is all I know. Not got much to go
off of.

THE DRUNK
It’s enough.

THE BARTENDER
I can tell you’re not in the mood, but given I don’t give a
damn… Well, I’ll start. Maybe it’ll get you in the mood. My
names Cooper.
(THE BARTENDER pauses)
No ‘nice to meet you Cooper’?
(THE DRUNK grunts)
Rude ass. I’m a bartender on the weekends, and I go to
school full time. You gonna ask me where I go?

THE DRUNK
(takes a breath)
Where do you go?
 Smith 4

THE BARTENDER
LSU. The campus a few blocks down. I’m going for
photography.

THE DRUNK
Why now?

THE BARTENDER
I beg your pardon.

THE DRUNK
Why now? What took you so long?

THE BARTENDER
Not everyone gets to go to college straight outta high
school, Bret.

THE DRUNK
You won’t make any money doing photography.

THE BARTENDER
And I’m okay with that.

THE DRUNK
Suit yourself… What were you doing before?

THE BARTENDER
I like that. Asking your own questions. I used to work with
my pop. He owned his own plumbing business.

THE DRUNK
(amused)
You were a plumber?

THE BARTENDER
Yes? Is there an issue Bret?

THE DRUNK
No, no—

THE BARTENDER
--You sure, because it sounds like you think it’s funny.
Well, I hate to inform you, but I didn’t go around with my
ass hanging out.
 Smith 5

THE DRUNK
I never said you did. It’s just—Plumbing’s not the most…
Glamorous field of work.

THE BARTENDER
You joke, but I know how to get my hands dirty. You suit
types can’t change a light bulb.

THE DRUNK
I don’t know. I’ve changed many light bulbs in my time.

THE BARTENDER
What do you do Bret?

THE DRUNK
I work.

THE BARTENDER
I could’ve told you that much. Where do you work?

THE DRUNK
I’m a lawyer.
(THE BARTENDER doesn’t respond)
That bother you?

THE BARTENDER
Nah, it’s just…

THE DRUNK
Just what?

THE BARTENDER
Well, I don’t mean to judge you, hell I don’t even know
you. But I just—well, I haven’t exactly met many good
lawyers.

THE DRUNK
Guilty by association.

THE BARTENDER
Every lawyer I’ve ever seen has made a living putting good
men behind bars.

THE DRUNK
Every lawyer I’ve known has dedicated their lives to
preventing just that.
 Smith 6

THE BARTENDER
I guess we have been around different lawyers.
(beat)
You know how many lawyers it takes to screw in a lightbulb?

THE DRUNK
How many?

THE BARTENDER
Three. One to screw it in, the other two to yell
‘OBJECTION, OBJECTION, OBJECTION.’

THE DRUNK
(laughing)
I’m not quite sure that’s how it works, but alright.

THE BARETNDER
(laughing)
I sure as shit hope you know.
(serious)
You ever put away a good man.

THE DRUNK
I don’t put anyone away, that’s not my job… but I have seen
good men go to jail because of me.

THE BARTENDER
And you just let it happen?

THE DRUNK
They were guilty, Cooper. Didn’t matter that they
volunteered at their church or donated to orphanages. They
broke the law.

THE BARTENDER
How could you be sure?

THE DRUNK
It went through due process. Evidence was presented,
testimonies taken, trial held. They had a fair chance, but
they were proven guilty.

THE BARTENDER
The good men were?
 Smith 7

THE DRUNK
(beat)
The nicest man I’ve ever met was in court. Kind gentle old
man, he grew tomatoes for a homeless shelter. He also
called his neighbor a ‘coon’ and threw a brick at him. A
sweet, fragile old man, but rotten and ugly just beneath
the surface.

(THE STRANGER enters)

THE STRANGER
And now he’s in jail, thanks to your good help.

THE BARTENDER
We’re closed.

THE STRANGER
I won’t be any trouble. Pinky swear.

THE BARTENDER
Sorry, but doesn’t change that we’re still closed.

THE STRANGER
Fine, fine. What do you say we take this somewhere else,
somewhere else? Roller-skating?

THE BARTENDER
Sir, I need you to leave.

THE STRANGER
I’m trying. What about bowling? Cheap pizza, crappy beer.
What more could you want?

THE DRUNK
There’s plenty of beer here.

THE BARTENDER
(To THE DRUNK) You calling our beer crappy?

THE DRUNK
No, I’m just trying to—never mind.

THE BARTENDER
I still need you to leave mister…

THE STRANGER
Let’s go with Fred.
 Smith 8

THE BARTENDER
Well alright Mr. Fred. I need you to get the hell out.

THE STRANGER
Oh, come on. I won’t bother anyone. Besides, you’ll be here
for at least another 30 minutes baby-sitting poor Bret
here.

THE DRUNK
How do you know my name?

THE STRANGER
We met in court.

THE BARTENDER
I don’t give a damn how you two met. Fred, I’m going to
need you to leave.

THE STRANGER
(chuckling)
Sure thing, Cooper.

THE BARTENDER
(mockingly)
Oh shit, you know my name. I’m practically pissing myself
in fear.

THE STRANGER
Sarcasm is so unbecoming of you.

THE BARTENDER
You gonna leave or do I need to call the cops?

THE STRANGER
Call ‘em. But wait till I’m done with our friend Bret here.

THE DRUNK
When you’re done with me?

THE STRANGER
Yes Bret, we’ve got some business to attend to.

THE BARTENDER
Well, whatever you need with Bret can wait. I’m calling
them if you don’t go.
 Smith 9

THE STRANGER
But it’s so much warmer in here Cooper. Didn’t your father
teach you to open your doors to the needy?

THE BARTENDER
Your ass don’t look needy.

THE STRANGER
But I am. I need Bret here to understand.
(THE STRANGER takes two suckers out of his coat.)
Lollipop? I’ve got blue raspberry.
(He offers them to the two men. Neither respond.
He shrugs, puts one back in his jacket and starts
eating the other.)

THE BARTENDER
Alright that’s it, I’m calling them.
(THE BARTENDER crosses over to the phone)

THE DRUNK
What exactly do you want me to understand, Fred was it?

THE BARTENDER
Don’t entertain him Bret.

THE STRANGER
Oh, please do, Bret. Life can be so dull at times. But this
place is so not my style. You sure we couldn’t all go
swimming? An indoor pool of course.

THE DRUNK
What do you want?

THE BARTENDER
Sonuvabitch
(He slams the phone down)

THE DRUNK
(To THE BARTENDER) What’s wrong?

THE BARTENDER
Phone line was dead.

THE STANGER
Tragic.
 Smith 10

THE BARTENDER
Last chance to leave!
(THE STRANGER doesn’t move)
Fine.
(THE BARTENDER rolls up his sleeves)

THE STRANGER
Now let’s not resort to violence
(THE BARTENDER advances towards him)
Cooper, you’ve got a call.
(The phone rings. THE BARTENDER stops and looks
back at it.)
You going to pick up?
(THE BARTENDER slowly answers the phone)

THE BARTENDER
Hello?
(THE BARTENDER’s mother talks on the other end)
Mom? What do you need?
(she talks)
What? Mom are you okay?
(She talks)
Mom! Mom!
(THE STRANGER snaps and the line disconnects.)

THE STRANGER
What’d Donna have to say?
(THE BARTENDER doesn’t answer and runs for the
door, but it won’t open)
Leaving so soon? Great idea.
(THE STRANGER stands up)
I’m still thinking bowling, but honestly at this point I’d
settle for some yogurt and good company.
(THE BARTENDER stops and runs back behind the bar
and grabs a gun.)
Really Coop? You’re going to threaten patrons with a gun.
Very unprofessional.

THE BARTENDER
Shut the fuck up! I will blow your goddamn head off I
swear!

THE STRANGER
Well threaten me with a good time. Hit me with your best
shot!
 Smith 11

(THE BARTENDER pulls the trigger, but nothing

happens. THE STRANGER smiles and turns to THE
DRUNK.)
THE STRANGER (CONT’)
Now tell me Bret—
(THE STRANGER bites the rest of the sucker and
pulls out another one)
--tell me why you’re so strung up over this John Kelly
fella.
(THE DRUNK shifts nervously.)

THE DRUNK
What do you know about John?

THE STRANGER
I know you defended him today. I know he was declared not
guilty of an assault charge. And I know your poor
conscience is all torn up over it.

THE DRUNK
I don’t know why you’d think I’m torn up.

THE STRANGER
You still drunk Bret?

THE DRUNK
(THE DRUNK nods)
A little.

THE STRANGER
Let me fix that. Cooper darling!
(THE BARTENDER, who is now hiding behind the bar,
peeks over)
Bring Bret here an empty glass.
(THE BARTENDER doesn’t move)
(To THE DRUNK) Sweetie you’re being rude in front of the
guest.
(THE STRANGER snaps and THE BARTENDER stands up
straight. He is emotionless.)
(To THE BARTENDER) Now do what I ask, would you?
(THE BARTENDER does so. After he sets it down,
THE STRANGER snaps again. THE BARTENDER snaps out
of it.)

THE BARTENDER
What the fucking shit!
 Smith 12

THE STRANGER
Magic and watch the language. Now Bret, have a drink.
(THE STRANGER pours a black liquid into the
glass)
Let’s just say it’ll sober you up real fast. It’s got a
real kick.

THE DRUNK
(hesitant, but curious)
Why should I?

THE STRANGER
Why shouldn’t you? It’s raspberry flavored.

THE BARTENDER
(To THE DRUNK) You can’t be serious! It could kill you.

THE DRUNK
(To THE BARTENDER) If he wanted me dead, he’d’ve done it
already.

THE STRANGER
Wise words. But killing was never really my style to begin
with.

THE DRUNK
Let’s be honest, I don’t have much of a choice, do I?

THE STRANGER
(smirking)
We always have a choice, Bret.

THE DRUNK
Oh well then, bottoms up.
(THE DRUNK downs it. After drinking it he falls
over. THE BARTENDER gets up and starts cleaning.
THE STRANGER exits the bar)
(To THE BARTENDER) He’s gone!

THE BARTENDER
Who’s gone?

THE DRUNK
The man. The guy in that tacky suit. Fred.
 Smith 13

THE BARTENDER
There’s no Fred here. Besides you know what time it is.

THE DRUNK
Shit, sorry. I just forgot.

THE BARTENDER
You got a way home?

THE DRUNK
Yeah, my secretary’ll pick me up.

THE BARTENDER
You’re making Sharon come out here at this hour?

THE DRUNK
I’ve got to get home somehow.

THE BARTENDER
Last I checked she was your secretary, not your chauffeur.

THE DRUNK
What’s the difference?
(THE BARTENDER is unamused)
I pay her extra for it. Besides, she’s a vital part of my
firm.

THE BARTENDER
How long do you think she’ll be?

THE DRUNK
She knows when you close. She’ll be here soon.

THE BARTENDER
Alright… how are things going at home?

THE DRUNK
What do you mean?

THE BARTENDER
Just shooting the shit. Got anyone special?

THE DRUNK
I got you, don’t I?

THE BARTENDER
I’m flattered.
 Smith 14

THE DRUNK
But no. No one special. Although I did just get a dog.

THE BARTENDER
Really, what kind?

THE DRUNK
A lab. Her name is Effie.

THE BARTENDER
I didn’t see you as a dog guy.

THE DRUNK
What’s that mean?

THE BARTENDER
You’re always out of town or working.

THE DRUNK
So, doesn’t mean I can’t have a dog.

THE BARTENDER
I know, but… Well, dogs need attention. Just seems a little
irresponsible.
(A car pulls up outside)

THE DRUNK
Sounds like Sharon’s here.

THE BARTENDER
Well make sure to come back soon. And take good care of
Effie.

THE DRUNK
Oh yeah, yeah sure.
(THE DRUNK goes to leave, but the door won’t
open)
Hey, the door is stuck.

THE BARTENDER
Again?

THE DRUNK
I’m not just doing it for show.
 Smith 15

THE BARTENDER
Try pulling the knob up.

THE DRUNK
Like this?

THE BARTENDER
No, you gotta push it.
(THE DRUNK opens the door)

THE DRUNK
Got it. I’ll see you around.
(He leaves. A few moments later he comes back
in.)

THE BARTENDER
How’d the case go?

THE DRUNK
I’m here, aren’t I?

THE BARTENDER
And here I thought it was ‘cause you liked me.

THE DRUNK
How couldn’t I like you? Service with sass.

THE BARTENDER
So, what happened?

THE DRUNK
My client walked free.

THE BARTENDER
That’s great. Here’s a pint on me.

THE DRUNK
Thanks.
(He takes the beer and stares at it)
I just can’t shake this feeling. I think he was guilty. I
can’t be sure, but… it’s nothing.

THE BARTENDER
Doesn’t sound like nothing.
 Smith 16

THE DRUNK
My client, John Kelly, his wife accused him of assault.
After all the evidence, after all the testimonies, and the
whole damn trial everything pointed to him being innocent.
Literally every detail, except for one. Every time I looked
at his wife, there was a fear. It was so tangible I thought
for sure everyone could feel it. A loathing of seeing her
husband and having to confront him. And when he was found
not guilty, she just went silent. Her eyes were just dead.
And I thought, ‘holy shit, what we’re all wrong. What if he
does beat her. What if after this he beats her worse than
he ever did for daring to speak out.’ He seemed like a good
man. Everything about him squeaky clean. All except his
wife’s eyes. I hope my gut it wrong. But I’m terrified that
it isn’t.
(beat)

THE BARTENDER
I don’t know what to say.

THE DRUNK
Then don’t bother.

THE BARTENDER
Here—
(THE BARTENDER mixes a drink)
--You’ll need something stiffer.
(THE BARTENDER gives the drink to THE DRUNK. He
downs it and lays his head down on the bar. THE
STRANGER enters, wearing a women’s business
clothes. He walks up to THE BARTENDER.)

THE STRANGER
He out cold?

THE BARTENDER
Yeah, been that way for about 20 minutes.
(THE STRANGER sits down at the bar)

THE STRANGER
Can I get a beer?

THE BARTENDER
Aren’t you here to pick up the drunk?

THE STRANGER
It’s one beer Coop.
 Smith 17

THE BARTENDER
Alright.
(He grabs THE STRANGER a beer)
How’s everything?

THE STRANGER
Stressful as all hell.

THE BARTENDER
How’s Effie?

THE STRANGER
Who?

THE BARTENDER
Effie, Bret’s dog.

THE STRANGER
Oh, he got rid of that mutt.

THE BARTENDER
Oh, okay. How are things at the firm?

THE STRANGER
Business is up and that means work load is too.

THE BARTENDER
It’s up? Well, that explains why he’s here so much. I
wouldn’t know though. The drunk asshole doesn’t tell me a
damn thing.

THE STRANGER
You remember the Kelly case from a few months ago?

THE BARTENDER
Kelly case?

THE STRANGER
The one with John Kelly? You don’t remember? Whatever,
anyway three weeks ago there was a second trial. Bret
didn’t take it, but Patricia Kelly had a broken arm, two
black eyes, and chipped tooth.

THE BARTENDER
So, Bret was right…
 Smith 18

THE STRANGER
He was right?

THE BARTENDER
Yeah, I remember what you’re talking about. Me and Bret
talked about it. He was stressing because he thought John
Kelly might’ve been guilty after all.

THE STRANGER
Well he hit it on the nose.

THE BARTENDER
So, what happened?

THE STRANGER
John was found guilty. But that’s great for us. Now guilty
idiots think we can get them off scot free, so long as they
don’t fuck up twice. They’ve been flooding in since. It’s
been huge.

THE BARTENDER
How does Bret feel about it?

THE STRANGER
Take a look at ‘em. The stupid bastard can’t see the good
in this. And it won’t last forever, but he refuses to take
advantage of it.

THE BARTENDER
I can imagine. He’s been rough lately.

THE STRANGER
Oh, boohoo. It’s his fault, isn’t it. It’s more selfish of
him to not at least reap the benefits.

THE BARTENDER
I think you better just take him.

THE STRANGER
Yeah, you’re probably right.
(He finishes his beer, then goes to waking up THE
DRUNK)
Rise and shine.
 Smith 19

THE DRUNK
Sharon?

THE STRANGER
You ready to go home?

THE DRUNK
My head. It’s killing me.

THE STRANGER
I brought something to fix that.
(He shuffles through his bag for the same liquid
from earlier.)
Coop, a glass please.

THE BARTENDER
(as he’s getting the glass)
Who’s paying for the beer?

THE STRANGER
Just put it on his tab.
(He pours the liquid into the cup)
BottoMrs up, Bret.
(THE DRUNK drinks it and starts choking)

THE BARTENDER
(panicked)
Oh my god, he’s choking.

THE STRANGER
(apathetic)
What. Oh no.
(THE DRUNK stops struggling and goes limp. THE
BARTENDER goes back to hiding behind the bar. THE
DRUNK lurches back up. THE STRANGER is still
wearing the women’s work clothes)

THE DRUNK
What the hell happened?

THE STRANGER
Welcome back Bret. See Coop, I told you he would be
alright.

THE DRUNK
What the fuck was that?
 Smith 20

THE STRANGER
Just a little hallucination I whipped up for you. I gotta
say, very interesting. Poor Effie.

THE DRUNK
No more games! Who are you?

THE STRANGER
Names Fred, how are you?
(THE DRUNK grabs a chair and holds it like a
weapon)
What are you doing Bret?

THE DRUNK
Getting answers.

THE STRANGER
Violence is so 1972, Bret.
(THE DRUNK hits THE STRANGER with the chair who
is unaffected.)
Bret, that wasn’t very cash money of you. What do you say
we—

THE DRUNK
--No! No more games. No more bullshit. This has gone on
long enough.
(THE BARTENDER runs over and separates the two of
them.)

THE BARTENDER
What do you want, Fred?

THE STRANGER
Long walks on the beach. Raspberry jam. Fun.

THE DRUNK
Why are you here?

THE STRANGER
I threw a dart at a board with about a million people on it
and it happened to land on you. So here I am.

THE DRUNK
But why!
 Smith 21

THE STRANGER
Because you’re here. You coast through life dishing out
‘justice’ as you see fit. But you messed up Bret.

THE DRUNK
How so?

THE STRANGER
You know how.

THE DRUNK
(beat)
So, he wasn’t innocent.

THE STRANGER
Did you really not get that? I gave you that whole trip and
you still missed the point? I don’t think I could’ve
hammered it home any harder.

THE DRUNK
Hard to tell what was real.

THE BARTENDER
What are you two talking about?

THE STRANGER
Tell him Bret.

THE DRUNK
Today was the trial of John Kelly. His wife was accusing
him of assault, of beating her. He was found not guilty.

THE STRANGER
But he very much is.

THE DRUNK
And how do you know?

THE STRANGER
That’s the part of all this, that you can’t believe?

THE DRUNK
Yeah, I call bullshit. How do you know?
 Smith 22

THE STRANGER
How did I know you were here? How did I know who Coop, my
dearest darling, was? How? How? How?

THE DRUNK
You expect me to trust you?

THE STRANGER
Coop, what do you think?

THE BARTENDER
(beat)
Did you really defend a guilty man?

THE DRUNK
No… I don’t think I did.

THE BARTENDER
You don’t know? After that whole speech earlier about good
men who were guilty, but now you don’t even know? How do
you know about any of them then?

THE DRUNK
(to THE STRANGER) Why are you here, and not helping
Patricia.

THE STRANGER
Because apparently John’s not guilty.

THE DRUNK
A claim you’ve yet to prove.

THE STRANGER
Quit the naivety. You felt it long before I showed up. You
don’t even drink. Yet here you are, god fearing lawyer,
drinking your problems away instead of confronting your
guilt head on.

THE DRUNK
How can you possibly know all of this?

THE STRANGER
I’m powerful Bret. Far more powerful than you could fathom.

THE DRUNK
Then you can stop it, stop John.
 Smith 23

THE BARTENDER
But you could’ve stopped him too.

THE STRANGER
Ten points to the Devil’s advocate. If anything happens to
Patricia, that’s your fault.

THE DRUNK
Really Cooper? It wasn’t even my decision.

THE BARTENDER
But you defended him. You convinced the Judge he’s
innocent.

THE DRUNK
I convinced the Jury that there wasn’t enough evidence to
support him being guilty.

THE BARTENDER
But you still defended him. You should have found
something, anything.

THE STRANGER
There was plenty of red flags, weren’t there Bret?

THE DRUNK
There’s always red flags. But they don’t always mean the
worst.

THE BARTENDER
But this time they did!

THE STRANGER
Gentlemen, Gentlemen. I think I have a way to solve this
little conundrum. (To THE DRUNK) What do you say to a fair
trial? Cooper will act as Judge, Jury, and… Executioner.
I’ll act as the plaintiff and you the defendant. We’ll of
course represent ourselves.
(hold out a hand to THE DRUNK)
Well? How ‘bout it?

THE DRUNK
No, god no. You expect me to trust you?

THE STRANGER
You don’t have a choice, Bret.
 Smith 24

THE DRUNK
We always have a choice.
(beat)
It’ll be a fair trial?

THE STRANGER
The fairest. Pinky swear.

THE DRUNK
And you won’t do some magic bullshit to control Cooper?

THE STRANGER
The only magic I’ll be using is my silver tongue.
(THE DRUNK considers the offer for a moment)

THE DRUNK
And if I lose?

THE STRANGER
That’s when the real fun will begin.

THE DRUNK
Cooper?

THE BARTENDER
Anything, if it ends this madness.

THE DRUNK
Alright.
(He shakes THE STRANGER’s hand)
You’ve got yourself a deal, Fred.

THE STRANGER
Then it’s time for The People vs Bret Jones.
(THE STRANGER moves two chairs in front of the
bar. He gestures to THE BARTENDERED to assume
position behind the bar. THE DRUNK and THE
STRANGER sit down.)

THE BARTENDER
Okay what happens now?

THE DRUNK
We give our opening statements.

THE STRANGER
Before that, check under the bar Coop. I got you a present.
 Smith 25

(THE BARTENDER pulls out a gavel. He’s reasonably

excited.)

THE BARTENDER
It’s the little hammer thingy.

THE STRANGER
(smiling)
Yes, the little hammer thingy.

THE DRUNK
Can we begin?

THE BARTENDER
(banging gavel)
Quiet! Bret, your opening statement. Go!

THE DRUNK
This is a mockery of the courts.

THE BARTENDER
(banging gavel)
Quiet! Now speak!

THE DRUNK
(frustrated)
My client… me, is a lawyer. My firm took on a case
defending John Kelly and successfully convinced the Jury
that my client could not be proven guilty. Mr. Kelly walked
free thanks to my work; however, claims from Mr. Fred state
that Mr. Kelly was in fact guilty. I seek to prove that I
am not responsible for any harm Mr. Kelly may cause in the
future.
(THE STRANGER claps)

THE BARTENDER
(banging the gavel)
Quiet!
(THE STRANGER looks shocked and disappointed)
Fred, Go!

THE STRANGER
My client, Mrs. Patricia Kelly, couldn’t be here tonight.
She was beat by her husband, John Kelly. When she sought
legal action against him, he was defended in court by Mr.
Jones.
 Smith 26

THE STRANGER CONT

Mr. Jones somehow managed to convince the Jury that Mr.
Kelly wasn’t guilty and as such Mrs. Kelly will continue to
suffer.

THE STRANGER CONT.

I seek to prove that Mr. Jones is responsible for any harm
that might come to Mrs. Kelly and anyone else Mr. Kelly
might hurt.

THE BARTENDER
Bret, your last name is Jones, right?

THE DRUNK
Yes.

THE BARTENDER
(banging the gavel)
Alright!
(beat)
What happens next?

THE DRUNK
Well, now we’d go on to witnesses, but we don’t exactly
have any.

THE STRANGER
We’ll just wing it.

THE DRUNK
How is this a fair trial?

THE STRANGER
Judge Cooper, may I proceed.

THE BARTENDER
(banging gavel)
You may!

THE STRANGER
Thank you. Mr. Jones, did you not defend Mr. Kelly at his
trial.

THE DRUNK
This is bullshit.
 Smith 27

THE BARTENDER
Order in the court. (To himself) I’ve always wanted to say
that.

THE STRANGER
Did you or did you not defend Mr. Kelly?

THE DRUNK
I did!

THE STRANGER
Did you have access to substantial evidence that proved Mr.
Kelly was innocent?

THE DRUNK
That’s not how it works.

THE STRANGER
Please answer the question.

THE DRUNK
No, however, there wasn’t enough evidence to prove he’s
guilty.

THE STRANGER
So, you failed to find such evidence?

THE DRUNK
I merely looked over evidence provided by police records,
witness testimonies, and investigators.

THE STRANGER
You claim to not be responsible for the lack of evidence
proving that Mr. Kelly wasn’t guilty?

THE DRUNK
Yes.

THE STRANGER
Then why can you say that you are responsible for proving
that he was innocent?

THE DRUNK
Because I didn’t prove that, it’s innocent until proven
guilty!
 Smith 28

THE STRANGER
But it is your job to act objectively in such situations,
is it not?

THE DRUNK
It is.

THE STRANGER
Then how can you not be responsible when the evidence does
exist, but simply wasn’t found. You defended him without
all the facts, proceeded with the trial confident your
client wasn’t guilty, and saw him walk.

THE DRUNK
Because it’s my job!

THE STRANGER
To defend guilty men, so long as the price is right. I rest
my case.

THE DRUNK
That’s not how any of this works!

THE BARTENDER
I’ll allow it. Bret, you’re up.

THE DRUNK
Fuck it.
(He walks over to THE STRANGER)
Alright, Fred. You claim that my client is responsible—

THE STRANGER
--I claim you’re responsible—

THE DRUNK
(irritated)
--You claim that I’m responsible for letting Mr. Kelly
walk, despite his alleged guiltiness. Is this not correct?

THE STRANGER
Yes.

THE DRUNK
You also claim that you know of Mr. Kelly’s guiltiness
without reasonable doubt, correct?
 Smith 29

THE STRANGER
I did and still do.

THE DRUNK
Would you mind telling the court how you came into such
knowledge?

THE STRANGER
Magic.

THE DRUNK
Is that all you have to say on the matter?

THE STRANGER
Yes.

THE DRUNK
Is this the same magic that brought you here tonight, gave
you access to all your powers, and has allowed you to do
the things you do?

THE STRANGER
Yes, what are you getting at?

THE DRUNK
You claim that this magic is omniscient and can confirm
without reasonable doubt that Mr. Kelly is guilty. You
claim that this magic can transport you, cause visual
hallucinations, and alter the properties of the world
around you. And yet, you use this magic to form mock
trials, torture random people, and have incredible
durability and strength, when you could use it to protect
people who need it. Like say Mrs. Kelly. Would that not
make you just as, and perhaps even more responsible for any
harm that should befall her than me, the jurors, the judge,
and the U.S. and Louisiana courts?

THE STRANGER
It doesn’t work like that.

THE DRUNK
Really, and who decides the rules? Presumably not you. God?
Aliens? The Government? Who is responsible for you?

THE STRANGER
I am!
 Smith 30

THE DRUNK
You claim to be responsible for you but deny responsibility
for your own short comings. I know why I failed, but you
refuse to acknowledge your failure’s in their entirety. Are
you responsible for your own actions?

THE STRANGER
Are you? If I’m guilty of inaction, then so are you!

THE DRUNK
I am held responsible by the system’s set-in place by the
United States judiciary branch. Are you responsible for
your own actions!

THE STRANGER
Yes!

THE DRUNK
Then you are just as responsible for your own inaction.
(THE DRUNK briskly walks away and sits back down)
Cooper, now we do our closing statements. I’ll let Fred go
first.

THE BARTENDER
(banging gavel)
Fred, go ahead.

THE STRANGER
I have seen many moments of negligence on the job, but Mr.
Jones’ actions are inexcusable. He convinced the Jurors
that Mr. Kelly was innocent and so a guilty man walked
free. He could’ve stopped it, but he failed to do so and
thusly is responsible for any harm that Mr. Kelly should
inflict on Mrs. Kelly or others.

THE BARTENDER
Alright Bret, you go.

THE DRUNK
People of the court… Cooper. When I wake up in the morning,
I put a pot of coffee on. I scramble some eggs or cook some
toast. I brush my teeth, shower, and get dressed. Every
morning I go to my office downtown and sit a desk. Some
days I won’t move for hours, as a pour over paper work. At
the end of the day I go home. Some nights I keep working,
others I go out with friends, hit the town, or get some
early shut eye. I do these things because I’m human. There
 Smith 31

are days that aren’t paperwork but require me to leave the

comfort of my office and venture out. Often, I’m in the
court, picking up more paperwork to go over. Sometimes I’m
interviewing witnesses, talking to detectives, or just
taking some time to wrap my head around whatever I’m
working on. Several days you’ll find me at a park, cup of
coffee in hand, just thinking. Maybe I’ll write it down, or
mutter it to myself, but in those moments, I’m preparing a
defense. I found myself doing just that a few days ago.
John Kelly seemed like a kind enough man. His wife accused
him, as you know, of assault. After weeks of pouring over
the data, testimonies, and alibies, I saw that nothing
pointed to that being the case. There was circumstantial
evidence, but nothing that would hold up in court. So, I
sat in that park, sipping my coffee, and finally I knew
what I’d say. Then the trial came. I did what I always did.
I practiced my lines in the courthouse bathroom,
meticulously planning every point, every moment. And when
the time came, I gave the speech of a life-time to the
Jurors. I convinced them that there simply wasn’t enough
evidence to prove that John was guilty. I remember the
moment John was declared not guilty. the look of relief on
his face. It was the first time I saw him smile, it was so
genuine and kind. But when I looked across the room, I saw
Mrs. Kelly. I knew right there and then that I was wrong.
That something was missed. The look on her face, it was
enough to make you want to curl up and keel over. There was
a remorseful acceptance to it. But it was too late. John
wasn’t guilty in the eyes of the law, and for every moment
up until then those had been my eyes too. The moment I
realized he was guilty, was the moment my opinion didn’t
matter. In that moment of victory, there was only
emptiness. No defeat, no loss. Just inevitability. There
would be consequences. But the worst thing was, there
wouldn’t be any for me. Just as John walked free, so did I,
bank account a little fuller. I failed Mrs. Kelly by being
a part of the law that failed her. Nothing I could have
done would have changed. John would have found someone else
to defend him. And that’s the real tragedy of it. It has to
be this way. What I felt just that, a feeling. An opinion.
There was no proof, just a solitary look from woman on the
other side of the room. What if I’m wrong. What if that
look didn’t mean what I think, and John truly is innocent.
The law is messy and complicated for a reason. It’s not
about what’s right, its about what’s fair. John and
Patricia got their fair trial. And if needed it can go
back. Or he could counter sue. The law didn’t fail Mrs.
 Smith 32

Kelly. Circumstance did. I sincerely hope that no harm

comes to Mrs. Kelly, but John walking free was the right
thing. He may be proven to be guilty later, but it couldn’t
be proven then so what happened was right. Its harsh, but
it has to be this way. I’m proud of the work I did, and I
will continue to do so in the future.
(beat)

THE BARTENDER
Holy shit Bret. That was… amazing. You’re not guilty!

THE DRUNK
(smiling)
This was by far the worst trail I’ve been involved in.

THE BARTENDER
Well, you’re one hell of a lawyer.

THE STRANGER
(clapping)
You did it. You weaseled your way out. Coop darling, it’s
not your fault.

THE DRUNK
(to THE STRANGER) Excuse me? That goes against your entire
argument.

THE STRANGER
Are you saying I’m wrong and Coop is in fact guilty?

THE DRUNK
No, I’m saying you’re a hypocrite and a shit lawyer. We had
a deal. Cooper declared me not guilty.

THE STRANGER
Everyone makes mistakes.

THE DRUNK
So, what happens next?

THE STRANGER
I guess I’ll be going. I’m bored anyway. I think I’ll get
another pizza on the way home.
(THE STRANGER begins to leave)

THE DRUNK
Tell me this, is John really guilty?
 Smith 33

THE STRANGER
Does it matter?

THE DRUNK
No, but I’d still like to know.

THE STRANGER
Then why don’t you find out, you know where he’s at.

THE BARTENDER
Alright, now get the hell out of here. And if my mom is
actually hurt, I’m gonna come to whatever under world you
crawled out of and whoop your ass.

THE STRANGER
As fun as that would be, she’s fine. Either of you want a
sucker before I go?

THE DRUNK
Fuck it, why not.

THE STRANGER
(THE STRANGER reaches into his pocket and pulls
out his hand revealing his middle finger.)
All out, Sucker!
(THE STRANGER exits)

THE BARTENDER
What a douche.

THE DRUNK
Well, at least it’s over.

THE BARTENDER
About all that stuff back there, did you really mean it?
The whole ‘even if he is guilty, I’m proud of me’ thing.

THE DRUNK
I think I put it more eloquently, but yeah. I did my job
and I did it well.

THE BARTENDER
Well, I need a drink.
(THE BARTENDER pours himself a drink)
 Smith 34

THE DRUNK
I thought you were closed.

THE BARTENDER
Really Bret, after that bullshit.

THE DRUNK
Yeah, you’re right. Pour me one.
(THE BARTENDER pours THE DRUNK a drink)
To due process.

THE BARTENDER
Fuck that, to surviving the night.
(They both drink)

THE DRUNK
You know, I’m looking to expand my firm—

THE BARTENDER
--don’t pull that ‘now I know you, so I want to give you a
job’ bullshit. After tonight, my ass is keeping as far away
from the law as possible.

THE DRUNK
(laughing)
I wasn’t offering a job. I’m looking to advertise. You
know, across town. Figured I could use a photographer to
get some professional head shots.

THE BARTENDER
Your face is the last thing I want to see plastered across
a bus stop… but a gig is a gig. How much you paying?

THE DRUNK
How much you charging?

THE BARTENDER
About 325.

THE DRUNK
That’s a bit steep, isn’t it?

THE BARTENDER
That’s with the ‘we nearly died’ discount.

THE DRUNK
Fuck it. You got yourself a deal.
 Smith 35

(They shake hands)

Welp, I’m heading out.

THE BARTENDER
You just took a shot.

THE DRUNK
After tonight, I don’t think I could get drunk for a month.
(THE DRUNK leaves the bar. Time passes, and it
becomes mid-day. THE PHOTOGRAPHER is behind the
bar cleaning it. THE LAWYER enters.)

THE PHOTOGRAPHER
Bret! Where the hell have you been? What? Did you stop
drinking?

THE LAWYER
Tried, but I just couldn’t resist seeing my favorite
bartender again. How’s things been?

THE PHOTOGRAPHER
Same old same old. You want the usual?

THE LAWYER
Hell yeah, I do.

THE PHOTOGRAPHER
Alright, one Devil’s Brew coming up.
(THE PHOTOGRAPHER mixes THE LAWYER a drink and
give it to him)
I’ve got something to show you.

THE LAWYER
(sipping his drink)
What?

THE PHOTOGRAPHER
Okay you’re going to like this.
(THE PHOTOGRAPHER pulls up his diploma for
photography.)
I got my degree!

THE LAWYER
Holy shit, that’s fantastic.
 Smith 36

THE PHOTOGRAPHER
I’ve been waiting all week to show you. I’m glad you came
in. Today’s my last day.

THE LAWYER
I’m sorry, I’ve been busy—

THE PHOTOGRAPHER
--With law bullshit, I know.

THE LAWYER
Have you got another job lined up?

THE PHOTOGRAPHER
Yeah, I’ve got a staff job in up in Ohio with a news
outlet.

THE LAWYER
Wait a minute, Ohio? You’re leaving Louisiana?

THE PHOTOGRAPHER
Bret, I’m 32 and haven’t stepped foot out of Louisiana.
Hell yeah, I’m going. This is my chance, and it could be my
last.

THE LAWYER
Okay, but why Ohio?

THE PHOTOGRAPHER
The people there were impressed with my previous work. It’s
not New York or Cali, but a change of scenery is overdue.

THE LAWYER
Wait a second, what previous work? You just got your
degree.

THE PHOTOGRAPHER
The work plastered up and down Louisiana.
(waiting for a response)
Your ads!

THE LAWYER
I didn’t realize they’d lead to this.

THE PHOTOGRAPHER
Well, they did.
 Smith 37

THE LAWYER
But who will I chit chat with after trials?

THE PHOTOGRAPER
God you are so needy, Bret. Get a dog or something. Besides
there’s going to be another bartender. He’s coming in
later. I’ll introduce you while I show him around. Then
tomorrow he officially takes my place.

THE LAWYER
There will always be a you shaped hole in my heart.

THE PHOTOGRAPHER
Dry your tears and tell me about your week. Anything
interesting happen?

THE LAWYER
Nothing crazy. I finally replaced Sharon.

THE PHOTOGRAPHER
I’m going to miss calling her to pick up your drunk ass.

THE LAWYER
And she’ll miss hearing you complain about me.

THE PHOTOGRAPHER
Who’d you manage to replace her with?

THE LAWYER
New kid. Fresh out of law school. His name’s Jack. He’s got
promise, but it’ll take time.

THE PHOTOGRAPHER
I can’t fathom going to school for law.

THE LAWYER
Says the photography major. I defend victims, you take
pictures—

THE PHOTOGRAPHER
--Of assholes who want their face on every bench downtown?
Yes, what’s your point?

THE LAWYER
I’m going to miss you, Cooper.
 Smith 38

THE PHOTOGRAPHER
Oh, don’t get all sappy on me now, Bret. You’ll see me
around. I’ll be back to see my family during the holidays,
so I’ll make sure to stop by here and see if your ass is on
the same damn stool it’s always been.

THE LAWYER
Talk about a toxic relationship. I gotta be drinking just
to see you… I’ll be waiting.

THE PHOTOGRAPHER
And if I don’t show?

THE LAWYER
I’ll just sue you.

THE PHOTOGRAPHER
For what?

THE LAWYER
I’ll figure it out.

THE PHOTOGRAPHER
That’s very moral of you.

THE LAWYER
What can I say? I’m a lawyer.

THE PHOTOGRAPHER
Ha. Ha.

THE LAWYER
(beat)
You still having nightmares?

THE PHOTOGRAPHER
I don’t wanna talk about it.

THE LAWYER
Cooper, you can trust me. It’s okay to talk about it.

THE PHOTOGRAPHER
Is it? I can’t sleep, Bret. And when I do, I wake up in a
cold sweat in the middle of the night.

THE LAWYER
It’s okay.
 Smith 39

THE PHOTOGRAPHER
How is it okay? How are you not effected like this?

THE LAWYER
Because I got over it.

THE PHOTOGRAPHER
Got over it? Got over it? Let me just get over the fact
that some thing visited us. Let me get over that my body
was taken over and I was forced to do things I couldn’t
stop—

THE LAWYER
--You moved a cup.

THE PHOTOGRAPHER
It was more than that. It was the lack of control that
haunts me. It was how I was in my body but had no power
over it. I was yearning, screaming to get him out—out of my
head. But no matter how hard I fought he just took control.
Can you imagine what that’s like?

THE LAWYER
Cooper, you need to go to therapy.

THE PHOTOGRAPHER
And do what? Tell them I was possessed by an eccentric
demon named Fred? They’d lock me in a looney bin.

THE LAWYER
Coop, you’ve got to get over this. You’re gonna drive
yourself mad.

THE PHOTOGRAPHER
Don’t call me Coop. He called me that constantly.
(beat)
Fuck! Now I can only wonder if he’s possessing you right
now?

THE LAWYER
Cooper, that’s crazy.

THE PHOTOGRAPHER
Is it? Is it? What about this do you not understand?
 Smith 40

THE LAWYER
Let’s just drop it.

THE PHOTOGRAPHER
Yes, lets.
(beat)

THE LAWYER
I’m sorry I pushed you.

THE PHOTOGRAPHER
It’s fine. I’m sorry I got so upset. I’ve got to leave this
place.

THE LAWYER
I get it.
(THE NEW GUY enters the bar. THE PHOTOGRAPHER
locks eyes with him and is filled with fear. THE
NEW GUY smiles back.)

THE NEW GUY

Coop darling, it’s been too long.

THE PHOTOGRAPHER
(trying to hide his fear)
What are you doing here?

THE NEW GUY

I’m the new guy.

THE LAWYER
Bullshit, Fred. What do you want?

THE NEW GUY

Good to see you too, Bret. But don’t worry you two. I’m not
here for either of yall. Lollip—

THE PHOTOGRAPHER
--Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you! Why are you here, you—you
fuck!

THE NEW GUY

Language. To answer your question, I’m going undercover.

THE LAWYER
For what purpose?
 Smith 41

THE NEW GUY

To be honest, I don’t rightly know. But it’ll be nice.
Getting a real job, acting normal for a change. Lollipop?

THE LAWYER
That’s going to be a no for me.

THE NEW GUY

Suit yourself. I actually have extra this time.
(THE NEW GUY pulls out a sucker and begins eating
it)
So how’ve ya been?

THE LAWYER
Just fine, so why don’t you go back to whatever hole you
crawled out of.

THE NEW GUY

So harsh.
(He looks at THE PHOTOGRAPHER)
Coop, you’re trembling. You look like you’ve seen a ghost.

THE PHOTOGRAPHER
You better leave here, right now.

THE NEW GUY

Or what? You’ll force me? How well did that work out last
time?

THE LAWYER
Fred, I don’t know why you’re here and personally I don’t
give a damn. So why don’t you leave and tomorrow you can go
as undercover as you want. Sound good?

THE NEW GUY

Sounds dreadfully delightful. But I’d rather us all go out,
see a movie, maybe hit the spa.

THE LAWYER
No, Fred.

THE NEW GUY

Fine, fine. But can I have a word with you for a moment,
Bret?
 Smith 42

THE LAWYER
Why?

THE NEW GUY

Have you ever considered I just want to talk to you?

THE LAWYER
It’s the worst thought I’ve ever had.
(beat)
Give us just a moment, Cooper.

THE PHOTOGRAPHER
Make it quick.
(THE LAWYER and THE NEW GUY walk away from THE
PHOTOGRAPHER)

THE LAWYER
What do you want, Fred?

THE NEW GUY

Did you ever learn the truth about our old pal John?

THE LAWYER
I did.

THE NEW GUY

Disappointed?

THE LAWYER
What’s your point, Fred?

THE NEW GUY

It’s a damn shame, isn’t it? If only someone could have
stopped him.

THE LAWYER
If only.

THE NEW GUY

I have to say, I’m proud. Sticking to your guns despite
everything. I admire it.

THE LAWYER
You done?
 Smith 43

THE NEW GUY

You’re so sure of yourself. Unlike poor Coop over there.
He’s slave to his fear. Not like you. You’d burn the entire
world to the ground before admitting guilt. But then again,
same. I just wanted to come and remind you, no matter what
you do, how far you run I’ll always be a part of you. Every
time you fail, you’ll remember me and my words. And deep
down, you’ll know I was right. I’d’ve told Coop all this,
but… he’s already figured it out.
(THE NEW GUY walks over to THE PHOTOGRAPHER)
We’re finished, Coop.

THE PHOTOGRAPHER
Good, NOW GET THE FUCK OUT!

THE NEW GUY

(smiling)
I can see I am not welcome. Well, if either of you want to
hang out… well, I’ll know. Be safe you two.
(THE NEW GUY exits)

THE PHOTOGRAPHER
I knew it. It’s not over. He’s still messing with us.

THE LAWYER
Cooper, he’s been gone for months.

THE PHOTOGRAPHER
Something’s been off. What if this is all a trick? What if
none of this is real?

THE LAWYER
Cooper, you sound like a mad man.

THE PHOTOGRAPHER
Think about it, Bret! We wouldn’t know.

THE LAWYER
Why would he still mess with us?

THE PHOTOGRAPHER
Because he lost. He’s seeking revenge or still playing his
damned game. What if we never left? What if it’s still that
night?

THE LAWYER
Cooper! It’s not that night. Let’s get some fresh air okay?
 Smith 44

THE PHOTOGRAPHER
(beat)
Okay.
(They both exit.)
BLACKOUT